THE STARTING 11: TFC contract clauses offered to Olof Mellberg

The hunter... has become the hunted. BORK!



Prior to Saturday's match in New England, the Toronto FC community got the vapours over the "imminent" signing of Swedish International defender Olof Mellberg. Many outlets who trail The Reds seemed ready to declare the hulking Scandinavian signed, sealed and delivered as TFC's new DP and saviour of the backline. While things have gone very quiet since Saturday evening and manager Paul Mariner publically asked for patience, contract negotiations could very well be going on at this moment. Perhaps, TFC just needs to sweeten the pot for Mellberg with a few personal extras...
　
11. Technical Director of Beards added to bench staff
　
10. The Swedish Bikini Turf-Girl Team (TM)
　
9. Meatball Butty
　
8. Choice of three Toronto-area IKEA locations to use as his home
　
7. "Bitchy The Hawk" retrained to catch pickled herring
　
6. Julian de Guzman's leftover Lamborghini turned into a pimped out, orange Volvo stationwagon
　
5. The MLS Anthem replaced at BMO Field by ABBA's "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)"
　
4. All video replays to be in black-and-white and shot in the brooding style of Ingmar Bergman
　
3. MLSE promises to hunt and eliminate infamous Muppet "The Swedish Chef"
　
2. Ty Harden to legally change name to Thor Hardstrom
　
1. BMO Field to introduce strict "NO NORWEGIANS" policy

"Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the field... your Toronto FC!"