TFZ: Butty-mad Rooney in TFC transfer shocker?

(L-R) Johnston, Rooney, Butty

Welcome to TFZ - The Totally Fake-Rumour Zone! This is your # 1 source for Toronto FC gossip with zero sources! Our team of intrepid reporters keeps their ears to the street - and then ignores it - to bring you the latest in late-breaking, hard-hitting, completely unreliable false rumourage!
　
This week on TFZ....
　
- Is MLSE ready to open the vault? Is Wonder ready to bake more bread? England striker and Chip Butty enthusiast Wayne Rooney is ready to make the leap to Toronto FC after word of BMO Field's Butty-making prowess reached Manchester. The bulldoggy United forward loves the idea of having his favourite meal after every match! What a morsel!

- Next week's Bolton Wanderers friendly was almost cancelled when Owen Coyle's squad made excessive hospitality demands including all-you-can-eat Steak & Kidney pies, non-stop Tetley Bitter and a year's worth of Coronation Street on DVD - how could Molly do that to Tyrone?!

- Ex-TFC'er Laurent Robert could be in for a shock return to Toronto after Preki claimed that the current squad lacks "the surly, sulky factor" - sacre bleu!

- Was that TFC's new Spanish forward Mista dancing naked on a TTC streetcar after Spain's win on Sunday? If he has a heart-shaped birthmark on his left buttock - then maybe!

- Former Toronto defender and Scarborough native Adrian Serioux has a cameo in the new Robert Rodriguez film "Predators". Serioux was not credited for his role as "Angry Predator # 2"

- Was that Collin Samuel staggering out of an all-night pie shop in Perth, Scotland? Someone's off the mincemeat wagon again!

- Toronto's MLS Cup Final halftime show may be a "Tribute to Canadian TV" with special appearances by Alan Thicke, three surviving "Beachcombers" and The Littlest Hobo! Entertaining!

- TFC's Russian defender and punching aficionado Maxim Usanov reveals he was heartbroken as a boy when he found out that his boyhood idol, Russian boxing champ Ivan Drago, wasn't a real person. Young Maxim apparently couldn't punch anything for weeks from sadness. I must break... your heart!
　
If you've heard (including in your own head) anything on the faux-football grapevine, don't be shy, add your own rumours in the TFZ comments section! Exclamation mark!