THE STARTING 11: Odd World Cup injuries

"My face! My beautiful face!"

 

Going home from the World Cup on a plane sucks bad enough. (You made me cry again England) But, going home on a stretcher from the World Cup is about as bad as it gets for these athletes. After training for years for a shot at international football glory, some unfortunate players have to face this injustice. However, not all injuries are of your garden variety breaks, tears and pulls - this version of the World Cup has seen the rise of a variety of new, strange ailments...

11. Ghana Rhea

10. Ripped Brazilian

9. Slipped Diskerud

8. Daley Blindness

7. Broken Down Honda

6. Horizonte Belos

5. Premature Evacuation (Restricted to England camp)

4. Scrote D'Ivoir

3. Pepe-Induced Migraine

2. Spanish Uninfluenca

1. Sepp Bladder

 

THE STARTING 11: Strange TFC injuries

 

The Bloody Big Deals have turned into Bloodied Big Deals at BMO Field as Toronto FC's depth charts are being stretched to their limits. Results like Saturday's tepid loss to Colorado are not to be unexpected with so many key players out to injury while new ones seem to keep cropping up. The Reds are faced with quite a challenge at the moment but the club has a long history of dealing with injuries, some of them quite unusual...

11. MISTA: Bulged Wallet

10. NICK SOOLSMA: Cat Scratch Fever

9. MAICON SANTOS: Multiple Personalities

8. MIGUEL ACEVAL: Nightclub Foot

7. JIM BRENNAN: Overextended Employment

6. COLLIN SAMUEL: Consumption

5. TERRY DUNFIELD: Twisted Tassels

4. DANNY KOEVERMANS: Syrup Hemmorhage

3. RICHARD ECKERSLEY: Gingervitis

2. RAIVIS HSCANOVICS: Vowelnutrition

1. DWAYNE DE ROSARIO: Bruised Ego



LETTERS FROM CAMP: Bright season dimmed

All you have to do is look at any MLS website comments section to realize how extra crappy this story is. Often the den of sarcastic, caustic keyboard warriors who gleefully roll around in a rival club's muck, the vast majority of commenters are sharing sympathy over a good guy's bad news.

It started with this tweet:

Worst day of my life
— Bright Dike (@bbright19) February 17, 2014

The story to emerge later this evening (yet to be officially confirmed by TFC) is that Reds' forward Bright Dike has suffered a torn Achilles tendon. The severe injury will likely wipe out Dike's entire MLS season and sadly ends his very real opportunity to go to this summer's World Cup as a member of the Nigerian squad.

This is Dike's second major leg injury in two-and-a-half-years and despite his robust physicality, may prove to be a tough road back to the pitch at any high-level. The blow is best summed up by the affable striker's five words above.

While good wishes are with Dike from across the league tonight, it won't be long before TFC will have to look at their depth chart. Dike was easily going to be the first-choice off of the bench behind Jermain Defoe and Gilberto but that role currently only sees Andrew Wiedeman as a choice. That is a choice no club with hopes of a successful season wants.

Whether The Reds opt for another loan or can swing a deal within the league, the club will likely have a new face on board in the near future. Sadly, it is a move that will be done with heavy hearts.

THE MATCHUP: New England Revolution host Old English Resolution (Now with 50% less John Bostock!)

Where ACL's fear to tread

NEW ENGLAND VS. TORONTO
　
GILLETTE STADIUM - SATURDAY 7:30PM ET
TV: THE SCORE
　
THE KICKABOUT:
"Pahk da cah in Hahvahd Yahd". With that out of the way it's onto a fixture that has dozens excited across North America and not beyond. The Revs, who if you believe people in Toronto, are apparently just as bad as Toronto FC (but 6 points says differently) welcome those very Eff Cees (TM) to play on their green concrete. With a solid 6,000 to 8,000 in attendance at the 68,000-seater Gillette Stadium, this is one not to miss. Unless you need to wash your hair.
　
FC Robins du Toronto will seemingly arrive in Foxborough in a hilarious giant clown ambulance. When Kevin Payne & The Boyz told us we are only 2 or 3 players away we didn't realize that meant from a Starting Injured XI. On the shelf for this match are: Richard Eckersley (hamstring), Bobby Convey (muscle strain), Danny Califf (tattoo), Stefan Frei (the usual), Justin Braun (shanking injury), Darel Russell (middle name fracture), Terry Dunfield (twisted sock tassel) and Danny Koevermans (pancake). So... about that winless streak.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The Worst a Man Can Gett'er"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
NEW ENGLAND: Diego Fagundez, Lee Nguyen, Kelyn Rowe
TORONTO: Steven Caldwell, Robert Earnshaw, Darren O'Dea
　
THE ODDS:
- TFC getting through match without further injury: 10-1
- TFC blogger getting through preview without injury: 5-1
- Ouch! Mother f*^$%r!!! My finger!!! : EVENS
　
WHO ARE YA?
Being a single-entity league, MLS can sometimes come to the emergency aid of a club facing serious injury issues. Remember emergency keeper Sam Reynolds? Good times. With TFC's mounting injury list, the league has drawn up a resource which TFC can draw from if they face further medical dilemmas during the match on Saturday:
1) MLS Pool Players
2) Emergency NASL Loan Signings
3) Those guys with the muskets at Revs matches
4) A 50/50 Draw from the 3,000 Revs fans in attendance
5) The Somali Drug Lord Videographer of their choice
6) A Tupac Shakur hologram
7) Anyone who has heard of Queen's Park Rangers

POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "REVOLTING"

UPDATE: While the City of Toronto was watching their mayor give a press conference wearing a shit-eating grin, Toronto FC announced that they have waived on-loan midfielder John Bostock.

Bostock, the once teen-dream of English football is doing his best to become the new Rohan Ricketts by burning bridges everywhere he goes. Obviously the long-standing rumours that dogged him in England such as being a bad-trainer and having an ego which always saw him playing at Barcelona in his head but the Blue Square with his feet couldn't be shook on this side of the Atlantic.
　
　
And… Since it’s Friday and we could all do with a jaunty tune… and there used to be a band called Daft Punk that made music you could boogie to… and Revolution…

Not Necessarily THE MATCHUP

"You'll Never Dome Alone"



We've already made our feelings clear (here) about Toronto FC and useless, often perilous, mid-season money-friendlies that see actual MLS fixtures re-scheduled to accommodate. So, in apathy rather than any type of misplaced protest, we will forego any kind of regular match preview or post-match report. Except of course a short piece on Sunday when the MRI scans on Ryan Johnson, Torsten Frings, Milos Kocic and Luis Silva reveal season-ending injuries.
　
If you are a local Liverpool supporter - go and enjoy your Reds. If you are a Toronto FC supporter who paid extra to spend some more time with your club - go and enjoy your Reds. If you could care less about the whole thing... here's a monkey in goal. Wearing red....


　
Paul Mariner softened the blow for any TFC fans that paid far too much money and expect to see a full squad face Liverpool by calling local supporters "smart". If Mariner is smart - and we seem to think he is - Toronto FC should line-up like-so...
　
GK - Quillan Roberts
D - Miguel Aceval
D - Ty Harden
D - Dicoy Williams
D - Aaron Maund
M - Matt Stinson
M - Oscar Cordon
M - Reggie Lambe
M - Eric Avila
F - Andrew Wiedeman
F - Keith Makubuya
　
To ease your pain at the thought of watching that team try to score against a Liverpool FC squad who will want to jog for 90 minutes here is a Panini sticker of LFC legend and sexy moustache engineer Bruce Grobbelaar... (not an actual sticker - don't try to peel screen)

　
All in all Reds supporters (of both varieties)... have a larf, pray for no injuries to TFC, don't make fun of Andy Carroll's pony-tail out loud and whatever you do - don't tell Luis Suarez that the ONLY Suarez in this town is Nick Soolsma's cat.
　
For those of you who wouldn't fathom spending a dime on this match but don't want to feel left out... here is footage from another Liverpool friendly with about as much importance...

Achtung defence! Field Marshal Frings out of action for 4-6 weeks

Great, now who will do... um... everything?



The news that TFC supporters were dreading came out through the Toronto mist like a miserable German foghorn. Reds' captain, talisman... well, Mr. Everything... Torsten Frings will be out of action for 4-6 weeks with a hamstring injury. With one gut-busting, turf-ridden tackle, The Reds' early season went from one full of optimism and excitement - to a hand wringing, month-and-a-half of hoping that the rag-taggiest bunch of defenders can hold some kind of shape until Das Kapitan returns.
　
The injury of course illuminates the serious deficiency of building a one-man team. While there are a few quality players on Toronto FC, the tactics have been built in a way that without Frings, almost everything else falls apart. Because of the inability to properly bolster the backline and an underperforming central midfield, Aron Winter made Frings "the everyman", responsible for babysitting a porous defence while then trying to orchestrate the engine room. While blaming this for Frings' injury maybe naive, it hurts to see the club's finest ever player hurt on a play that was caused by the centrebacks' inability to hold their line.
　
Of course, this is all hindsight now and The Reds have to prepare for life without Frings for the foreseeable future. Players who have so far been anywhere between mediocre, down to inept, have to step up their game in a very big way. On defence there will be no more babysitter for Ty Harden and Miguel Aceval and the temptation to rush back Adrian Cann may be hard to resist. In the midfield, if there was ever a time for Julian de Guzman to prove his worth - it is now. He must find the way to be the puppet master of the offence and become the link-up between the frantic defence and the jumpy forwards.
　
It is going to be a big ask for the whole squad, now bereft of the man they leaned far too heavily on but perhaps that is the only silver lining. This is the opportunity for many players to show what they are made of and their value to this club. If there is a failure to step up to the challenge, The Reds could already be in a big hole in six weeks’ time.

Really, really bad looking injury sees Cann gone for 2011

This is not an injury for ants



What could be the worst way to repair a defence that just saw itself ripped open for six goals this past weekend? How about losing the anchor of that already porous backline for the remainder of the season? No?
　
Thought you'd seen the last of Ty Harden? Think again, as Aron Winter and Toronto FC received terrible injury news today after Adrian Cann took a bad knock at practice. Tests on the sometime Canadian International defender / sometime fashion model came back later with the news that he had damaged his ACL, an injury which devastates any athlete. “I can confirm that Adrian has torn his ACL and will miss the rest of the season” said Winter - who likely went off to weep gently and swear in Dutch.
　
With the transfer window set to open, TFC will now have another major hole to fill in a defence that was already a jigsaw puzzle of mediocrity. In the immediate future, Cann's duties should fall to Nana Attakora who may have a chance to win back his starting role. If the young Canadian doesn't get this opportunity, Winter's decision will be scrutinized loudly. Sadly, with Dicoy Williams at the Gold Cup with Jamaica, the much-maligned Ty Harden will likely see minutes - and likely cost the club more goals.
　
Read the rest of the horror story at the Toronto FC site.

Toronto FC suffers broken wing - Nicholas Lindsay out for 2011

Lindsay: Best foot forward

Disappointing news out of BMO Field today as Toronto FC announced that 18-year-old winger Nicholas Lindsay will miss the 2011 season through injury. The energetic Lindsay has suffered a serious knee injury during off-season (rumoured to be snowmobile accident) which will require multiple surgical procedures over the next six months. In addition to the surgeries, Lindsay will require lengthy re-hab which will push any possible return to the club until the 2012 season.
　
For the player himself, the injury couldn't have come at a worse time. Lindsay made news in the 2010 season as the club's second ever Academy product to turn professional and showed flashes of skill and poise during his brief MLS appearances. 2011 was set to be a big year in Lindsay's development as a professional and the club's lack of depth in the wing position gave the youngster an open door to earn substantial minutes and solidify his place on the First Team.
　
For TFC and its new management team, the injury represents another challenge in the rapidly approaching pre-season. Going into Thursday's MLS SuperDraft, the roster is a skeleton squad with few positions having quality depth. What makes Lindsay's sudden status even more problematic is that TFC doesn't currently have any established starters in the wing position let alone depth. It is yet another box to check on Winter & Co.'s pre-season wishlist and certainly not good news for their philosophy which cherishes homegrown talent.

THE STARTING 11: Strange World Cup injuries

Yikes! Let's hope it's not # 7!

There are few worse ways for a player's World Cup journey to end than in injury. Being carted off the field to polite applause knowing you won't return must be devastating. This year's tournament hasn't seen any major breakdowns but it has definitely caused an array of strange ailments. They aren't unique to players on the pitch either - they can spring up amongst the spectators in the stadium, fans watching on TV and even lazy millionaire players who failed miserably and have an Italian coach who are now flyingbacktoLondonrightnowinfirstclasstotheirsupermodelgirlfriendsandgiantmansions - lazy $#!!cking useless &#$!s - NOW I"M SCREAMING!!!...... sorry. Ahem. Yes, unique World Cup injuries....
　
11. Malaise Au Francaise
　
10. Aching Bakofeng
　
9. Hairy Kewells
　
8. Cancerous Anelka
　
7. Scrote D'Ivoir
　
6. Messi Kaka / Messi Dunga
　
5. Vuvu-Mouth
　
4. Green Thumbs
　
3. Tshabalalacerations
　
2. Ghana Rhea
　
1. Busted Lippi

TFC's World Cup of wellness

"It's only a flesh wound."

When the final whistle blew at the end of Saturday's tepid match against KFC, the Toronto players could at least console themselves with an upcoming three week mini-break. For the first time in league history, MLS will shut down operations during the opening rounds of the World Cup. The break will give many of The Reds a chance to recuperate after a tough and injury-laden stretch which has left them quite banged up.
　
Let's take a look at those Torontos who are ailing and in need of some World Cup medicine. Here are both the officially listed... and those who are just maybe carrying a rumoured mystery ailment.
　
THE INJURED LIST
(As listed by Toronto FC)
- Julian de Guzman: Hamstring
- Chad Barrett: Leg (cramping)
- Amadou Sanyang: Dizziness
- Joseph "Nane Joseph" Nane: Separated shoulder
- Emmanuel Gomez: Undisclosed knee (long-term)
　
THE POSSIBLY INJURED LIST
(As told by The Yorkies' street pharmacist "Steve")
- Dwayne De Rosario: Strutter's knee/ Strained corn row
- Jacob Peterson: The plainest common cold possible (minor)
- Stefan Frei: Swiss knees
- Sam Cronin: Loneliness
- Adrian Cann: Grover voice
- Martin Saric: Argentine-Croat schizophrenia
- Jon Conway: Gigantism
- Maksim Usanov: Drago fist
- Nick Garcia: Lowered expectations
- Raivis Hščanovičs: Vowel deficiency

THE WORD: Adrian Serioux not re-signed for 2010 - opposing strikers heard giggling

-------------------Is it really the end for The Predator?

Scarborough FC may be without a major piece in 2010. News coming out of yesterday's training camp/ media day was that TFC will not be renewing the contract of tough defender Adrian Serioux. There are duelling reasons floating around the rumour mill that is BMO Field but many suggest that the hard nosed Scarberian/ Predator look-alike has racked up one injury too many.

Depending on the source, Serioux could have a badly damaged elbow or possibly a career-threatening neck injury. Either way, a TFC back four without Serioux is an extraordinarily weak prospect. It is very possible that after all of Mo Johnston's "marvellous" and copious deals, TFC could line up on opening day with Nick "The Human Own-Goal" Garcia in the backline. Wynne-Attakora-Garcia-Brennan is a defence that will absolutely bleed goals and boot loose balls into the stands on every occasion.

But not to worry - right? It's training camp and hope springs eternal! That is unless you look at what Mo Johnston has brought in to bolster one of the league's worst defences. As of this moment that would be... NOBODY! Yes we've got trialists coming out the wazoo but which one to choose from? Oh the choices are so great! Do you want the Scottish cast-off with a dodgy ticker, the wild tempered homesick Egyptian or the Portuguese long ago-maestro who is missing one of his knees?

Think that Mo will swing a last minute deal for a quality defender with future first round picks? Think again - his mismanagement of the salary cap has left TFC unable to bring in a proven player unless major funds are released (i.e. dumping Carl Robinson) and the salary cap is increased in a new CBA. If only there was a way to keep Serioux and ditch Johnston, at least that would keep the rapidly diminishing glimmer of 2010 hope alive. And it's only day two.

WORD FACTOR: 8 / 10

Young Elephant breaks Carl Robinson's face

In Mo Johnston and Toronto FC's quest to build the cheapest team in the world, they invited three unknown youngsters on trial from the African nation of Ivory Coast - or Cote D'Ivoir to its friends. Ivory Coast is a football rich nation which can boast the superstars Didier Drogba, Emmanuel Eboue and Didier Zokora amongst its talented "Les Elephants" national team. Something tells me that the trio that Mo invited over for a Canadian autumn adventure aren't in that calibre. Just a hunch.

There is nothing wrong at all with trialling young internationals - you never know when you may indeed find the diamond in the rough. However, it is surely an unheard practice to train raw athletes with your first-team during the most important part of the season. At a time when the starting 11 should be honing their skills and most importantly their chemistry, why would you be running out three young men who may never wear the shirt? The problem with green young men trying to land a dream job with a big team is that they will do whatever they need to do to catch the manager's eye. Earlier this week, at TFC practice in Oakville, that is exactly what happened.

It is being reported that during one of the scrimmages, one of the young trialists (Ivory Coasters? Cote D'Ivoirians? Elephant Men?) crashed hard into veteran midfielder Carl Robinson, apparently fracturing the Welshman's cheekbone in the process. Medical reports coming out of BMO Field are sketchy at the moment but Robbo is definitely heading to a specialist. Worst case scenarios claim that the defensive midfield stalwart may be gone for the season but the club has yet to confirm that. With Amado Guevara away on international duty, it looks as if Chris Cummins will be forced to put together a rag-tag midfield. This is exactly the kind of news that no one who still holds slim hope of a TFC post-season wants to hear. Well Mo, hopefully these young Elephants develop into valuable players because one of them may have inadvertently cut The Reds' thread of playoff dreams short. That's no bargain... in English or French.