THE SOUTH COUCH REPORT - New England v Toronto... or just 90 more minutes until I can forget this mess...

Look at that. Seattle just won the supporters shield. Hard to believe that they've only been in the league for 14 years.  It would be embarassing if they had only been around for, say, 6 seasons. 

I love the notion of sitting at home and jealously pining over the other clubs in the league. I just want to taste success.  Not because being a day-one season ticket holder, but because it's been long enough.  Far too long.

Aside from tearing open a wound that has yet to heal, it was nice to see supporters celebrating something other than beating Columbus or pizza for a row. 

I'm looking to enjoy this match and the best way to ensure that is to see Lee Nguyen smash a brace, Fagundez bag one, and see Sea-Green Bunbury get sent off for something trivial.  And also to see more unnecessary cliches from Vanney.  Wouldn't be a tradition without it.

Onto the "match":

9' - Gilberto nearly bags a classic as Oduro crosses one in from out of bounds (gridlines) and scissors one that richochets off the crossbar.

17' - Lovitz takes a cross, marauds into the box and lets a good shot fly, stopped by the keeper. Adventurous. I like.

36' - GOAL - Nguyen bags one on a clear off-side through ball and now the traditional 'red shirts circling the ref' moment of the game. Nice goal, but it shouldn't happen.

EVOLUTION 1, ROBINS 0

60' - YELLOW - Morrow gets booked for something.  Probably fair and level headed.

61' - Nguyen is subbed off. No more of that bullshit-MVP-magician crap he's been pulling for the last few months.  Surprised the league lets him gets away with it. 

62' - SUB - Speaking of magician-crap, lesser wizard Luke Moore comes on for Lovitz.

69' - This near penalty is brought to you by The Caldwell Arms Bar & Grill. This week's special - wings.

71' - SUB - Warner comes on for Creavalle.  Good thing you're going for the win and have the goal scorer from last week... you know what? Who cares... #concede

74' - Moore with a nice header, forcing Shuttleworth to push it over his own crossbar

90' - SUB - Oduro comes off for Weideman

2 minutes of extra time and then this shit is over

FULL TIME : NEW ENGLAND 1, TORONTO 0

Player Ratings : Bendik D/C, Bloom D/C, Caldwell D/C, Henry D/C, Morrow D/C, Bekker D/C, Bradley D/C, Warner D/C [Creavalle  D/C], Orduro D/C [Weideman 8], Gilberto D/C,, Lovitz D/C [Moore D/C]

* D/C : Don't Care

@ignirtoq is relieved that this season can now have its plug pulled, and can be rid of himself of this team for a season.  If time heals all wounds, and talking opens them, it's only a matter of time before someone from TFC says something to remind him how much bullshit he's taken all season

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT - Toronto v Houston... or Who does this matter more to?

 

What the hell was that all about?

Without any scientific data whatsoever to substantiate the following claims, here's the percentage of how the game actually went, in no particular order.

• 42% raining misery with terrible first half "action"
• 27% a lack of luck for Toronto
• 14% luck in favour of Houston
• 9% high-level time wasting by Houston after their red card expulsion of A.J. Cochran
• 3% Defoe being absentee Defoe (missed PK included in equation)
• 2% Hagglund thinking he's a forward now
• 1% quality finishing for Houston's Giles Barnes after Toronto defenders practically escorted them to Bendik's doorstep

Full Time : Toronto 0, Houston 1

To be fair, Vanney made the best substitutions at his disposal (not a compliment to the depth) at the right times.  Could have been a little earlier, perhaps, but not going to fault him. 

The side played like the shittiest games of Simon where everyone tonight couldn't remember the 4th note in the sequence.  Pass, pass, screw-up.  Houston were not that good, but Toronto were moreso worse.  The first half was bad.  The second half was a cavalcade of oh-so-close moments, shortly followed by swearing at someone (read: rather watchable).  Good saves, tragic deflections, smacking the woodwork a few times, howler misses; this had it all, complete with the TFC trademark wrapping of mediocrity.

If we have seen the last of Gilberto, then I am genuinely sad to see him go.  He's been a workhorse, passionate, and the kind of player any club could adore.  Not that this blog has a vote in who stays and who goes (we'd be champions by now!) but he will be missed more than any other bloody big signing Toronto has seen.  His absence was alarming, as he was good to go as of the day before and he'd have bagged two (of course, why wouldn't he).

@ignirtoq apologizes for the brevity of the report, but it was too drizzly to write any notes and it's late and it's a school night and he has to go to bed.

THE SOUTH COUCH REPORT : Los Angeles v Toronto... or is THIS a streak?

I've been away on vacation but I've kept up with the trials and games of the Toronto "Football" "Club" (good thing the stadium is where it is).  That Portland thing sounded crazy.  And I did watch the Houston match at 2:00am in London (mostly because I snore really loud and the wife hadn't slept yet so I got up so she could sleep... where was I going with this...).  I was spoiled with some exciting footy and the English Championship is still more exciting than MLS.  My London ECL (English Championship League), Brentford, was awesome, even in a loss.  Great fun.  Recommend a visit to Ealing before the demo Griffin Park.  And visit the 4 pubs at each corner of the ground!

This is a streak isn't it?  I mean, it isn't the most ideal streak, but they've earned 7 from a possible 9 points over the last three games.  Doom, gloom, blah blah blah... I know.  It's played out.  Toronto is only a few bad results away from maintaining the status quo.  I think they can make the playoffs!  Who's with me?  Guys?... guys...

Whatever, Defoe is healthy and will cause a headache for the Los Angeles back four...

ICYMI - The Starting XI: Bendik, Creavalle, Caldwell, Hagglund, Morrow, Osorio, Bekker, Bradley, Lovitz, Moore, Oduro. #TFCLive
— Toronto FC (@torontofc) October 5, 2014

Ummm... OK.  That was anti-climactic with the whole superstar drama.  Certainly he'd be good for the bench?

Anyways, Los Angeles is crushing everything.  Their last loss was a month and a half ago.  So Toronto needs everyone to keep their shit together for 90+ minutes.  That's plausible enough but is it likely? I have $2 that's telling me 'oh yeah it is'.  We'll see.

On to the match...

12' - Juninho has a go from 20 yards out that loops over everyone and catches Bendik out a little too far, but the crossbar bails him out.

22' - GOAL - Zardes sends it on to Robbie Keane who slips it past a lunging Bendik.  Tragic.
BECKHAMS 1, ROBINS 0

25' - GOAL - Donovan to De La Garza to Keane who volleys this and holy crap it's gonna be like that tonight, isn't it?
BECKHAMS 2, ROBINS 0 

36' - American feed suggested that the conversation between Toledo and Bendik could be time wasting. THEY'RE DOWN BY TWO?  WHO WASTES TIME WHEN YOU'RE LOSING?  Stupid hacks. 

54' - If they gave goals for effort, Toronto would be down by 4.

59' - SUB - Lovitz off for Defoe.  I here he likes dealing in blood or something.  It's been a while, no.

66' - YELLOW - Osorio got booked.  So did Zardes, but I barely care for the bookings Toronto get.  Whatever.

68' - Did Oduro just play right back to deny Zardes?  Did Oduro ask for directions to go play that far back?  Well done sir!

74' - SUB - Moore makes way for DeRo


76' - No hat trick for Keane, as Bendik swatted it out of the air as the Irishman goes for the chip.  Well, no hat trick... yet.

79' - SUB - Bekker comes out for Warner

3 minutes of extra time

90+3' - GOAL - Alan Gordon gets the ball, takes two touches and launches from 20 yards out.  It's a bit of a screamer.  That's about right.
BECKHAMS 3, ROBINS 0 

Full Time : LOS ANGELES 3, TORONTO 0

Man of the Match : Nobody really.

Goat of the Game : Nobody really.

Ref Rating : 5 out of 5.  I know.  But nothing really happened.  Screw it, 3 out of 5 just for the PTSD he's caused.

In Case You PVR'd it : Fast forward to the 20th minute, watch until the end of the half then skip to injury time and you're good.

It's times like this, I feel that Gilberto won't be back.  I'm sure he'll be amazing in DC when he'll kill us repeatedly next season... Also, thanks MLS Live for the privilege to watch the paid for stream via a VPN.  Glad the decision to give you money was a poor one... When Morrow came off, the first instinct was to check the game stats feed to find out when he was substituted on, but the line-up tweet staggered me to find out he'd been playing all along... this Wild Beer company Indigo Child stout I bought in Bath is really sour and nasty.  If you see this and you're curious, just get anything else.  If you're really curious, get something you might like then add a shot of vinegar to it... It was such a strong PRO-LINE ticket. Man City won, Liverpool won.  How could Toronto losing go so wrong *eye roll*... That Vocal Minority Podcast has been decent the last few weeks.  I feel there's going to be rating spike next week as the principle writer of these match reports will be returning... The biggest difference noticed between the three matches I took in on my vacation and every TFC match was that the crowd was watching the match from start to finish and  nobody was straggling late getting 2 overpriced beers or filling their instagram accounts. Will miss that the most.

Player Ratings : Bendik 6, Creavalle 6, Caldwell 6.5, Hagglund 6, Morrow 5.5 [DeRo N/A], Osorio 6, Bekker 6 [Warner N/A], Bradley 6.5, Lovitz 6 [Defoe N/A], Moore 6.5, Oduro 7 (just for playing defense)

@ignirtoq is well rested from his vacation. He tried many ciders, and some were super "earthy" and gross. The only stout he had easy access to in pubs was Guinness and he's OK with that.

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT - Toronto v Philadelphia... Or The Only Bump I See Is That Think You Call A Defence, Amirite?

Last night was as close to what a hurricane must look like as I've ever seen in person.  Brutally hot and humid,  torrential rain and a light show that Benson & Hedges would've been proud of.  Today is gorgeous... partly cloudy, cool breeze, high of 22C.  Perfect environment for football.

I said nothing about it needing to be good.

If the idea of a win under a new manager is a theory, consider the theory smashed to bits and the forensics team laughed and said "this could be anything, but I don't have that kind of time".  It kinda feels like watching a break-up over Facebook : He goes radio silence, stays off the grid.  Meanwhile she's going to that Lithuanian restaurant that she kept going on about trying, taking up kayaking with an instructor by the name of "Storm", wearing a new dress and going out - all cries for attention of "Look at me!  See, I never needed you.  You were just holding me back!"

Except she was nearly hospitalized by the bad cepelinai, "Storm" isn't a licensed instructor and that dress was see-through under black light.

It's been a disaster, and the disaster continued this afternoon at the Rebound Ground a.k.a. BMO Field.

7' - GOAL - Wrestler Big Show's brother Conor Casey a.k.a. Medium Show, gets on the end of a cross and heads it over a leaping Bendik.

Fig 1. Two guys I wouldn't want to meet in an alley for a fight

ROBINS 0, ONION 1

27'- YELLOW - Henry for stuff.  Likely deserved it.

43' - GOAL -  Wenger pops it over Bendik in another cross and header thing.  I'm pretty sure that's Philadelphia's only move.
ROBINS 0, ONION 2

43' - SUB - Bekker in for Warner

Half Time mood : thank God that's done with...

68' - SUB - Jackson on for DeRo

77' - SUB - Creavalle comes on for Hagglund.

4 minutes of far too much extra time

Full Time : TORONTO 0, PHILADELPHIA 2

Man of the Match : Gilberto because naming it Bendik is too easy and as a lack of talent before us, he's trying to be the leader,  at least emotionally.

Goat of the Game : raise your hand if you were a defender today.

Ref Rating : 4 out of 5. Maybe because Toronto is kinda bad, it's hard to focus on officiating blunders so they get a pass.

Kit Spotting : Vera Cruz Tiburones Rojos from Mexico and a newer Luton Town kit even though I truly love the idea of a programme vendor wearing a fake kit.

I Am Not the Gaffer But...  : if I were I'd be ordering take out in Bezbatchenko's office and drafting up a strategy.

In Case You PVR'd It : if you like watching mediocre efforts resulting in lots of woodwork smashing, skip the first half and have your finger on  the fast forward button for the second

I'm having a hard time deciding if Bradley is having a nightmare, playing well without the help, frustrated or just terrible.  All outcomes are very plausible... When Maurice Edu touches the ball,  why don't we chant "T.O. Success Story"?... I'm waiting to see Konopka start due to a Bendik injury of a strained vocal chord. Lots of hot tea with lemon and honey I suspect for the copious amount of yelling he must do each match... This slide could not come at a better time as season ticket renewals aren't that far off... Such a nice day at the park. (see, I can say something nice)...  Little shout out to the Red Patch Boy living in Victoria who listens to the Vocal Minority Podcast, thanks for listening homie... I wonder if our tenth manager will finally be "the one".  Often...  Mr. Caldwell, I hope your recovery is going well.  Please do not come back until you are 100%. The thought of you being out longer makes me very sad... Seriously Philly, you've had your turn with Le Toux long enough.  Time to share... Anyone hear if O'Dea is doing well?...  Do other Toronto sports have open discussion post-match on public transit or is this a TFC phenomenon. Interesting theory regarding Leiweke's departure on the GO Train that I hadn't heard: it's focused on the failure of not acquiring the Bills plus Defoe wanted out.  Also suggested that MLS sunk the loan and/or sale of Defoe because it would make the club and league look bad.

Player Ratings : Bendik 8, Hagglund 4.5 [Creavalle N/A] , Orr 5, Henry 5.5, Bloom 5, De Rosario 6 [Jackson N/A], Warner 6 [Bekker 6], Bradley 6, Oduro 6, Moore 6, Gilberto 6.5

 Fig 2. How to get other players to stop making fun of your kit sponsor.

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v. New England... or Look a Ferris Wheel!

Ya know, this was a terrible match.

Top to bottom.

The final score was Toronto 0, New England 3 (Nguyen, Rowe, and son of Canadian Legend Alex Bunbury that shall not be named - that last one really pissed me off), in which the lack of organization in the back field left Bendik hung out to dry all afternoon.  At least our favourite cuss word got 20 minutes to run out... Fagundez!

So you'll have to forgive us as what my wife and I did after the match is much more interesting...

On to the Ex!

13' - The crafts building had the usual stuff but that's to be expected.

19' - three people were sitting in their motorized scooters, comparing rides.  Too bad it was in the middle of an aisle.

23' - BUY - The wife buys fudge.  The Butterfinger one looks crazy!

GOOD IDEA 1, BAD IDEA 0

29' - They had these plaques for "Prayer for the"  (some profession) like teachers and engineers.  They had one prayer for Defenders which went something like this...

Dear Football Lord,
Please grant me the patience to leap for a cross at the right moment
Wait for the ball before committing
The talent to cover my partner
To be a leader when there is chaos
To move the ball confidently around the back
To never over hit a backpass to the keeper
And not to play my mark onside

Amen

I'm sure these will be snapped up and given as gag gifts all this week.

37' - I can carney bark better than this guy! If you want someone to get excited over your hammer and launch the from game, you should make it clear that you can win a ninja turtle in one shot.   Terrible finishing.

The second half of our journey took place in the Direct Energy Bldg, still more of the same...

48' - near miss with the grossly overpriced Lemonade stand.  When the hell has that ever been a good idea the second time around?  Stupid $5.

67' - the discount DVD section is always a hoot.  May live in regret walking away from Parker Lewis Can't Lose season 1 box set,  or the classic Roadhouse 2. Only time will tell.

71' - BUY - 2 dozen Tiny Tom's donuts, classic icing sugar.  Always a strong finish.
GOOD IDEA 2, BAD IDEA0

79' - BUY - The wife broke down and got one of those overpriced lemonades.  So tart.  Just weak decision making. I know who buys them now.
GOOD IDEA 2, BAD IDEA 1

87' - nearly seals the night with a cotton candy purchase, but just a few feet from goal and just didn't settle.

Man of the Match : running into a friend and catching up was kinda nice.  Seems to be doing well.

Goat of the Grounds : up yet arse lemonade extortionists

Kit Spotting : some lucky kid is wearing the new super classy PSV home kit, but serious props to the kids wearing their local shirts.  Grimsby Town (yes, the one past Hamilton, but before St. Catherines) and Toronto Croatia looking sharp

If you PVR'd the actual game : delete it, go watch the Lego Movie,  just gave you the gift of a satisfying 90 mins

For realzies, it's hard to think of a more lackluster performance all season.  Now let's purge this memory and await Philadelphia!

THE SOUTH COUCH REPORT : Toronto v Chicago... Or head colds in August sucks

I don't know what I did to deserve this? I'm a good person.  I am a part of an internationally acclaimed podcast.  I make custom soccer jerseys for laughs.  I shouldn't have got sick on my birthday week.  Now I'm on the couch while my brother in law babysits my seats.  So stupid.

Looks like everyone is healthy.  Everyone except me.

3' - GOAL - Osorio to Morrow whose cross is headed in by Soumare.  He doesn't play for us.
ROBINS 1, WATER 0

5' - Oduro with a quality through to Gilberto forces a good diving  save from the Chicago keeper

22' - SUB - guess everyone wasn't as healthy as we thought as Caldwell comes off for Henry

43' - Closed my eyes for a bit.  Didn't miss a thing it appears

52' - There's a nap.  Missed nothing it seems

57' - YELLOW -  Warner goes in for a rough challenge.

57' - SUB - Jackson will come in for an injured Morrow

61' - Two minute nap. Well earned.

65' - Robert Earnshaw comes into the match. Good for him.  Hope he does well.   Next game.

69' - If I took a shot of cough medicine every time Dunleavy or Dolan used the adjective of "twisting"  in describing Amarikwa, I'd have long exceeded the recommended dosage #memorizedTheReport

70' -  GOAL - really Earnshaw? It's nowhere near October.  Counter, cross, header.
ROBINS 1, WATER 1

77' - SUB - Defoe comes off for Moore

79' - GOAL - Moore sends Gilberto through on a break and beats the keeper and buries it. GOALberto!
ROBINS 2, WATER 1

81' - Osorio breaks away and his shot is deflected by an impressive lunge to prevent which was obviously a goal

90' - GOAL - M*therf#cker.  Seriously? Are they out of ex-Robins? Amarikwa scores. No mentioning of twisting. I assume someone told them to knock it off with same descriptor.
ROBINS 2, WATER 2

3 mins of extra time 

90+3' - Henry should be booked.  Why not, this has had everything else.

FULL TIME : TORONTO 2, CHICAGO 2

Coughing Fits : 8

Messy Kleenex : 2

Phlegm : you bet.

Heavy Eyes : 29 mins worth,  including half time.

I think I'm doing better tonight than I was yesterday or even this morning.  Plenty of naps and football, like any good doctor would prescribe. Trying to stay away from NyQuil, who is a dear friend, due to the chance of having to drive people to the airport tomorrow. Hopefully will recover in time for podcasting. Though may produce less than 5% of the facts, the loss of nearly 43% of the comedy is a mighty blow to a side the struggles to keep it to a respectable length week in week out.

Player Ratings : Bendik 6, Bloom 7, Caldwell N/A [Henry 6.5], Hagglund 6.5, Morrow 6.5 [Jackson N/A], Oduro 6.5, Bradley 6, Warner 6, Osorio 6.5, Defoe 6 [Moore N/A], Gilberto 7

Contrarary to popular belief, @ignirtoq was not deliriously singing the Dichio song all game as the he's sick and not hallucinating. Full disclosure, he was sure last night Toronto signed Wayne Rooney, along with Troy and Abed from Community and one of those minions from the Despicable Me movies. The minion was the only one on DP money.

THE SOUTH STOOL REPORT - Kansas City v Toronto... or Why Not Let The Refs Have a Go?

So we're out at an unnamed pub with Vocal Minority Podcast celebrity and host @kzknowles celebrating her something-teenth anniversary of her 25th birthday, having a few wobbly pops and watching a few wobbling defenses. Sure we're optimistic, but reality can be such a silly beast.

Onto the match!
 
17 -  PENALTY - Jackson took out someone in the box.  I guess it is,  but it's weak. 

17 - GOAL - Dwyer converts
REFS 1, ROBINS 0

32 - PENALTY - Henry hauls down someone in the box which, regardless if it is or isn't a penalty, typically leads to...

32 - GOAL - Dwyer converts
REFS 2, ROBINS 0

45 - GOAL - counter attack has Oduro on the wing slots a ball through to Gilberto who takes a touch then SIDE STEPS THE BALL AND BACK HEELS IT IN LIKE A SUPERSTAR.  Fantastic.
REFS 2, COMETS 1, ROBINS 1

64 - GOAL - Saed takes a cross,  half volley and buried it from the top of the box
REFS 2, COMETS 1, ROBINS 1

71 - Jackson damn you...  Beautiful 1-2 then dances around a defender to present a 3 man break and instead of passing to a wide open Osorio and Moore he goes for a shot and gets stopped by the keeper.

74 - SUB - Oduro off for Lovitz

77 - GOAL - Sapong gets on the end of a cross and taps it in.  No chance for Bendik
REFS 2, COMETS 2, ROBINS 1

78 - SUB - Dike makes his return from long term injury to replace Moore

Quote of the Match

I think they're gonna lose

~ Roz with biting commentary

83 - SUB - Bradley off for Bekker

FULL TIME : KANSAS CITY 4, TORONTO 1

Man of the Match : GOALberto.  Ol' Gil's FIFA 14-esque finish was just so pretty.  Too bad it overshadowed the result.

Though we here at The Yorkies "pride" ourselves on our "journalism" and "integrity", but we felt that both penalties were suspect. We are not refs, even though on multiple occasions we're sure we could do the MLS officials' job with little preparation or fitness, but we like to think we have a grasp on the game.

That being said, it was understood that a penalty was awarded not for any foul in the box, but rather a foul that impeded a goal scoring opportunity.  So if I had just pushed the ball towards out of bounds nowhere near goal and I was taken down on a tackle, it wouldn't be a penalty.  Perhaps a free kick in the box? Typically the calls made for penalties are legitimate goal-scoring opportunities and not for what happened twice in this match. I am willing to understand what exactly these nuances are, and what separates from a penalty or a foul.

Regardless of Toronto were poor (which they were at points), but I felt that at least one of those penalties were uncalled for and that a strong argument could be made for neither.  Being two-nil down and then having to mount a comeback seems unnecessary.  Those first two goals truly belonged to the officials.  KC just happened to be the benefactors.  Toronto deserved the result but didn't deserve to go out like that.

Player Rating : Bendik 6, Jackson 5.5, Hagglund 6, Henry 6, Morrow 6, Oduro 6.5, Warner 6, Bradley 6 [Bekker N/A], Osorio 6 [Lovitz N/A], Gilberto 6.5, Moore 6 [Dike 10 just for coming back]

LE RAPPORT DE STADE SUD - Montreal v Toronto... or At Least I Didn't Take The Train (and no one was hurt)

As I am kitted out, ready to depart my gracious hosts for this derby,  I can't help but think "what the hell am I doing here?!?" I'm still a bit sore, it took way too long to get out of the GTA, it's kinda warm, and we still have to battle Montreal traffic to get to Stade Fromage. I know Montreal is crap looking upwards and our beloved Robins are on the brink of a tumble downwards, but when haven't they been. Amirite?

Onto the match:

10 - GOAL - Gilberto with a cracker fired from 15 yards dead centre of goal. Magic!

ROBINS 1, FROMAGE 0

54 - GOAL - Oduro out-paces his marker, in on goal from 30 yds. out, almost takes too many touches as Perkins gets some of his chip,  but as it's trickling toward the goal line,  Luke Moore wins the race and lunges the ball over the line. The tourists rejoice.

ROBINS 2, FROMAGE 0

73 - SUB - Jackson comes in for Oduro

73 - SUB - Henry's shorts come off for a new pair of shorts.  Seriously.

80 - SUB - Warner off for Bekker

82 - Hagglund heads it off the bar from just in front of goal,  on the rebound Jackson has a go but stopped by a desperate defender's lunge.  Ensuing corner has a beautiful Gilberto curling shot just bend around the far post.

89 - SUB - Lovitz comes in for Gilberto.

4 mins of extra time

FULL TIME : TORONTO 2, MONTREAL O

90+8 - Oh yeah, we are still being penned off. This is clearly for everyone's safety

90±12 - no problem selling beer to the section up until the 75th minute, but there's an issue with one lone person needing to rid their body of the beer. Makes sense.

90+15 - guy in a leather hat makes his escape, and all security can do is get in the way of letting him leave it appears.  Now leather hat guy is hopping over the railing to circumvent the lone security guard in his way.

90+21 - someone in traveling support has lit a fire in the stands.  Of course, because that's just what you do.

90+28 - OK now we can leave our seats and for some of us, pee

90+31 - of course we can't leave the way we entered the ground. Sure, let's leave by this other new and exciting way.

90+34 - oh look, this is where the players leave from. @kzknowles gets her shirt autographed. Find out by whom next Vocal Minority Podcast!

90+38 - underground parking. We will be out of here in no ti... 

90+44 - This isn't our lot. OK how do we get out of here

90+49 - exiting B underground lot. Of course we didn't park here.

90+52 - "oh this looks like the way we came" said many characters in a horror film

90+55 - man the Big O is super creepy when it appears that you are one of the last humans around for miles.

90+63 - no seriously, where's our lot? I tell my friend to text his wife and to tell her that he loves her, just in case we can't make it back alive.

90+68 - oh a sign... What do you mean there's underground parking lots of A1, A2, A3 and A4? No wonder locals resent this place. 

90+71 - this looks like parking but how does one get in

90+73 - here's an entrance. Playing "Marco Polo" with the car lock button on my key and I can hear it but I can't see it yet... Found it. We are going to live!

Man of the Match : I liked what the new kid was doing so Warren Creavalle gets it

Goat of the Game : not applicable

Ref Rating : 4 out of 5. Not bad at all

Kit Spotting : a family of Gremio kits should have won but a traveling supporter has Ruiz on his back so that's a lock

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : I would have made the first substitute earlier, taken Osorio off for Lovitz but well played so no issues here

If You PVR'd It : not a classic but watch the Gilberto goal again.  And then one more time.

I kinda feel bad for Jack Mac & Ernie.  Last season they were the super hot sensations in Philly and now they're struggling on a terrible Impact side. Hope they regain their form soon... What is Oduro thinking? On Wednesday, he took a pile of terrible shots from terrible angles and tonight he tries to lay it off on a 25 yard breakaway. The pass got through but I'd be surprised to think that anyone would have been upset to see him shoot... Why don't we have a song for Doneil Henry yet?

Player Ratings : Bendik 7, Creavalle 7.5, Hagglund 7, Henry 7, Morrow 6.5, Oduro 6.5 [Jackson N/A], Bradley 7, Warner 6.5 [Bekker N/A], Osorio 6, Gilberto 7 [Lovitz N/A], Moore 7

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v Kansas City... Or this is gonna hurt bad, isn't it?

Typically these reports have a pinch of optimism.  Be it for Chad "The Chad" Barrett, Gilberto or even Nick Soolsma. It is a drive to find light in a perpetual shitstorm of regular performances.  And lately the reports have had equalish measure optimism and pessimism. I read that was "real journalism" somewhere.

But Sporting KC Wiz...  ugh.  I wish I had the patience to follow other sides closely to get a better understanding what makes them who they are, but Sporting KC Wiz seem to be relentless. Pick up underachieving and turn them into all-stars. amend then there's depth: Legoman Nielsen retires, and the new kid Gruenbaum is outstanding.  When RSL comes to town with injuries, I think "we got me!  3 points!".  Sporting Kansas City Wiz could show up with a B side and I'd be hopeful for a draw.

It'll all be over soon enough I suspect. As long as it doesn't rain.

8' - Oduro lays a pretty ball along the ground in front of goal but no one there.  Ensuing corner finds Hagglund's head but sails just over the bar.

16' - GOAL - Ball slotted through to find Jackson just on side, dances around Gruenbaum and buries it.
ROBINS 1, COMETS 0

22' - well that was an 8 second flurry.  Gilberto gets hauled down 2 yards outside the box, no call. Toronto picks up the ball quickly and Oduro puts another pretty low ball onto a lunging Hagglund who rifles off the post.  While agonizing over the near goal,  Oduro still hands on head, misses the rebound as it's rolling just behind him.   A Vine would have been easier.

32' - YELLOW - Jackson gets booked for retaliation on a tackle, clearly testing out the double standard.

33' - Oduro slides it into the post.   That's two.

34' - YELLOW - Morrow gets booked for a challenge.  Gotta protect the camps I guess, right Unkle Ted?

44' - YELLOW - Oduro for something

45' - YELLOW - Henry for wearing red.

Half Time Mood : not too bad

47' - GOAL - Zusi left wide left of goal,  gets the ball and puts it past Bendik.
ROBINS 1, COMETS 1
60' - Gilberto gets the ball on the right,  crosses to the opposite side to find Jackson whose first touch is right at Gruenbaum. Big rebound but no second attempt.

66' - Jackson should be on pace for a hat trick at this point as at the doorstep he pops the ball over the bar 2 yards out.

69'- inconsistent officiating as Oduro gets shirt tugged from behind.  Only a yellow.

72' - YELLOW - Bradley gets booked for a terrible non-call on Jackson and goes off on the idiot in Yellow.

80' - GOAL -  Goddamn Jacob Peterson
ROBINS 1, COMETS 2

80' -  SUB -  Osorio in for Warner

82' -  SUB - DeRo in for Orr.  Guess we're going for it...

89' - Bradley has a go from the edge of the box and fires it just wide.

5 mins of extra time

90+2 - Oduro in a long cross can get his foot on it as it goes wide.

FULL TIME : TORONTO 1, KANSAS CITY 2

Man of the Match : Jackson had a helluva match.  Should've had a pile but to no avail.

Goat of the Game : Ted Unkle (see below)

Ref Rating : 1 out of 5.  Ted was terrible.  Like Toledo terrible.  He gets a 1 as someone on Kansas City earned a second yellow which is shocking all things considered. No one is ever going to confuse the level of officiating in this league for world class.

Kit Spotting : a couple of Olympiakos kits.

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : I'd get another forward for the bench.

If You PVR'd It : watch the first goal and then catch up to the first card to watch the embarrassment unfold.

I gotta give it up to Nelson, he went for it as soon as they went down one.  Converted to a 3-5-2 and all out attack.  Far from flawless execution but it is what it is.

Toronto earned a point and arguably the win. It was a shame that the ref had such an adverse effect on the game.  Sure Oduro and Jackson could have had their goals with the opportunities presented to the but it doesn't change how the ref's bias and inconsistent foul calling can mess with a teams head.  We were certain Nelson was at the very least going to be booked by the end of the match as he was losing his shit before the half.

I would like to know what the solution is for the officials' low quality of output.  I want the refs to have respect for their ability to call a match.  The officials formed a union to earn them better wages, which I'm all for.  Can the league not loan them out to other leagues?  Bundesliga 3 and we'll pay the refs for 2 months of training,  instruction and game experience?  Scotland division 1? Blue Square?  Anywhere?  The league needs to fix this.  Either import talent or export training.

Fun fact : you can get into the ground with a PDF on your smart phone. Confirmed it can be done.  Brilliant.

Player Ratings : Bendik 6.5, Hagglund 6.5, Orr 6 [De Rosario N/A], Henry 7, Morrow 6, Jackson 7, Warner 6 [Osorio N/A], Bradley 6, Oduro 7, Moore 6.5, Gilberto 6.5

@ignirtoq felt like he was on an emotional rollercoaster, between ticket drama, having KC on the ropes and the seeing Peterson bag the winner, so unfair.  To make it worse, there were plans afoot to debut some new kits of our own that would have surely got some dirty looks.  Maybe next season as they'll arrive on Monday.

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT - Toronto v Tottenham... or Robins v Your London EPL Club

Ah, it's a good thing we made that trade today. Sure we weren't gonna get De Marcus Beasley but we did get Warren Creavalle and I hear he should make it in time for this all important friendly.  I read that his flight was delayed, so maybe he can make it in the second half.  *fingers crossed*

This was your typical exhibition fare : kids and bench get a run out and super try for everything, visitors just screw with us effortlessly and not run up the score too much.  Eric Lamella bagged two identical goals, which I've been told, is a special sight as he's (a) Spurs record signing and (b) was injured for most of the year.  Tourists up 2-0 at the half.

Second half, I'm not exactly sure what happened.  Either Spurs new substitutes took them lightly or Toronto's new subs started playing with creativity (probably the prior), as Lovitz sent Weideman through and bagged a nice goal with sublime composure. Later in the half, Jordan Hamilton bagged one of his own with a brilliant strike from the edge of the box. One of those two will likely move on to a career in real estate some day.  Creavalle no showed.  [He was never expected to make it. ~ Ed.]

Spurs were having none of that, shifted into (what had to be their) 2nd gear, maybe 3rd, and with 5 minutes remaining, Andros Townsend undoes poor Hagglund, and rockets it past Quillan Roberts.  Top marks and it looks like he does it all the time.

FULL TIME : TORONTO 2, TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR 3

Money grab or not (it is), the one thing I like to take away from these international friendlies (aside from the obligatory half and half scarves) is to get a glimpse to the gulf of quality between TFC and whomever our opponent is.  Spurs were out there for a kick-about and made Toronto look pedestrian, and I'm very OK with that.

We, as footie supporters, are subjected to satellite TV (or dodgy internet feeds) and get to watch world class club football.  We know it's better, but we rarely have a measure of by how much exactly.  I don't know if we need to do this annually, and by the success of the gate, there should be one next year, but every couple of years is good.  It's nice to be reminded that, even though we signed all of these players that have drastically improved the calibre of football in Toronto, it's still nowhere near we'd like it to be. And to be fair, there isn't enough talent to go around 18+ clubs in the US to ever close up that gulf.

Understanding how the tourists are, and a large portion of the season's ticket base is, I understand that the following suggestion would be deemed "unfavourable" : I would like to propose that every year we have an exhibition against lower league teams.  Could be De Grafshaap, Shimizu S-Pulse, Lucern, Perth Glory... it doesn't matter.  The game should be a meaningful measure as to where the club and the league actually sits in relation to the rest of the planet, as meaningful as an exhibition can be.  I'd be far more interested to see how this side plays against the champions of Finland, a side we could defeat (in theory) rather than Spurs, a team who should slap us around like we deserve it.

If the club and the league were as talented as they are financially successful and well supported, MLS would truly be a destination league and Seattle would be a top 20 world club.  But it's not, we're not.  Not yet.

Then, at least, it wouldn't feel so gratuitously commercial.

Kit Spotting People Who Got A Soccer Shirt As a Gift Once and Are Wearing It Today : Arsenal away,  Liverpool home,  Newcastle home, father and son home Reading, more than one Blackburn home,  Manchester United home, West Ham home and away, Villa home, Everton home, old Man City away.  It was odd, but I get it.

Real Kit Spotting - Guy down in front wearing Sporting KC (confirmed he was here for the weekend game, came early to watch the exhibition).  Big ups to him for travelling. This kid who showed up in a Junior kit is close.

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT - Toronto v Vancouver... Or thanks for the 8pm kick off schedule dicks

Well the later than usual kickoff on a very nice summer night blended with the incredible Saturday night game gave us the hope of three points tonight, but that was not the case.

Vancouver scored early in the second half on a counter in the 50th minute. Teibert put a wonderful ball through four red shirts, and Mattocks buried it from 6 yds out.

Toronto controlled much of the match, and were rewarded with a fairly soft penalty as Jackson went down to a Reo-Coker challenge just inside the box.  Defoe converted in the 63rd minute.

All the hard work could not get them any more than one point however.  Gilberto may be resuming service of near misses as for the second game in a row, the ball bent around the outside of the woodwork.  Not fair for the guy.

FULL TIME : TORONTO 1, VANCOUVER 1

Man of the Match : Collen Warner played very well throughout the match.

Goat of the Game : The idiot who couldn't delay the closure of Lakeshore for 2 more hours.  Well planned Mr. City person. It's not like either event was scheduled for months in advance? (same for you Johnny Schedulemaker)

Ref Rating : 3 out of 5.  Didn't effect the match either side.

Player Ratings : Bendik 6, Bloom 6 [Hagglund N/A], Orr 6.5, Henry 6.5, Morrow 6, Jackson 6.5 [Gilberto N/A], Bradley 6, Warner 7, Osorio 6 [Oduro N/A], Moore 6, Defoe 6.5

@ignirtoq would like to apologize for the lack of a more detailed post however he took a spill on his way to the ground and wasn't up to being Mr. Reporter Guy. He also likes making names up for people based on the jobs they apparently have.

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v Houston... Or Is There No Place Like Home?

DC was disappointing but they were quality (Hamid being Hamid).  But this is Houston, league leaders in losses, let's see what we can get out of this match. Gilberto appears to be in game shape so maybe if we're all well behaved, Uncle Ryan will give us some 4-3-3!

The line up is out.  Guess we're not behaved...  4-4-2.

Onto the match:

13' -  GOAL -  Davis left wide open on the right side leaving Bendik out to dry.   Bottom right corner.
ROBINS 0, CREAMSICLES 1

18' - Clark for Houston has streaks in his hair that makes it look like a bike helmet. Ha.

28' - Defoe free kick from the edge of the box forces Hall to top palm the ball over the bar

29' -  GOAL - Davis wide on the right, slides the ball under Bendik.
ROBINS 0, CREAMSICLES 2

34' - Yellow #1 to Houston

39' - GOAL - defoe pops a ball over his mark and it's bobbled by Hall,  leaving Osorio to clean up the mess and bury it.
ROBINS 1, CREAMSICLES 2

44' -  GOAL - Defoe lays off a ball to Oduro.  First shot stopped but picks up his own rebound and buried it.  The villiagers go bananas.
ROBINS 2, CREAMSICLES 2

Half time mood: beyond thrilled

56' - Yellow #5 to Houston 

58' - SUB - Oduro off for Lovitz

59' - Yellow #6 to Houston

59' - Free kick from Lovitz finds Caldwell who just heads it over the bar

63' - GOAL- Defoe streaks into the box on an angle and nutmegs Hall.
ROBINS 3, CREAMSICLES 2
65' -  Barnes beats Caldwell on the wing with no one to beat but Bendik. Puts it past him and the far post. Bullet dodged.  Caldwell limps off hurt.

68' -  SUB - Orr in for Caldwell

68' - Lovitz breaks in on a counter and instead of shooting,  cuts in to beat a defender and loses the ball.

73'- Houston floated cross into the box headed toward goal but grabbed at the line by Bendik.

80' - SUB - Moore comes off and Gilberto comes in

84' - Gilberto streaks down the right has a go and beats Hall but not the left post.  Didn't miss by much.

86' - Oh.  Clark is wearing a helmet.  Part of the Petr Cech collection I guess. Now I feel stupid. I blame the far away seats we have...

89' - GOAL - Oh we're on dream street! Defoe collects a blown back pass from 35 yards out (maybe, I can't remember) and breaks in one on one with Hall.  First shot is mostly stopped, but the rebound gets buried.
ROBINS 4, CREAMSICLES 2

3 minutes of extra time

FULL TIME : TORONTO 4, HOUSTON 2

In game prediction : Tonight's game question was how many cards will Toledo hand out without going over!  And I won by doubly accurately predicting 6 cards and all yellow!  Boom!  Genius.

@kzknowles 7, @RedWineRoz 4, @DuncanDFletcher 5 (3 yellow, 2 red specifically), @ignirtoq 6 (all yellow), Dom 4, @jonarthur's son 9

Man of the Match : Defoe.  2 goals, 2 assists

Goat of the Game : Whoever the player was supposed to mark Hall.  You know what... nevermind.  No one.  #bliss

Ref Rating : 3 out of 5.  In Toledo-terms, this is as flawless as he can possibly be.

Kit Spotting : I'm going to give it to the woman in the Eintracht Frankfurt away kit.  I'm not going to give it to the two people in the crowd with US Men's National Team AstroPop kits.

I Am Not the Gaffer But... : I'm glad today I wasn't because someone would've been subbed after the second goal.

In Case You PVR'd It : Watch it all.   It was a classic.  Show your kids.

What can be said other than the resilience was staggering. If you ever waivered that this club has yet to turn into a juggernaut or whatever this monster of a team is, this was a glimpse of what can be.  Never quit, Defoe was a major factor in all the goals, they fixed their problems before the half was over.  Understanding that this could all come undone on Wednesday, but we witnessed the future and it is glorious. (/hyperbole)

Player Ratings : Bendik 6.5, Bloom 6, Caldwell 6 [Orr N/A], Henry 6.5, Morrow 6, Oduro 7.5 [Lovitz N/A], Warner, Osorio 7, Jackson 6.5, Defoe 9.5, Moore 6 [Gilberto N/A]

@ignirtoq lost the classic quote that Dom had about how the ref hasn't screwed up the match and it's far too late to go and wrangle up the exact verbage, but just know it was classic and he deeply regrets losing it.

THE SOUTH COUCH REPORT : Toronto v D.C.... or stuck on a couch in Burlington

(I'm sure it's) A nice evening out at the park.  The sun is shining (apparently).  And a good crowd is there for some footie (thanks to the stream). This is the first time I have been unable to make a game due to GO Transit cancelling a train.  In all fairness, my friend and I headed back to his place,  watched the shootout with the wives,  and then missed the next train (if it came which I assume it didn't).

Toronto is coming off a draw against Chicago and are up against the somehow the first place DC United.  Seriously when did that happen?

The nice part is, even if the game is crap, we can always play "try to make the 4 month old daughter Olivia laugh".

Onto the match!

13' - it doesn't wook wike DC is vewwy good? No it doesn't.  Wuis Silwa used to pway for Towonto but now he's a baaaaad gwuy.

28' - Orr pokes through to Morrow who threads a ball into the box and just misses a sliding Defoe.

36' - who's that with the ball? Is it Bradley? Is it Bradley? Yes it is!  Uh-yes it is!

44' - My coochie-coochie-coo is just killing it right now.

HALF TIME MOOD : they are first place? Really?

45' -  SUB - Oduro on for Orr

54' - GOAL -  Nick DeLeon undressed Hagglund, loses Warner then pops it past Bendik.  Good goal.  Baby Olivia makes a frowny face. I see why they're in first now.
ROBINS 0, DIVIDED 1

60' - GOAL - Jackson to a deep Defoe, lays it back to Jackson who fires, stopped by Hamid but poached by Moore and giggles all around.
ROBINS 1, DIVIDED 1

60' -  SUB - Osorio on for Bradley

64' - Osorio has the ball.  PEEK-A-BOO!  Now he doesn't!

68' - GOAL -  Cross comes in for a Perry Kitchen  header, down past Bendik. Bad marker.  Bad.
ROBINS 1, DIVIDED 2

60' -  SUB - Lovitz on for Jackson

73' - Baby can roll over onto her tummy, but cannot beat the roll over on to her back.


86' - YELLOW - Hagglund hauls down Johnson from behind on a break and gets lucky with not being sent off

No wait...

88' - RED - Nevermind. Ref corrected it.  Hagglund is off. 

5 mins of extra time

90+1 - Who's got my pinky finger?  Who's got my pinky finger?  Olivia does!

90+5 - Looping ball from Moore at the death has Lovitz flying on the wing to rocket it toward goal only to be stopped by Hamid. Fantastic everything here.

FULL TIME : TORONTO 1, D.C. 2

Man of the Match : Bill Hamid, actually.  He played very well.  Moore was a bit of a terror tho, wasn't he?

Goat of the Game : Hagglund not for the card, but for a bit of a howler in defending the first goal.  I was a close second as my nom-nom on baby's tummy made her cry, so that's on me.

Ref Rating : 5 out of 5. I appreciate any official who will correct their mistakes immediately (even if it's against Toronto) instead of handing out a revenge card AND he let the game roll at the end which made for a great finish.

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : I would've woken the little one from her nap earlier.  She'll be awake later than usual.

Kit Spotting : I was TOLD someone was in a Darlington 1883 kit, but I wasn't there.  Even after I suggested that a photo be sent.

If You PVR'd It : The whole game was rather engaging.  Just let it run from start to finish.  It's no Netherlands v Costa Rica, but quality.

Player Ratings : Bendik 6, Bloom 6.5, Caldwell 6.5, Hagglund 5.5, Morrow 6, Jackson 6 [Lovitz N/A], Bradley 6.5 [Osorio N/A] , Warner 6, Orr 6.5 [Oduro 6], Moore 7, Defoe 6.5

@ignirtoq was disappointed not to be there in person, but shit happens.  And to be fair, the game wasn't crap, but this kid is sooooo cute.  She's got big blue eyes and monkey ears.  It was a struggle to watch the game and her be so happy. 

THE SOUTH COUCH REPORT : Chicago v Toronto... or Watching It In Case There Is Another Fight

The weather is perfect tonight.  The  new digs have a theatre in the basement and [Stop bragging.  ~Ed.] 

We kinda previewed this on the Vocal Minority Podcast.  So listen to it and absorb what I said.   Man this couch is so comfy [Seriously.  Stop bragging.  ~Ed.] 

Chicago hasn't exactly picked up where they left off.  Magee isn't lighting it up,  but ex-Robin Amarikwa somehow has. 

Looks like it's raining.  Bummer.  

Onto the match:

5' - I hope the Canadian teams are never offered kits with flag imprints in the numbers.  Unless it's with the civic flag.  That would be sweet. 

28' - RED - well that's a bit of crap.  Newly subbed out of my fantasy team Luke Moore goes up for a header with elbows up and clocks Ritter hard.  Replay showed no intent to injure. Yellow in my books but not a ref. 

41' -  I think I understand what Caldwell was doing with that diving header but it still was ugly and gave Amarikwa a half chance at net.  Nothing came of it. 

42' - GOAL - Defoe down the wing floats a ball into the box and finds an unmarked Jackson to head it down into the net.
WATER 0, ROBINS 1

45+2 - Caldwell takes a boot to the face from an Amarikwa bicycle kick attempt and gets a yellow. Inconsistent much ref? 

Half Time Mood : not too shabby being a man down. 

51' - Caldwell passes back to Bendik whose attempt to clear it shanks it behind himself for a corner. 

53' -  YELLOW - Caldwell keeps his arms out like an airplane to block a cross. 

54' -  ensuing free kick has Magee launch one that Bendik parries away. 

56' - GOAL - Shipp cuts into the box and fires which defects slightly off of Warner and Bendik gets a hand to it,  but not enough to prevent it going in.

WATER 1, ROBINS 1

72' -  Sumare offside as he pops it past Bendik. No goal. 

83' - Bendik bails out a great attempt from Chicago as the ball is played through low and Magee puts the slightest touch,  forcing a save from the redirected ball. 

86' -  so Oduro takes a mid air deliberate elbow to the head and that's only a yellow.  I see what's going on here... 

86' - SUB - Orr comes in for Osorio 

3 minutes of extra time

90+2' - Chicago corner sees Bendik punch it out.  Counter attack into the Fire half has Oduro launch a ball that the keeper just tips over for a Toronto corner.   Not bad effort. 

Full Time : CHICAGO 1, TORONTO 1

Man of the Match : Bendik was the difference between a point and no points

Goat of the Game : none. 

Ref Rating : 2 out of 5. take one off for the red, and one off for each of the non-reds for Chicago's dangerous challenges. 

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : maybe a sub earlier or at the end to run down the clock. 

If You PVR'd It : watch the red card at the 23rd minute,  then fast forward to the 40th and let it run.

Player Ratings : Bendik 7.5, Bloom 6.5, Caldwell 7, Hagglund 7, Morrow 6.5, Oduro 6, Warner 6, Osorio 6 [Orr N/A] , Jackson 6.5, Moore N/A, Defoe 6.5

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT: Toronto v San Jose... or I Guess This Is a Bye-Month?

Its a sunny day out at the park. Again. This is the last hurrah until July. No rain. No Wondolowski.  should be good.

Onto the match!

14' - Free kick rolled wide to Defoe who puts a low ball on Busch that he can't quite hold onto, Moore scrambled into the box but finally snapped up

23' - Hagglund takes a high ball, pops and volleys it, forcing a diving save from Busch.  Rebound gets rocketed back in for another stop

25' - PENALTY - Hagglund gets hauled down at the top of the box

26' - GOAL - Defoe buries it left side of goal.
ROBINS 1,  CLASH 0

40' - Moore has a go from the left side that's stopped by Busch but not held.  Recovers enough to snap up the ball.

Half Time Mood : pretty happy all things considered

64' - amidst a flurry of Toronto offence,  San Jose got a shot on goal.  Good for them.

64' - SUB - Jackson off, Oduro debuts, which brings us to the winner of the predcition of the match:

When will Dominic Oduro debut today:
@RedWineRoz 57'
@DuncanDFletcher 65' WINNER!
@theyorkies1812 69'
@kzknowles Kristin 63'
Dom 68'

@ignirtoq 71'

66' - that's two brutal calls from the ref.  Both bookable offences.  One could've been a red and one should have been a second yellow

67' - ensuing free kick from Warner loops it high and Hagglund just gets his head to it and skims the post.

69' - SUB - Sam Cronin comes off for "Hate a Random" target J. J. Koval (for more information, please listen to episode 40 of the Vocal Minority podcast)

78' - SUB - Lovitz is on for Bekker

79' - Dan down! Dan down!  Not a minute into his introduction, Lovitz knocks heads with a San Jose player and now he looks like he's somewhere else.

81' - SUB - Lovitz off for Morrow.  Rough day match minute

83' - YELLOW - Hagglund for a foul

84' - for the game that Toronto has been having, please don't shit the bed over the next 10 mins...

88' - something out of nothing, Moore loops a cross that finds Morrow and his strike forces a save from Busch

5 min of extra time

90+3 - YELLOW - Defoe booked for time wasting tossing a ball over the signage

FULL TIME : TORONTO 1, SAN JOSE 0

Man of the Match : Hagglund was everywhere today.  Fantastic.

Goat of the Game : Bekker wasn't bad, but his impact on the game was practically nil.

Ref Rating : 2 out of 5.  Blew tons of bad calls, missed opportunities for a few reds.  It would be hard for anyone to respect him.  The linesmen were solid and even had one of their correct calls overturned by the ref.

Kit Spotting : Sporting Lisbon and mostly due to the fact that he had a kit to change into after the match.  Kind of amusing.

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : I would've started Oduro.


If You PVR'd it : then the first 82 minutes are an absolute delight.  You can skip from there until the 94th minute

Contrary to the match report's indication, Toronto dominated control of this match up until the 80th minute.  Bendik had very little to do, short of reapply sunscreen.  Understanding that some of the upper talent was absent, it was refreshing to see Toronto control most of the match.

Jackson was a bit of a terror today. Bit of trickery on the ball but not the kind where you need to see him get punched... There sometimes feels like that there's a rule that states "you must beat a defender before you can shoot or make a pass unless you're Defoe".  I wish more players were willing to pull the trigger sooner... The San Jose keeper looked like he couldn't catch a cold, never mind the ball for much of the game... Danny Koevermans was on the pitch at halftime.  All pancakes aside, we hope he's doing well in his retirement and wish his knee would've held out a little longer... Fun fact: Gilberto was in the starting lineup before the match, but apparently injured himself in warm ups and was replaced by Bekker.  Hope his injury doesn't keep him out long.  His absence was noted with the lack of aggression from Toronto this afternoon. 

Player Ratings : Bendik 6.5, Hagglund 8, Caldwell 6, Henry 6, Bloom 6.5, Jackson 7.5 [Oduro 6], Warner 6.5, Osorio 7, Bekker 6 [Lovitz 10 [Morrow N/A],  Moore 7, Defoe 7

@ignirtoq likes the idea of a month long break as these things are exhausting. But no rest for the wicked as podcasting is still in full swing with The Vocal Minority. You should totally check it out if you like (a) TFC, (b) 80s references and (c) running gags that would make a new person confused or entertained.

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v. Columbus... or ohmYGAWDWHATTAFINISH!!!!

 

Friends, allow me to regale a tale of terrible timing...

Well here's how it started...

15' - I'm bored.  Like super mega bored.  Nothing worth WATCHING has happened.  Well, it's warm and my drink is empty. Concession time has already come.

For the record, I rarely buy anything at the ground, and I NEVER walk away from a match in progress.  Never.  Then apparently this happened...

16' - SUB - Orr is hamstrung and Lovitz is in #hamstrong

17' - GOAL - I never go to the concessions during play.  That figures.  Didn't see it.
ROBINS 0, CRUE 1

20' - PENALTY - So I come back to my seat and I've missed an injury, a substitution, an away goal, and this stupid thing.  All I see is someone down on the ground whinging about something and then a crowd roar of approval.

Never leave your seat.  Ever.

21' - GOAL - Defoe buries it low left side 

ROBINS 1,  CRUE 1

41' - Bekker free kick curls well into the party beer bro tent

Half-Time mood : pre-comatose. It wasn't terrible, but wasn't good TV, I suspect.

65' - GOAL - Viana, bah
ROBINS 1,  CRUE 2

65' - YELLOW - Bendik for bitchin at the ref

65' - SUB - Jackson off for Gilberto

66' - Gilberto has a go and flies over the bar #TakeAShot

71' - SUB - Osorio comes off for DeRo.  

"When will Osorio get injured (or come off)" was our prediction of the game.  The stats went as follows:

@RedWineRoz picked 47th minute
@theyorkies1812 picked 60th minute
@DuncanDFletcher picked 72nd minute
@kzknowles picked 82nd minute
@ignirtoq picked 89th minute

So close Duncan. Kristin for the win.

73' - Bloom takes one in the face and he's down.   He'll continue but damn...

77' - YELLOW - Gilberto is booked for a Columbus player's elaborate rolling around one man play.

80' - YELLOW - Bekker in the books

81' - GOAL - Finally some open play stuff.  Header through over the top, half volley from Defoe and buries it.  No chance for Clark.  Absolute class.
ROBINS 2, CRUE 2

89' - DeRo out muscled and out sized fights off a defender to draw a free kick

90' - GOAL - HOLY S#IT!  From the free kick, Lovitz free finds the head of Henry who buries it. Absolute mayhem ensues.
ROBINS 3, CRUE 2

4 mins of extra time

It's over!  It's over!  Stone Cold!  Stone Cold!  Awmahgawd!  The Robins pull it off!

Full time : TORONTO 3, COLUMBUS 2

Man of the Match : Defoe for being all class.  No, thank you.

Goat of the Game : all of TFC for the first 15 mins.   Borrrrrrrringgggg

Ref Rating : 3 out of 5.  Blew some calls, made up for some later, felt like he wanted to be a part of the Match so badly.

Kit Spotting : SC Braga home wins, but there's a Colo Colo home as an honorable mention

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : I would give myself a good face-slapping whenever the team starts any half as uninspired as they tend to do.  Perhaps the next acquisition could be someone who could administer a good smack in the face

If You PVR'd it : start watching around the 15th minute, stop after the 22nd minute, then just fast forward until the 75th minute to give yourself a lovely crescendo to the finish.

What a damn finish.  Seriously, I'm still giddy about it 6 hours after the match.  Historically, Toronto is on the end of some of the most spectacular collapses in league history.  But somehow, against all odds, in the face of a very real tradition, they did it.  And if this is Henry's signature manoeuvre, then please, never change.

Player Ratings : Bendik 6, Bloom 6.5, Hagglund 6.5, Henry 6, Morrow 6, Jackson 6.5 [Gilberto 6], Orr N/A [Lovitz 6.5], Bekker 6, Osorio 6.5 [DeRo 6.5], Defoe 8, Moore 7

@ignirtoq wanted to write more, but the shock of such a thrilling finish required that he takes a nap, and nap he did.