Final report cards at Aron Winter Total Technical Institute

"Cafeteria?" Left at the windmill, right at the clogmaking class"



It has been a school year of change on the shores of Lake Ontario. After Preki Junior High was shut down last year, with crusty Dean Mo Johnston run out of town, many wondered what new curriculum would be brought in. When it was announced that the Winter Technical Institute was to open in PJH's place - the dumb jocks knew their days were numbered.
　
Under the tutelage of Dutch master Aron Winter and his wacky P.E. teacher Bob de Klerk, education in the Football Sciences was turned on its head. Many new students enrolled in 2011, some excelling while others dropping out after finding the lessons impossible to comprehend. But alas, the school year has ended and the dreaded final report cards must be sent home....
　
THE VALEDICTORIANS
JOAO PLATA B+ : Like watching Webster and Pele's love child
DANNY KOEVERMANS A - : After 5 years, the first true striker
TORSTEN FRINGS A : A true captain. Best football mind on the pitch
RICHARD ECKERSLEY A - : Heart, skill and grit. Thanks Burnley.
　
THE HONOUR ROLL
JULIAN DE GUZMAN B - : Best year at TFC... but wa$ it enough?
ERIC AVILA B : Great addition with upside - traded for spare parts
RYAN JOHNSON B: Useful. Needs more Bob Charlton, less Bob Marley
NICK SOOLSMA B - : Slowly became valuable depth. Just loves cats.
STEFAN FREI B : Still our # 1. Deserves to start 2012 in goal
MILOS KOCIC B - : Solid back-up but handling and distribution shaky
PERI MAROSEVIC C + :Good young depth with great attitude
　
WINTER-SUMMER SCHOOL
ANDY IRO C - : Looks like John Barnes, defends like Priscilla Barnes
NATHAN STURGIS C - : Played like he never wanted to be here
MIKAEL YOURASSOWSKY C - : Versatile but too reckless and a diver
TY HARDEN C - : Not starter quality. On the hook for too many goals
TERRY DUNFIELD C : Scant minutes but gung-ho veteran presence
DANLEIGH BORMAN C : Decent on wing, often atrocious on defence
GIANLUCA ZAVARISE C - : Outshined by young American additions
JAVIER MARTINA D : What a player! (Valid for one match only)
EDDY VIATOR D - : File under "Emergency Buy". Out of depth in MLS
　
THE FRESHMEN
DONEIL HENRY C - : "Oh Henry" tends to melt under the heat
ASHTONE MORGAN B - Set "The Tone" for future Academy grads
MATT STINSON C+ : "Cowboy" Matt Stinson must channel exuberance
OSCAR CORDON C - : Flash of potential but needs to eat more
MATT GOLD D + : "Ginger Quota" filled by Eckersley. Mostly invisible
　
THE SICK NOTES
ADRIAN CANN B - : Really, really good looking. Really, ugly injury.
DICOY WILLIAMS B - : Was coming into his own when injury struck.
ELBEKAY BOUCHIBA N/A :Mystery man who could doom JDG's job
NICHOLAS LINDSAY N/A : Lay off the winter sports son.
　
THE NO-SHOWS
DEMETRIUS OMPHROY N/A : If Twitter was footy, he'd be Maradona
KEITH MAKUBUYA N/A : Robbed us of chances to yell "Booyah!"
LEANDRE GRIFFIT N/A : Most mysterious Frenchman since Clouseau
KYLE DAVIES N/A : Easily in TFC's All-Time Top 100 Kyles
　
THE DROP-OUTS
ALEN STVANOVIC D - : Never met a teammate he wanted to pass to
DWAYNE DE ROSARIO C: "A" for play, "E" for drama = C. A shame.
NANA ATTAKORA D : Got bad advice, could still be on TFC defence
ALAN GORDON C + : Was almost "Yankee Dichio", sadly made of glass
JACOB PETERSON C - : Legend in his own mind. Anti-Canuckite.
TONY TCHANI C+ : The next big thing... for 17 matches
DAN GARGAN C - : Once a plumber, always a plumber
MAICON SANTOS C : Most overrated Red ever. Farewell Mike Sanders
DASAN ROBINSON N/A : "There's only one Robbo"... Carl.

THE MATCHUP: Ready for SIXual Healing

"Let's get it on, you Reds!"



TORONTO (16TH) VS. NEW ENGLAND (18TH)
　
BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 12:30PM EDT
TV: TSN RADIO: FAN 590
　
THE KICKABOUT:
After Tuesday night's potentially club-changing win in Champions League, Toronto FC finds itself basking in a rare glow as the season comes to an end. The atmosphere around this meaningless match could have been dull and rather miserable but instead, TFC fans are suddenly looking to brighter days ahead. Next season now looks like it could indeed be one of "SIXual Healing". With a year of rebuilding under their belts, Aron Winter & Co. will now have to deliver bigger and better in 2012.
　
The season-ending tilt against New England gives Reds' support one last farewell to the club until the CONCACAF Champions League Quarterfinal in March, as well as a rare opportunity to look down at a club worse off than Toronto. New England has had a horrendous campaign and sits in the "wooden spoon" position coming in to Saturday's match. A TFC victory would cement The Revs in last while doing a solid for Vancouver who are no doubt whining over our CCL victory. Either way, the last match of 2011 feels like a goodbye to not just this season, but the four previous as well.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Table Legger"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Eric Avila, Danny Koevermans, Joao Plata
NEW ENGLAND: Benny Feilhaber, Shalrie Joseph, Kenny Mansally
　
THE ODDS:
- TFC fans partying like its 1999 2007: 3-1
- "There's always next year" said without irony: 5-1
- Watching New England and realizing things could be worse: 10-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
With the sudden onset of ambitious feelings towards the club's sixth season, we have taken up the cause to brand 2012. The club has trotted our 'fOUR Season" and "Season fiVe" recently but in the spirit of giving back to us long suffering supporters, we urge the club to use the moniker "SIXual Healing" for 2012. If they need more persuading, here's a chant for us all to sing in the key of Marvin Gaye...
　
"Get up, get up, get up, get up
Let's go Reds tonight
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up
'Cos the time right"
　
"Now that we're done rebuilding
We want SIXual Healing
SIX-ual Healing, baby!"
　
THE WAGER: 1-0 Toronto (2011: 23-23 with 7 exact scores)
FUTURE HEADLINE: "2012? LET'S GET IT ON"

Now... to get you in the mood...

"Get stuffed!" - Thanksgiving with TFC

Not a Chip Butty in sight



It's that time of year when loved ones gather to give thanks for all they have received over the past year. While some Reds' supporters may have not reaped the harvest they expected in 2011, there are still some morsels worth savouring.
　
Yes, an autumnal playoff bounty is beyond our reach once again, but hopes of a winter (or Winter) seeding gives supporters a light ahead for spring. Considering this time last year we were still picking Mo-furkey from our teeth - it could be worse.
　
So, tuck in your speculative Champions League Quarterfinal napkin (on sale now at RealSports for $57.99) and sit down for a specially prepared BMO Field Thanksgiving dinner, made from the finest ingredients that TFC managed to cobble together this year.
　
THE TURKEY: Despite five years roasting in its own self-worthy juices, MLSE is indeed the big dried-out bird. Tough to chew on and often hard-to-swallow, this carcass won't stop telling you how much better it will taste next year while constantly gobble-gobbling at your purse strings.
　
THE STUFFING: The only thing that made the poultry edible this year was the hope that the stuff inside was planning to add some flavour. ARON WINTER and BOB DE KLERK added the "total" spices to the few breadcrumbs that PAUL MARINER could rustle together. Definitely needs some off-season peppering.
　
BREAD ROLLS: Solid and filling despite being buttered with shots all year long, STEFAN FREI and MILOS KOCIC are the unsung heroes of the meal and surprisingly not too crusty after being left to bake alone so many times.
　
SWEET POTATO: Nothing filled the middle of the plate like the sugary staple DWAYNE DE ROSARIO. Always good for a tasty turn but not at his best flavour without the added sugar he wanted. TFC dubiously shared their portion with friends to the south where he aims to keep bringing sweetness until American Thanksgiving.
　
MASHED POTATO: Just what you need to fill the void - a big hearty portion of Bavarian-style TORSTEN FRINGS. Sturdy, solid and while he may not have the dash of a sweet potato, a TFC feast without him just doesn't satisfy.
　
BRUSSELS SPROUTS: The robust yet frustrating vegetation in the middle of the plate is undeniably JULIAN DE GUZMAN. You're hit-or-miss with your portion and even though you know it's good for you, it still often leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
　
TURNIPS: They are awkward, misshapen and you don't know quite how they got there. TY HARDEN and ANDY IRO are indeed the two root vegetables stuck in the middle of the meal. Dress em' up any way you can - they still don't taste quite right and are disastrous in pairs.
　
CRANBERRY SAUCE: A big dollop of angry red garnish on the side can only be RICHARD ECKERSLEY. Unexpectedly adding zing, this imported delicacy has often been the only flavour in a bland offering - has quite a bite too.
　
BABY CARROTS: Often a little too raw, but you just know if they are given the time to simmer to perfection ASHTONE MORGAN, MATT STINSON and DONEIL HENRY can be a staple for years to come. Something grown in your own backyard just tastes that much better.
　
THE GRAVY: Even when the offerings seemed dry and tasteless in 2011, a pint-sized gravy boat in the form of JOAO PLATA added just enough sauce to liven up a BMO Field meal. Smooth and sometimes a bit spicy, he was often the "shake and bake" that made things more palatable.
　
PUMPKIN PIE: A late edition but a great way to end the meal. Looking great in orange and delivering a reliable finish is a big slice of DANNY KOEVERMANS. Baked fresh late in the season, this Dutch treat may just be the most dependable meal finisher this table has ever seen.
　
We give thanks for the few scraps on our table this autumn. But... we still expect a bigger, better cornucopia in 2012 - and a season that ends closer to American Thanksgiving. If not, Bitchy the Hawk might start looking tasty.

THE STARTING 11: Positives of having a -19 goal difference



Ah, the GD. No, not "God damn" (although TFC's may make you blurt that) nor "Gerry Dobson" (although you may blurt "God damn, Gerry Dobson stop showing me TFC's GD!"). The GD we refer to today is of course "Goal Difference" (or differential if you're a high falutin' professor type. Nerd.) Currently Toronto FC has the worst GD in MLS at a whopping -19, a full -9 worse than the next most useless club. It is not a stat to be proud of and indicative of how the season has played out so far - but it's not all bad at the bottom of the plus/minus barrel...
　
11. Lack of goals equals big savings on confetti
　
10. A positive goal difference is so bourgeoisie
　
9. Defenders AND attackers can feel equally useless
　
8. You get a free goal with every 20 allowed!
　
7. Has helped heal Preki's wounded pride
　
6. Number matches projected BMO Field attendance in October
　
5. It means that Danny Koevermans only has to score 40 goals in half a season to give Reds a shot at being neutral
　
4. It’s an amazing mini-golf score!
　
3. MLSE launching "-19 Cents Off Selected Merchandise" sale
　
2. Number matches BMO Field's Opening Day temperatures
　
1. Makes the club's "-12 in 2012" season ticket renewal campaign look downright reasonable

Mid-Term reports at The Aron Winter Academy of Total Learning

Even the architecture is 4-3-3!

When Preki Junior High permanently closed its doors last year, and crusty Dean Mo Johnston was sent packing, no one knew what place of learning would take in the young Reds. Then, just before the school year began, word emerged that the prestigious Aron Winter Academy of Total Learning would open its doors with promises of cultured education and advanced philosophy nurturing the minds of Toronto's footballing pupils.

　
Led by tough Headmaster Aron Winter, wacky firebrand Vice-Principal Bob de Klerk and experienced Superintendent Paul Mariner, a new era of higher education was to dawn over the Lakeshore campus. The halfway point of the school year has arrived and time has come to mail home Mid-Term report cards to the young lads in their sharp red uniforms.
　
GOALKEEPING 101
STEFAN FREI: "Star pupil. May leave for fancy European school" A
MILOS KOCIC: "Quiet. Helps pal Stefan with homework" N/A
　
DEFENSIVE ARTS & CRAFTS
NANA ATTAKORA: "Issues with tuition Dept. Can do better" C+
DONEIL HENRY: "Promising freshman with a bright future" B -
DAN GARGAN: "Curriculum too advanced. Rides the short bus" D
ADRIAN CANN: "Playground injury. Concentrate on modelling" B -
TY HARDEN: "Big, but slower than Elmer's Glue" C
DANLEIGH BORMAN: "Didn't do homework on 'Sith Ifrici' trip" C +
RICHARD ECKERSLEY: "Stand-out exchange student. Crayon hair" A
DICOY WILLIAMS: "Big strong kid. Very laid back. Irie" B
　
MIDFIELDOLOGY
JULIAN DE GUZMAN: "Local rich kid. Doesn't want to be here" C
NATHAN STURGIS: "Very cooperative. Name like a Naval officer" C +
OSCAR CORDON: "Freshman full of beans. May need Ritalin" C
MIKAEL YOURASSOWSKY: "Your Ass usually rolling on the ground" C
TONY TCHANI: "Bright future. Runs like an angry giraffe" B -
JACOB PETERSON: "Plain but useful. Hall Monitor" B -
MATT GOLD: "That much ginger on one boy is unhealthy" C -
GIANLUCA ZAVARISE: "Most Italian part of talent is his name" C
　
FORWARD THINKING PHILOSOPHY
JOAO PLATA: "Smallest boy in class. Biggest heart" B +
NICK SOOLSMA: "Name means 'painfully slow' in Flemish" C
ALAN GORDON: "Popular. Motivates the class. Absent too often" B +
MAICON SANTOS: "Checking files. Name might be Mike Sanders" B -
JAVIER MARTINA: "First day of school was great. Downhill since" C

Not all MLS idiosyncrasies bad for Winter

Wow, Martin Saric really let himself go

Aron Winter has been getting a crash course lately on the wacky world of Major League Soccer. Player trades, locker room access, four-hour-flight road trips and comical officiating are still novel for TFC’s Dutchman and will take time to get used to. Surely some days he must feel like he's managing in Bizarro Football but ironically, it is MLS's unique structure which may give Winter a chance at success quicker than if he had headed to a club in Europe.
　
The advantage for team re-building in MLS (if done right, Mo Johnston) is the lack of reliance on transfer fees and guaranteed contracts. If Winter had inherited a version of TFC in the Dutch 2nd Division, the first hurdle would have been trying to recoup transfer funds from the decrepit group of ballast players his predecessor had assembled in 2010. Winter, and Mariner as well, had the luxury of erasing the deck of unwanted players and it's a good thing because you only have to look at the players' post-TFC work history to assess their value on any transfer market. As we impatiently support through another rebuilding, imagine if we had to try and sell Mo Johnston's 2010 crop before being allowed to start again...
　
THE RELEASED 2010 REDS:
NICK GARCIA - Unattached
FUAD IBRAHIM - Unattached
MISTA - Unattached
AMADOU SANYANG - Unattached
MARTIN SARIC - Unattached
GABE GALA - Unattached
EMMANUEL GOMEZ - Unattached
MAXIM USANOV - Unattached
RAIVIS HSCANOVICS - Signed with FK Jurmala (Latvia)
　
The list above illuminates two things, firstly the ineptitude in how Mo Johnston and Preki band-aided a squad of players who no one else wanted while promoting them as MLS-worthy. The second, how difficult the job could have been for Aron Winter & Co. if TFC had to honour contracts and deal in transfer markets like their international cousins. Winter may have trouble with some of MLS' strange behaviour but the league's lack of involvement in the world transfer market made his TFC rebuild a lot easier than if he had been saddled with 2010's far from valuable "assets" - and their poorly financed contracts.

Empty seats at home opener the dying squawk of a “Golden Goose“?

Last one left... Golden Egg butty anyone?

With a few of days left before Toronto FC opens its 2011 home schedule, the local buzz around the club has reached a noticeably low ebb. Since its inception, TFC has been "the little team that could" in Toronto with its widely publicized game atmosphere drawing crowds from across Southern Ontario. However, it seems evident that the latest "Golden Goose" in MLSE's empire has been seriously wounded by the ownership’s follies.
　
Sell-out crowds and wild flag-waving "authentic football" supporters have been the norm at BMO Field since 2007. However, instead of nurturing the on-field product, MLSE decided to bask in the league-wide spotlight of this sudden marketing gem. A long list of mistakes began to mount, among them: annual ticket cost increases pricing out many "working class" holders; decisions regarding matches like the Real Madrid friendly and the MLS Cup Final which smacked of opportunism and greed; and, the worst mistake of all, allowing the woefully inept Mo Johnston to control the club for four years causing massive damage with his terrible record of player transactions, revolving managers and contract negotiations which harm the club even today. These, along with numerous other "customer service" blunders, have proven to be the "death by a thousand cuts" to the TFC Goose.
　
Despite these errors, TFC has an incredibly loyal and thick-skinned following. The problem for MLSE may be that the once wide-eyed and optimistic supporters have grown football savvy and lost that outlook after constant club soap operas. As 2011 opens, The Reds supporter, particularly the more casual type, sees another long rebuild ahead, a roster slightly better than an expansion team, a shiny new Vancouver club which looks so promising and delivered TFC a harsh blow last week and a potentially Arctic-style day ahead for BMO Field's Saturday opener. The sad fact that the home opener is not a sell-out for the first time is a great shame, but also a dire warning.
　
For those still rabidly loyal to the club, the sudden "unfashionable" TFC strikes as a shame. Under the new Aron Winter and Paul Mariner regime, the club has never had more capable tutelage. While the road ahead will indeed be long with a few tough bumps in it, there is a real reason for optimism for the first time. Unlike the former "Mis-Management" team, Winter & Co. have a plan, plus the minds and skills, to succeed. For their hiring, MLSE deserves to be lauded. For the club's sake, let's hope it isn't too little too late. The sell-out crowds will be missed in the short-term but we can hope that the "good times" will return... this time to watch "good football" and not just to wave flags.

THE MATCHUP: Expansion team to face Vancouver Whitecaps

Ugh... the nouveau riche. So crass.

VANCOUVER WHITECAPS VS. TORONTO FC
　
EMPIRE FIELD - SATURDAY 6:30 PM ET
TV: TSN.....RADIO: THE FAN 590
　
It's back! "The Matchup" is on the air (does the internet-machine have an "air"?) which means MLS and Toronto FC are ready to go for 2011! Well, by "ready to go" we mean embarking on yet another major re-build from top to bottom. TFC has used the word "re-build" so many times since 2007, it's a wonder The Reds' TV rights didn't go to HGTV. Badum-dum! I am in pre-season form! I'm here all five-year plan - try the Harris Hawk!
　
To drive the point home that TFC have yet to accomplish anything in MLS since 2007, we start the season against our shiny, new Canadian cousins - Vancouver Whitecaps. Oh, that perfect club which has perfectly done everything perfectly perfect since their perfect admission into MLS. Enough already, you're cool, you bring pot to the party... people like you... we get it. Yes, TFC has become Canadian club football's red-shirted step-child - but who cares? They're ours Reds supporters and everything starts fresh again tomorrow, right? Now... to copy and paste that and save it for next year's season opener.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Great Canadian Bagel"
　
YEAR 1 STARS: Atiba Harris, Jay DeMerit, Joe Cannon
YEAR 1 (PART 5) STARS: Dwayne De Rosario, Nana Attakora, Stefan Frei
　
THE ODDS:
- Weather forecast to include words rainy, drizzly, damp, cloudy: 3-1
- "Munchies" induced fans make new "Orca Butty" a hit: 10-1
- Alan Gordon accidentally breaking something on Adrian Cann: 15-1
- Steve Nash coming on to score buzzer-beating lay-up goal: 50-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- Vancouver is Canada's 3rd largest city. It's citizens are called Vancouverpudlians and the main exports are hacky-sacks, good vibes and looking down noses. The city was once again ranked # 1 in the world "Most Liveable" poll but ranked a poor # 218 in the "Most Humble" category
- Fears of a "Dichio-seat cushion" debacle replay have stopped Whitecaps from handing out Commemorative "SoccerBowl '79" foam handlebar moustaches to Saturday's crowd
- Bobby Lenarduzzi's time as Canadian National Team coach will be honoured pre-game. A video highlighting all of the team's best moments will be played 12 seconds before kick-off
- While Vancouver chose to stick with the name Whitecaps in MLS, the vote for team name went to the wire with Crystal Meth Palace FC, Granolatasaray and Pottingham Forest close contenders
　
TOTALLY WASTED SAY: 1-0 Vancouver
TOTALLY TOTAL FOOTBALL SAYS: 0-0 Draw
FUTURE HEADLINE: "PRESSBOX LOCATED NEXT TO "SMOKING" AREA... I CAN TASTE COLOURS... MONKEY COSMONAUT... SANDWICH BIT ME... LENARDUZZI IS THE NEW OPRAH!"

Know your Toronto FC 2011: The A to Zavarise Guide

"We jusht arrived and we're Dutch. Ishn't that shtrange?"

In about 48 hours from now, Reds supporters will get their first regular season look at TFC Version 2. Apparently this time it's for real and despite predictions of peril from around North America, the excitement for a fresh start in Toronto is palpable. Of course, much of the energy comes from the new management team of Aron Winter and Paul Mariner (Team #Winner) but there is a roster that while not yet complete, has an eye on Vancouver and far beyond. In our special Yorkies way, we introduce… # 11 in the league # 1 in our hearts... your 2011 Toronto FC.
　
NANA ATTAKORA - D
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: Attman
HOBBIES: Growing dreads, looking three years into the future
2011 HEADLINE: "Attman rescues TFC from dark plight"
　
ELBEKAY BOUCHIBA - M
COUNTRY: Netherlands
NICKNAME: Sonny Chiba, B.K.
HOBBIES: Looking like a B-Movie villain, questioning heart
2011 HEADLINE: "Bouchiba leaves TFC for role in Die Hard 5"
　
ADRIAN CANN - D
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: Zoocannder, The Prodigal Cann
HOBBIES: Being really really good-looking, putting tail between legs
2011 HEADLINE: "Cann puts Red Steel into defence"
　
JULIAN DE GUZMAN - M
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: D-Goo, Luis de Guzman
HOBBIES: Follicle engineering, gettin' paid, remembering Spain
2011 HEADLINE: "D-Goo DP's opposition"
　
DWAYNE DE ROSARIO - M/F
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: De Ro, Me Ro, He Ro, H8 Mo
HOBBIES: Popping, locking, Scottish tourism, putting money where mouth is
2011 HEADLINE: "De Ro shock winner at 2011 Charades Championships"
　
STEFAN FREI - GK
COUNTRY: Switzerland
NICKNAME: Superfreis, Goalblerone
HOBBIES: Screaming at bad defence, wondering what European club to play for next
2011 HEADLINE: "Another clean sheet closer to FC Zurich"
　
DAN GARGAN - D/M
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: The Gargan
HOBBIES: Being released, watching Rory Delap videos
2011 HEADLINE: "3 dead, 2 missing after Gargan throw-in"
　
ALAN GORDON - F
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: The Nosebreaker, Yankee Dichio
HOBBIES: Breaking male model's faces, seeing over people
2011 HEADLINE: "Gordon and Cann shake hands... Cann out for 2 weeks"
　
TY HARDEN - D
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: That Big Dude
HOBBIES: Charity work, being anonymous
2011 HEADLINE: "Tall blonde man seen at BMO Field"
　
DONEIL HENRY - D
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: Oh!
HOBBIES: Completing puberty
2011 HEADLINE: "Reserve team plays. Henry says hi"
　
MILOS KOCIC - GK
COUNTRY: Serbia
NICKNAME: Milko, Blockovic
HOBBIES: Biding time, muttering at Croats
2011 HEADLINE: "Milos foreman as TFC blanks Edmonton"
　
NICHOLAS LINDSAY - F
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: Lohan Ricketts
HOBBIES: Snowmobiling, #failing, jeopardizing stuff
2011 HEADLINE: "Lindsay ends rehab - waterskiing in celebration"
　
JAVIER MARTINA - F
COUNTRY: Netherlands / Netherlands Antilles
NICKNAME: The Curacao Kid, Wedge Netherlands Antilles
HOBBIES: Doing Dutch stuff, doing Caribbean stuff
2011 HEADLINE: "Martina shaken... not stirred"
　
DEMITRIUS OMPHROY - D
COUNTRY: Panama / USA
NICKNAME: Little Lord Omphroy
HOBBIES: Tattoos, tweeting, sing-alongs
2011 HEADLINE: "Rookie adds Omph to the line-up"
　
JACOB PETERSON - M/F
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: Vanilla Jake, The Amish Assassin, J. Peterson
HOBBIES: Drinking skim milk, Saying 'golly gee', barn raising
2011 HEADLINE: "Peterson claims 'Chip Butty too ethnic, spicy'"
　
MAICON SANTOS - F
COUNTRY: Brazil
NICKNAME: Lakeshore Lambada, Other Maicon
HOBBIES: Dancing suggestively, refuting Joga Bonito
2011 HEADLINE: "He's not that Maicon and never played for Santos"
　
NICK SOOLSMA - F
COUNTRY: Netherlands
NICKNAME: Soolio, The Dutch Boy
HOBBIES: Spelling things with double vowels, sticking fingers in dikes
2011 HEADLINE: "Soolsma scoores wiineer for Tooroontoo"
　
NATHAN STURGIS - D/M
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: The Sturgeon, Sturgis Meredith
HOBBIES: Watching Sounders matches... crying gently,
2011 HEADLINE: "Like a Sturgis, got a touch for the very first time"
　
GIANLUCA ZAVARISE - M
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: Easy, Luca Brasirise (swims with the fishes)
HOBBIES: Blasting Euro in Mustang, driving laps around Woodbridge Dairy Queen, ballin'
2011 HEADLINE: "Zavarise scores winner - St.Clair Ave. closed"
　
So there you have the core of your 2011 Toronto FC! Excited yet? Dying to scream "I love The Sturgeon" at BMO? Of course you are. Can't get enough of these great journalistic biographies you say? Not to worry, TFC added some youngsters today so we're throwing in: Matt "Nickname Pending Waivers" Stinson, Keith "BOOYAH!" Makubuya, Oscar "Meyer" Cordon "Bleu", Ashtone "Tone-Moc" Morgan and even the yet to be signed Joao "Zero and a Half Men" Plata. Now don't say we never give you anything! Enjoy these boys - they're not yet Total Football, but they're ours. COYR!!!

Know your 2011 MLS Eastern Conference

East coast flava! Oh, and Houston

Wow, you are an impatient lot! Wasn’t the Western Conference (posted below) good enough for you? Yeah, guess not. I mean - what’s with that half of North America anyways? Ocean, mountain, deserts, prairie heartlands. Jeez - pick a geology and stick with it. Show-offs.
　
Anyhoo, as promised to our loyal Yorkiemaniacs, here is the second half of the “Know Your MLS 2011” preview - The Eastern Conference! That’s right west - you’re trippin’ on E now! We gots us an Atlantic seaboard, we get wacky with the snow, silly accents up the wazoo and just to mess you up we’re throwing in some French people next year! What, what! East coast! Biggie would be so proud… if he liked football.
　
CHICAGO FIRE - Toyota Park
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Carlos de los Cabos / Los Lobos
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: La Maquina Roja / Chicago Long Sox
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: None / Pizzeria Uno Deep Dish
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Marco Pappa
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Scottie Pippen, The One-Man Gang, Random Belushi
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Out of playoffs / Calling Cuauhtémoc Blanco... leaving message
　
COLUMBUS CREW - Crew Stadium
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Robert Warzycha / Crew Cat
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: The Crew / The Yellow Flubmarine
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: None / French's Mustard
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Andy Iro
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Right Said Fred fans, Canary enthusiasts, Xenophobes
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Out of playoffs / Still a thorn in our side
　
DC UNITED - RFK Stadium
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Ben Olsen / Barack Obama
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Black and Red / The Beetles
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Volkswagen / Lada
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Charlie Davies
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Democrats, Huge stadium enthusiasts, Hristo Stoichkov
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Wildcard contender / Still looking for a new stadium within 800 miles
　
HOUSTON DYNAMO - Robertson Stadium
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Dominic Kinnear/ Oscar de la Hoya
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Orange Crush / La Fanta
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Greenstar Recycling / Those orange Glad Garbage Bags
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Brian Ching
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Astronauts, Warren moon, People “having a problem”
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Wildcard contender / Being seen for miles
　
NEW ENGLAND REVOLUTION - Gillette Stadium
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Steve Nicol / Paul Mariner
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Revs / The Boston Ruins
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: None / Umm… Gillette?
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Shalrie Joseph
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: The Irish, Various Wahlbergs, the sisters in “The Fighter”
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Wildcard contender / Being called “wicked awesome”
　
NEW YORK RED BULLS - Red Bull Arena
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Hans Backe / Eric Cantona
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Red Bulls / Energie Jersey
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Red Bull / Tab Cola
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Rafael Marquez
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Jersey Shore’s cast, American Arsenal supporters, Non-Cosmos fans
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Title contender / Half-filling league’s best stadium
　
PHILADELPHIA UNION - PPL Park
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Piotr Nowak / Rocky’s Uncle Paulie
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Zolos / Onions
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Bimbo / Why mess with that?
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Faryd Mondragon
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: The robot from Rocky IV, DJ Jazzy Jeff, Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Out of playoffs / Trying to be the Millwall of MLS
　
SPORTING KANSAS CITY - Livestrong Sporting Park
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Peter Vermes / Preki-Mo
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Sporting / Kansaslautern
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: None / KFC
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Omar Bravo
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Amateur wizards, Tornado chasers, Little dogs too
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Out of playoffs / Telling people they’re Portuguese
　
TORONTO FC - BMO Field
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Aron Winter / Mr. Klinsmann... line 1 NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: The Reds / Der Oranje
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: BMO / Rogers (See Vancouver Whitecaps below)
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Bitchy The Hawk
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Gluttons for punishment, Extreme weather survivalists, Butty connoisseurs
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Bottom of league / Heading for Year 6 of 5 Year Plan

Know your 2011 MLS Western Conference

"Can you be more Pacific please?"

It's that most wonderful time of the year for Major League Soccer fans. The season is upon us and everything is fresh and yet to be ruined by another season of broken promises. Oh dear God - make it end already! Ah-hem... looking forward of course.
　
The lead-up to any new season is a time when media outlets across the league do their annual predictions and previews and we here at The Yorkies are anything if not a serious, hard-hitting media behemoth. You in the back... we hear you laughing. So here goes, The Yorkies' "Know Your MLS 2011". Despite hating East and West Conferences, we know you have a life outside this blog (which angers us to no end) so we will split it up for your convenience. Go West my son! Here's "Know Your MLS Western Conference"....
　
CHIVAS USA - Home Depot Center
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Robin Fraser / The "Dos Equis" Man
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: The Goats / Chivachangas
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Corona / Nick LaBrocca Personal Injury Lawyer
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Ante Jazic
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Taco Bell Dog, Cheech Marin, Ghost of Ricardo Montalban
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Bottom of league/ Cursing in Mexican
　
COLORADO RAPIDS - Dick's Sporting Goods Park
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Gary Smith / RapidsMan
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Rapids / The Ron Burgundys
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: None / Denver Hayes Discount Jeans
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Conor Casey
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Ghost of John Denver, Bob Denver, Denver the Last Dinosaur
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Title Contenders / Lame defending Champs
　
FC DALLAS - Pizza Hut Park
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Schellas Hyndman / Pizza The Hutt
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Hoops / Queen's Park Texas Rangers
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: None / Anything with BBQ

PLAYER WE'D STEAL: David Ferreira
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: J.R. Ewing, Rodeo clowns, Bushes
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Playoff contenders / Still outdrawn by High School gridiron team
　
LA GALAXY - Home Depot Center
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Bruce Arena / Any big name, washed-up, unemployed European
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Los Galacticos / Davy B & Friends
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Herbalife / L'Oreal For Men
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Landon Donovan
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Hollywood B-Listers, Reality TV Cougars, Expat British actors
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Title contenders / Pretty to look at
　
PORTLAND TIMBERS - Jeld-Wen Field
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: John Spencer / Timber Joey
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Timbers / The Logs
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Alaskan Airlines / Evergreen Car Air Fresheners
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Kenny Cooper
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Clyde Drexler, Non-jailed Trailblazers, Justin Timberlake
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Bottom of league/ Noisy
　
REAL SALT LAKE - Rio Tinto Stadium
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Jason Kreis / A random Osmond
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: The Royals / Deportivo La Utah
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Xango / Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Will Johnson
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Cast of "Big Love", King of Spain, Stockton & Malone
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Title contenders / More trophies... wives
　
SAN JOSE EARTHQUAKES - Buck Shaw Stadium
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Frank Yallop / Dale Mitchell
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: The Quakes / Los Massacres
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Amway / United Van Lines
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Bobby Convey
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: George Best's liver, Seismologists, Saint Joseph
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Playoff contenders / Still playing in a High School stadium
　
SEATTLE SOUNDERS FC - Qwest Field
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Sigi Schmid / A kid on XBOX LIVE
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: Rave Green / The Glowsticks
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: XBOX / A green ColecoVision
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Blaise Nfuko
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: The other guy in Nirvana, Frasier's dog, Sasquatch
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Title contenders / Telling everyone how great they are
　
VANCOUVER WHITECAPS FC - Empire Stadium / BC Place
MANAGER/ NEXT MANAGER: Teitur Thordarson / Björk
NICKNAME/ OUR NICKNAME: The Caps / Crystal Meth Palace FC
SHIRT SPONSOR/ NEXT SPONSOR: Bell / Rogers (Eventually they control everything)
PLAYER WE'D STEAL: Eric Hassli
WELL KNOWN SUPPORTERS: Steve Nash, Tommy Chong, Stan Smyl
EXPERT PREDICTION/ OUR PREDICTION: Bottom of league/ Long, damp afternoons

MLS releases 2011 schedule... wives and girlfriends will be missed

"Honey, I found a Tuesday in November..."

For some wacky reason known only to Don Garber and his band of merry New York execs, it seems to take Major League Soccer longer every year to release the regular season schedule. But alas, after much waiting, supporters' patience was rewarded today with the release of the full fixture list.
　
For the first time, MLS will go with a balanced schedule meaning every team will play each other twice home-and-away. Why this can't translate into a single table we'll never know but apparently us Eastern Conferences are supposed to feel hatred towards the Western Conference. "Ooh you nasty Westerners with your Pacific Ocean and such! Grr!"
　
Anyhoo, Toronto FC's rabid support were nonetheless made aware of their plans for the next eight months. To our wives, girlfriends, children and pets... we're sorry. See you in October... unless there are playoffs... then see you in November. Highlights of TFC's 2011 include:
　
· The season opens away to Vancouver Whitecaps on March 19th at 7PM
· One week later on March 26th, BMO Field welcomes MLS newcomers Portland Timbers for its fifth home opener
· A very heavy April sees TFC play 4 out of its 6 matches at home including an April 13th visit from Los Angeles with Beckham, Donovan and a guy named Barrett in tow
· A very balanced home-and-home schedule throughout May and June
· No break or even minor rest period during this summer's CONCACAF Gold Cup
· Vancouver makes its first MLS visit to BMO Field on June 29th followed the next week by Toronto's away fixture at New York Red Bull's excellent Red Bull Arena on July 6th
· Schedule returns to a majority balanced schedule through to the end of the season with the regular season culminating with a visit from New England on October 22nd
· Still to be shoe-horned into the schedule are Canadian Cup fixtures and hopefully a run in the CONCACAF Champions League qualifying round and group stage.
　
To see the complete schedule and break the news to your family visually follow link to official site...

Letters from Camp: "Red Star in morning... ankle bone's warning"

Del Boy's got loads of TFC clobber back there! Lovely Jubbly!

There are so many glaring differences between the 2011 TFC training camp and those that were held under the old regime. The current "Oranje Revolution" management are open with information, invite seemingly qualified trialists to camp and schedule challenging friendlies. Under old boss, the dictatorial Hosni Mobollocks (see what I did there? Topical!), it was all completely in reverse, done under a cloak of secrecy with very few, very canned, puff press releases.
　
Since the friendly victory over Partizan this week, the news from Antalya has included, happy players, motivated players, players learning actual tactics, players being selected for Canada and a general sense of optimism. The only minor story which is bubbling under the surface is the limbo-ish status of former interim head coach Nick Dasovic and the rumour that he has been offered, or has already become, the club's head Canadian scout. Either way, it's hardly a distraction to the players.
　
Speaking of players, TFC added a couple of triialists to the Dutch Pot this weekend in defensive midfilder Elbekay Bouchiba and young defender Chris Hunter. Bouchiba is a 32-year-old Dutch journeyman whose career has been spent almost entirely in the Dutch Eredivisie with quality clubs such as AZ, Sparta Rotterdam and FC Twente before moving to Qatar's Al-Wakrah club in 2008. Hunter is a strong 23-year-old centreback from northern England who decided to take the NCAA route with the UCSB "Gauchos" and lesser known junior Yavapai College. Favourite TV show is listed as "Only Fools and Horses" so he's already good in our books! Go on Del Boy!
　
The real reason we got up at 8AM on a Sunday morning of course was to fire up Twitter and various websites to follow The Reds through their second friendly of 2011. Today's match wasn't originally scheduled but added after arriving in Turkey when Aron Winter seemingly said "who can we play who is even meaner than Partizan?" And thus we bring you textual highlights of Toronto FC vs. Europe's angriest team... Red Star Belgrade.
　
TORONTO FC 1st Half Line-up: David Monsalve, Demitrius Omphroy, Adrian Cann, Nana Attakora, Ashtone Morgan, Matt Stinson, Elbekay Bouchiba, Oscar Cordon, Nick Soolsma, Maicon, Javier Martina
RED STAR BELGRADE 1st Half Line-up: 11 very angry looking unshaven Serbs, possibly a lead pipe...
　
1' - Club captain Dwayne De Rosario not with club as he left for Greece to prepare for Canada friendly and learn about Greek currency
9' - Red Star dictate the early play with aggressive wing play. TFC regretting salami, kebab and Turkish Delight breakfast buffet
12' - Maicon looking lively in the box when not having Red Star cleats imprinted into his thighs
15' - TFC Academy captain Matt Stinson brought down hard by Red Star defender. Apparently for "looking at him funny"
25' - Handful of travelling Red Star supporters start a running battle with a flock of seabirds who stupidly had Partizan-coloured feathers
31' - Monsalve makes solid saves on increasingly powerful Red Star shots
35' - Ashtone Morgan impresses with some tough 1-on-1 defending. He better watch his back at the hotel later
39' - Demetrius Omphroy shows off his new tattoo. A Serbian elbow imprint on his cheek
41' GOAL: Matt Stinson showing some Eastern Promise by finding himself on the end of a sweet Maicon Santon-Javier Martina set-up and cross. TORONTO FC 1 - RED STAR BELGRADE 0
44' - Coach Danny Dichio starts roasting the half-time goat

HALF TIME: TORONTO FC 1 - RED STAR BELGRADE 0
　
TORONTO FC 2nd Half Line-up: Milos Kocic, Dan Gargan, Ty Harden, Doneil Henry, Chris Hunter, Matt Gold, King Osei Gyan, Gianluca Zavarise, Bas Ent, Keith Makubuya, Joao Plata
RED STAR BELGRADE 2nd Half Line-up: Even angrier Slav dudes, a mean looking African guy and possibly a German Shepherd
　
48' - Toronto GK Milos Kocic tries to confuse Red Star with his wacky Serbian-Canadian lingo
52' - Bas Ent getting knocked down and right back up numerous times. Like an inflatable 1970's Dutch toy punching bag
60' - 5 foot 2 Joao Plata making a nuisance of himself with darting runs, sweet little passes and running between the legs of giant Red Star defenders
63' - Jim Brennan having hard time keeping up with all the early morning coffee orders back at TFC head office
68' - Plata in 1-on-1 with Red Star keeper but slips on the pitch before getting shot off. Red Star coach with shovel says "yes... pitch very slippery"...
71' - Top-rated trialist, and if signed, best TFC name ever - King Osei Gyan, looking very solid in defensive mid role for second game in a row. Hopefully this isn't a showcase for a bigger European club to grab him first
73' - Chris Hunter not intimidated by aggressive Red Star forwards. He's been in Newcastle's city centre on a Saturday night.
77' - Dan Gargan tries one of his "poor-man's Rory Delap" long throws but it gets lost in Keith "Boo-yah" Makubuya's long name
82' - Ent flattened again like a Dutch pancake. Ishn't that shtrange?
85' - Red Star throwing everything but the kitchen sink now at TFC defence. Wait... they actually threw a kitchen sink.
89' - Doneil Henry with a game-saving double block from a Red Star thrown-in then corner - Oh Henry!
90' - Ref blows whistle for full time - immediately runs to car and is driven to safe house.
　
FULL TIME: TORONTO FC 1 - RED STAR BELGRADE 0
　
So there we have it, a momentum boosting victory for TFC over high-quality opposition. Yes, we all know that these Balkan bad boys are just coming off winter break but it was still another tough yet skilled performance for The Reds. If there is one thing we can say for certain... after drawing Partizan and beating Red Star, Toronto FC are the best team in the Serbian League. On to win the Croat title later this week! Have to run now, there is a Serbian Yorkiesovic website that wants a "friendly" word with us.

Letters From Camp: "Lights, webcams... little action"

Head Counsellor at "Camp Wannafooty"

Dispatches from camp always have to be taken with a grain of salt. The campers often have a wide variety of emotions from good to bad and send the strangest messages to their loved ones waiting for news. TFC camp isn't all that different - lots of wide-eyed youngsters, surly camp veterans and wily counsellors make for an adventurous few weeks where anything seems possible.
　
Our very own "Letters from Camp" section will try to capture some of that madness over the next few weeks as we try to keep you up to date with the wacky stories, both real and imagined, that emerge from Camp Wannafooty. Think of it as a home version of training camp as you figure out what's real and what's italicized not-so-real fireside chatter! For example: "The club announced that they are set to leave for Turkey"... or… "The club announced their former Director was a turkey" See! Fun! Catch "Letters from Camp" until early March... or until those wacky draft picks steal a canoe and row across to the girl's training camp!
　
To kick off camp, the players and staff met up with local media for some hasty interviews featuring the finest in puffball questions, cliché answers, terrible audio and shaky internet connections. Some of the highlighted points from the 2011 Reds included:
　
· ARON WINTER: A possibility of adding a second DP before the season; 6 trialists will join the club in Turkey; Tuesdays will feature an all-you-can-eat pancake and shmoke buffet; He did not like the "old British" style played here previously; Supplemental picks won't go to Turkey; Really sick of "Winter" puns already
· PAUL MARINER: The club is actively dealing with De Ro and his contract woes; He is not the 5th Beatle as rumoured online nor an actual mariner
· JULIAN DE GUZMAN: Has trimmed the afro buy at least 34%; His knee is getting better and he should play in the Carolina Challenge Cup; Enjoys the bible and long walks on the beach
· DEMETRIUS OMPHROY: Very excited about being club's top pick; Loves the city; Wants to be known as "Little Lord Omphroy"
· MATT GOLD: Eloquent and well spoken; Relishes the defensive midfield support role over offensive glory; Wants to lead MLS in freckles and ginger hair
· STEFAN FREI: Excited to play attacking football; Will get to use feet in Dutch style; Still thinks Swiss cheese beats Dutch any day
· NICK LABROCCA: Everyone got to meet the coaches and it should be "exciting" soccer; Really excited about upcoming tax season - offered to prepare teammates returns
· TY HARDEN: Has to prove self to club; Had to show ID to enter stadium
· NICK GARCIA: Came in and announced "someone order a taxi?"
· JACOB PETERSON: The attitude is positive; Turkish food is frightening - will bring own powdered milk;
· JIMMY BRENNAN: Wanted to know if you take your coffee with cream and sugar
· MAICON SANTOS: Was clueless as who would line-up next to him in striker position; Having hard time with Toronto's winter that renders his lambada moves useless
· DAN GARGAN: Biggest change was not signing with team 2 hours before kick-off; Has trademarked the phrase "Soccer's Wendel Clark";
· COLLIN SAMUEL: Wanted to see if any sandwiches were left over
· DWAYNE DE ROSARIO: Celtic was a "great experience"; Winter is direct and straight forward - a refreshing start; Just turned down a controversial trial with Queen Of The South; "Some people like you, some people don't"; Wants to play in upcoming Canada v Greece friendly; Plans to run for Mayor of Scarborough in 2015; Replied to journalist question about trials with "If the New York Times asks you to write for their paper - would you go?"; Announced trial with the New York Times Sunday league co-ed squad
· MO JOHNSTON: Twittered that his birdhouse was coming along nicely and he had 6 or 7 Brazilian birds interested in moving into it
　
So there you have your campsite fun for now. To see the official, and fully factual (what fun is that?) interviews, check out the official site. But again, why? It's so... factual. Boring!

THE STARTING 11: Toronto FC preseason vaccinations

"You are safe to play The Crew now"

The first photo-op of any preseason is of eager (well, mostly eager) players arriving at their club and getting ready for their annual medical. Down at BMO Field, Toronto FC's crack medical team will be putting the Reds, both old a new, through their paces to make sure they are up to scratch. Of course, it's not all jumping jacks and 1930's style fat-shaking machinery - Doctor Dichio and staff also has to get the roster ready for the rigours of an MLS season and its inherent dangers with a series of vaccinations against some potentially odd ailments...
　
11. Bitchy Rabies
　
10. (Aron) Winter Blahs
　
9. Strained Afro (Julian de Guzman only)
　
8. DP Envy
　
7. Mo Withdrawal
　
6. Buttygut
　
5. Dan-Gargantuism
　
4. Cann-cussion
　
3. Columbus, Ohio
　
2. Celtic Fever
　
1. Nicked LaBroccas

"Whooo! Spring Break!" TFC releases preseason plans

Cann, LaBrocca, Gargan and Harden get ready...

Yes, it's a bit of a slow news day when you are discussing your club's travel plans but things are a little more interesting than in years past. From 2007 through 2010, Mo Johnston's Reds usually dilly-dallied around Florida for a few weeks while testing their "strengths" against far from formidable opponents such as out of season NCAA squads and Sunday League ex-pros before winding up with a mediocre display at the annual Carolina Challenge in Charleston, SC. Of course, it's was always hard to train considering Mo didn't start signing players until 24 hours before the season started.
　
This year marks a decidedly improved and far more challenging springtime for Toronto FC. After a brief get-together in Toronto, the club, along with some trialists and invitees, embarks on their first ever sojourn to Europe - specifically Antalya, Turkey. During their two week stay in the Turkish city, The Reds will play friendlies against UEFA middleweights Dinamo Zagreb of Croatia and Serbian legends Partizan Belgrade with another match TBA. Despite both Dinamo and Partizan trying out some new and young bodies themselves, it still marks a vast improvement in pre-season challenges.
　
The club returns to North America on February 12th and will split their time between Toronto and the US South with appearances at both the Disney Tournament and once again at the Carolina Challenge Cup where they will test their strengths against MLS rivals.
　
With rumoured trialists, including Bas Ent, Evan Schwartz, Andrew Ornoch and David Monsalve, joining the eight recent draft picks, the TFC camps should be an open affair with a lot of competition for many available spots. Hopefully the club will help out their eager fanbase with far more open reporting, which would contrast the former regime's "information lockdown" agenda.
　
View the full TFC Preseason schedule here...

"Sup' Plemental Draft?" "Just Draftin', whassup' wit you?"

The Fighter: "Irish" Steven Beattie

Enough of that wacky rap music street jive, Toronto FC is doing serious business... yo! Major League Soccer held the 2011 Supplemental Draft today and Team Winter was busy doing what Mo Johnston rarely did - team building. For those of you who don't know what this draft is all about, think of last week's SuperDraft as the exciting Boxing Day sale where all kinds of goodies are up for grabs. The Supplemental Draft on the other hand is the post-Boxing Day sale where the things that didn't get picked up are thrown into a bin and bargain hunters sift through junk looking for a diamond in the rough.
　
Despite its Honest Ed's feel, the Supplemental Draft isn't anything to be sneezed at. It's true that there are no contract guarantees given to the drafted players with many, if not most, disappearing quietly during training camps. However, now and again, those diamonds are discovered. In past years, MLS stars such as Jeff Larentowicz, Brian Ching and Chris Wondolowski have emerged from the bin in question. With that possibility and a whole whack (more rap jive) of roster spots available, Toronto FC 2.0 has taken four youngsters with potential shiny bits.
　
• JIMMY "JC" BANKS: Mobile midfielder from University of Wisconsin - Green Bay (Go! Fightin' Cheese Wheels! Go!) who just dropped out of the SuperDraft selections last week after a mediocre combine. Father was a US International who played at the 1990 World Cup and starred with the indoor Milwaukee Wave. "Wave Soccer - Catch the Taste!"
• "IRISH" STEVEN BEATTIE: The high-scoring forward made his way from the youth leagues of Dublin, Ireland over to the wilds of Northern Kentucky (great fried chicken, awful Irish breakfasts) in NCAA Division II. His eye for goal led him to be named the division's Player of the Year in 2008 and 2010 but his stock dropped due to his MLS International Roster status.
• SPENCER "FOR HIRE" THOMPSON: One of two guys named Spencer Thompson to go in today's draft. Wha' Supp (see what I did there?) with that? The big forward from Michigan State actually trained with TFC last summer when the "Preki & Mo FunTime Hour" still ruled. Does he still want to come? Hey, free trip to Turkey! Gobble, gobble!
• SCOTT "SPANISH FOR RED SCOTT" ROJO: Diminutive midfielder from High Point University ("Let's! Get! High!") who spent some time with the USL PDL's Carolina Dynamo. The 5 Foot 7 Texan can still tower over new TFC forward Joao Plata - so there's that.
　
On a roster that is full of chances, a spot on the big club - or at least its Reserve League baby brother - is there for the taking for these young men. As one of eight youngsters joining the new “Oranje Reds” in the last week, these players may have joined the most opportune club outside of the two expansion teams. They won't be able to just walk onto TFC though. If Team Winter’s constant selection of two-way players has shown anything, it's that they have a plan in mind and will only take players who fit. Word to your mutha.

Whassup' with that?

SuperDraft SuperBusy for TFC’s new SuperManagement

End of The Chad in The Toronto

With no 1st Round pick and only a handful of mid-range picks at their disposal, most Toronto FC observers predicted a quiet day at the MLS SuperDraft. But, you know what they say... "when in Baltimore..." umm... "do stuff?" Sure, that works! And stuff they did. In somewhat chronological order, TFC's Oranje Army got SuperBusy at the SuperDraft... in SuperBaltimore like so:
　
• Before their first pick was even close, TFC sent forward Chad "The Chad" Barrett to Los Angeles Galaxy for "future considerations". Don't they know the world ends in 2012?! What good are these futures? Damn you John Cusack!
• After getting over the terrible tragedy that was John "I'm Wayne's brother" Rooney's selection by New York with the 25th pick overall, Toronto used their 26th overall pick to select the fabulously named Demetrius Omphroy. The 21-year-old defender/ midfielder from University of California is said to be a decent pick that late in the draft and has shown personal strength by battling the tough disease MS to make it to this level. Also, best name since Julius James.
• With the first of their two, back-to-back 3rd Round picks, TFC selected two-way midfielder Matt Gold, a product of Ohio State. Take that Columbus! We gone done kidnapped a Buckeye! If Gold can collect goals like he collects freckles and dodgy facial hair, he'll be a massive star. If not... we'll leave him outside an Ohio State frat house - Revenge of the Nerds style!
• With the Gold barely being appraised (see what I did there Cashman?) TFC used the 44th overall pick to snag yet another midfielder. This time it was El Salvadorian-American Junior Burgos who played at Cal-Poly, San Luis Obispo - catchy school name! If he can emulate his father, Senior Burgos aka Efrain Burgos, who played for 6 years on the El Salvador National Team, then perhaps the lanky 22-year-old social science major could be depth in 2011.
• With most TFC SuperDraft fans packing up their SuperScarves, Team Oranje pulled a 3rd Round rabbit out of their clogs by sending backup keeper/ giant Jon Conway to Chicago for the 49th pick which was used to grab tiny Combine standout Joao Plata. Before you say "who?", Plata was the leading scorer at the MLS Combine and is a product of the Barcelona youth system! Ok, it's the Barcelona in Ecuador - but still! Ecuador! We haven't had one of those yet. New flag at BMO!
　
So there you have it... for now. Everyone knows Baltimore is the city that never sleeps... mostly because of late-night burglars... so there may yet be deals to come. The day will be most remembered as the end of the Toronto line for The Chad Barrett. While he started his Reds' career as a constant goat, his hard-work and hustle won him many fans. Sadly, it was Mo Johnston's willingness to give him a massive (MLS massive) contract that did him in. In the end, not enough goal-scoring consistency and being prone to nagging injuries made his soon-to-be $300K salary too much of an anchor for a team in the midst of a massive re-build. How his cramps will deal with LA humidity is anyone's guess.
　
For the current TFC optimist, such bold moves leave one with the impression that Aron Winter's Oranje Army have a solid plan and a lot of moves up their collective sleeves before the season begins. Currently they are flirting with a skeleton roster with many holes to fill and a short time to do it. If Mo Johnston was in charge, TFC supporters would be frightened right now but there seems to be a sense of waiting to see what Winter & Co. will do before leaving for training camp in Turkey. Or, MLSE will only buy 20 tickets on Turkish Airlines... Just saying. Much like most of today's events, we must wait to see what the future holds.

Damn you and your 2012

Toronto FC suffers broken wing - Nicholas Lindsay out for 2011

Lindsay: Best foot forward

Disappointing news out of BMO Field today as Toronto FC announced that 18-year-old winger Nicholas Lindsay will miss the 2011 season through injury. The energetic Lindsay has suffered a serious knee injury during off-season (rumoured to be snowmobile accident) which will require multiple surgical procedures over the next six months. In addition to the surgeries, Lindsay will require lengthy re-hab which will push any possible return to the club until the 2012 season.
　
For the player himself, the injury couldn't have come at a worse time. Lindsay made news in the 2010 season as the club's second ever Academy product to turn professional and showed flashes of skill and poise during his brief MLS appearances. 2011 was set to be a big year in Lindsay's development as a professional and the club's lack of depth in the wing position gave the youngster an open door to earn substantial minutes and solidify his place on the First Team.
　
For TFC and its new management team, the injury represents another challenge in the rapidly approaching pre-season. Going into Thursday's MLS SuperDraft, the roster is a skeleton squad with few positions having quality depth. What makes Lindsay's sudden status even more problematic is that TFC doesn't currently have any established starters in the wing position let alone depth. It is yet another box to check on Winter & Co.'s pre-season wishlist and certainly not good news for their philosophy which cherishes homegrown talent.

2011 New Year's (not New England) Resolution

The new TFC 2011 kit wasn't a hit

Bleary eyed. Terrible headache. Mouth tastes of old booze and smoke. You look in the mirror and promise yourself... "never again". No, it's not the day after the final Toronto FC match of the season - it's January 1st.
　
The Reds, and particularly their owners, don't make it very easy to look forward to 2011 but if there is one day of the year where you have to at least try to wipe the slate clean it's today. Just ignore the star player training with Celtic, no GM, no head coach, the likelihood of PR man Earl Cochrane being given control of the club, your 2011 ticket increase, the 13 players out of 30 currently under contract and the price of beer at BMO. Ugh, I should have drank more last night.
　
But alas, we here at The Yorkies will try to look ahead to 2011 with some New Year's resolutions for supporting our beloved Reds. Here's our bleary eyed crack at optimism - 11 goals for 2011. Add yours in the comments below... think of it as a New Year's intervention!
　
- Think of words that rhyme with "Nathan Sturgis" for new chants
- Quit my three-Butty-a-day habit
- Send Steve Nicol a cake with "Pretty Please" written on top
- No Beer. No Gear at BMO... until ML$E starts to build a winner
- Find a picture of De Ro in a kilt
- Learn the words to "The Ancient Mariner"
- Resist buying new TFC kit. Buy something from here instead
- Think of ways to blame Mo Johnston for another 365 days
- Become a German-Californian soccer consultant. Do little. Get rich
- Be nicer to ML$E. Stupid f*%#ing a&$@oles! (Oh well, 10 out of 11?)
- Instead of "TFC Blogger", refer to self as "Interim Journalist"
　
Happy New Year’s to our faithful readers… here's to 2011. Honestly, the only way is up... since there's no relegation.