The Yorkies' Regular Features

Starting 11       The Word       The Matchup       After 90       The South Stand Report

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Match Report: Kansas City @ TFC

OK, I have a good reason why this is late.

I use my mp3 player as a voice recorder and, though I was certain it was recording, it was shutting down intermittently and I would lose all of my work going forward.

Here's the gist of what you missed.

First half : NOTHING. Horrible, boring, uneventful.

Second half : three subs and the A-Team was on the pitch. The game didn't start until about the 60th minute and then Toronto started pressing forward. 80th minute, shots started firing. KC saw a man sent off for being boring.

Final score 0-0.

Man of the match : Harmse played very well, even in the first half when the whole game was anemic.

Budgie award : Velez played with a lot of heart.


Sunday, June 15, 2008

Match Report - Colorado Rapids @ TFC

If you're reading this match report, odds are, you are abreast of the climate of footie in Canada and Toronto (or I hope so).

This week, we, the soccer community, lost, what I feel, is one of the standard bearers for the sport in Canada. Brian "Budgie" Budd passed away at the age of 56. You could see him any Saturday or Sunday morning on The Score being passionate about soccer. Any soccer. Men's National Team, Women's U-16s, TFC, even Derby County.

To say that he was the "Don Cherry of Soccer" would be both accurate and an understatement. He wore his heart on his sleeve, he was very charismatic and seemed like the most affable man in the booth. We lost him too soon. We need more like him. Passion is infectious.

I read it in the Globe Wednesday afternoon. Speechless. On behalf of mid-113, we would like to declare our most sincerest condolences to his family, friends, The Score and Canadian Soccer.

A little of the fire for this game was lost for me due to this loss. I'm pleased that TFC and MLS gave him a minute of silence before the match.

I honestly couldn't even be bothered to see how Colorado was doing. Screw'em. There's two TFC's. The crap road one, and the world-beating home one. Who cares about the opposition when we're humiliating "better" teams. OK, I'm lazy. That's the truth.

Toronto FC was abysmal on the road. It's amazing that the Reds are the opposite at home. Mind you, hort of Colorado and their elevation from sea level, how many sides in MLS can really claim a definite home-field advantage.

Match predictions came flying in 1-0, 2-0, 2-1, 3-1. I called 3-0. And though I should've had my 7-0 from the LA game, I am freakin' Nostradamus.

1 - COL15 rifles it wide. Good way to start a game.

6 - Robert breaks into the corner, crosses in, and punched away by, the most unfortunate name in goalies, Preston Burpo.

8 - Ball hooked in by Ricketts, headed just wide of the post by Cunningham. Looked very good.

12 - Shevchenko gets called out because some "Chelsea supporter" had it on his back.

14 - Ricketts nearly pulled off the on-pitch version of the Savardian Spinarama on some crap defender... it was really close and fun to watch.

19 - Ricketts get nailed and because he falls, Colorado 'earns' a free kick.

22 - Our backup Edwards makes two outstanding saves in succession and sends the game up the pitch Cunningham gets hauled down 3 yards outside of the box. The ensuing Robert free kick clears the wall but misses just wide right of the net.

26 - Burpo gets a yellow card for handling the ball outside of the box. Isn't that usually a red? He clutched the ball on the ground and momentum carried him outside of the box. Whatever.

28 - Dichio hasn't had a touch yet.

29 - Marvell Wynne with the most brutal hip-check in the history of football as he sent Clark skidding across the boundary line, to the edge of the turf, onto the rubber perimiter, onto the concrete and into the boarding. That poor bugger went flying! What an amazing hit! He was on the ground for a few minutes. Though the Colorado players were still complaining about a legal challenge that hurt him bad, Cunningham tried to chip Burpo on the counter and just put it past the bar. Clark is still hurt. Damn. I'm guessing turf burn. Wynne is a beast. All stop.

34 - Keel is horrible. It looked like he nearly put the ball past his own goalie trying to grab it.

37 - GOAL - ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! That guy is the miracle worker!!! Danny Dichio, with his second touch of the game, is a miscleared volley from the worst center-back in the league, Keel, right onto the path of the big man, full volley opposite corner. Just fantastic.

40 - We're gonna win the league. They're never gonna believe us.

41 - Clark lashed out at Wynne and no call. The ref took pity on him because of how bad he is. Shortly thereafter, Dichio gets his third touch and put it wide of goal. I'm equating him to Matt LeTissier (look it up)

45+1 - Half time. Emotion : Satisfied.

47 - Ricketts floats it in for Cunningham who cuts it back for Dichio if he could run... so Colorado gains possession.

50 - Edwards scoops up another ball. Hard to tell if he's playing really well or if Colorado just aims for him.

52 - Harmse gets booked for a tackle that appeared he got the ball from, but the ref is the one in charge and unfortunately cannot be forced to undergo impromptu sight tests.

54 - Edwards cradles, ever so gently, another failing Colorado attempt.

58 - GOAL - Ricketts breaks down the right side, turns his marker inside out and slots the ball opposite corner.

59 - Rickets attempts to break the ankles of his marker (again) by turning him inside out (again) and puts the ball in the centre for a missed attempt by Cunningham. Outstanding play from Super Ro.

60 - The Yorkies get stuck in with the B' security! An mini air-horn was brought in to the ground by Forever Red and after tooting it in celebration, a row broke out. Let's cut from the game to bring you the interview!

Hamilton Steelers : So what exactly happened? What went down?
Forever Red : I got into the moment, took the horn and started wailing on it, the crowd got into it and then I got caught out.

HS : How did you feel when security tried to oppress you over the horn
FR : I said 'there's no way I'm going down man, no way'!

HS : And how did security react to that?
FR : I said 'yo punk, I'm staying here' and he backed down and said 'OK'
Forever Red, a role model for the youth of today. Back to the match...

66 - Free kick, Robert hooks another piece of poetry around the wall causing Burpo to lunge out and puch the ball at the bar to keep it out.

67 - GOAL - Ricketts AGAIN turned some poor USL defender inside out and put it past the hapless Burpo. Where's Bouna Coundoul when you need him? No really... where. 3-0 to the mighty Reds.

69 - Colorado player goes down clutching his face, which means he wasn't hit there. The rest of the Slows (cuz they sure as hell ain't Rapid) try to get in Dichio's face, which means it isn't a fair fight. Colorado would need the rest of the state to make it fair. Dichio will destroy them all. Keel nearly had his organs donated for getting in Danny's face first.

72 - Toronto is just magic right now.

74 - Edwards with an amazing save. Shortly thereafter, Ricketts gets triple teamed and still gets the ball around them. If I made a Colorado Foxes remark, would anyone know what I was talking about...

75 - Edwards. Save. This was the same guy from the season opener? Wow. I feel good about this right now.

77 - Connor Casey comes flying into the box, shoots the ball across the face, stopped by Edwards.

78 - SUB - Dichio comes off, and our own Flight of the Conchord, Jeereed Smeeth comes in.

80 - GOAL - Gomez for Colorado gets a free kick at the top of the box, and does what Robert had tried to do all game and bend it over the wall and beat the keeper, low and away. Edwards was handcuffed on it. Solid goal. I believe that it is the second goal conceded at home all year. Think about that one.

82 - Robert runs the entire length of the pitch with the ball on a string and passed the ball 8 yds out when he should've just shot it. Coulda been a legend had that gone in.

83 - Ricketts hates Colorado. He's trying to make their defenders implode in frustration and physical impossibility.

85 - Cunningham goes into the book for diving. Couldn't see a replay but it was close from our vantage.

88 - A few season's tickets are being revokes and Toronto's finest are thrilled because they now have something to do as a few beverages are tossed at Burpo.

90+1 - Cunningham shanks his 15th chance of the night by mistaking the amphitheatre a kilometer south of the ground as a net. Harry Wetnap reminds us that we are still undefeated. Eat it Columbus. Eat it all...

90+2 - Keel, the worlds worst centerback, manages to successfully head the ball back at his keeper.

90+3 - Whistle blown. Budgie, we love you man.

I am hereby dubbing the lovely gentlemen infront of us as the nursery because (a) I'm shit with names, (b) they're younger than me and (c) they're wicked requiring a harmless nickname. One of the Nursery guessed the scoreline correctly.

Man of the Match : Ricketts. Easy.

The Budgie Award, for most heart and battle : Wynne. Easy.

Thumbs Up : Flow and aggression. Kinda how I like my rap music. Edwards was great.

Thumbs Down : Tebily was shakey in the first few mins but levelled out nicely, Cunningham could've converted one of his many chances.

Goat : Tonight, the machine functioned beautifully with spare parts. Outstanding work.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Match Report - LA Galaxy @ TFC

It was sunny when I left the hammer. I thought I was prepared for the elements, but here I sit on the bus heading back and i'm soaked through three layers. Mother nature is a bitch. There, i said it.

In the crowd today were the fools who overpaid for a game without golden bollocks himself, David Beckham. And the Galaxy missed him badly. Don't hate on us, blame Fabio Capello (who?). Doesn't matter. Fresh off a heartbreaker of a game against DC blowing two leads and a soft cushion to land on in the form of Montreal Impact in V-Cup action (newsflash : your other trophy name is stupid) winning 1-0.

So the Galaxy runs head first into the red sea known as the B' and are up against the hottest home team in the WORLD! Yes, the world. Aww, to hell with flowery prose to set this up... the report is 4 days late as is... check the info, yo...

Landycakes was on the bench as he musta saw what U-Sector did to poor Reyna and Nike was looking to protect their stars.

Predictions were all pro-TFC 1-0, 2-0, 2-1, and i went for 7-0. It should'Ve been 7 nil...

This match is brought to by the letters F and K and by the number 4...

1 - Ricketts hooks the ball in while Cunningham JUST misses.

8 - free kick by Ricketts, Velez gets two cracks blocked by LA defense.

9 - There's only twoooooooo Toronto goailies...

17 - SUB - Teliby off for Julius James. Teliby must be hurt.

18 - ominous clouds roll in...

22 - Edu gets the ball nicely laid off to Cunningham who is offside (this is literary device known as 'foreshadowing')

27 - Harmse smokes the ball 25 yards out at an unsuspecting carlsburg umbrella. The umbrella was unharmed.

28 - LA is rocking an insane offside trap. Cunningham and Jeereed Smeeth will spring it... Somehow.

31 - "Shank It Like" Gordon shanks it nowhere near net.

35 - Wynne takes a scoring opportunity away from LA as if he was reaching for a salt shakers : effortlessly.

38 - ex-TFC Edson Buddle magically fluffs the ball. Turns out he can't score in this ground no matter what shirt he wears.

39 - Cunningham puts a low shot right into the arms of Cronin

40 - Edu gets booked for a flaky challenge at best.

43 - in the crowds best impression of a fire drill, the stands empty out due to rain. Yes, I said rain. Toronto, Glasgow you're not...

45 - Jeereed Smeeth runs instead of shooting. Opportunity blown.

Halftime emotion : anemic.

46 - Dunnivant corner leads to a rising shot from Jeereed Smeeth that just goes over the bar.

48 - GOAL - Ricketts free kick ends on the head of new boy Julius James and sends it to the low left corner. Welcome to the 'B'. And all those suckers cowering from the rain missed it. Ha ha ha...

51 - Harmse gets booked for being the league bad-ass (no, we don't know why)

53 - Smeeth in another attempt of not shooting rolls the ball across the face of goal without a red shirt to convert.

55 - we've turned the boring 'TFC ole' into a chant for potato chips, as in 'Frito-Lay'

63 - GOAL - Cunningham bags his 98th career goal (not sure) and apparently i didn't have the brains to remember how.

65 - Cunningham has figured out how bad the Galaxy trap is and was one foot to the left off of his second goal in as many minutes.

71 - Ricketts rifles one off the woodwork.

74 - Jeereed Smeeth on a break just misses to the left of the net.

77 - Cunningham is ripped off by getting a judo toss to the ground (which totally would've been ippon) and no booking, no free kick

86 - SUB - Attanygora in for Jeereed Smeeth, though not willing enough to shoot, has had a solid game.

89 - Cunningham was offside. Again. Awful linesman. It should've been 7-0

90+1 - Galaxy have a free kick that's rifled off the wall. They really miss Golden Bollocks and Landycakes.

90+3 - Cunningham tries to chip the keeper but it goes just over the bar.

Man of the match : Cunningham. Easily.

Goat : Smeeth, SHOOOOOT!!!! (if i gotta pick something/someone)

Thumbs Up : we're functional without Dichio (hurt) Guevera and Robinson (international duty). Williams had to do just about nothing.

Thumbs Down : That system Gullit calls a trap.