Letters From Camp: "Lights, webcams... little action"

Head Counsellor at "Camp Wannafooty"

Dispatches from camp always have to be taken with a grain of salt. The campers often have a wide variety of emotions from good to bad and send the strangest messages to their loved ones waiting for news. TFC camp isn't all that different - lots of wide-eyed youngsters, surly camp veterans and wily counsellors make for an adventurous few weeks where anything seems possible.
　
Our very own "Letters from Camp" section will try to capture some of that madness over the next few weeks as we try to keep you up to date with the wacky stories, both real and imagined, that emerge from Camp Wannafooty. Think of it as a home version of training camp as you figure out what's real and what's italicized not-so-real fireside chatter! For example: "The club announced that they are set to leave for Turkey"... or… "The club announced their former Director was a turkey" See! Fun! Catch "Letters from Camp" until early March... or until those wacky draft picks steal a canoe and row across to the girl's training camp!
　
To kick off camp, the players and staff met up with local media for some hasty interviews featuring the finest in puffball questions, cliché answers, terrible audio and shaky internet connections. Some of the highlighted points from the 2011 Reds included:
　
· ARON WINTER: A possibility of adding a second DP before the season; 6 trialists will join the club in Turkey; Tuesdays will feature an all-you-can-eat pancake and shmoke buffet; He did not like the "old British" style played here previously; Supplemental picks won't go to Turkey; Really sick of "Winter" puns already
· PAUL MARINER: The club is actively dealing with De Ro and his contract woes; He is not the 5th Beatle as rumoured online nor an actual mariner
· JULIAN DE GUZMAN: Has trimmed the afro buy at least 34%; His knee is getting better and he should play in the Carolina Challenge Cup; Enjoys the bible and long walks on the beach
· DEMETRIUS OMPHROY: Very excited about being club's top pick; Loves the city; Wants to be known as "Little Lord Omphroy"
· MATT GOLD: Eloquent and well spoken; Relishes the defensive midfield support role over offensive glory; Wants to lead MLS in freckles and ginger hair
· STEFAN FREI: Excited to play attacking football; Will get to use feet in Dutch style; Still thinks Swiss cheese beats Dutch any day
· NICK LABROCCA: Everyone got to meet the coaches and it should be "exciting" soccer; Really excited about upcoming tax season - offered to prepare teammates returns
· TY HARDEN: Has to prove self to club; Had to show ID to enter stadium
· NICK GARCIA: Came in and announced "someone order a taxi?"
· JACOB PETERSON: The attitude is positive; Turkish food is frightening - will bring own powdered milk;
· JIMMY BRENNAN: Wanted to know if you take your coffee with cream and sugar
· MAICON SANTOS: Was clueless as who would line-up next to him in striker position; Having hard time with Toronto's winter that renders his lambada moves useless
· DAN GARGAN: Biggest change was not signing with team 2 hours before kick-off; Has trademarked the phrase "Soccer's Wendel Clark";
· COLLIN SAMUEL: Wanted to see if any sandwiches were left over
· DWAYNE DE ROSARIO: Celtic was a "great experience"; Winter is direct and straight forward - a refreshing start; Just turned down a controversial trial with Queen Of The South; "Some people like you, some people don't"; Wants to play in upcoming Canada v Greece friendly; Plans to run for Mayor of Scarborough in 2015; Replied to journalist question about trials with "If the New York Times asks you to write for their paper - would you go?"; Announced trial with the New York Times Sunday league co-ed squad
· MO JOHNSTON: Twittered that his birdhouse was coming along nicely and he had 6 or 7 Brazilian birds interested in moving into it
　
So there you have your campsite fun for now. To see the official, and fully factual (what fun is that?) interviews, check out the official site. But again, why? It's so... factual. Boring!