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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Know your Toronto FC 2011: The A to Zavarise Guide

"We jusht arrived and we're Dutch. Ishn't that shtrange?"

In about 48 hours from now, Reds supporters will get their first regular season look at TFC Version 2. Apparently this time it's for real and despite predictions of peril from around North America, the excitement for a fresh start in Toronto is palpable. Of course, much of the energy comes from the new management team of Aron Winter and Paul Mariner (Team #Winner) but there is a roster that while not yet complete, has an eye on Vancouver and far beyond. In our special Yorkies way, we introduce… # 11 in the league # 1 in our hearts... your 2011 Toronto FC.
 
NANA ATTAKORA - D
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: Attman
HOBBIES: Growing dreads, looking three years into the future
2011 HEADLINE: "Attman rescues TFC from dark plight"
 
ELBEKAY BOUCHIBA - M
COUNTRY: Netherlands
NICKNAME: Sonny Chiba, B.K.
HOBBIES: Looking like a B-Movie villain, questioning heart
2011 HEADLINE: "Bouchiba leaves TFC for role in Die Hard 5"
 
ADRIAN CANN - D
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: Zoocannder, The Prodigal Cann
HOBBIES: Being really really good-looking, putting tail between legs
2011 HEADLINE: "Cann puts Red Steel into defence"
 
JULIAN DE GUZMAN - M
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: D-Goo, Luis de Guzman
HOBBIES: Follicle engineering, gettin' paid, remembering Spain
2011 HEADLINE: "D-Goo DP's opposition"
 
DWAYNE DE ROSARIO - M/F
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: De Ro, Me Ro, He Ro, H8 Mo
HOBBIES: Popping, locking, Scottish tourism, putting money where mouth is
2011 HEADLINE: "De Ro shock winner at 2011 Charades Championships"
 
STEFAN FREI - GK
COUNTRY: Switzerland
NICKNAME: Superfreis, Goalblerone
HOBBIES: Screaming at bad defence, wondering what European club to play for next
2011 HEADLINE: "Another clean sheet closer to FC Zurich"
 
DAN GARGAN - D/M
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: The Gargan
HOBBIES: Being released, watching Rory Delap videos
2011 HEADLINE: "3 dead, 2 missing after Gargan throw-in"
 
ALAN GORDON - F
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: The Nosebreaker, Yankee Dichio
HOBBIES: Breaking male model's faces, seeing over people
2011 HEADLINE: "Gordon and Cann shake hands... Cann out for 2 weeks"
 
TY HARDEN - D
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: That Big Dude
HOBBIES: Charity work, being anonymous
2011 HEADLINE: "Tall blonde man seen at BMO Field"
 
DONEIL HENRY - D
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: Oh!
HOBBIES: Completing puberty
2011 HEADLINE: "Reserve team plays. Henry says hi"
 
MILOS KOCIC - GK
COUNTRY: Serbia
NICKNAME: Milko, Blockovic
HOBBIES: Biding time, muttering at Croats
2011 HEADLINE: "Milos foreman as TFC blanks Edmonton"
 
NICHOLAS LINDSAY - F
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: Lohan Ricketts
HOBBIES: Snowmobiling, #failing, jeopardizing stuff
2011 HEADLINE: "Lindsay ends rehab - waterskiing in celebration"
 
JAVIER MARTINA - F
COUNTRY: Netherlands / Netherlands Antilles
NICKNAME: The Curacao Kid, Wedge Netherlands Antilles
HOBBIES: Doing Dutch stuff, doing Caribbean stuff
2011 HEADLINE: "Martina shaken... not stirred"
 
DEMITRIUS OMPHROY - D
COUNTRY: Panama / USA
NICKNAME: Little Lord Omphroy
HOBBIES: Tattoos, tweeting, sing-alongs
2011 HEADLINE: "Rookie adds Omph to the line-up"
 
JACOB PETERSON - M/F
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: Vanilla Jake, The Amish Assassin, J. Peterson
HOBBIES: Drinking skim milk, Saying 'golly gee', barn raising
2011 HEADLINE: "Peterson claims 'Chip Butty too ethnic, spicy'"
 
MAICON SANTOS - F
COUNTRY: Brazil
NICKNAME: Lakeshore Lambada, Other Maicon
HOBBIES: Dancing suggestively, refuting Joga Bonito
2011 HEADLINE: "He's not that Maicon and never played for Santos"
 
NICK SOOLSMA - F
COUNTRY: Netherlands
NICKNAME: Soolio, The Dutch Boy
HOBBIES: Spelling things with double vowels, sticking fingers in dikes
2011 HEADLINE: "Soolsma scoores wiineer for Tooroontoo"
 
NATHAN STURGIS - D/M
COUNTRY: USA
NICKNAME: The Sturgeon, Sturgis Meredith
HOBBIES: Watching Sounders matches... crying gently,
2011 HEADLINE: "Like a Sturgis, got a touch for the very first time"
 
GIANLUCA ZAVARISE - M
COUNTRY: Canada
NICKNAME: Easy, Luca Brasirise (swims with the fishes)
HOBBIES: Blasting Euro in Mustang, driving laps around Woodbridge Dairy Queen, ballin'
2011 HEADLINE: "Zavarise scores winner - St.Clair Ave. closed"
 
So there you have the core of your 2011 Toronto FC! Excited yet? Dying to scream "I love The Sturgeon" at BMO? Of course you are. Can't get enough of these great journalistic biographies you say? Not to worry, TFC added some youngsters today so we're throwing in: Matt "Nickname Pending Waivers" Stinson, Keith "BOOYAH!" Makubuya, Oscar "Meyer" Cordon "Bleu", Ashtone "Tone-Moc" Morgan and even the yet to be signed Joao "Zero and a Half Men" Plata. Now don't say we never give you anything! Enjoy these boys - they're not yet Total Football, but they're ours. COYR!!!

1 comment:

  1. theres just too many good ones to pick!

    ReplyDelete