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Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Boxing Day Blowouts - Ten Reds that we should have kept the receipt for

It's under the "This Is Our House" sign

When Toronto FC calls MLS headquarters to finalize a transfer, Don Garber should always ask "do you want a gift receipt with that?" Much like that sweater that your mother gave you yesterday, every club ends up with an ugly, ill-fitting acquisition now and again that just leaves you uncomfortable and itchy. In their nearly seven years of wheeling and dealing and wheeling that deal around again, TFC have racked up way more than their share of bad purchases. In the spirit of Boxing Day (St. Ivan of Drago Day to our Russian readers) we wait in the RETURNS ONLY line with a handful of Reds sweaters that were the worst fits.

MISTA: Apart from looking like Sean Penn's slightly awkward brother, the lazy Spaniard may have been the zenith of Mo Johnston's ridiculous purchases. Given a DP contract while teammate Dwayne De Rosario was signing air-cheques, Mista's single goal will go down in no history.

GEOVANNY CAICEDO: One of the "answers" to TFC's long-term defensive woes, the Colombian was built like a brick sh*t house and played like one too. Well, in one half of pre-season friendly play that is.

CARLOS RUIZ: Another one of Mo Johnston's "guys he always wanted", Ruiz took about five weeks to complete the five-hour flight from Guatemala. Once he arrived it was obvious to all he never wanted to be here.

LAURENT ROBERT: The man released to make way for Ruiz, the miserable Frenchman looked great for about two-and-a-half matches. Rumours that he was disgusted by what Tim Hortons calls a croissant are unproven but tres drole.

JEFF CUNNINGHAM: The speedy striker who scored goals in MLS by the bucket load - before arriving in Toronto - always looked like he was halfway between pouting and swearing while in red. Was a great little-and-large pairing with Danny Dichio for about 130 minutes.

JULIAN de GUZMAN: Never short on talent but always with questionable desire during his time in Toronto. The former La Liga standout was never the right buy despite his hometown roots and warmed few hearts in the stands. It should have been better for both sides.

NATHAN STURGIS: Hardly the fault of the player himself but more of the braintrust that decided a journeyman MLS plumber was worth a SuperDraft 1st Round Pick. That pick could have been Houston striker Will Bruin. Instead, Sturgis plodded through 16 unremarkable appearances in red.

JAVIER MARTINA: Easily one of the Top 500 Curacaos to ever play in MLS. Lit TFC fans' hearts on fire during a cold home opener versus Portland with some deft goalscoring on his debut. Disappeared from that day on.

ANDY IRO: Yet another one of the "answers" to TFC's half-decade of defensive drudgery, the giant Liverpudlian never found his feet here. Literally - he often looked like he was rooted into the BMO Field turf. The asterisk off course with Iro was that he was the final chess piece in the worst checkmate of TFC's dealing history - The De Ro Trade.

MIGUEL ACEVAL: See above re: defence. He came. He saw. He drank. He looked kick-ass in a mugshot. If only Aceval could have caught MLS attackers as easily as he was caught by Houston Police, above mentioned woes would have been solved.
Do you have more former (or current) TFC'ers that you wished you still had the receipt for? We'd love to see your additions in the comments below. But we're not letting you get in this Returns line ahead of us.

1 comment:

  1. Mista was the worst signing. Terrible pick up. Julian de Guzman's didn't sync with DP expectations. After playing to really positive reviews in Dallas, the management there concluded what many of us felt here even after his first full year in 2010: you don't need to pay a DP cap hit for a player of his skill set. Aceval (Winter's choice) and Calceido (Cochrane/Mariner's choice) were disastrous because getting that CB situation settled (instead of having to rely on Frings) was crucial to this team long term. Iro was a Winter panic buy and it showed. After the first couple of games opponents realized that Robert had zero fitness and quickness so they simply closed down the Frenchman quickly after he received the ball and then he proved to be a potent as a eunuch. Also, there were times when he was stumbling around out there I thought he was drunk!