Filibusted

D.C. UNITED VS. TORONTO FC
RFK STADIUM

Due to technical difficulties/those fat cats down in the capital, THE MATCHUP did not appear prior to this match. The Yorkies apologize for this indiscretion and have written a terse letter to all applicable MP's, MPP's, Senators, House Members, Whigs, Politburos, policy wonks and both right-wing and socialist lobbyists to rectify this misdeed. Regular programming will return tomorrow.

We are The Yorkies and we approve this message.

TOO LATE TO BE "THE MATCHUP"

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The Crack Mayor Derby"

A few facts* and stats** we missed pre-match:
- Washington D.C. and Toronto shared this year's United Nations prize for "Big Dumb City Most Likely to Re-Elect a Crackhead Mayor"
- 372: Number of matches worldwide today between a "United" and a plain old "FC"
- 1: Letter left off a D.C. United supporter’s tifo to make it awesomely read "CREAMING EAGLES"
- 18: Number of years D.C. has been rocking MLS' most righteous kit.


* Maybe; **Possibly

NOT NECESSARILY "AFTER 90"

FINAL SCORE: D.C. UNITED 3 - TORONTO FC 0

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH:
Too fugly. Everyone gets the goat.

THE SOUTH COUCH REPORT : Toronto v D.C.... or stuck on a couch in Burlington

(I'm sure it's) A nice evening out at the park.  The sun is shining (apparently).  And a good crowd is there for some footie (thanks to the stream). This is the first time I have been unable to make a game due to GO Transit cancelling a train.  In all fairness, my friend and I headed back to his place,  watched the shootout with the wives,  and then missed the next train (if it came which I assume it didn't).

Toronto is coming off a draw against Chicago and are up against the somehow the first place DC United.  Seriously when did that happen?

The nice part is, even if the game is crap, we can always play "try to make the 4 month old daughter Olivia laugh".

Onto the match!

13' - it doesn't wook wike DC is vewwy good? No it doesn't.  Wuis Silwa used to pway for Towonto but now he's a baaaaad gwuy.

28' - Orr pokes through to Morrow who threads a ball into the box and just misses a sliding Defoe.

36' - who's that with the ball? Is it Bradley? Is it Bradley? Yes it is!  Uh-yes it is!

44' - My coochie-coochie-coo is just killing it right now.

HALF TIME MOOD : they are first place? Really?

45' -  SUB - Oduro on for Orr

54' - GOAL -  Nick DeLeon undressed Hagglund, loses Warner then pops it past Bendik.  Good goal.  Baby Olivia makes a frowny face. I see why they're in first now.
ROBINS 0, DIVIDED 1

60' - GOAL - Jackson to a deep Defoe, lays it back to Jackson who fires, stopped by Hamid but poached by Moore and giggles all around.
ROBINS 1, DIVIDED 1

60' -  SUB - Osorio on for Bradley

64' - Osorio has the ball.  PEEK-A-BOO!  Now he doesn't!

68' - GOAL -  Cross comes in for a Perry Kitchen  header, down past Bendik. Bad marker.  Bad.
ROBINS 1, DIVIDED 2

60' -  SUB - Lovitz on for Jackson

73' - Baby can roll over onto her tummy, but cannot beat the roll over on to her back.


86' - YELLOW - Hagglund hauls down Johnson from behind on a break and gets lucky with not being sent off

No wait...

88' - RED - Nevermind. Ref corrected it.  Hagglund is off. 

5 mins of extra time

90+1 - Who's got my pinky finger?  Who's got my pinky finger?  Olivia does!

90+5 - Looping ball from Moore at the death has Lovitz flying on the wing to rocket it toward goal only to be stopped by Hamid. Fantastic everything here.

FULL TIME : TORONTO 1, D.C. 2

Man of the Match : Bill Hamid, actually.  He played very well.  Moore was a bit of a terror tho, wasn't he?

Goat of the Game : Hagglund not for the card, but for a bit of a howler in defending the first goal.  I was a close second as my nom-nom on baby's tummy made her cry, so that's on me.

Ref Rating : 5 out of 5. I appreciate any official who will correct their mistakes immediately (even if it's against Toronto) instead of handing out a revenge card AND he let the game roll at the end which made for a great finish.

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : I would've woken the little one from her nap earlier.  She'll be awake later than usual.

Kit Spotting : I was TOLD someone was in a Darlington 1883 kit, but I wasn't there.  Even after I suggested that a photo be sent.

If You PVR'd It : The whole game was rather engaging.  Just let it run from start to finish.  It's no Netherlands v Costa Rica, but quality.

Player Ratings : Bendik 6, Bloom 6.5, Caldwell 6.5, Hagglund 5.5, Morrow 6, Jackson 6 [Lovitz N/A], Bradley 6.5 [Osorio N/A] , Warner 6, Orr 6.5 [Oduro 6], Moore 7, Defoe 6.5

@ignirtoq was disappointed not to be there in person, but shit happens.  And to be fair, the game wasn't crap, but this kid is sooooo cute.  She's got big blue eyes and monkey ears.  It was a struggle to watch the game and her be so happy. 

THE MATCHUP: Taxi for Luis

TORONTO FC VS. D.C. UNITED
BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 7PM ET
TV: TSN 2

We admit it. Sometimes during these stretches of the season where the matches come thick and heavy, time gets the best of us and our hard-hitting, award-winning* journalism suffers. But not to fear fellow Eff Cee supporters, thanks to the internet machine we have sourced some quality scouting reports about D.C. and laced it with our own award-winning** facts and statistics.

Here then (via Wikipedia) is the plot outline of Hollywood blockbuster "D.C. Cab" with important TFC information added for your match preview requirements...

PLOT SUMMARY
Naive but good natured young man Luis Silva arrives in Washington, D.C. with plans to work for Ben Olsen, manager of the run-down District of Columbia (D.C.) Cab Company. Aware of the sorry state of his business and from the competition from the popular Nationals Cab Company and Wizards Cars, Olsen wants to clean it up, as well as build a new home, but doesn't have the financial means to do so. Complicating matters is the motley group of cab drivers that he has working for him. They all see driving as a dead end job while they wait for better lives in the Western Conference, until Luis inspires them to work as a team.

A valuable Open Cup Trophy is found in one of the cabs earning Olsen and his wife a $10,000 reward as owners of the cab. Olsen wants to share the money with the drivers and let them invest in the cab company as partners. However, his greedy wife Kevindra Payne picks up the reward money and tosses Olsen and Luis' belongings out of the house and tells them to "get used to it". The cabbies are not happy about losing their share of the reward, and Luis decides to donate $6,063 of his own allocation money to the cab company and convinces the drivers to stay and make something of the company and themselves. The cabbies completely overhaul the entire business and the revitalized company soon supplants Nationals Cab as the most popular in the city.

Later on, the cabbies work together to rescue Luis and a Washington Diplomat's two children after they're kidnapped. The movie ends with a parade in DC Cab's honor. And then a late goal against Toronto FC to snatch a draw.
　

*No actual certified awards
** "Participant"Awards made by family count, right?

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v DC... or Who needs a dome or a roof?

 

It's the most wonderful time of the year.  The first home game of the season.  Isn't she lovely?  Isn't she grand?

Historically this is the best time of the year for our beloved Robins... it's usually mostly a new side, nothing to have been yelling about yet and mathematically we're still in the hunt for a play-off spot.

Except we're actually undefeated.  With a win.  On the road.  In Seattle. #shortSentencesForDramaticEffect

D.C. is still in rebuild mode. The last time we saw them, Toronto thumped the hell out of their "C" team, as they were resting their main squad for their Open Cup tie, which paid dividends as they won it and qualified for Europe, I mean Champions League, I mean CONCACAF Champions League (which is too long), I mean Concubine League.  Well done to them.

And those of you that don't know, we've had a massive signing spree in the off season, securing the likes of Jackson, Morrow and Konopka! One cannot help but see and feel great things for the mighty Robins in Season Eight!

On to the match!

35' - Bradley springs Rey from the trap on the left side of the box, but fires the ball way over the bar without being under pressure.

42' - Jackson fires in a low cross that finds Defoe, one touch on it and Hamid gets a little on it, but the post gets the rest.  Tragic.  Pretty.

Half-Time Mood : Optimistic.  Plenty of chances.  Really relying on the counter and are quickly adapting to the offside trap.

50' - YELLOW - Jackson got into a shoving match with a D.C. player, who then fell to the ground like he had been shot.

59' - GOAL - massive through ball to Gilberto, gets a shot off but is blocked, rebound magnetically finds its way to Defoe, pops it into the open goal as Hamid was off his line, and the villagers rejoice.

ROBINS 1, DIVIDED 0

63' - SUB - Gilberto makes way for the prodigal son, Dwayne DeRosario

65' - Bradley and Arnaud have an ugly collision where Arnaud stayed down and Bradley was busted open the hard way on the back of his head.  Arnaud would not return and Bradley looked more like a supervillian.

75' - Defoe finds DeRo through to goal and though he had 3 good uninterfered touches, the defender caught up to him and tackled away the shot.

83' - SUB - Orr comes on for Rey

3 minute of extra time

Full Time : TORONTO 1, D.C 0 b Let's just retire undefeated and remember this season as a great one! No? Fine, ruin a good thing, why don'tcha...

Man of the Match : Gonna have to give this one to Bradley.  He was everywhere on the pitch and came back from a collision. 

Goat of the Game : No one was bad enough, but seeing DeRo running so slowly alarmed the hell out of me where I was starting to think he was a liability

Ref Rating : 4 out of 5

Kit Spotting :  it was too damn cold, but as much as we saw an Aberdeen scarf, I think the Ternana Calcio toque

I Am Not The Gaffer But : nothing to say really.  Getting used to the counter-attack style of football and that's where most of my concerns would come from.

It was nice to be at a cold weather game and be actually dressed for it... Henry had a bit of a howler early in the match, but then followed it up with some excellent clutch tackles.  Very impressive... Morrow seems to be shaping up to be a shrewd bit of business too.  He was running the left side of the pitch without any cause for concern... We need to come up with a song for Defoe that doesn't involve repeating his name over and over again.  We did inadvertently come up with a Jackson one entitled "Man in the Middle".  Look for the single to drop soon!... To the idiot who ran onto the field with Defoe on a break.  If he had scored and the ref called it back, I would hope you remain in police custody for your own protection.

Player Ratings : Julio Cesar 6.5, Bloom 6, Henry 6.5, Caldwell 7, Morrow 7, Jackson 6.5, Bradley 7.5, Osorio 6.5, Rey 6.5 [Orr N/A], Defoe 7, Gilberto 7 [DeRo 6]

THE MATCHUP: Fly like an eagle

"CAW!"

 

TORONTO VS. D.C. UNITED

BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 4:30PM ET

TV: TSN

 

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?

- Home opener. 20,000 wildly optimistic hosers in long underwear. Nuff said.

- Was last week at Seattle the real life - or was it just fantasy?

- Dwayne De Rosario LOVES burning his ex-clubs

- Two clubs that were awful in 2013 try to show MLS who made the most off-season improvement

- Tim Leiweke is going all Nuremberg during pre-match, addressing the assembled crowd. No doubt he will update us on his quest for Magic Invisible Turf Paint!

- Luis Silva and (possibly) Nana Attakora return to BMO Field

- After an (ongoing) awful winter - will the pitch be a bog?

- Halftime contest to choose this weekend's Jermain Defoe WAG!

 

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:

"The 1812'er"

 

THE DUEL:

Michael Bradley vs. Luis Silva and/or

Jermain Defoe vs. Eddie Johnson

 

WHO ARE YA?

Part of last season's pre-game "ritual" was a truly disastrous and uninspiring effort to make Bitchy the Hawk into a thing. To a mundane rock soundtrack, our disinterested seagull-bothering Harris Hawk was flown out, then carried out, then just sort of briefly presented; all before maniacally attempting to escape her jailers, inevitably dangling sadly upside down in a flapping frenzy.

Not wanting anything to go wrong PR-wise at this season's big home opener, rumour has it that MLSE has hatched out a different bird opportunity for Saturday. In conjunction with the new Muppets movie and to honour our American capital visitors, the part of Bitchy the Hawk will be played by Jim Henson's "Sam the Eagle".

If "Sam the Eagle" is unavailable then Mick McCarthy will be playing the role.

 

WORTH A 1000 WORDS:



ON THIS DAY IN TFC HISTORY:

March 22, 2012: After being absent from the club without notice for 72 hours, TFC receives a call from Washington D.C. police notifying them that a drunken Miguel Aceval, Nick Soolsma and Luis Silva were found straddling the base of the Washington Monument giggling wildly.



LETTERS FROM CAMP: Stephen King's "Preseason"

"Florida!"

Writing match reports from the first pre-season friendly is not our usual bag but hey, big bloodied eels and all that right? Your very special edition Eff Cee's (still not avec Jermain Defoe) started the pre-season in style against divisional rivals D.C. United.

At least we think so.

For those of you who may not be as nuts as some TFC supporters, watching this match was a foggy impossibility. Here, without Vincent Price's play-by-play is the match re-cap via the internet machine...

FIRST HALF:

 

HALFTIME: D.C. UNITED 0 - TORONTO FC 0 



SECOND HALF:

 

85': GOAL: Toronto - Bright Dike. Possibly. Or a fog monster.

FULL TIME: D.C. UNITED 0 - TORONTO FC 1



THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v. D.C.... or D.C.C. to be accurate

So DC is playing their C squad. So no DeRo? No Silva? Pontius? Kitchen? Well talk about the pressure being off. I'm not even going to put this up with any urgency. I had a series of well (read : passable) graphics and a theme for this match.  But I can save my best for later too.

It turns out that DC are in the US Open Cup on Tuesday. How quaint for us. Here's how the potential freebie 3 pointer played out.

15' - GOAL - DC United C squad has opened the ‎scoring against Toronto's best XI (injuries, suspensions and excuses notwithstanding). Not embarrassing or humbling in the slightest.  Gary or Greg or... someone scores.

ROBINS 0, DIVIDED 'C' 1

25' - GOAL - Darrel Russell gets on the end of a cross, pops it off of his chest, turns and buries it into the far low corner.

ROBINS 1, DIVIDED 'C' 1

33' - Cross finds Convey with some space, gets off a good attempt but it was stopped by the DC keeper Wilton... Wiarton... Wampus.  Whatever.

55' - Wiedeman from 7 yards out and no one but the keeper to beat takes a shot so mishit it appears that it landed behind him.  Terrible.  Never mind the 'modern era' gags, that was embarrassing.

67' - GOAL - nice cross but a nicer full volley strike from Dike, a.k.a. "Carnage" to absolutely bury it past Winston... Waterman... Wilson.  Whatever.

ROBINS 2, DIVIDED 'C' 1

70' - GOAL - Rey goes for a cross attempt, but it is ultimately deflected by the defender Tyler... Steve... Steven Tyler... Whatever.  It goes past the keeper.

ROBINS 3, DIVIDED 'C' 1

80' - SUB - Dike off for Braun.

84' - SUB - Convey off for Lambe.

87' - GOAL - Bearing down from the right side, Rey beats his defender... Dave was it? (does that sound right?  Are these guys anyone?)  and slots it in.  Pure class*.

ROBINS 4, DIVIDED 'C' 1

90+1' - SUB - Wiedeman FINALLY off for Bekker

Full Time : TORONTO 4, DC 1

Man of the Match : Alavaro Rey with the brace. He looked very confident on the ball*. 

Goat of the Game : Wiedeman. We've made jokes of Chad Barrett's shots shaking wide and De Guzman's shots firing well over the bar. Weidman's effort which appeared to end up behind him... I'm still in shock. 

Ref Rating : 4 out of 5. Not too whistle happy and bookings and fouls were reasonable. 

Kit Spotting : Hartford Whalers. If you want a measure how far we've fallen as an active supporters base, a hockey jersey won and it wasn't even close. 

I Am Not the Gaffer But... : At 3-1, why couldn't we have seen a few more minutes of Bekker or Elmer or some of those characters who's only run out involves warm ups on the touchline? Wiedeman should have been subbed immediately. And then raged at*.

It's difficult to want to say much positive about this match*.  ‎All analysis has to have that asterisk next to it because it was a faulty measure.  And conceding to this side, which could be chocked up to luck or lapse, is a telling indication of how much work is needed to refine this situation.  

At least the weather was nice.

Props to the Barra Brava and the Screaming Eagles for making the trek to watch their C team play.  Hope you guys lift the cup for your dedication and perseverance alone (we speak from tradition).

Player Ratings : Bendik 6*, Henry 6*, Morgan 6*, Agbossoumonde 6*, Bloom 6*, Hall 6*, Russell 6.5*, Rey 7.5*, Convey 7* [Lambe N/A] , Wiedeman LOL [Bekker N/A‎],‎ Dike 7* [Braun N/A]

 

* = insert "given that they are playing against the reserve side of the last placed club in the league so bad, they are on pace to set new records ‎in mediocrity." following the asterisk 

@ignirtoq got busy after the match and has continued for much of Sunday and still thinks relegation would be a wonderful wake-up slap in the mouth to players and supporters alike.. Hat tip to @BigWullieStyle for the "LOL" gag. 

THE MATCHUP: "Look over there... waffles!"

It's your basic 5-Waffle Plan

 

TORONTO VS. D.C. UNITED

　

BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 1PM ET

TV: TSN

THE KICKABOUT:

Wow. If MLS could justify erasing a match from their fixture list it is this one. A match-up so bad that TFC coaches Ryan Nelsen and Fran O'Leary got themselves banned from the touchline so they wouldn't have to watch... we assume. (This of course leaves Jim Brennan in charge... as was foreseen in the Book of Revelation.) The battle of the worst club in league history vs. the only other club that had the gall to have a worse record than them this season. A humdinger gang!

Even at full strength, this fixture should be a battle to see who is relegated to the NASL, throw in the fact that D.C has a US Open Cup fixture on Tuesday and the talent level that will be on display is rather mesmerizing. The last place club's reserve team against a club that has offered 7 years’ worth of reserve teams to their fans.

We would offer our usual pre-match malarkey here but we would say the "Players To Watch" are not watchable; "The Odds" are you are attending or watching through habit or obligation; and the "Post-Match Headline" is mostly old-man mumbling. Instead we bring you the highlights of the truly important TFC event of the day - The TFC Presidential Breakfast for (SOME) Season Ticket Holders! Not part of the royal gathering? No worries here are the best parts of tomorrow's shindig... today!

TFC 2013 BREAKFAST HIGHLIGHTS
-Tim Leiweke does not talk a word of "spin" nor "sizzle" during 45-minute speech from a throne of made of melted Stanley Cups and Tom Anselmi's reclaimed gold fillings. Ends rousing manifesto with a sing-a-long of "The Monorail Song".

- Ryan Nelsen spotted sitting alone at end of head table slumped in a chair looking either sleepy, dejected or like a lame duck. (TBD)

- Stefan Frei pulled to one side and told he isn't allowed to appear at the breakfast. Joe Bendik waves at him while happily munching on a pickle.

- Drama in the lobby of RealSports Bar & Grill as former TFC striker Collin Samuel is taken down by MLSE Security tranquilizer guns as he makes a mad dash towards the buffet table.

- Jim Brennan asked to chew up some tater tots and gently spit them into Bitchy the Hawk's awaiting beak.

- Danny Koevermans makes a "miraculous" recovery and is taken off the injured list to take part in the "Aunt Jemima's Million Dollar Dream Pancake Throwdown". Immediately goes back on injured list after the contest.

- GM Tim Bezbatchenko overheard haggling with servers to exchange his plate of scrambled eggs for a boiled egg and a 3rd Round Supplemental Draft Pick in 2015.

- All eyes on the giant video wall as the lights are dimmed for the showing of the 90-minute documentary: "Get Used To It: The Kevin Payne Year(s)"

- Hundreds temporarily blinded as shirt cannons misfire and scalding hot maple syrup is sprayed over front three rows of dining supporters.

- Everyone asked to leave the premises before the hounds are released and to "ignore the fact that only cold brown toast has been offered for 7 years as some serious back bacon is coming in January"



AFTER 90: D.C. United vs. TFC is brought to you by The Yorkies... "Ask for us by name"

What did you expect, a tiny dog?

 

D.C. UNITED VS. TORONTO
RFK STADIUM

 

For those who have been attending TFC matches since 2007, you have probably noticed that the usual intrusive in-stadium product placements and audio-visually grating promotions have been ramped up to a maniacally ear-splitting level this year. Club management theory (thanks for the questionnaire about your corporate partners by the way - time well spent) seems to be "One second of silence is one second of promotional opportunity wasted". It is bordering on sociopathic.

However, The Yorkies' website is nothing if not a money-making juggernaut and we have to admit being a little envious of the green. So, since TFC are on the road we will pick up the Mad Men slack tonight with a little shameless shilling. Refresh the page at will... every click pays!

 

FIRST HALF: Brought to you by COLT .45 MALT LIQUOR "Let's Get this Party Started"

KICK OFF: Presented by the SCOTTISH TOURISM BOARD "Scotland, Someone's Always Kickin' Off": It's a beautiful summer night at the rapidly decaying yet MLS trophy-laden RFK Stadium. Can't help but feel it needs a corporate sponsor name

2' - Jeremy Brockie making his final TFC appearance (for now) before heading back to Wellington Phoenix. His departure paid in part by AIR NEW ZEALAND "One-way Tickets to New Zealand. We said One-Way Jeremy."

5' - Bobby Convey fires a set piece way wide of Bill Hamid's goal. Proceeds from his set piece support the CANADIAN OLYMPIC ARCHERY ASSOCIATION "On Target Every Four Years"

7' - Dwayne De Rosario attempts a spectacular bicycle kick brought to you by MONEY MART "Cashing Cheques 7 Days a Week"

10' - GOAL: D.C. United: De Ro with an absolute screamer from 30 yards out. Promotional consideration for this goal paid for by SCARBOROUGH DIVORCE LAWYERS "You'll Be Better Off Without Them!"

D.C. UNITED 1 - TORONTO 0

15' - Reggie Lambe dispossessed badly in midfield. CANADIAN PORK COMMISSION "So much better than Lambe"

24' - Joe Bendik forced into a big save off Nick DeLeon shot. If Joe Bendik had been wearing his all-green kit then the save would have been brought to you by the good people at BICK'S PICKLES "Dill With It."

28' - Andrew Wiedeman close to making it level but shot misses by a couple of feet. That was tonight's STARBUCKS Extra Shot of The Night "Starbucks and TFC, making you pay so much for so little"

34' - SUB: Darel Russel comes on for Jonathan Osorio who is possibly ill. Brought to you by THE CNE CRONUT BURGER "What Did You Really Expect?"

42' - The 42nd Minute brought to you by TSN "Change the channel, we're probably talking about hockey"

45' - De Ro forcing yet another big save as the half comes to an end. Player walk-off brought to you by 'TIME TO SETTLE' INTERNET DATING "Get Used To It"
 

HALFTIME: Brought to you by WHISKEY
"Mmmmm... Tastes like Forgetting. Whiskey"

D.C. UNITED 1 - TORONTO 0

 
SECOND HALF: Brought to you by GIN "Making Underwear Vanish Since 1705"
45' - Second half back up and running. Don't forget to stay tuned for match highlights brought to you by HILROY DAY PLANNERS "Now Available in new 5 Year Format!"
55' - SUB: Robert Earnshaw in for Andrew Wiedeman. Earnshaw's entrance furnished by DODGE CARAVAN "Driving soccer moms and screaming children to an empty BMO Field for years to come. Dodge."
58' - Former Red Luis Silva down after a hard tackle. This hard tackle reminds you that TORONTO ARGONAUTS ticket flex packs now on sale!
60' - GOAL: Toronto - Bobby Convey gets on the end of a Lambe cross. Goal brought to you by THE CANADIAN ASSOCIATION FOR RELIGIOUS APPRECIATION "Miracles can happen. God - ask for him by name"
D.C. UNITED 1 - TORONTO 1
70' - Doneil Henry's frantic defending brought to you by the TORONTO ZOO "Come see a clumsy Giraffe run around - samesies!"
77' - Toronto FC defensive shell proudly presented by PETSMART "Your Turtle Superstore!"
80' - Robert Earnshaw's 2013 performance sponsored by FLIGHT CENTRE'S 'MARCH BREAK EARLY BIRD SALE' "Because who wants to do anything after March?"
83' - TFC do nothing with free kick opportunity on cusp of D.C. box. This missed opportunity brought to you by DEPENDS UNDERGARMENTS "The freedom to sh*t your pants anytime, anywhere. Depends."
88' - SUB: Alvaro Rey on for Bobby Convey. Substitution brought to you by CARAMILK "Unlock the Secret of TFC's Transfer Window Mystery!"
90'+ - Extra Time brought to you by NYQUIL. "Make your own damn joke... NyQuil"

FULL TIME: Sponsored by WINNERS
"Brand Name Fashions and Irony"
D.C. UNITED 1  - TORONTO 1

THE FRANK'S RED HOT PLAYER RATINGS:
"We Put this Sh*t Out Every Match"
Joe Bendik 6.5 / Richard Eckersley 6.5 / Steven Caldwell 6 / Doneil Henry 6.5 / Ashtone Morgan 6 / Reggie Lambe 6.5 / Jeremy Hall 5.5 / Jonathan Osorio 5 (Darel Russell 5 ) / Bobby Convey 6.5 (Alvaro Rey N/A) / Jeremy Brockie 5 / Andrew Wiedeman 6 (Robert Earnshaw 5 )

THE YORKIES' OLD SPICE TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: "This Guy Didn't Stink"
Doneil Henry

CALGON presents THE BATH: "Calgon... Take Me Away"
What can be said about this match? Except "entirely likely". Kevin Payne's former and current clubs looking equally useless and ending up in a stalemate. Both sides scrappy in defence and disjointed in attack, so all in all, a fair result.

Much talk in both camps about "playing for next year" and "building for 2014" but as it stands now, you can't expect much to be different for either side a year from now without rapid change. Not the finest night for Mr. Payne's resume.


Now as part of our corporate shilling we're going for a smooth COLT .45!!!
　


Damn small print.



THE MATCHUP: Payne-ful to watch

The blurst of times?

D.C. UNITED VS. TORONTO

 

RFK STADIUM - SATURDAY 7PM ET

TV: SPORTSNET 360

 

THE KICKABOUT:

On paper, this fixture looked to be the perfect tonic for the eternally ailing TFC. A visit to that other nation's capital to face D.C. United, a club woefully sliding through the tail-end residuals of life under Kevin Payne. Meanwhile The Reds, now under his apparently steady hand, head... well not upwards... but let's say in a mildly circular motion.

 

The optimism was of course before TFC got news that their best player, Matias Laba, had broken his toe and will miss around six weeks. TFC was slow on delivering this news as they were busy telling us about the "Everything is OK 2014" Family HappyTime BBQ. Who needs playoffs when you have an Interactive Fan Zone and a chance to sell product after all? Little has changed.

 

So, this match - with Kevin Payne's fingerprints all over both sides' undercarriages - ends up as a truly ugly representation of "playing out the stretch". What won't be resolved on the field are growing questions whether the man who left United to join TFC was a wily MLS front office vet snagged by a floundering club crying out for leadership... or, a washed-up executive who had burned his bridges over the Potomac and found the one club desperate enough to hand him a life preserver.

 

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:

"The Payne Identity"

 

PLAYERS TO WATCH:

D.C. UNITED: Dwayne De Rosario, Bill Hamid, Luis Silva

TORONTO: Joe Bendik, Jonathan Osario, Maxi Urruti

 

THE ODDS:

- De Ro scoring against TFC: 3-1

- Luis Silva scoring against TFC: 2-1

- Both teams imploding under immense crudulence: EVENS

 

WHO ARE YA?

After many years of attempting to get a new stadium deal done under the leadership of Kevin Payne, it looks like United have finally got their deal in place. Despite Mr. Payne no longer being a member of the club, his efforts will not be forgotten at the new ground. Plans for a way to honour his years of service are being made with United fans being asked to vote on the most appropriate commemoration between these choices:

 

1) A bronze statue of Payne surrounded by children of the world with the words "Get Used To It" carved in Latin at his feet

2) A commissioned oil painting of Payne scouting players by an open fire while Earl Cochrane is snuggled sleepily at his side

3) Friendlies scheduled bi-weekly for the lifespan of the new ground

 

POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "PAYNE. NO GAIN."

 

And... since it's Friday and this fixture "Scares Me" in a "Major" way, here's a video likely to be far more entertaining than the usual "General Rubbish"...



Escobarred: Reds open Transfer Window by sending Silva to D.C. for da moneyz

Like Scrooge on Christmas, Kevin Payne flung open the Transfer Window this morning and sent a young boy on his way. Rather than send the youngster for the biggest goose however, Payne sent young Luis Silva packing for the other nation's capital and D.C. United.

What, you ask is a 4th Overall pick worth in 2013's fragile global economic landscape? The other striker we need? A replacement attacking midfielder now that we have... um... Wiedeman...? Surely a wide midfielder right? Nope. TEH MONEYZ!!! Yes, "The Cashman" (see above) has added to TFC's hilarious Scrooge McDuck (I know, went over my Scrooge quota) gold coin pile and added more Allocation Money.

According to Payne, The Reds "are bringing in new attacking talent this window and Luis' playing time would likely suffer". That's all fine and good, but let's hope these "talents" aren't all in the retirement fund not-so-bargain bin. Jettisoning a 24-year old who, until recently, has been highly regarded, will not look too forward-thinking if the allocation ends up being used on a mid-30's journeyman like  (ENTER ENGLISH CHAMPIONSHIP PLAYER OF CHOICE) who leaves after six months.

To be fair, Luis Silva has often looked gun-shy and a shadow of the 2012 model this season but this deal will have to be judged on what it leads to rather than how it looks today. More news is likely on the way, until then we will always have this...

AFTER 90: Access granted

It used to watch the Soviets - now TFC blogs

D.C. UNITED VS. TORONTO

RFK STADIUM

FIRST HALF:

KICK OFF - There's always espionage in the air when Toronto FC, the boys from Canada's capital city, head down to the American capital to meet D.C. United. Of course, being a website known for "truth-telling" about TFC we can't help but be concerned over the recent controversy in the U.S. and Canada about wire-taps and surveillance. But no one will stop us from giving our cherished readers the truth - like this tidbit: Dwayne De Rosario wants XX XXXX XXX XX XXXXXX and will XXXX X XXXXXX to make XX XXXXXX any day! Amazing right? We are the people's XXXXXXX now on to this XXXXXX match!

1' - And the teams kick off at Washington's RFK Stadium. Interesting guy Robert F. Kennedy - did you know that XX XXXX with the XXXX XXXX XX XX even though his XXX XXXX XXX told. Irish head XXX. XXXXX only on Thursdays.

7' - All of the action in Toronto's end at the moment.

10' - Gale Agbossoumonde, the big man from Togo, shaking off some rust early. Speaking of Togo, their GDP is highly scrutinized due to XXX XXXX XXXX involvement in XXX XXX XXXXXX mercury XXXXX XXXXX baboon cage fighting.

18' - PENALTY: Gale Agbossoumonde beaten and drags down Nick DeLeon in the box and GOAL: for who else? Dwayne De Rosario

D.C. UNITED 1 - TORONTO 0

25' - Fine weather conditions in Washington D.C. tonight. Almost too good. Almost like they were created by XXXXXX XXXX machine that XXXXX XXXX XXXXXXXX using laser XXXXX XXXXX XXXXXX NASA XXXXX XXXXXXXXX and Buzz Aldrin.

28' - Colombian forward Lionard Pajoy forces Joe Bendik to make a diving stop. Speaking of Colombia, in the mid-80's XXXXX XXXX XXXXXXX moustaches XXXXXX XXXXX on donkeys.

30' - GOAL: Toronto - Robert Earnshaw gets his head on a very long-range Steven Caldwell pass that just beats Bill Hamid

D.C. UNITED 1 - TORONTO 1

32' - YELLOW CARD: Steven Caldwell for dragging down The De Ro.

41' - GOAL: Toronto - Whipped in Luis Silva delivery goes off the head of DCU's Daniel Woolard for the OG.

D.C. UNITED 1 - TORONTO 2

44' - 000001 00000011 0000001001 0000011100000

45' - We didn't write that last line.

HALFTIME: D.C. UNITED 1 - TORONTO 2

SECOND HALF:

47' - Bendik forced into early saves after a shot from Pajoy and second shot from DeLeon. A second shooter? Funny you should ask, back in XXXXX XXXX who went to XXXXXX XXXX trajectory XXXX XXXXXXXX knoll. XXXX with a Nerf football.

50' - Matias Laba does yeoman's work in the midfield and takes many a lump.

58' - De Rosario misses a chance that he likely would have scored on a couple of years ago. Time may be catching up to the Scarborough native. If only he could get his hands on the revolutionary new anti-aging serum XXXXX XXX XX tested on camels XXX XXXXXXX XXXXX such as Bea Arthur and XXXXX XXXXXXX massive diarrhea.

64' - XXXXXX XXXX Special Agent Reginald Lambe

70' - Steven Caldwell arguably having his best game since joining TFC. The big Scotsman going box-to-box. Much like Scotland's Loch XXXX Monster - which is real.

76' - SUB: Reggie Lambe in for Bobby Convey

79' - SUB: Jeremy Brockie in for Robert Earnshaw

80' - New Zealand have a secret arsenal of intercontinental ballistic XXXXXXX that are capable of XXXXX XXXXX and sheep.

86' - SUB: Darel Russel in for Luis Silva

87' - YELLOW CARD: Darel Russel for being "The Roy G."

88' - Cyberdyne Systems are due to test Skynet at XXXXX XXXX XXXXXX hide your XXXXX XXXX and XXXXXX Jimmy Brennan's man bag.

90'+ - Referee somehow finds 5 Extra Time minutes. He must be using that clock that makes time XXXX XXXX still and was used to reverse the XXXXXXXX gravity when XXXXX the Viet Cong XXXX XXXXXXX and David Bowie.

90'+ - TRANSMISSION TERMINATED

FULL TIME: D.C. UNITED 1 - TORONTO 2

PLAYER RATINGS: Joe Bendik 6.5 / Ryan Richter 6 / Gale Agbossoumonde 5.5 / Steven Caldwell 7 / Darren O'Dea 6/ Jonathan Osorio 6.5 / Matias Laba 7 / Jeremy Hall 5.5 / Bobby Convey 5 (Reggie Lambe N/A) / Luis Silva 6 (Darel Russel 6) / Robert Earnshaw 6.5 (Jeremy Brockie 6 )

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH:
Matias Laba

THE BATH:

After giving up the early penalty, you could feel the air escaping the TFC spirit. However, something funny happened on the way to the loss and The Reds managed to dust themselves off, show some backbone and some discipline. From this, the club managed to ride a little skill and a little luck to force their way back into the match, stealing a much needed (and rare) away victory.

 

Yes, this long awaited victory came off of the backs of one of the only teams worse than The Reds in MLS but there is no need to take credit away from TFC. An away victory is tough wherever you are and, while still far from a skilled squad, Toronto were what Ryan Nelsen has said he wanted them to be - "hard to beat".

 

Wondering why this section didn't get the secret society censorship? They probably think we are being sarcastic.

 

Bigfoot is XXXX!!!!

 

THE MATCHUP: White House Downer

"President Mitchell? What an honour!"

D.C. UNITED VS. TORONTO
　
RFK STADIUM - SATURDAY 7PM ET
TV: TSN2
　
THE KICKABOUT:
Well this one puts the cellar in dweller. If you could field two clubs deeper in the muck they would have to be C.H.U.D.S. as 10th place United host your 9th place Eff Cees. Why Washington D.C. hasn't seen this much bottom of the table action since the days of randy interns. Monica Lewinsky! Topical!
　
We're here 'til 9:30PM on Saturday - try the chicken.
　
When you think about it, D.C. and T.O. are practically twin cities - we have both had De Ro's, Kevin Payneseses, CrackMayors (TM) and both are the capital city of a great nation. Samesies! Also shared - crappy 2013 MLS seasons. But something has to break on Saturday right? A dinged up (again) TFC who still suffer from road-win allergies against a United club that gives away goals like visiting clubs are lobbyists. Politics! Topical!
　
0-0 then?
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"We Share Your Payne Derby"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
D.C. UNITED: Nick DeLeon, Dwayne De Rosario, Bill Hamid,
TORONTO: Robert Earnshaw, Matias Laba, Luis Silva
　
THE ODDS:
- TFC kits being taken away for DNA testing on stains: 5-1
- Kevin Payne proclaiming "I have not had contractual relations with that player: 10-1
- Terry Dunfield playing sax on the Arsenio Hall Show: 20-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
Often when North American sports teams visit Washington D.C. they get an audience with the President of the United States. Of course you usually need a trophy to garner an invitation... so Toronto FC? Not so much. Instead, TFC are being granted the honour of an audience with Kevin Kline's stunt double from the 1993 hit film "Dave" where Kline played a "double" of the President. Team captain Darren O'Dea will present the man who played the President double's stunt double with a team shirt to be later sent to Kevin Kline by Kevin Kline's stunt double. A true honour.
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "TERRIBLE MATCH LEADS TO DISSOLUTION OF NAFTA AGREEMENT"

AFTER 90: "Let us give thanks"... that we only have to go once more this year

A very MLSE Thanksgiving - watch turkeys and get stuffed



TORONTO VS. D.C. UNITED

　

FIRST HALF:

1' - The Reds are welcomed to the pitch by a sea of plastic seats... Six years good work by what MLS used to call "model ownership"

2' - So Ashtone Morgan has a "chest cold" today. One of those chest colds that sees you end up playing for another MLS club in 2013?

8' - Completely against the run of play, Luis Silva goes close but can't connect on a Reggie Lambe cross

12' - Ryan Johnson with his shooting boots on today. TFC will likely win this just to take the wind out of any statements/demonstrations/protests in the stands

18'- Paul Mariner was calling for "Blood, snot and fire" from his players before the match. A bit of smoke, no lacerations and thankfully no giant boogers so far.

24' - Chris Pontius skies a free kick over Milos Kocic who is dressed as 1980's WWF tag-team The Hart Foundation today

33' - SUB: Andrew Wiedeman on for an injured Quincy Amarikwa

37' - Logan Emory suffers a head-on-head collision. Needs to bring back the Screech afro to protect himself in the future

40' - Wiedeman in a mini-slapfight with D.C. bench. Not the best pugilist in the modern era.

44' - Richard Eckersley last man back and saves a goal. Good half from the Ginger Ninja.

45'+ - Sloppy half comes to a close with both teams having messy chances to grab a lead.

HALFTIME: TORONTO 0 - D.C. UNITED 0

SECOND HALF:

45' - BMO Field has officially become one of those half-empty MLS stadiums that BMO Field used to so gleefully make fun of.

52' - A chess match so far. If chess was played by two chimpanzees throwing pieces at each other for no reason.

60' - Clue: Short on trousers - short on tactics

62' - Jeremy Hall, Wiedeman (!) and Maund play a bit of tiki-taka but Ryan Johnson can't find a finish. About the best 10 seconds of the day for TFC

65' - Jeremy Hall has a 1-on-1 chance with United keeper Bill Hamid and manages to kick the ball on a perfect 90 degree angle. Shocking if that was in house league.

66' - YELLOW CARD: Ryan Johnson

72' - Lots of goalmouth scrambles for TFC - however ball falls to the likes of... well... any of them.

75' - Generation Adidas? Andrew Wiedeman is barely Generation Skechers

82' - Match has settled back into a mess. Just awaiting the late conceded goal.

88' - GOAL: D.C. United - And boom goes the obvious as Hamdi Salihi cashes in on a comedy of TFC defensive and goalkeeping errors.

TORONTO 0 - D.C. UNITED 1

90'+ - TFC try to go all "blood, snot and fire" in extra time but simply don't have the talent to make anything happen. Maybe not the most fair result - but the most fitting.

FULL TIME: TORONTO 0 - D.C. UNITED 1

PLAYER RATINGS: Milos Kocic 5 / Jeremy Hall 4 / Richard Eckersley 6.5 / Darren O'Dea 6 / Logan Emory 5 / Reggie Lambe 5.5 / Aaron Maund 5 / Terry Dunfield 6 / Luis Silva 5 / Ryan Johnson 6 / Quincy Amarikwa 4 (Andrew Wiedeman 4.5)

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Richard Eckersley

THE BATH:

How else could it end? It simply wouldn't be a match at the "once proud" BMO Field without conceding at the end would it? Overall, just a bad day of football in Toronto on every side. Ugly play (by both teams), desperate pleas for better from the long-suffering support in the stands and many, many empty seats everywhere else. That being said - big respect to anyone who took the time to send their message to MLSE in the stands today, however you chose to do it. The fact that they will ignore you is not your shortcoming - it is only theirs.

Will MLSE be wringing their hands tonight at yet another pathetic display of football and deep unhappiness in the stands? Nope. They are sitting somewhere trying to figure out how to spin NOT lowering your ticket price next season for their big November release. You know - once you've run out of any will to protest any further.

THE MATCHUP: United we stand, divided something, something...

"Best egg layer of the modern era. Promise."



TORONTO VS. D.C. UNITED
　
BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 1PM ET
TV: TSN ----RADIO: THE FAN 590
　
THE KICKABOUT:
Genuine kudos to anyone willing to protest and/or demonstrate at BMO Field on Saturday. Hell, kudos to anyone who will be bothered to show up. MLSE does not deserve any of you. There is never anything wrong in telling a soulless, greedy and dim-witted ownership that sees you as a number that "you've had enough" - this site probably wouldn't be here otherwise. The only question that will remain is: "what are you willing to do when they don't listen to you?" And make no mistake fellow supporters... they will not listen.
　
Early reports are emerging that the pie-in-the-sky dream that MLSE would significantly lower TFC ticket prices are already dashed. Of course, in their devious manner, the ownership will wait until the dead quiet of November to sneak in your 2013 renewal plan, likely with an insulting "bonus" (money off concessions and merchandise etc.) as an incentive. It will not be enough. It has put our hearts in our throats recently to hear so many "Day One" season ticket holders tell us point blank that they are not returning. They see the writing on the wall. They see ZERO actual plans in place to turn this club's fortunes around. Most of all, they, like us, have seen less than zero that the ownership/ management take them or the death throes of this once "slightly proud" club seriously.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The Final Throes of the Golden Goose"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Ryan Johnson, Darren O'Dea, Luis Silva
D.C. UNITED: Branko Boskovic, Andy Najar, Chris Pontius
　
THE ODDS:
Upon seeing fan protests, MLSE executives will feel...
- Panicked: 10,000 - 1
- Amused: 1,000 - 1
- Wealthy and in the mood for more sushi: EVENS
　
WHO ARE YA?
Paul Mariner won't like it but really, this is "Who We Are" now after six long years of re-runs...

POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "PRIDE TO BE RESTORED TO TFC IN NEXT 5 YEARS. PROMISE."

AFTER 90: United in failure

Leaving the foggy past well behind him

THE BUZZ?

Can this league drought possibly continue?

Will De Ro fail to score against us twice?

Will there be a parade if TFC gets a draw?

Does Winter dare rest starters before Wednesday's ACC Final?

Is ghost Robert F. Kennedy ashamed of his shoddy stadium?

Are we really a less desirable club than Chivas USA?

Does Jim Brennan try Winter's chair when he leaves the room?

FIRST HALF:

1' - GOAL: D.C. United - Dwayne De Rosario

D.C. UNITED 1 - TORONTO 0

12' - YELLOW CARD - Ryan Johnson

43' - GOAL: D.C. United - Dwayne De Rosario

D.C. UNITED 2 - TORONTO 0

FIRST HALF HIGHLIGHT: The pre-match warm-ups

FIRST HALF LOWLIGHT: Barely sitting down before being down

HALFTIME: D.C. UNITED 2 - TORONTO 0

SECOND HALF:

45' - SUB: Danny Koevermans on for Terry Dunfield

68' - SUB: Nick Soolsma on for Joao Plata

71' - GOAL: Toronto - Danny Koevermans

D.C. UNITED 2 - TORONTO 1

73' - GOAL: D.C. United - Hamdi Salihi

D.C. UNITED 3 - TORONTO 1

SECOND HALF HIGHLIGHT: Danny Koevermans taking time out from a mid-match meal to score

SECOND HALF LOWLIGHT: Reading the sad online reactions of the one set of fans in MLS who have been used and abused like no others

FULL TIME: D.C. UNITED 3 - TORONTO 1

PLAYER RATINGS: Milos Kocic 6 / Jeremy Hall 5.5 / Adrian Cann 5 / Doneil Henry 6 / Ashtone Morgan 6 / Terry Dunfield 5 (Danny Koevermans 6.5) / Julian de Guzman 6 / Eric Avila 5.5 / Reggie Lambe 6 / Ryan Johnson 6.5 / Joao Plata 5 (Nick Soolsma 6)

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Ryan Johnson

THE MOOD:

It's been emotional. While watching Dwayne De Rosario put the sword to TFC tonight was always going to polarize his former supporters, it was fitting that a man from the club's past helped dispatch an organization that still has the same issues that have plagued it annually. Let's be real - there is no use calling for Aron Winter's firing (even though it is likely) because the rot that permeates TFC's hallways comes straight from the top and oozes down to the most junior employee. There is no fix, because an abyss has been formed where the real culprits of this club's demise are untouchables who are mentally incapable of not meddling in team affairs and turning the front office into a political melodrama.

To some, the easy answer tonight is "Fire the coach!". While it is hard to argue the logic, as the team is drifting aimlessly, it will be a bandage on a broken leg that comes with a very likely unpleasant after effect - the coup-like ascendancy of Jim Brennan into the manager's role. There will be many an ML$E PR man rubbing his hands at the thought of "Team Legend" (cough) and new Manager Brennan having the chance at a Voyageurs Cup victory photo-op but that will be a folly too far for this shambolic club. At this point though, with Tom Anselmi and his cabal's iron grip over this club's fate not slipping an inch - does any of it make a difference? And even worse, how many more one-time fans care less tonight?

THE MATCHUP: 9 Lives?

Oh Suarez Soolsma, you are so timely.

D.C. UNITED VS. TORONTO

　
RFK STADIUM - SATURDAY 7:30PM ET
TV: TSN2 ------RADIO: THE FAN 590
　
THE KICKABOUT:
It's deja vu all over again! It was only a couple of weeks ago that TFC was coming off a heartening draw in the Canadian Championship only to be dropped back down to Earth by D.C. United. Fast forward to this weekend and here we go again. With Aron Winter able to talk of "progress" after the draw in Vancouver, expectant eyes will be on The Reds to prove that they aren't just "a cup team". After the coup-style installation of Jim Brennan into the assistant's role, there is a feeling that Winter's job is only safe on a game-to-game basis and a prospective 0-9 MLS record may leave the Dutchman hanging on by a soul patch whisker.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The 1812'er"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
D.C. UNITED: Dwayne De Rosario, Chris Pontius, Hamdi Salihi
TORONTO: Ryan Johnson, Doneil Henry, Danny Koevermans
　
THE ODDS:
- "A pity": 2-1
- "Unlucky bounces": 3-1
- "Progress": 5-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
After this week's visit to the White House by MLS Cup Champions LA Galaxy, Toronto FC had made a request to visit the football fan President Obama while in town. Sadly it was due to an ex-TFC player, Chad Barrett, that the request was denied. During Galaxy's visit, Barrett attempted to shake Obama's hand but his aim veered wildly up an over the President's approach. Barrett's shake attempt instead hit Vice-President Joe Biden squarely in the jaw sending the Secret Service into action, wrestling the striker to the ground. Barrett has not been seen since that day while Major League Soccer has been placed on the no-fly list.
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "UNITED WE STAND - DIVIDED WE INSTALL BRENNAN AS INTERIM MANAGER"
　
And now a word from Nick Soolsma's cat, live in Washington D.C.

　　

"I'm Suarez Soolsma and I endorse this message"

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v D.C... or Is Eight really Enough?

Just open this link in a new tab and let it run in the background.

Here we are on the cusp of greatness.  Generations will ask, where were you when JFK was shot?  Where were you when the twin towers fell?  Where were you when TFC set the benchmark for mediocrity?  And my answers are (a) wasn't born yet, (b) waking up about to head to work, (c) in the same seat I always experience my mediocrity, halfway up 113.

Dwayne De Rosario currently leads the league in assists with 7.  Maicon Santos is 4th in goals with 6.  Both of these players used to play for Toronto FC and now they do not.  Part of me wants to reflect on what Toronto has let walk away for various reasons, however, that list is very long and the more I read into it, the more disappointment washes over me.

Predictions flew in of 3-0, 2-1, 4-2, 4-0 (with a DeRo hat trick) and a rediculous yet seemingly plausible 13-0 for DC United.  A few stepped up 3-2 and 2-0 for TFC.  My 'friend' had the prediction of "how much is a field goal again?"

Quotes of the Match

Frings aren't what they used to be.

~ President of the Luton Town Supporters Club of North America

18' - A cross in front of the goal wakes the south end, albeit briefly.

22' - Aron Winter, walking the touch line, starts yelling at his side for the sake of his job.

33' - Bitchy, the hawk, gets a nod.

35' - Toronto gets a legit attempt on net as Morgan has a break, lays it back for Johnson who forces a leaping save from Hamid.  The DC counter gives Santos a 20 yarder that Kocic gobbles up.

Quotes of the Match

The announcer needs to come on 'Toronto shot on net by number 19, Reggie Lambe!'

~ Julie

How long after the warm-up does the game start?

~ Mikey

Half-Time mood : Nice day for a barbecue, no?

45' - SUB - Silva makes way for Plata, or Silva-Plata.

54' - Somehow DC united were denied a goal or a penalty after the ball was cleared off the line by Lambe's hand.

55' - GOAL - Party Boy Chris Pontius has a go from 20 yards out and launches one in to the top corner.  Retribution for the hand ball earlier?  More than likely.

Robins 0, DeRo & Friends 1

Quotes of the Match

Does that shot come in mens?

~ Gooner a few rows behind on Plata attempt that didn't quite make it

65' - Frings appears to be favouring his shoulder, the medical staff come to take a look at it.

67' - Frings tosses his captain's armband to the ground and walks towards the dressing room. (more dramatic than it sounds, he's probably hurt)

68' - SUB - Frings off for Jeremy Hall

75' - GOAL - Hamdi Salihi volleys a perfectly arced header past Kocic.

Robins 0, DeRo & Friends 2

77' - Winter may be calling his real estate agent...

77' - Anselmi should be tidying up his resume...

77' - Steve Nicol somewhere is asking his wife where his good suit is...

89' - YELLOW - Morgan for something.

Full-Time : Toronto 0, D.C. 2

Man of the Match : Umm... I don't know... that van Persie brace earlier in the day was nice, wasn't it?

Goat of the Game : All of them, save Kocic.  And Kocic gets a pass because those two goals would've been difficult to stop by anyone.

Ref Rating : 3 out of 5.  Didn't like him.  Didn't hate him.

I wish I could identify the biggest problem here: a lack of passion, lack of skill, lack of tactical intelligence from the players, lack of offensive imagination, lack of intellectual assessment from Winter.  Throughout the game, it felt that the biggest problem changed, like a game of hot potato and when the music stopped, DC had an opportunity.  Usually the lads and lassies and I have little round tables during the match but even our moods had changed.  So we made jokes all game.  And it wasn't the usual cast of characters, it was just about everyone around us.  This was bad.  Perhaps the glossing over of history (all 5 seasons of it) has made today feel like rock bottom.  

And to hell with the record.  Seriously, if people in Toronto, true, part-time and trendy supporters alike, were truly concerned with the win-loss column, the audience would've dwindled to a point where Columbus could laugh at us.  If TFC goes 0-0-34 on the season, my renewal is a given as long as the team is trying.  I held my notepad all game and the majority of what was written were gags.  This is what the South Stand (or our little fifedom in mid 113) witnessed - nothing important.

Here we are in year 6.  This club has had over 110 players in 5.3 seasons.  This club has had 7 coaches, 3 general managers.  With all of these changes, the results have stayed roughly the same.  Perhaps all of the changes isn't where the problems lie.  Perhaps the changes have been the wrong ones (well, except Mo).  Toronto has let talent walk out the door for nearly nothing in return

The TFC executives need to be replaced.  All the other tweaks have been ineffectual.  Season's 1-3, They had the perfect scenario - fans happy and willing to pay for a mediocre product.  Too many 15% increases in seasons tickets and consistent failure has sacrificed the health of the long term for the short term.  A crowd announced of 18000 was total bollocks as it was closer to 16000.  Still a good crowd for MLS, but a poor crowd for TFC.

Right now, the marketing gurus are being looked to for their upcoming greatest escape ever : selling a season's ticket while increasing the price for a side that set the benchmark of mediocrity.  I believe there will some kind of an increase.  We were "blessed" with the lack of an increase last year, so that has to change.  When the focus is the money and not the result, you get the Toronto Maple Leafs.  Perhaps a new leader will focus on the winning first for once.

Kocic 6, Eckersley 6.5, Henry, 6, Aceval 6, Morgan 6, Frings 6 [Hall N/A], de Goo 5.5, Silva 6 [Plata 6], Lambe 6, Johnson 6.5, Avila 6

Do you think they try to bundle TFC tickets now with Marlies tickets?