THE STARTING 11: Ways TFC can make the Spurs friendly more entertaining

Definitely not this fun



We have banged on for years here about our dislike for mid-season friendlies. We still think they are money-grabbing, energy-wasting injury magnets but we have always understood your attendance if your childhood club was the opponent. (So mail your letters calling me a hypocrite to "P.O. Box: I Don't Give A Toss"). As many of you know I'm a born Spurs supporter but I totally get that this match will end up bordering on naptime for those not Lilywhite and/or a fan of TFC's B-Squad. Not to fear though, TFC has plenty of entertainment lined up to keep you nice and friendly...

11. The Aaron Lennon Eyebrow Shaving Booth

10. An emotional halftime presentation where corporate sister club Tottenham Hotspur agree to help move the Toronto Argonauts... to the Emirates Stadium

9. Roberto Soldado vs. Gilberto "First-to-Five-Goal Challenge"! (Time Limit: 7 hours)

8. Tim Leiweke and Daniel Levy chase a hundred dollar bill on a string around the pitch

7. Kids get to hunt for prizes in Benoit Assou-Ekotto's hair

6. Sandro vs. Jackson face-off for the title of "World's Angriest Brazilian"

5. The pre-match parade of the two clubs' combined 58 managers from the last 20 years

4. The two teams to sit in a sharing circle and talk smack about Thierry Henry

3. Chas 'n' Drake

2. Bitchy vs. a Fighting Cockerel

1. Winner keeps Defoe

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Put some Philly on it

Dr. Phil?

Pre-season isn't just for players you know. Us hard-hitting investigative journalists/punmonkeys need to get ready for this season as well. So, while our Eff Cee's took on the Union down in Orlando, we decided to multitask and host a Q&A with some of Philadelphia's leading personalities about the upcoming season...

THE YORKIES: There was a brief war of words between the front offices of TFC and Philadelphia Union, do you see this stoking a greater rivalry between the two clubs?

ROCKY BALBOA - EX-HEAVYWEIGHT BOXER: "I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!"

THE YORKIES: Union have been in a building mode for the last few seasons, has the reason for the lack of silverware been a tactical issue or is there something else holding the club back?

THE FRESH PRINCE - MUSICIAN/TRAVELLER: "Parents just don't understand."

THE YORKIES: TFC have made some major signings this year. Who do you see having the most significant impact in 2014?

HEATHCLIFF HUXTABLE - LOCAL STORYTELLER/DOCTOR: "You seeeeee, let me tell you about the soccerrr and the balls in whatchamacallit! The pudding pops! Mmmmmmm!" (Rolled his eyes for 30-40 seconds) "Theoooooo!"

THE YORKIES: Are American fans upset at Michael Bradley signing with Toronto over an American destination?

A CHEESESTEAK - LOCAL SANDWICH/HERO: "Squoooooge, slrrrrrrplop"

THE YORKIES: Do you feel that the 4-4-2 as often played by both TFC and Union is an outdated tactic in the modern football environment?

THE PHILLIE PHANATIC - SPORTS PERSONALITY/GREEN: "HOOOOONK!!!"

THE YORKIES: Care to elaborate?

THE PHILLIE PHANATIC: "Honk. Honk honk. HOOOOONK!"

THE YORKIES: How close do you think Philadelphia and Toronto will be in the Eastern Conference playoff picture?

IVAN DRAGO - INTERNATIONAL SPORTSMAN: "To the end."

THE YORKIES: Interesting. Which club has a better chance?

IVAN DRAGO: "You will lose."

THE YORKIES: Thank you for your time today.

IVAN DRAGO: "I must break you."

THE YORKIES: Oh. I see. We'll be off then.

THE YORKIES: Is there a player we should be looking at to have a breakthrough season with Union in 2014?

MUSHMOUTH - FORMER 'COSBY KIDS' GANG MEMBER/COMMUNITY ACTIVIST: "Hubbudah bubba, hubba wubba. Dubbubbudah.. Also watch out for hubbubbudah."

THE YORKIES: What impact do you think the World Cup break will have on the performance levels and chemistry of MLS clubs this summer?

PHILADELPHIA CREAM CHEESE - SPREAD: "Fllllllrrrrppppthh."

We thank our colleagues in the Philadelphia sporting scene for these illuminating insights.

FINAL: PHILADELPHIA 0 - TORONTO 0



LETTERS FROM CAMP: Crew vs. Latvia

It's a funny thing living in Canada and not really being all that much of an iced hockey fan. Attitudes toward my kind range from social pariah, to traitor to the nation and on to suspiciously extraterrestrial. But it's true and it’s what sees me as one of seven Canadian citizens ignoring Canada vs Latvia in Sochi and opting for TFC v Columbus Crew at the Mickey Mouse Tournament in Orlando. On the internet. Via Twitter mostly due to dodgy streams.

I lead a rich, full life.

So here it is, a friendly versus our "bitter rivals* (*closer to butter rivals) as gleaned from crap read off of social media...

COLUMBUS VS. TORONTO - Space Mountain, Orlando Florida

1' - Brazilian DP Gilberto leading a strong TFC line-up from up top. Crew line-up is assumed to be wearing yellow.
5' - Michael Bradley passed to the Canadian women's bobsled team for a Gold Medal
10' - GOAL: Columbus - Federico Higauin from a free kick. The end is nigh.
COLUMBUS 1 - TORONTO 0
12' - GOAL: Columbus - Josh Williams from a corner. The end nigher. #NelsenOut #SpringtimeForSatire
COLUMBUS 2 - TORONTO 0
14' - GOAL: Toronto - Own Goal. Sport Goofy maybe? Sure. Slightly less nigh.
COLUMBUS 2 - TORONTO 1
20' - Someone on Twitter's sister made thousands working from home. I should ask her how.
25' - Free @TOMayorFrod
35' - De Ro has done little to help Canada beat Latvia
40' - [PICTURE OF AN ADORABLE PUPPY IN A HAT]

HALFTIME: COLUMBUS 2 - TORONTO 1

45' - 2nd Half underway. A game of two halves? One for the neutrals? Givin' it 110%? All the clichés are up for grabs in Orlando!
47' - SUBS: Agbossoumonde and Wiedeman in for Caldwell and Gilberto. Tactically speaking this move is indicative of... oh who are we kidding? Wet Wiedeman gag. That's better. No more subs talk.
48' - Mighty Latvians have been brought down to Earth by plucky underdog Canadians! That one was to up my street cred. Was that good guys?
55' - FACT: Neither Arsenal nor Bayern Munich have won the Disney Soccer Classic.
61' - GOAL: COLUMBUS - Something named Adam Bedell puts TFC to the sword. Serious nigh action.
COLUMBUS 3 - TORONTO 1
65' - [RANDOM RIGHT-WING AMERICAN POLITICAL RETWEET FROM PERSON YOU DON'T REMEMBER FOLLOWING] 70' - "Hilarious" tweets highlighting that "TFC spent $100 Million on this?" never getting old.
75' - Football men kicking footballs.
80' - What if they made ski jumping into a thing where there are two hills facing each other and the first jumper to the middle wins?
89' - What am I doing with my life?
90' - #Nigh
90'+ - [PICTURE OF AN ADORABLE CAT HUGGING A MONKEY]

COLUMBUS 3 - TORONTO 1

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Stephen King's "Preseason"

"Florida!"

Writing match reports from the first pre-season friendly is not our usual bag but hey, big bloodied eels and all that right? Your very special edition Eff Cee's (still not avec Jermain Defoe) started the pre-season in style against divisional rivals D.C. United.

At least we think so.

For those of you who may not be as nuts as some TFC supporters, watching this match was a foggy impossibility. Here, without Vincent Price's play-by-play is the match re-cap via the internet machine...

FIRST HALF:

 

HALFTIME: D.C. UNITED 0 - TORONTO FC 0 



SECOND HALF:

 

85': GOAL: Toronto - Bright Dike. Possibly. Or a fog monster.

FULL TIME: D.C. UNITED 0 - TORONTO FC 1



Reds and Spurs go jingle-jangle



Well that kind of takes the climax out of the spit take. But it's still a bloody big deal... just a bit more bloody money involved.

Both Toronto FC and Tottenham Hotspur have officially confirmed that Jermain Defoe is indeed on his way to the Great White (Hart) North. However, that wasn't quite enough for two clubs that love a bit of the old marketing now was it?

On top of announcing that the 31-year old striker will join TFC on February 28th, 2014, the two clubs have also entered into an "Advertising and Marketing Rights" agreement. This deal will see Spurs merchandise flogged at MLSE properties and likely the odd bit of website cross-promo. In addition, Spurs have also added Toronto to their North American tour this summer, playing TFC in a friendly on July 23rd.

In the long run, this "partnership" will be unlikely to involve much more than a few Spurs kits in RealSports shops and a lot of huffing and puffing around the friendly. Hand-wringing that TFC become "Spurs' Jr." is anxiety of an unnecessary level. Spurs have similar agreements with many international clubs that don't amount to much more than merchandising opportunities.

We will have more on Defoe as his unveiling looms on Monday. For TFC supporters, this shouldn't be a day to worry about corporate tomfoolery but to look forward to watching the best striker the club has ever had.

EDITORIAL: Got Used To It and Still Getting Used To It...

 

I get it.

 

Toronto FC is a business. It’s a franchise. It’s not a "club". It’s not a community cornerstone.

 

Toronto plays Roma. They give Roma an appearance fee, and then Toronto sets out to recoup their investment by charging higher-than-normal prices and hope the fringe football enthusiasts, glory hunters or die-hards of both sides pony up the dosh to watch the match.

 

And this model obviously works.

 

The "get used to it" comment has been blown out of proportion, as gold as it has been comedy-wise, by hardcore supporters as a metaphoric middle finger.

 

Here are things we need to remember:

 

Because it’s a business, and a for-profit one at that, the object is to exchange entertainment for money.

 

The hardest-core of supporters sit in the lowest revenue generating sections of the stadium. Have you seen what they charge for the comfy back seats at the centre of the pitch? One of those season seat holders has to be worth at least 10 of the south-enders.

 

Who hasn’t noticed the increased number of advertisers this season? Every facet is sponsored by someone or something. The only time the PA announcer doesn’t remind us that something is sponsored by something is when he’s announcing the starting lineup, goals and substitutions. Otherwise, his primary function is to shill.

 

 

We, like most of you, hate that loyal supporters are an afterthought at TFC, but it is as evident now as it ever has been. And as much as we have romantic ideas of supporter-owned clubs or protests that actually result in something positive, that will likely never happen. Why? Because you already paid. Money is the only metric that matters.

 

14000 people show up for a game that 19000 paid for. Are they concerned? A little. What will they do to change that? Platitudes. Cultural nights. Our presence isn’t nearly as treasured as we think.

 

Remember: This is a business. As long as anyone pays, then that’s what matters. The dollar is a vote, and with every dollar spent, is a vote of re-election.

 

With the threat of a mass exodus of season ticket holders at the end of last season, that’s when REAL CHANGE took place. Out with Anselmi, in with Payne. Money was about to be lost and likely not coming back.

 

Minimize (or stop) giving TFC your money for kits, scarves, beers, chip buttys and especially exhibitions. Otherwise, get used to it.

 

@ignirtoq sometimes has a point and sometimes within that point, he can articulate it without a massive tangent that never seems to come back. One time he took a tangent that led him to explaining why it is bullshit that ice cream is no longer ice cream but "frozen dairy treats". Too bad he was talking about T20 cricket and why it's awesome. Where was I... oh yeah, so sometimes @ignirtoq has a point... 

FRIENDLY VIDEO: Highlights of Rome

Yeah, we're sucking on it going on 7 years friendo.

 

We know that many of you, like us, have decided not to attend tonight's friendly at BMO Field. If you visit our corner of the TFC universe regularly then you are aware of our thoughts on mid-season friendlies and are as sick of hearing them as we are sick of the club continuing down this greedy path.

Your own reasons for staying home and not donating to the "MLSE Make Our Wish Foundation" may be as simple as not wanting to stand in the rain to watch meaningless spectacle. Or, you may be put off by seeing your hometown club reduced to bush-league sparring partner while fawning over the "big club" from Europe like a Tiger Beat pin-up. Whatever your reason, welcome friendly friends.

With that out of the way, we do believe that you - loyal TFC supporter - still deserve to be a part of the Rome extravaganza. So, as a service to kindred spirits, here are Rome video highlights far more important and thoroughly more entertaining than anything on offer down at "TottiPalooza".

On to the video stream...
 


See you on Saturday silent minority... for a real match.

"That's a spicy friendly!" TFC fare quello che sanno fare meglio

TFC executives do good work



The worst-kept secret on College Street was announced today as Toronto FC bathed themselves in Italo-Canadian colours to announce the inevitable. Yes, AS Roma will visit BMO Field on August 7th to face ASS Toronto which will be met (apart from Roma supporters) with a big "... okay then".

We have made our feelings more than clear here... and here... so we won't bleat on about it anymore. You are either frustrated by the club's seemingly endless addiction to sideshows or you just see this as "another friendly" and meet it with a shrug. That is of course entirely up to you.

The announcement at Toronto's Italian media mecca, the CHIN Building, was obviously necessary because AS Roma plays in Rome. Rome is in Italy. Italians like the soccer. TFC sells the soccer. TFC loves Italians. Here is some video just in off the satellite feed of TFC management addressing their suddenly cherished multicultural life-partners:



TFC understands that all of the Italian community in Toronto won't support AS Roma just because they are from Italy right? Have they heard of Chivas USA? Oh why do we bother? Apparently we are just a minority of Twitter nogoodniks, right Mr. Payne?

Anyhoo, this is the last we will be talking of this match (except of course for the "INSERT STAR PLAYER'S NAME HERE" who picks up a season-ending injury during the match). If you go - enjoy and we hope you don't pay too much. If you decide not to... don't worry, you'll have another chance this time next year.

Circus Maximus

Suck it TFC supporters



We made our feelings very clear about Toronto FC and their addiction to annual clown shows here. Nothing has changed.
　
According to news sources in this country (including Sportsnet here) and in Italy, The Reds are set to make a pandering announcement in Little Italy on Wednesday to announce AS Roma will be this year's dogs and ponies. Our feelings have nothing to do with AS Roma, they are a famous club from a wonderful footballing nation - we wouldn't care if it was a team of Pele/Maradona Cyborgs sent from the future to destroy us (actually we'd like that) - the point is, this just stinks.
　
It stinks that the date being thrown around is in the middle of two fixtures against Seattle and New England which will force TFC to play 3 matches in 7 days. It stinks that a very thin TFC squad will be forced to play a good core of their starting squad and risk injury. It stinks that TFC don't understand that the only thing true TFC supporters want is for our club to be the good one... not the punching bag for "a real team form Europe".
　
All power to long-time Roma supporters who want to attend this match. We can't blame you; it's a rare opportunity to see a club you support from afar in the flesh. For the rest of us... why? The argument given that "we deserve to see some quality football after watching TFC all year" doesn't fly. You are still watching TFC, except this time they are being outclassed by a bunch of dudes on vacation. How prestigious!
　
Another excuse often trotted out in apology is that it "will give a chance for the bench players to get a run out" and/or "it is great experience" for these players to play against a "big club". Neither of these holds much weight. TFC has little depth, there is no way they can field a team of B-Squad players nor will that be expected from those who will have to mortgage their house for tickets for this "competition". As far as a great learning experience? Yes, the goal against Real Madrid put Gabe Gala on a rocket ship to stardom.
　
Beyond the indignity of the inevitable price (why do we even hold hope that TFC will do the right thing and give suffering season ticket holders a freebie?) the most discouraging thing is that the club just doesn't get it. Seven very long years and they still think we are hockey-lovin' rubes who will be dazzled by some European "sakker guys". No. We know football. We know our football team is not good. We want TFC to put 100% effort into making them good.
　
TFC management fiddles while Roma burns them.

Not in a Friendly mood

"Please sir, can you pound on us some more?"



"In all my years of managing the business of TFC, one thing I have learned is that you cannot predict,"
- Paul Beirne; TFC VP of Business Operations
　
"If TFC hints at something on their official website it's already a done deal."
- Me; Angry Person/ TFC Victim
　
Keen observers of Toronto FC over the years will have long realized that the club's official website is not so much a place for news but rather the launch pad for propaganda and public relations test balloons. If a story is headlined: "Joe the Plumber settling into Toronto" you can guarantee that Joe the Plumber is your new starting midfielder for the foreseeable future. Thus, when yesterday's story, "Report: International Friendly Coming?" appeared - you could confidently remove the question mark.
　
Exciting stuff right? Another exhilarating day out as we munch on the scraps of UEFA's summer holiday crumbs, hoping our star players avoid season-ending injuries. So the only question is - who is coming? Could it be Manchester United? Borussia Dortmund? Be still our backwater hearts... Barcelona?!
　
The answer? WHO F*CKING CARES???!!!
　
Listen here Toronto FC, this city is not the football-starved outpost it once was, desperately awaiting a Santa Clausesque annual visit from a European club working on their tans. No - we have our own football club that plays in North America's top tier and many of us are still passionate about it despite your "best efforts". You may have heard of them - The FC's... something.
　
We want 100% of Toronto FC's management resources going into fixing the disaster created against all odds despite being given every opportunity in MLS to do the opposite. Stop, stop, stop the addiction to bells and whistles and concentrate fully on making TFC the best MLS club and environment and not the grateful redshirted-stepchild begging for more of UEFA's gruel. Look back at the first "major" international friendly against Real Madrid and ask - good for the club? Or, the beginning of the snowball of discontent that has neutered BMO Field's once vicious stands.
　
We will NOT be appeased.
　
Going to TFC matches has become a struggle for many long-term supporters. What once was the day of the week you couldn't wait for now often feels like a duty or an obligation. The commute to and from BMO Field sometimes holding the air of penance. The only fans that would be truly pumped to trek down to Exhibition Place will be those who may support the opposition as their "childhood" club. For the vast majority who support TFC and not the visitors, it will just be another example of sizzle over steak of which this club has dined on for seven very long years.
　
When the inevitable happens and this friendly is announced against Real City United FC, the only remaining mystery will be if the club is smart enough to give out free tickets to its long-long-long suffering season ticket holders. However, if they are dumb enough to think the distraction noodle of another friendly is enough to make us forget that we are as far from success as we were in 2007, forgive us for not holding our breath on that one.
　
Until we see a story on the TFC website titled "Report: TFC to come to their senses?" we will have to let them know we want #SilverwareNotFriendlies at every opportunity.

LETTERS FROM CAMP: The Turducken Derby - Now with 30% more next day cutting!

You gotta dig to get some yummy Trillium!

Lights! Cameras! Buffering! The boys are back in town! Okay not this town - but a town. Actually O-Town. Hey, does anyone out there remember the boy band "O-Town"? No? Okay... footballs it is then.

The pre-season kicks of for realsies in the Florida sun today as TFC face the old foe Columbus in the opening match of the concisely titled Walt Disney World Pro Soccer Classic. Of course, this would also be an unofficial Trillium Cup fixture as well right? So it's a Trillium Cup inside of a Mickey Mouse Cup inside of a pre-season. So a turducken of a match. Or a flower inside of a rodent... so the Florodent Derby perhaps. I bet FloRida is pissed.

 

KICK-OFF: Sun is shining like some kind of shining light, red threads are binding many people together but "O-Town" did not perform the national anthems. 2 out of 3 - let's footballs...
2' - Jeremy Hall with a dangerous giveaway. Mid-season form.

4' - TFC go for the "we lost our luggage" look with last year's shirts and black shorts. #fashionfauxpas

8' - TFC with zero offensive flow. Justin Braun needs to be a quicker picker upper on long passes

12' - If today is an indication of things to come then all offense will go through Luis Silva. Looks lively but only one creating any trouble for Crew

18' - REPORT: Columbus Crew's president angry after 2 of the 3 construction workers on their logo showed up to camp unfit

20' - Opposition defenders will hate Crew's Federico Higuain even more this year. Dangerous.

25' - It may be choppy but first match-TFC employing some very high pressure when Crew is on the ball causing many a turnover

25' - A hungry Danny Koevermans wants a turnover

30' - GOAL: COLUMBUS - Glauber's Brazilian head meets the business end of a corner

COLUMBUS 1 - TORONTO 0

35' - Of the newcomers, trialist/academy/Uruguayan league prospect Jonathan Osorio looking fairly useful in the midfield

40' - MLS online stream announcers wondering aloud if Gale Agbossoumonde will replace Danny Califf as starting CB. This kind of high-end research is how you get a plum online stream job. That and TALK YELLING

42' - Only minutes left in the half and still no word from "O-Town". Disappointing.

44' - Stefan Frei takes a cleat to the face from Ryan Finlay and stays down. Likely won't continue. Or be as handsome. Joe Bendik subs in for Frei

45' - End of a scrappy half. TFC tactics-wise and Crew tackle-wise

COLUMBUS 1 - TORONTO 0

45' - Second half gets started with Julio Cesar (non-QPR version) on for Osorio and Argentine trialist Nicolas Cabrera on for Emery Welshman. Florodent Cup still up for grabs. "O-Town" still MIA. MIA still trying to live up to "Paper Planes"

47' - News that Stefan Frei is headed to hospital. A springtime tradition

53' - Julio Cesar's facial expressions rotate between huge happy grin and "I will eat your face". Maniacal. Enjoyable.

56' - Luis Silva denied by big save. Just about the only scoring threat for The Reds at the moment. You may want to get used to that.

60' - Good first impression by Gale Agbossoumonde today. You know... Like a boss.

63' - Silva, Lambe, Braun and Hall come off for Kyle Bekker, Ashton Bennet, Taylor Morgan and Torsten Frings. Frings to babysit.

68' - Tony Tchani doing his thing for Columbus... you know... just to remind us about De Ro

70' - More subs on for TFC but most importantly new nickname heroes "Slappa De" Bassi and "Fabreezi" make their debut

81' - Terry Dunfield must have his Ultimate Warrior sock tassels on as he hits the post with a headed equalizing attempt. Close but no tassel.

84' - We're not saying this result is strange but Europol has noticed unusual betting patterns from Sport Goofy

88' - Match needs more "shining lights"

FINAL WHISTLE: A scrappy affair in TFC's springtime debut. Decent pressure off the ball, no clue creating anything that looked like an offensive tactic. Agbossoumonde, Welshman and Osorio looked promising while Lambe was invisible, Silva was snatching at chances and Frei got his annual injury. Can't help but get the feeling that the lack of a real striker will be the narrative going forward.

COLUMBUS 1 - TORONTO 0

UPDATE: On Sunday afternoon the club took to the airwaves (well webwaves) to let the world know that they had cut ties with a trio of camp trialists. (Wow, Nelsen - you cut the Kiwi? That's New Zealand cold bro!) Here's hoping this heralds the entrance of three First Team worthy newcomers. Preferably of the ball-in-goal variety.

#TFC training update: Nik Robson, Jose Gomez & Joevin Jones are no longer at preseason camp in Orlando. #TFClive
— Toronto FC (@torontofc) February 10, 2013

THE STARTING 11: Things overheard at the Toronto v Liverpool friendly

Match highlights were hard to find

They came, they saw... they played their reserve team. The Merseyside circus has packed up its travelling roadshow as Liverpool FC move on to their next North American port of call... likely with a full squad. While Toronto fans may have felt a bit ripped off with the quality of players offered by those Reds, many did manage to have a good time at a fairly entertaining 1-1 draw. As the match and the SkyDome roof drew to a close, you couldn't help but overhear some interesting chatter amongst the Reds supporters (Canadian and English species) in blue seats...

11. "Rogers Center... Brendan Rodgers. Brendan Rodgers... Rogers Center."

10. "God Bless Amerikwa!"

9. "I think Luis Suarez just said something Canadianist"

8. "Our B-Squad is as good as their C-Squad!"

7. "I was so looking forward to not seeing Andy Carroll score"

6. "Adam Morgan ain't no Ashtone Morgan"

5. "I'm pretty sure Rafa Benitez just sold me a pretzel"

4. "No, I'm not Bruce Grobbelaar. Yes, you can stroke my moustache."

3. "It's just like being at Anfield... But after the match the tires are still on your car!"

2. "This is boring... let's go watch Eric Hassli and Craig Bellamy fight in the parking lot"

1. "You'll Never Walk Alone... You'll Always Pay Full Price"

Not Necessarily THE MATCHUP

"You'll Never Dome Alone"



We've already made our feelings clear (here) about Toronto FC and useless, often perilous, mid-season money-friendlies that see actual MLS fixtures re-scheduled to accommodate. So, in apathy rather than any type of misplaced protest, we will forego any kind of regular match preview or post-match report. Except of course a short piece on Sunday when the MRI scans on Ryan Johnson, Torsten Frings, Milos Kocic and Luis Silva reveal season-ending injuries.
　
If you are a local Liverpool supporter - go and enjoy your Reds. If you are a Toronto FC supporter who paid extra to spend some more time with your club - go and enjoy your Reds. If you could care less about the whole thing... here's a monkey in goal. Wearing red....


　
Paul Mariner softened the blow for any TFC fans that paid far too much money and expect to see a full squad face Liverpool by calling local supporters "smart". If Mariner is smart - and we seem to think he is - Toronto FC should line-up like-so...
　
GK - Quillan Roberts
D - Miguel Aceval
D - Ty Harden
D - Dicoy Williams
D - Aaron Maund
M - Matt Stinson
M - Oscar Cordon
M - Reggie Lambe
M - Eric Avila
F - Andrew Wiedeman
F - Keith Makubuya
　
To ease your pain at the thought of watching that team try to score against a Liverpool FC squad who will want to jog for 90 minutes here is a Panini sticker of LFC legend and sexy moustache engineer Bruce Grobbelaar... (not an actual sticker - don't try to peel screen)

　
All in all Reds supporters (of both varieties)... have a larf, pray for no injuries to TFC, don't make fun of Andy Carroll's pony-tail out loud and whatever you do - don't tell Luis Suarez that the ONLY Suarez in this town is Nick Soolsma's cat.
　
For those of you who wouldn't fathom spending a dime on this match but don't want to feel left out... here is footage from another Liverpool friendly with about as much importance...

THE STARTING 11: Future rewards for Canada vs. USA friendly matches

Sharp kit there Landon.



For a friendly, Sunday night's "Centennial Match" between Canada and our charming neighbour to the south had a bit of everything. Well, it had no goals... but it was a competitive, fast-paced and chippy affair with a semi-decent crowd on hand. For those who were wise enough to attend, many left with the feeling that these two teams should really meet more often. Of course, in the lucrative world of FIFA friendly matches, you sometimes need to dangle some potential reward in front of teams but these baubles should be enough to tempt the USA and the Canucks to meet more often...

11. Rights to Minnesota / Manitoba constantly on the line

10. If Canada loses , players must wear USA's leftover "Where's Waldo" kit to all formal events for a year

9. If Canada wins two friendlies in a row, USA must "let them have a go" at this World Cup thing we keep hearing about

8. A USA win sees David Hoilett suddenly "finding" American heritage

7. Winner gets rights to all future Bunburys

6. A Canadian victory will see President Obama forced to sneak the word "Lenarduzzi" into next State of the Union address

5. A US win allows Jurgen Klinsmann allowed to "fix" Vancouver Whitecaps and Montreal Impact for hefty fee

4. If Stephen Hart can manage a win then Landon Donovan has to be his sexy French maid for a week

3. Loser keeps Justin Bieber

2. A Canada win would see CSA Governors take over the USA Soccer Federation for three days... putting the American program backwards by 20 years

1. Lake Erie is all up for grabs

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Canada v USA... or Playing it like you mean it!

The TIFO at the away end that we couldn't read

Thank you weather gods for not pissing down on us!

Centenary match, blue kits, warm-up to qualifying, blah blah blah... you know the setup.

Pre-game at Maro.  Now that's a footy buzz.  Lots of people in Canada gear having a pint or two or four.  Met up with the lovely blogging cartel of @kzknowlesand @wakingthered and met @sulfur_chesh for the first time.  We laughed at the "Wheels on the bus" song, remarked on the length of the beer line.  Good times and an appropriate warm up.

Onto the match...

9' - DeRo cuts inside a defender and has a go, but the ball just goes wide of the far post.
14' - YELLOW - deGoo with a bad tackle.
23' - Ricketts pokes a ball low left forcing Howard to make a diving stop.
38ish' - So apparently I didn't write anything down, but a scramble to the left of Howard saw a cross go in and someone beat the keeper... meanwhile on the sidelines, the linesman's flag was up and the ref, I guess, wanted to see how the whole thing would play out.  It went in then it was offside.  Something like that.

Half-Time : Retro Chic 0, Waldos 0

52' - US cross to Jones gets headed downward but cleared off the line by Edgar.
54' - YELLOW - Hainault booked on a late tackle.
61' - DeRo on the doorstep, after two lunging touches, he can't get enough power on the ball to trouble Howard.
65' - SUB - Occean comes off for Simeon Jackson.
67' - deGoo has a solid go from 20 yards out, no trouble for Howard.
68' - Jackson has a go from the edge of the box and just goes over the bar.  Welcome to the match Simeon.
73' - SUB - Pacheco comes on for Ledgerwood
82' - YELLOW - Johnson gets booked for a very weak tackle and a weaker call.
85' - SUB - Hume comes on for Ricketts and de Guzman makes way for Piette.
88' - SUB - Klukowski comes in for Jazic.

3 mins of extra time

90+2' - Set piece free kick from 25 yards out, crosses into a cluster of US and Canada shirts, finds a header forcing Hirschfeld to make a great tip over the bar.

Full Time : Canada 0, USA 0

Full disclosure, I'm not sure who is who on the Canadian Men's National Team.  On one hand, I'm a little embarrassed and on the other, I don't actively chase who is who all season long.  Half of my guesses as to who was who were wrong.

Canada played very well.  The fact remains is that the US play very very well and are definitely a side to be reckoned with and respected, even if Canada had more legitimate opportunities than them.  Their ball control is superb.  Canada, on the other hand, played without reservation.  De Ro was determined to turn small opportunities into big opportunities. Occean was making crazy runs and was unlucky not to have a good chance at goal for his efforts.  Johnson was all over the midfield.  McKenna and Ledgerwood were solid anchors and didn't panic when the pressure was on.  And Lars Hirshfeld played superb.

As I ranted at the game, I envy the hell out of the United States for having nicer kits than we do.  Their hooped kit is nice, as is their navy and white sash home kit.  That being said, the Canada throwbacks are the class.  Seriously gorgeous on the pitch.  This should be an away kit if only because it serves to have greater meaning than the ordinary boring white kit we've always been stuck with (that black one was gorgeous, but I digress) and that it looks stunning.  The white collars look amazing, and the goal keeper's kit looks like something from a game of subbuteo - very sharp stuff.  Props to Umbro and appealing to my kit nerd sensibilities. (OK, why am I riveted watching grown men flick little plastic pieces...)

If you've read this far, please consider coming down to BMO Field on Tuesday June 12th and watch this fun and gutsy side take their talents into battle against Honduras for a World Cup Qualifier.

"1812" facts leading up to Canada vs. USA

Oh yeah, right in the Ohio

Not only does Sunday night's "Centennial Match" friendly versus our friends the United States of America (aka Canada's jaunty scarf) celebrate 100 Years of "greatness" under the CSA but it also takes place nearly 200 years after The War of 1812's "Battle of York". Okay so we'd like the result at BMO Field to go slightly better but seriously - not enough is being done to tie in the whole 1812 thing!

While we at The Yorkies always included "1812" as part of our moniker to lend some spirit to our usual muses Toronto FC, we thought it was time to help the malfunctioning national association with some "Battle of York" comparisons. So, since the nanny-state security at BMO Field won't let us bring in some muskets, here are some CSA 1812's to help celebrate that other anniversary.

After all, 1812 is:

- the number of swear-word combinations Canadian supporters have created to proceed the phrase "Teal Bunbury"

- the amount of times Bobby Lenarduzzi yelled "GET BACK!" during his tenure as head coach

- Canada's future FIFA ranking if the CSA is left to their own devices

- the total amount of syllables in Kenny Stamatopolous' full name

- the annual wage the CSA will offer its next coaching candidate

- the number of pies former striker Ali Gerba ate during the 2009 Gold Cup

- the amount of long-stem roses sent to David Hoilett by Stephen Hart. So far.

- the number of times you will smack your forehead with your hand while Canada attempts to qualify for the 2014 World Cup

- how many CSA officials it takes to screw in a lightbulb

- the decibel range at which you need to sing the following chant at BMO Field on Sunday night...

"Canada! Fuck yeah!

We're gonna beat the fuckin' USA, yeah!"

(Actual footage from "The Battle of York")

Not in a friendly mood

Jogging Liverpudlians - free with $50 purchase!



Bafflingly, Toronto FC could spark their second "perfect storm" of supporter discontent in three years. Few need to be reminded of the ill feelings churned at BMO Field for 2009's Real Madrid friendly where TFC supporters, in the midst of yet another terrible season, were asked to pay through the nose to watch Cristiano Ronaldo do step-overs for 45 minutes. It took a long time to heal the anger of many who felt used by MLSE over that match and for many it was the final straw in supporting the local side.
　
Fast forward three years and the ownership may be stumbling daftly into the same folly. With results on the pitch reaching new lows, timing couldn't have been worse to announce the latest expensive side-show to hit Toronto – Liverpool FC. For many it smacks as yet another attempted distraction, almost telling TFC’s long suffering faithful "yes, the season is a disaster but just ignore that and come see this famous Premier League team! Oh... and pay for it please". While MLSE is feigning innocence at their "invitation" to play at Rogers Centre, most season ticket holders have been around long enough to know this song and dance.
　
For some, the money issue isn't even the biggest sin in the scenario. The ownership's happy acceptance of changing an existing MLS fixture to make room for this meaningless match is worse. For a club whose goal is apparently (just) making the playoffs, pushing the original fixture against Chicago to the crowded latter portion of the season is a slap in the face to the importance of the league to TFC's fans. Add to the equation that these mid-season friendlies (despite being worthy of shipping in real grass) have the tendency to leave tired MLS'ers injury-prone and it adds up to the feeling, rightly or wrongly, that the owners have returned to the quick "cash-grab" game.
　
Of course, there is a way that MLSE could smooth over these ill feelings. In a stadium with a football capacity near the 47,000 mark, the club could supply the 16,000 or so loyal season-ticket holders with a free ticket to the match and still leave more than 30,000 tickets left for general sale. Of course, MLSE will say they aren't the organizers of this friendly - but we are pretty sure their corporate credit card could handle treating those who line their pockets every other week of the year. This will of course not happen and some TFC fans, who voiced anger after Real Madrid in person, will instead this time show their displeasure with apathy and future absence.
　
There is no blame towards local Liverpool fans (including those who support TFC also) who want to shell out to support their Merseyside heroes - it is a rare treat. If the London club I was born into supporting was coming to town, I would do the same. However, I would not expect the person who sits next to me at BMO Field, and hates said club, have to pay to watch his TFC play them. Like in most other MLS cities, a free seat should be the minimum thanks a season ticket holder gets. More so in a city where that season ticket holder has yet to witness a playoff match.
　
The optics aren't good on this one so far. There will always be a handful of people who say that playing "a bigger" club is great experience. But many, including some players, are exasperated at the return of these midseason circuses. Toronto is a proven football market with fans that have gotten over watching European clubs work out their summer rust and instead only crave success for their local side. This match will not aid that cause and could even hinder it. As a popular Twitter hashtag trend exclaimed yesterday, Toronto FC should be seeking #TrophiesNotFriendlies.

"Ooh look over there!" Liverpool friendly marks return of shiny distractions in Toronto

Suarez: Non-feline, sometime-racist version

"We're haven't won a match in 2012... grumble, grumble"
"OMG it's Steven Gerrard for 20 minutes!"
　
"This rebuilding process is going nowhere fast"
"Yahoo we get to sing 'You'll Never Walk Alone' poorly!"
　
"TFC has no depth at forward or on defence!"
"Is that Suarez?"
"My kitty cat?"
"No Soolsma - the sometimes racist Uruguayan!"
　
That's right, much like the early days of Toronto FC's existence, the sad state of the club is being promotionally ignored with a big, shiny, mid-season, absolutely meaningless friendly. Where the likes of Aston Villa, Benfica and Real Madrid once stepped, along comes those other Reds - Liverpool FC, in a match soon to be made official.
　
Unlike the previous friendlies, this one will be held in SkyDome on July 21st in a fixture that the club will carefully state is being organized by the good people at Rogers - and not them. Somehow TFC are innocent victims in this profit-making scheme which may help answer angry questions lobbed their way about their acceptance of changing a pre-existing fixture in order to open this slot. The fact that the MLS fixture is rescheduled to a date during an International break later in the year where many Reds (the Toronto kind) will be absent is none of your business. Did we mention Liverpool?
　
These mid-season friendlies - that always mange to injure someone for the season - are simply bush-league in a market like Toronto. Sure it was fine in the early days in order to build the club's popularity, but weren't we supposed to be way past that? Instead, it harkens back to the bad old days of Mo Johnston where we were expected to ignore the utter garbage of our weekly MLS existence because we'd have the honour of paying through the nose to watch Cristiano Ronaldo do keepy-uppies for 45 minutes.
　
In a season that has started off in as calamitous a fashion as possible - these shiny distractions may make a few ex-pat Merseysiders forget that TFC can't win a game but it does nothing to help the club. Watching Danny Koevermans tear his hamstring against a Liverpool reserve squad defender isn't going to make any new MLS fans out of Liverpool die-hards in attendance nor will it help develop a TFC team who may be looking at six years without playoffs. There is only one reward that Reds fans who brave BMO Field all year deserve, and it's not listening to other Reds fans pretend that SkyDome is Anfield.

Letters from Camp: D-volt display against AAA Battery

Eveready. Gold. TFC were neither.

The only good news on a night that was equally rainy and miserable in Toronto as was in Charleston, was announced well before kick-off. Toronto FC chose today to officially announce what Aron Winter told everyone three weeks ago - that the club had officially signed Dutch trio Javier Martina, Elbekay Bouchiba and Nick Soolsma. While Winter crowed about how the three newcomers "will make a difference" for TFC in 2011, the night's following friendly showed little difference from the previous three.
　
Winter decided to play another fairly young and experimental line-up against Battery (who are now a USL Pro side), likely expecting little in the way of a challenge. You know, like against Orlando City last week. The match starters were: Frei, Yourassowsky, Williams, Attakora, Harden, LaBrocca, Cordon, Sturgis, Peterson, Martina, Makubuya... and things went a little like this...
　
- Pass, pass, no ball into the Charleston box
- Pass, pass, cross, no one on the end of it
- Pass, pass, pass back to Frei
- PENALTY Charleston handball in the box. Nathan Sturgis GOAL! on ensuing PK
Charleston 0 - Toronto FC 1
- Pass, pass, pass more.
- Get knocked down by "burly" USL 2 defenders
- Back pass, awful defending... GOAL! Charleston. Really?
Charleston 1 - Toronto FC 1
- Bad pass, bad pass, sloppy tackles
　
HALFTIME: CHARLESTON 1 - TORONTO FC 1
　
- Bring on some subs
- Pass, pass, cross over everyone
- Pass, pass, bogged down in midfield
- Get knocked down more by USL 2 defenders
- Pass poorly, pass back to Frei
- Rain starts
- Lose head in Toronto box... PENALTY... GOAL for Battery. Honestly.
Charleston 2 - Toronto FC 2
- Just keep passing.
- Get outplayed by a team dressed as 1995 Hull City
- Think about real match in 10 days. Pass out.
　
FULL TIME: CHARLESTON 2 - TORONTO FC 1
　
And that sports fans... is that. A lacklustre display against a team of players who wouldn't even be considered at TFC camp. While we are VERY aware that it is pre-season and these games mean nothing etc. etc. - the mixture of poor defending and a stingy strike force don't exactly warm the cockles with our National "derby" on the horizon. Yes, patience is required this year and we are happy to give it out in spades to Team #Winner. But with one friendly left, we need a little more than Javier Martina's runs to give us hope for a good start to the season.

Letters from Camp: Lions King at Disney

From Austin to Orlando... The Circle of Life

Well, if there is a such thing as "The Circle of Life" in preseason then Toronto FC's tactical training and integration of new players is still emerging from its infancy. While it's fair to expect that a massive overhaul in football theory, which Winter and Co. are attempting, will take a while to happen, the progress has been incremental.
　
The birthing pangs of "Total" Toronto FC were well on display during much of tonight's friendly against USL Second Division newcomers Orlando City (formerly Austin Aztex). In a match, admittedly a meaningless one, where most fans would expect an MLS side to dominate, The Reds struggled to create any quality offensive chances out of their quick passing 4-3-3 system. For you sick little monkeys (like us) who want the briefest of MLS v USL 2 preseason recaps, here goes... For the rest of you, go watch The Lion King, it will make you feel better.
　
TORONTO FC 1st Half Line-up: Milos Kocic, Dan Gargan, Chris Hunter, Adrian Cann, Mikael Yourassowsky, Matt Stinson, Ivo de Heus, Dwayne De Rosario, Nick Soolsma, Jamal Gay, Javier Martina
　
6' - Toronto defence undone early with Yourassowsky the goat. A man with that name needs to be more careful. Kocic with a good save
10' - ESPN3 announcers are just precious. At least no "free kick pieces" or "half court sets"
22' - Orlando has had at least 3 free kicks from dangerous areas. TFC still trying to find an offensive outlet
32' - Walt Disney's frozen head not in attendance tonight
38' - TFC getting a little closer to the Orlando goal with Javier Martina looking like the only one with a goal in his boots tonight
42' - Does anyone else remember "Sport Goofy"?
45' - Stinson goes close but finish is a let down as is the half which mercifully ends
　
HALF TIME: ORLANDO CITY 0 - TORONTO FC 0
　
TORONTO FC 2nd Half Subs In: Ashtone Morgan for Yourassowsky, Nick LaBrocca for Cann, Jacob Peterson for Gay (It doesn't get old)
　
48' - Second half starts the way the first ended for TFC. A bit like watching a plumber try to paint the Mona Lisa
54' - Toronto owning possession but still unable to crack Orlando's final third
59' - Just realized Disney World's tiny football stadium has a better roof than BMO Field
67' - Keith "Booyah" Makubuya and Maicon Santos in for De Rosario and Martina
70' - Mouse Butty anyone?
76' - GOAL: Not only does Orlando City sub in their Assistant Coach Ian Fuller but he decides to cut through the TFC "defence" like the proverbial knife through butter. Some very poor defending. ORLANDO CITY 1 - TORONTO FC 0
80' - Why does it seem more embarrassing when a USL 2 side's fans sing the "Na na na Goodbye" song?
85' - Makubuya tries to make something happen in the Orlando box but results in nothing more than a goalmouth scramble
90' - Match descends to time wasting. Disney’s head is giggling in its brine.
　
FULL TIME: ORLANDO CITY 1 - TORONTO FC 0
　
Unlike any number of animated Disney films, the heroes didn't come out on top today. In fact the whole trip to the "Magic Kingdom" was far from magical for The Reds who come in last in the Mickey Mouse Cup.
　
Despite being a preseason friendly, losing to a club two divisions lesser than you never feels good. While Toronto continues to build its new system from the ground up, Reds supporters may now be getting the feeling that early season patience will be needed. The passing game has improved, the style is better but the defensive shape and offensive output is definitely not there yet. Good outing for youngsters Demetrious Omphroy and Javier Martina but the defensive lead feet from the likes of Dan Gargan and Mikael Yourassowsky will stand out tonight. As Toronto move on to non-Disney pastures, "work in progress" is most apt.