Boxing Day Blowouts - Ten Reds that we should have kept the receipt for

It's under the "This Is Our House" sign

When Toronto FC calls MLS headquarters to finalize a transfer, Don Garber should always ask "do you want a gift receipt with that?" Much like that sweater that your mother gave you yesterday, every club ends up with an ugly, ill-fitting acquisition now and again that just leaves you uncomfortable and itchy. In their nearly seven years of wheeling and dealing and wheeling that deal around again, TFC have racked up way more than their share of bad purchases. In the spirit of Boxing Day (St. Ivan of Drago Day to our Russian readers) we wait in the RETURNS ONLY line with a handful of Reds sweaters that were the worst fits.

MISTA: Apart from looking like Sean Penn's slightly awkward brother, the lazy Spaniard may have been the zenith of Mo Johnston's ridiculous purchases. Given a DP contract while teammate Dwayne De Rosario was signing air-cheques, Mista's single goal will go down in no history.

GEOVANNY CAICEDO: One of the "answers" to TFC's long-term defensive woes, the Colombian was built like a brick sh*t house and played like one too. Well, in one half of pre-season friendly play that is.

CARLOS RUIZ: Another one of Mo Johnston's "guys he always wanted", Ruiz took about five weeks to complete the five-hour flight from Guatemala. Once he arrived it was obvious to all he never wanted to be here.

LAURENT ROBERT: The man released to make way for Ruiz, the miserable Frenchman looked great for about two-and-a-half matches. Rumours that he was disgusted by what Tim Hortons calls a croissant are unproven but tres drole.

JEFF CUNNINGHAM: The speedy striker who scored goals in MLS by the bucket load - before arriving in Toronto - always looked like he was halfway between pouting and swearing while in red. Was a great little-and-large pairing with Danny Dichio for about 130 minutes.

JULIAN de GUZMAN: Never short on talent but always with questionable desire during his time in Toronto. The former La Liga standout was never the right buy despite his hometown roots and warmed few hearts in the stands. It should have been better for both sides.

NATHAN STURGIS: Hardly the fault of the player himself but more of the braintrust that decided a journeyman MLS plumber was worth a SuperDraft 1st Round Pick. That pick could have been Houston striker Will Bruin. Instead, Sturgis plodded through 16 unremarkable appearances in red.

JAVIER MARTINA: Easily one of the Top 500 Curacaos to ever play in MLS. Lit TFC fans' hearts on fire during a cold home opener versus Portland with some deft goalscoring on his debut. Disappeared from that day on.

ANDY IRO: Yet another one of the "answers" to TFC's half-decade of defensive drudgery, the giant Liverpudlian never found his feet here. Literally - he often looked like he was rooted into the BMO Field turf. The asterisk off course with Iro was that he was the final chess piece in the worst checkmate of TFC's dealing history - The De Ro Trade.

MIGUEL ACEVAL: See above re: defence. He came. He saw. He drank. He looked kick-ass in a mugshot. If only Aceval could have caught MLS attackers as easily as he was caught by Houston Police, above mentioned woes would have been solved.

 

Do you have more former (or current) TFC'ers that you wished you still had the receipt for? We'd love to see your additions in the comments below. But we're not letting you get in this Returns line ahead of us.

The Long Short Goodbye

That should just about cover everyone

With two home fixtures remaining for TFC supporters (well the ones who can be bothered to go) it may be time to get a jump on your player Bon Voyage cards. While Paul Mariner once claimed "...we're close (to competing). I promise"... would-be GM Earl Cochrane countered that the club likely needs 8-9 new faces. Where these warm bodies be acquired from - either Bosman signings, MLS trades, or the academy - is anyone's guess. However, the eternally cap-pressed TFC won't be able to bring in that many newbies without freeing up some existing salary.
　
With that, we take a quick look at the roster and who could and/or should be facing their last days in TFC red. We work on the very, very hypothetical (not hypercritical, Paul) assumption that TFC can indeed bring in numerous replacements in order for you to get your craft kit out and design a few farewell posters. Glue and glitter at the ready....
　
QUINCY AMARIKWA: Mariner seems to love Jamiroquai but he screams one-dimensional sprinter with only rumours of a scoring touch. Shouldn't stick around but probably will.
2013 PREDICTION: Starting TFC striker
　
ERIC AVILA: The manager obviously has no place for Avila whose appearances have become Loch Ness Sasquatchian in occurrence. Get your "So Long Avi" poster ready.
2013 PREDICTION: Goal, two assists and Man of the Match on opening day... for Chivas USA
　
ADRIAN CANN: Former TFC MVP was supposed to be the returning stabilizer on the defence but was never in Mariner's plans. Add a backpack to that 10-pack.
2013 PREDICTION: Prepping for Mr. CHIN Picnic pose down
　
OSCAR CORDON: Development seems to be halted and may have reached the end of the line with Toronto. Could stick as Reserve Team fodder.
2013 PREDICTION: High-fiving Gabe Gala with Mississauga Eagles
　
TERRY DUNFIELD: Not "the ultimate box-to-box player" but a handy leadership presence at a low-cost who should be bench-depth only
2013 PREDICTION: MLSE's poster child as they try to find the "Wendel Clark of the FC's"
　
RICHARD ECKERSLEY: Everyone loves his heart and desire - no one loves how much he gets paid for it. Still better than most we have for now and will likely be here.
2013 PREDICTION: Red Cards
　
LOGAN EMORY: A very low-budget workman who can play a few positions but in reality - a solid NASL player. Should only stick as bottom of bench emergency depth
2013 PREDICTION: Starting TFC centreback
　
STEFAN FREI: If he regains full fitness he will be the # 1 in goal. One of the few no-brainers.
2013 PREDICTION: Still looking behind him in disbelief then at defence in bewilderment
　
TORSTEN FRINGS: Wow. Will his body bounce back? Does he even want to come back? "Frings ain't what they used to be" and they ain't cheap either. A chance that club and player may call it a day.
2013 PREDICTION: Filling water bottles, dropping pylons at Werder Bremen
　
FREDDY HALL: Always looking dodgy in goal but always with an awful defence in front of him. Surely there are better players to use an international slot on than the smiling Bermudian.
2013 PREDICTION: Lost in the triangle of free agency
　
JEREMY HALL: Useful in that he can play multiple positions, possibly more useful that he may garner MLS trade interest. Not a starter but very handy on the bench
2013 PREDICTION: Starting TFC left-back
　
TY HARDEN: The longest goodbye of all! How he is still here is mind-boggling to all.
2013 PREDICTION: Returns from season-ending "mystery injuries"; re-signs with TFC on lucrative 5 year deal

ERIC HASSLI: Le Rental could have come for free after the season but Mariner understandably gambled a 1st Round Pick for him. Would welcome him back... on a non-DP contract only.
2013 PREDICTION: DP contract in Toronto. Constantly trying to replicate his circus shot goal.
　
DONEIL HENRY: Re-signed with the club so you can assume a return. Needs more first-team experience to progress - even if it is on-loan
2013 PREDICTION: Still being the guy TFC supporters say "if we're going to lose 3-0 anyways, I'd rather see them play Doneil Henry!" about
　
RYAN JOHNSON: At times a beast, at more times frustratingly invisible. Maybe has trade value but are there replacements available?
2013 PREDICTION: Making TFC supporters scream for him / at him.
　
MILOS KOCIC: Would be ideal to keep Kocic as a very capable # 2 to Frei - all Mariner signs point to no. The fertile Serb seems to be in an unlikely doghouse but has proven capable of being a MLS starter
2013 PREDICTION: Sleepless nights.
　
DANNY KOEVERMANS: Even when he's not injured it takes Koef four months to shake off his winter pancake-layer. Will need a major off-season effort to regain use but is it worth waiting until June or July for him? Talent-starved TFC will say yes.
2013 PREDICTION: Hearty winter meals, Catan Settling and a goal in August.
　
REGGIE LAMBE: At a surprisingly low cost, the affable Bermudian still has an upside. In a perfect world he comes off the bench but "perfect world" and "TFC" are rarely written together.
2013 PREDICTION: Starting TFC winger; Tweeting in hilarious patois
　
NICHOLAS LINDSAY: TFC only in name. Complete unknown due to injury; local status will at least get him a look.
2013 PREDICTION: Regretting decisions
　
KEITH MAKUBUYA: May fill a similar spot if the promised replacements are not found. Past promise seems to have diminished.
2013 PREDICTION: Just pleased that he made it into FIFA13
　
AARON MAUND: A very NCAAish square peg who Mariner tries to fit into a DM sized circle. Out of his depth but will most likely return.
2013 PREDICTION: Starting TFC defensive midfielder
　
ASHTONE MORGAN: Must work hard to develop to next level but local fans love him and he has stepped up to the Canadian Nation Team - which means TFC will screw this up.
2013 PREDICTION: San Jose Earthquakes MVP
　
DARREN O'DEA: For us, the best thing Mariner has done. Not perfect but a hard, strong defender who already loves the city and club (?) and exudes vocal leadership. Give him the permanent captaincy and move forward.
2013 PREDICTION: Fan favourite.
　
QUILLAN ROBERTS: The jury is still out on the academy product and whether he can really be a # 2 or better if called upon. Will likely be in camp.
2013 PREDICTION: Showing strangers his goal vs England on YouTube
　
LUIS SILVA: A lock. While maybe not as astonishing a talent as some would promote - he will likely develop into a good MLS attacker. Surely TFC can't screw this up.
2013 PREDICTION: TFC screws it up.
　
MATT STINSON: Like Cordon, an academy product that may have been promoted too quickly. Has more MLS raw material than Cordon and Makubuya though and deserves another look.
2013 PREDICTION: Anchor of the midfield... on reserve team
　
ANDREW WIEDEMAN: Oh boy. Exalted by Paul Mariner as the greatest finisher since Pele Maradona Jr., Wiedeman has shown nothing in his many chances to make anyone around here a believer. However, the manager has a huge crush on him and he will likely return.
2013 PREDICTION: Redefining the "modern era"
　
DICOY WILLIAMS: At the end of the day, Williams has had one solid month as a Red. So starved for quality on defence here that he was given Jamaican Messiah status but injuries have halted the second coming. International spot may prove too much.
2013 PREDICTION: More morose Tweets
　
So, take our advice if you like and get those "AVI GOOD YEAR AT CHIVAS"; "WE HARDEN-LY KNEW YA!" and "YOUR ABS WERE FAB ADRIAN" posters ready. Only two chances left before we see the next crop of guys... who we will say goodbye to in 2014.

Yes, bye guys. We get it.

THE STARTING 11: TFC contract clauses offered to Olof Mellberg

The hunter... has become the hunted. BORK!



Prior to Saturday's match in New England, the Toronto FC community got the vapours over the "imminent" signing of Swedish International defender Olof Mellberg. Many outlets who trail The Reds seemed ready to declare the hulking Scandinavian signed, sealed and delivered as TFC's new DP and saviour of the backline. While things have gone very quiet since Saturday evening and manager Paul Mariner publically asked for patience, contract negotiations could very well be going on at this moment. Perhaps, TFC just needs to sweeten the pot for Mellberg with a few personal extras...
　
11. Technical Director of Beards added to bench staff
　
10. The Swedish Bikini Turf-Girl Team (TM)
　
9. Meatball Butty
　
8. Choice of three Toronto-area IKEA locations to use as his home
　
7. "Bitchy The Hawk" retrained to catch pickled herring
　
6. Julian de Guzman's leftover Lamborghini turned into a pimped out, orange Volvo stationwagon
　
5. The MLS Anthem replaced at BMO Field by ABBA's "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)"
　
4. All video replays to be in black-and-white and shot in the brooding style of Ingmar Bergman
　
3. MLSE promises to hunt and eliminate infamous Muppet "The Swedish Chef"
　
2. Ty Harden to legally change name to Thor Hardstrom
　
1. BMO Field to introduce strict "NO NORWEGIANS" policy

"Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the field... your Toronto FC!"

de Guzman de gone to FC de Allas

No need to hitchhike Jules - you've got a Lambo!



Much maligned by some, to be missed by others, TFC's first-ever Designated Player and Scarborough native Julian de Guzman has been traded to FC Dallas. In a move that is quite obviously a salary dump, The Reds receive Andrew Wiederman in return. Wiederman is a 22-year old midfielder/winger with Generation Adidas status who has yet to see significant playing time in MLS.
　
The long-term litmus test on today's deal will of course be what Toronto FC does with what Paul Mariner claims "gives us increased flexibility to address areas where we have more pressing needs and opens up a designated player spot for our club," The pressure will be on Mariner and Co. to make a series of moves that indeed plugs the gaping holes on TFC while addressing the lust in many circles to add a marquee name. While dumping de Guzman will satisfy some fans who never held any affection for the player, that goodwill will wear off in a hurry if the club falls into its usual state of inaction.
　
A BRIEF TIMELINE OF THE DE GUZMAN DEAL RUMOURS:
July 12, 2012
8PM: First rumours of Julian de Guzman departing Toronto
8:30PM: Texas Lamborghini dealers get odd text messages
9PM: FC Dallas emerge as destination for de Guzman
9:30PM: Wrexham upset that rumours of them getting Wales' second de Guzman in a week would not come true
10PM: Whispers that Canadian international defender Kevin McKenna may be on his way to TFC
10:30PM: Whispers that TFC may be receiving Tony Tchani, Danleigh Borman and Andy Iro in return for de Guzman
July 13, 2012
1AM: Rick Titus unable to sleep with sudden TFC job openings. Stares at beeper for an hour
2AM: de Guzman's agent confirms that trade to Dallas is for realsies
4AM: With a DP slot open - TFC consider Messi.
4:02AM: CORRECTION: "TFC considered messy"
6AM: Earlier Kevin McKenna to TFC rumour actually "Paul Mariner to send Jim Brennan out to get McDonald's." Mariner loves him some Hot Cakes & Sausage. FACT.
7AM: Still not a peep from Rick Titus' beeper
9AM: Rangers dropped to Scottish Third Division. Why has TFC not sent a rescue helicopter for Maurice Edu yet?
10AM: Official trade confirmations coming in (here)... And scene....
10:45AM: Rick Titus unhappy. Hot Cakes & Sausage finished.

#MoJohnstonTransferDeadlineDay

This used to be everyday at BMO Field. Sigh.



We love us a transfer deadline day. The MLS one is kind of fun for trades but with the multiple windows it can get a bit muddled. On the flipside, when UEFA shuts its window twice a year - it is quite the spectacle. Teams scrapping it out for the title trying to bring in a useful mercenary while minnows try to avoid relegation with a timely loan signing or keep the club alive by selling an asset for big money.
　
While clubs across the continent scrap it out for last-minute deals, nowhere is the mania chronicled quite like it is in the media-zoo that is England. One of the absolute treats of deadline day is the online "trackers" set up by various websites and media outlets. These allow the public to share rumours of potential deals with "insiders". Since the dawn of Twitter, one phenomenon has become popular on these trackers - the "I just spotted..." messages. These Tweets are usually along the lines of "Just saw Jermaine Defoe at Liverpool Airport - Reds move imminent?" For the most part they are flights of a fan's fancy - but entertaining nonetheless.
　
While perusing these Bigfoot-esque "sightings" we couldn't help wonder what a deadline day would have been like for Toronto FC under the bad old days of former GM/terrible deal aficionado Mo Johnston. Using technology that doesn't exist, we look back at what "spotted" tweets would have been posted under the hashtags #MoJohnstonTransferDeadlineDay... or possibly #FiveYearPlan...
　
- Spoke to @DwayneDeRosario in Houston. Gentleman's agreement for DP deal in TO!
- Saw some dude wandering aimlessly outside BMO Field - Rick Titus to @TorontoFC?
- Olivier Tebily close to signing - should be at #TFC for years! #defencefixed
- A French dude complaining about croissants at my @TimHortons - Laurent Robert?
- Buddle to LA Galaxy. Good deal for Reds - he'll never be a consistent MLS goalscorer
- Gabe Gala joins #TFC - says he's good enough to "score against Madrid" #inhisdreams
- Conor Casey to join #TFC from Germany? #LongTermDeal
- Just saw Dan Gargan changing in a Columbus cab! #defencefixed
- Saw a Spanish Sean Penn lookalike at Royal York Hotel counting money & laughing. Mista new DP?
- Dude kicked off of Toronto-bound Aeroflot for punching in-flight meal... Usanov to #TFC?
- Spotted Collin Samuel outside Mandarin Buffet waiting for it to open #dumplingfestival
- Rapids' midfielder Jacob Peterson seen crying at USA/Canada border. Traded to Canada?
- Ex-Caps D @AdrianCann leaves fashion show abruptly. #TFC over Blue Steel? #ReallyReallyGoodLooking
- Know a guy at First Wave Agency. Says they just faxed #TFC their next 17 signings
- TFC shirt maker just ran out of consonants... Reds to sign Raivis Hscanovics? #dfnsfxd
- Strange noises coming from Food Building at The Ex. Ali Gerba?
- OFFICIAL: Saw Carlos Ruiz at Guatemala City airport.  Should arrive here in 4-6 weeks!
- @AndreaLombardo trialing the Ossington bus. Dufferin 29 going nowhere fast #TTCTFC

"Ace" in the hole

Right colour, wrong shirt



It's a Chile afternoon in Toronto! Great news for TFC supporters and pun-lovers alike as The Reds officially announced the signing of Chilean international defender Miguel Aceval today. The announcement concludes a signing-process that has been rumoured since December but spent the last few days floating around MLS red-tape limbo.
　
The versatile 29-year old defender joins TFC after a very solid career in the Chilean pro ranks including a six year stretch with South American powerhouse club Colo-Colo. Possibly more important to readers of this particular site is an 18 match run with one of the world's finest named clubs - "O' Higgins". Aceval made his debut with the Chilean national side in 2011 and is considered a strong yet not necessarily quick stopper with a thundering boot on dead balls.
　
Aron Winter must certainly be happier with the prospects of his backline in 2012 compared with how it looked in November. "Our defence needed to be addressed during the offseason and this signing complements our recent activity from last week" the Dutchman offered at Aceval's BMO Field unveiling and many would agree. With the returns from injury of Adrian Cann and Dicoy Williams on the horizon, the defensive pairings should be a far cry from "Harden and Iro and pray for Frings to cover them". Also - Chile, chilly and chili puns are now open for business. Put that in your pipe O'Higgins.

The D ran off with The Spoon

Caicedo (L), and rumoured trilaist "The Dish"



Not only has it been a good day for TFC's defensive line - but a great day for puns. Hot on the heels of this morning's "Ecks'ual satisfaction", Aron Winter started TFC's Media Day off with a bang by announcing that the club had signed Ecuadorian Geovanny Caicedo. The 30-year old defender is not only an established international back with his native Ecuador but he arrives with his very own nickname - and maybe TFC's most bizarre - "The Spoon".
　
Putting the many punnage possibilities Caicedo will provide in 2012 aside, the solid 6 Foot 2 back adds an experienced and versatile option in a back four that is evolving from paper-thin to adequately deep. Caicedo has spent his entire professional career in the Ecuadorian club ranks most recently with LDU Quito, the former club of his once-again teammate Joao Plata.
　
Not long after announcing Caicedo's signing (with some gentle media prompting), Winter let the cat half way out of the bag that Chilean defender Miguel Aceval is also close to signing with The Reds. With Adrian Cann's return getting closer and Dicoy Williams on the rehab horizon, the defence that yesterday demanded the inclusion of some lesser talented players, is suddenly strong if not flashy.
　
Of course we wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't return to the most important factor of Caicedo's signing - the wordplay. From "Silva Spoons" to "Spoon dishes Lambe on a Silva Plata" and on to "there is no Spoon Geo", Caicedo may be the best gift to football writers since Maxim Usanov gave us a season's worth of Ivan Drago references. "The Spoon" to TFC - what a scoop! See.

Reds get back with their Ecks

Ecks-iting news!



Well that was surprisingly fast! After hearing about the "99% certainty" of Richard Eckersley's return to Toronto FC since late November, it took less than a day after his "Ecks'ual release" from Burnley to finalize a permanent move to Toronto.
　
The Reds officially announced the deal just hours prior to their big media day event, no doubt steering the news of the day onto the English defender. The resigning of "The GingaNinja" was earmarked early as one of TFC's main off-season priorities along with the similar deal for Joao Plata. The 22-year old Eckersley quickly became a reliable defender on a rather unreliable TFC defence and kudos need to be given to Paul "The Artful" Mariner for managing to secure his permanent move to MLS without shelling out a transfer fee.
　
Of course, the backline makeover is far from done with many hoping to hear one or two new names added to the defensive line today but Eckersley's deal is a major piece of that puzzle. At his age and with a season of MLS experience already under his belt, it is arguable that this will be the most important move of this off-season.

Ecks'ual release

"Kiss me, I'm orange!"



We promised we wouldn't talk about this godforsaken story anymore until there was confirmation - but we are renowned liars... and desperate for some news. With that, there is movement afoot on the most protracted TFC transfer saga of the off-season, Richard Eckersley aka "The Ginger Affair".
　
Straight from the horse's mouth, if Burnley FC is a horse... which is arguable... and actually from the horse's website... Richard Eckersley, the Toronto FC fan favourite (and local superhero "The GingaNinja)" has had his contract cancelled by the English club. With 18 months left on his contract with The Clarets, Eckersley and the Championship side parted ways today by mutual consent.
　
This move of course allows Eckersley to negotiate a new contract with the club of his choice and we may be crazy but it's looking like TFC. Just a hunch. Unless some other club tries to Ginger-Block us! Keep your hands off our Ginge... looking at you Scunthorpe... filthy buggers. Anyhoo... it looks like we may have some official news about Eckersley's signing by The Reds in the very near future as SIXual Healing continues to shape up. When The Artful Mariner does end up "putting some Ginge around it", we will cover it here.

THE WORD: TFC defence getting a bit Chile?

Aceval in the hole?



The rumours are boiling out of Chile today that The Reds are about to add a new defender to their ranks. If the Santiago media are to be trusted, then 28-year old centre-left back Miguel Aceval has already agreed on a contract with TFC and the paperwork is in the midst of being finalized by Major League Soccer.
　
While not a household name in these parts, the 6-foot tall Santiago native has had a solid career in the Chilean top tier which began with South American powerhouse Colo-Colo. Aceval spent 2011 with Universidad de Concepcion where he managed 5 goals in 30 appearances. 2011 also marked the defender's first cap with the full Chilean national side in a friendly against Mexico.
　
Early scouting shows that Aceval can play on the left side or in the left-centre of the back four which could mean a covering role to Ashtone Morgan in the vein of Danleigh Borman, or in a best-case scenario - the ability to replace Ty Harden's current starting role at CB. Worst case scenario? Lots more Chile / chili / chilly puns all round!
　
WORD FACTOR: 8 / 10

Earl Cochrane's GM legacy complete as Sturgis heads to Houston

Currently considering trading TFC Academy for magic beans



For a brief period a little over a year ago, Earl Cochrane was in charge of Toronto FC lock, stock and Barrett. While Jurgen Klinsmann was busy searching the planet for the management team that would eventually be headed by Aron Winter, Cochrane had the keys to the player cabinet and even seemed to be in the running to grab the permanent GM job. Then of course he made his blockbuster deal.
　
After being left exposed for the Expansion Draft, MLS depth midfielder-defender Nathan Sturgis was selected by Vancouver in the Third Round of said draft. At some point over the following 24 hours, Earl Cochrane thought to himself that a player who at best would be considered depth at most MLS clubs, and had been left exposed in the Expansion Draft, suddenly became worthy of Toronto FC's 2011 SuperDraft First Round pick. Whitecaps, likely after their fit of giggles ended, jumped at the deal and Sturgis became a Red.
　
From the get-go, Sturgis seemed about as happy in interviews to be in Toronto as fans were to see the club's top pick go cross-country for him. While Caps' pick Michael Nanchoff has yet to bloom, if TFC would have held their pick they could currently own the likes of Fire defender Jalil Anibaba, MLS Rookie of the Year C.J. Sapong or promising Houston striker Will Bruin. Instead, The Reds got one year out of Sturgis who never came close to fitting into Winter's system and his 14 appearances went from mediocre to downright apathetic.
　
Tonight, Cochrane's grand experiment playing GM went full circle as Sturgis was traded to Houston Dynamo for those useless nuggets known as MLS Conditional Draft Picks - likely what he was worth one year ago. Why Cochrane was even allowed to be making deals in the midst of "an exhaustive GM search" we will never know but perhaps the deal will forever symbolize the "blind leading the blind" management style of TFC circa 2007-2010. At least we hope.
　
Oh... did we mention that Earl Cochrane is currently the "interim" Academy Director? Just sayin'.

Reds mint midfielder Lambe

 A Lambe in Reds' clothing



Not baaaaad! Sorry, we promise that is one of the last couple of dozen lamb jokes we make... today. All for good reason though, as Toronto FC officially announced their first new recruit for 2012 today - tricky, young midfielder Reggie Lambe.
　
The 20-year old Bermudian international has been flirting with the English Championship since signing with Ipswich Town's youth program in 2009 - two years after his international debut with Bermuda at 16. Lambe is known for his agility and creativity but will need to disprove the usual naysayers who will point to his small frame in relation to the rough and tumble MLS.
　
After being cut loose by Ipswich earlier this year, Lambe appeared on Paul Mariner's radar - one that has quite a reach into the Caribbean football community. For Aron Winter, Lambe may prove to be a versatile addition to the roster who can fill in on the wing and sometimes in the centre of the park. "We are very happy to add a young and talented player like Reggie Lambe" said the Dutch Head Coach who then sadly failed to add "Lambe will have to show us his chops".
　
　
Up next... a special report - "Bermudian Midfielders: Masters of The Triangle Offence"
　
We already love you Reggie.... from a purely pun-related place.

TFC deck the Hall with new defender... leave Borman exposed to Re-Entry Draft

Soon to be heading in the same direction



Toronto FC got into the holiday shopping mood on Tuesday with the acquisition of defender Jeremy Hall. The 23-year old Florida native arrives from FC Dallas after previous MLS stops with Portland and New York. Primarily a right back, Hall was the 11th overall pick in the 2009 MLS SuperDraft and provides The Reds with a little more depth on the corners of their back line.
　
TFC sent their 2013 SuperDraft 2nd Round pick to Texas in exchange, a move which would surprise few Aron Winter observers. The year-old management team has made no bones about putting most of their development eggs in the Academy basket which in turn makes the MLS draft something of a bonus. If TFC's Academy can continue to produce solid MLS players then draft picks like this 2013 2nd Rounder can be exchanged for ready-made pieces from clubs who aren't as advanced in developing their own talent without the aid of the NCAA.

The club also announced later that the only player on the current squad who will be made available in this year's MLS re-entry draft is Danleigh Borman. Considering Jeremy Hall and Borman play similar roles, it isn't a stretch to believe that the affable South African and his International roster spot are endangered in Toronto. No word if Borman's insistence on listening to Boyz II Men or watching Cosby Show re-runs affected the decision.

Dasan Robinson - The new Rick Titus

That means you Ty Harden



The seemingly never-ending transfer/ roster freeze/ trade/ beaver pelt barter system that is MLS player transactions finally came to a close today... we think. Either way, it gave Toronto FC a chance to do one last little piece of business - a seemingly straightforward defender-for-defender swap which sees Dasan Robinson, who was apparently a member of TFC, go to Los Angeles Galaxy for Kyle Davies.
　
22-year old Davies was a hot prospect in the US youth ranks who started his professional football life toiling in Southampton's reserve set-up. After failing to crack the line-up for the English Championship side, Davies joined MLS and has bounced from Real Salt Lake to FC Dallas (where he made his only 14 MLS appearances) and then on to Galaxy. The former captain of the USA U-20 team, Davies is still young and raw enough that The Reds may believe he can be groomed to help their decrepit defensive corps. Not corpse, smartass.
　
As for Dasan Robinson... we hardly knew ya! The player whose TFC claim to fame will always be as the man who allowed Dan Gargan be traded instead of waived, only ran onto the pitch once in anger for The Reds. Apparently dogged by injury and/or not a good fit with Aron Winter, the reportedly affable and team-oriented Illinois native will be an odd footnote on the 2011 highlight DVD. As it will only be a four-an-a-half minute DVD - you may need to pause it to catch him.

Toronto FC's "Unlabour Day" Parade

Unlabour Day cheezies.... let us pray...


We've always found those strange "almost holiday" days that come right after a very recognized special day to be quite odd. For example, the day after Halloween is known as All Saints' Day, a Christian holy day where every saint, known and unknown, is celebrated. I guess that includes St. Lucia - Patron Saint of Stretchers. Then there is Boxing Day, the post-Christmas Day celebration where we commemorate when the Baby Jesus kept his receipts for gold, frankincense and myrrh. Seriously... myrrh?
　
As we blearily return to work/ school on this post-Labour Day Tuesday, we thought it would be appropriate to designate today as one of those unofficial post-holidays. How about "Unlabour Day"? A day to celebrate not really working all that hard and doing the bare minimum to achieve a paycheque. Of course we have to put a Toronto FC slant to it, so we give you a specially wrapped Unlabour Day gift of TFC's starting eleven players who had all the tools to have an impact - but never quite did. Sometimes through laziness and sometimes just bad circumstance, these ex-Reds never fulfilled their promise in Toronto. Put up your feet, open your traditional bag of Unlabour Day cheezies and lounge along with these heroes of not working too hard. We would have alphabetized them... but why try harder?
　
JEFF CUNNINGHAM - One of the league's all-time leading scorers - never looked arsed to be here. Was desperate to score his 100th league goal, didn't care if it was in a win or loss.
　
GABE GALA - An "original" TFC member who was touted as a local home grown star of the future. Mostly touted by himself. Scored against Real Madrid in friendly. Likely still talking about it.
　
LAURENT ROBERT - He came. He sulked. He left. The Frenchman with the Premier League pedigree and wicked foot turned up his nose at all things MLS during his petit tenure as a Red.
　
O'BRIAN WHITE - The Malvern residing NCAA stand-out was seen as the answer to TFC's non-existent scoring. Quickly earned the nickname "Malvern/ Montego Molasses". Slowly moved to Seattle.
　
OLIVIER TEBILY - One of the highest touted defensive imports in the Mo Johnston era never got off the ground in Toronto through a mysterious cocktail of injury and homesickness.
　
ROHAN RICKETTS - Professional Tweeter/ Bridge Burner, Ricketts has dined off his Arsenal/ Tottenham tenure for years. "Dazzling" personality never covers lacklustre work ethic.
　
AMADO GUEVARA - Controversial we know. Great numbers at TFC but always a feeling he could have done so much more. For every goal scored, he disappeared for a few halves.
　
ALI GERBA - Many fans still feel that the straight-talking Gerba could have made good here if it wasn't for Preki. One thing he made good was his promise to clean his plate after every meal.
　
COLLIN SAMUEL - Speaking of cleaning plates, this portly Trinidadian arrived with a decent scoring record in Scotland... where he no doubt found his love for all things deep fried.
　
CARLOS RUIZ - Perhaps the first hint was when he didn't show up for five weeks after being picked up by Mo Johnston. Never wanted to be here - fact that Mo released Robert for him is sweet irony.
　
MISTA - Possibly the perfect encapsulation of the Mo Johnston record of buying the wrong player. The broken down Spaniard didn't score an MLS goal and destroyed the little goodwill that real star Dwayne De Rosario had over his wage issues. Did look like Sean Penn though... that was fun.

Reds take shot of Avila as Maicon Santos heads to FC Dallas

"You new here? It's ok, so is everyone else"

And then there was one. Of all the players brought in under Preki, only Ty Harden (I know!) is still standing. The "TFC Transfer Window Wacky Funtime Hour" has continued today (official announcement) as club "captain" Maicon Santos was shipped to FC Dallas for former Generation Adidas attacking midfielder Eric Avila.
　
23-year old American Avila, is by all accounts a very versatile midfielder who fits into the Aron Winter modus operandi of being able to handle multiple positions. He also becomes the second once-highly-touted Dallas product TFC has acquired in a week after nabbing Peri Marosevic on a free. Unlike the sparsely used Marasovic, Avila has made 58 appearances with The Hoops but has fell out of FCD manager Schellas Hyndman's plans.
　
Maicon Santos will leave Toronto with mixed feelings behind. Many fans may miss some of the numbers he put up but many more will bemoan his enigmatic play. It was often frustrating to see the man many called "Mike Sanders" waste some obvious talents with play that was inconsistent and often bordering on lazy. Last month's match in Kansas City, where many blamed Santos for TFC's 1st half collapse (including Aron Winter who yanked him in the 43rd minute) was the death knell for the affable Brazilian's Toronto career. It was a performance that illuminated the worst of Santos' game which only got worse when attempts were made to force him into the midfield rather than up front.
　
TFC surely join a rare trivia group of clubs who have traded away two captains in one season. However, the armband will no doubt fall onto the much more "captainy" bicep of Torsten Frings who has been de-facto captain now for weeks. In other news, Ty Harden's suitcase is packed and ready to go.

The Gargan not released - Fire'd

"What the hell do I do with that thing?!"



The Dan Gargan mystery was put to rest this morning with the affable defender's trade to Chicago Fire. It was widely reported, and accepted, that Gargan had received an outright release by TFC earlier this week but the club never made an official announcement.
　
Word has it that the Gargan release was nearly a done deal until Chicago Fire showed some last minute interest. After brief negotiations, Gargan was dealt to the Windy City along with a 2012 2nd Round Draft Pick for Dasan Robinson, a 27-year old utility defender. Robinson, by all accounts a Fire fan favourite and solid citizen, is a RB/CB who has made 82 appearances with Fire but only two as a starter in 2011.
　
On the surface, the deal seems like a slight upgrade for TFC but now creates more questions with a right side that features Robinson, Richard Eckersley and Eddy Viator. With all three capable of filling in next to Andy Iro in the centre, the move will do little to solidify the future of the one-dimensional (and Preki-leftover) Ty Harden. As with all of The Reds' recent moves, it would seem like the dealing may yet to be done.

THE STARTING 11: Ways that TFC players are trying to gel

Like Magellan apparently...

It's the word that's sweeping the nation: "gel". As Toronto FC tries to explain away loss after loss, the collection of new players added recently has provided excusematicians (it's real - I looked it up) the new verb du jour. "Injuries", "lack of talent", "a new system", "Harden"... they can all go jump - "needing to gel" is the problem! Yeah! But how to achieve this "gelling"? Gelmaticians (also real) are observing The Reds with great curiosity to see how they can achieve such gelatinous status...
　
11. Watching Andy Iro pull the team bus by his teeth
　
10. Rooting through Collin Samuels' old locker - divvying up the uneaten Twinkies
　
9. Everyone wearing the outrageously comfortable Dr. Scholl's Massaging Gel Insoles!*
Today's Starting 11 is brought to you by Dr. Scholl's Massaging Gel Insoles  - designed to provide maximum comfort and support... "Are you gellin'?"
　
8. Lining up sandwiches in the lunchroom in a 4-4-2 formation - watching Aron Winter fly into a violent rage
　
7. Giggling hysterically as Torsten Frings screams at Ty Harden in filthy Bavarian slang
　
6. Going over to Bob de Klerk's house for his infamous Rutger Hauer Film Festival
　
5. Stay up late gossiping about cute boys and doing each other's hair
　
4. Playing Hide 'N Seek with Julian de Guzman (undefeated in 2011)
　
3. Turn MLS Table upside down - pretend they're 2nd overall
　
2. Joao Plata dresses as an elf - hands out gifts
　
1. Practicing Nicaraguan swear words

TFC doesn't sign Eddy Vedder

Viator: an Even Flow on defence



No he's not a the lead singer of TFC's new hair metal band (Iro Maiden?) but the club's latest signing will give its paper-thin defence a shot in the arm. Eddy Viator is a 29-year old Guadeloupe international who can play in the centre or right side of the back line. Cough, cough... Gargan... cough, cough, splatter... Harden.
　
The journeyman defender has played mostly 2nd tier club football in his native France and in Spain with the likes of Chateauroux, Amiens and the now defunct Granada 74. Viator also played in the recent Gold Cup for Guadeloupe where he performed admirably including during his start against Canada. By no means will he be a long-term solution to TFC's defensive woes but in the current state, he's a healthy body not named Harden or Gargan.

THE STARTING 11: Recent changes in Toronto FC's dressing room

"Mr. Bojangles can partner me at CB boss"



To say the last few days have been a time of great change at BMO Field would be a major understatement. While most people familiar with The Reds are used to the revolving door with playing staff, the sheer amount of new faces in such a short period is still quite monumental. Such change affects the club at all levels of course but nowhere can it be felt as much as within the club's most inner sanctum - the dressing room...
　
11. "Hello My Name Is..." tags
　
10. Dan Gargan and Ty Harden's permanently packed suitcases
　
9. A countdown clock over Julian de Guzman's locker
　
8. "Lonely Planet: Nicaragua" guidebooks
　
7. Stickers on Danny Koeverman's boots saying "Pass Ball Here"
　
6. Dicoy Williams and Ryan Johnson's new pirate radio station
　
5. Intercity bus & train schedules
　
4. Joao Plata walking around like he's 5 Foot Tall
　
3. Torsten Frings giant ghetto blaster pumping out the sounds of hardcore "Oompah-Pah" and David Hasselhoff music
　
2. Andy Iro keeps breathing life into dead mice
　
1. 25 Copies of book "What to Expect when you Expect to be Traded"