AFTER 90: Access granted

It used to watch the Soviets - now TFC blogs

D.C. UNITED VS. TORONTO

RFK STADIUM

FIRST HALF:

KICK OFF - There's always espionage in the air when Toronto FC, the boys from Canada's capital city, head down to the American capital to meet D.C. United. Of course, being a website known for "truth-telling" about TFC we can't help but be concerned over the recent controversy in the U.S. and Canada about wire-taps and surveillance. But no one will stop us from giving our cherished readers the truth - like this tidbit: Dwayne De Rosario wants XX XXXX XXX XX XXXXXX and will XXXX X XXXXXX to make XX XXXXXX any day! Amazing right? We are the people's XXXXXXX now on to this XXXXXX match!

1' - And the teams kick off at Washington's RFK Stadium. Interesting guy Robert F. Kennedy - did you know that XX XXXX with the XXXX XXXX XX XX even though his XXX XXXX XXX told. Irish head XXX. XXXXX only on Thursdays.

7' - All of the action in Toronto's end at the moment.

10' - Gale Agbossoumonde, the big man from Togo, shaking off some rust early. Speaking of Togo, their GDP is highly scrutinized due to XXX XXXX XXXX involvement in XXX XXX XXXXXX mercury XXXXX XXXXX baboon cage fighting.

18' - PENALTY: Gale Agbossoumonde beaten and drags down Nick DeLeon in the box and GOAL: for who else? Dwayne De Rosario

D.C. UNITED 1 - TORONTO 0

25' - Fine weather conditions in Washington D.C. tonight. Almost too good. Almost like they were created by XXXXXX XXXX machine that XXXXX XXXX XXXXXXXX using laser XXXXX XXXXX XXXXXX NASA XXXXX XXXXXXXXX and Buzz Aldrin.

28' - Colombian forward Lionard Pajoy forces Joe Bendik to make a diving stop. Speaking of Colombia, in the mid-80's XXXXX XXXX XXXXXXX moustaches XXXXXX XXXXX on donkeys.

30' - GOAL: Toronto - Robert Earnshaw gets his head on a very long-range Steven Caldwell pass that just beats Bill Hamid

D.C. UNITED 1 - TORONTO 1

32' - YELLOW CARD: Steven Caldwell for dragging down The De Ro.

41' - GOAL: Toronto - Whipped in Luis Silva delivery goes off the head of DCU's Daniel Woolard for the OG.

D.C. UNITED 1 - TORONTO 2

44' - 000001 00000011 0000001001 0000011100000

45' - We didn't write that last line.

HALFTIME: D.C. UNITED 1 - TORONTO 2

SECOND HALF:

47' - Bendik forced into early saves after a shot from Pajoy and second shot from DeLeon. A second shooter? Funny you should ask, back in XXXXX XXXX who went to XXXXXX XXXX trajectory XXXX XXXXXXXX knoll. XXXX with a Nerf football.

50' - Matias Laba does yeoman's work in the midfield and takes many a lump.

58' - De Rosario misses a chance that he likely would have scored on a couple of years ago. Time may be catching up to the Scarborough native. If only he could get his hands on the revolutionary new anti-aging serum XXXXX XXX XX tested on camels XXX XXXXXXX XXXXX such as Bea Arthur and XXXXX XXXXXXX massive diarrhea.

64' - XXXXXX XXXX Special Agent Reginald Lambe

70' - Steven Caldwell arguably having his best game since joining TFC. The big Scotsman going box-to-box. Much like Scotland's Loch XXXX Monster - which is real.

76' - SUB: Reggie Lambe in for Bobby Convey

79' - SUB: Jeremy Brockie in for Robert Earnshaw

80' - New Zealand have a secret arsenal of intercontinental ballistic XXXXXXX that are capable of XXXXX XXXXX and sheep.

86' - SUB: Darel Russel in for Luis Silva

87' - YELLOW CARD: Darel Russel for being "The Roy G."

88' - Cyberdyne Systems are due to test Skynet at XXXXX XXXX XXXXXX hide your XXXXX XXXX and XXXXXX Jimmy Brennan's man bag.

90'+ - Referee somehow finds 5 Extra Time minutes. He must be using that clock that makes time XXXX XXXX still and was used to reverse the XXXXXXXX gravity when XXXXX the Viet Cong XXXX XXXXXXX and David Bowie.

90'+ - TRANSMISSION TERMINATED

FULL TIME: D.C. UNITED 1 - TORONTO 2

PLAYER RATINGS: Joe Bendik 6.5 / Ryan Richter 6 / Gale Agbossoumonde 5.5 / Steven Caldwell 7 / Darren O'Dea 6/ Jonathan Osorio 6.5 / Matias Laba 7 / Jeremy Hall 5.5 / Bobby Convey 5 (Reggie Lambe N/A) / Luis Silva 6 (Darel Russel 6) / Robert Earnshaw 6.5 (Jeremy Brockie 6 )

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH:
Matias Laba

THE BATH:

After giving up the early penalty, you could feel the air escaping the TFC spirit. However, something funny happened on the way to the loss and The Reds managed to dust themselves off, show some backbone and some discipline. From this, the club managed to ride a little skill and a little luck to force their way back into the match, stealing a much needed (and rare) away victory.

 

Yes, this long awaited victory came off of the backs of one of the only teams worse than The Reds in MLS but there is no need to take credit away from TFC. An away victory is tough wherever you are and, while still far from a skilled squad, Toronto were what Ryan Nelsen has said he wanted them to be - "hard to beat".

 

Wondering why this section didn't get the secret society censorship? They probably think we are being sarcastic.

 

Bigfoot is XXXX!!!!