#TFCDreamJob / #5YearPlan

Bio Pic: You can use either...



In their latest effort to win back some of the fans lost to years of mediocrity, Toronto FC is running a competition to win the "Toronto FC Dream Job". Fans are being welcomed to enter a bio online and garner votes in a bid to land a coveted role with the club. The winner will earn the chance to follow the team around for a year and do fun jobs which may or may not include finding where Collin Samuel hid all those Twinkies, renting Rutger Hauer movies for Bob de Klerk and sitting next to Ty Harden on the team bus. Sadly though, the competition may be over before it starts as this very attractive application has been uncovered...
　
#TFCDreamJob Application: Maurice J.
　
My name is Maurice J. (Mo to friends) and I want the #TFCDreamJob!
　
I’m perfect for the job since I know lots about soccer such as "mastering" the draft, how agents fill your roster in 2 easy steps and of course… 5-Year Plans.
　
I have lived around the world in places like Glasgow, then Nantes, then to the other side of Glasgow and make acquaintances wherever I go. People hardly ever throw things at me anymore!
　
If I get the #TFCDreamJob I will definitely have good relationships with the players. I think the best way to build a bond with a player is to make them a huge promise, wait for them to be your friend, then not talk to them again for 2 years!
　
I promise to work hard at keeping my job. I promise to show up when things are going well and stay well out of sight whenever a crisis arises. If things go bad, then I simply hire someone to do my old job while calling myself #TFCDreamJobDirector. But don’t worry – I won’t really let the new guy make any decisions of his own!
　
If this doesn’t work out…. Is there a #MLSAnyJob competition starting soon?
　
REFERENCES:
P. Radosavljevic – soccer personality/ angry Serb
B. MacLean – businessman / BFF
R. Hscanovics – former soccer player/ my butler

#MoJohnstonTransferDeadlineDay

This used to be everyday at BMO Field. Sigh.



We love us a transfer deadline day. The MLS one is kind of fun for trades but with the multiple windows it can get a bit muddled. On the flipside, when UEFA shuts its window twice a year - it is quite the spectacle. Teams scrapping it out for the title trying to bring in a useful mercenary while minnows try to avoid relegation with a timely loan signing or keep the club alive by selling an asset for big money.
　
While clubs across the continent scrap it out for last-minute deals, nowhere is the mania chronicled quite like it is in the media-zoo that is England. One of the absolute treats of deadline day is the online "trackers" set up by various websites and media outlets. These allow the public to share rumours of potential deals with "insiders". Since the dawn of Twitter, one phenomenon has become popular on these trackers - the "I just spotted..." messages. These Tweets are usually along the lines of "Just saw Jermaine Defoe at Liverpool Airport - Reds move imminent?" For the most part they are flights of a fan's fancy - but entertaining nonetheless.
　
While perusing these Bigfoot-esque "sightings" we couldn't help wonder what a deadline day would have been like for Toronto FC under the bad old days of former GM/terrible deal aficionado Mo Johnston. Using technology that doesn't exist, we look back at what "spotted" tweets would have been posted under the hashtags #MoJohnstonTransferDeadlineDay... or possibly #FiveYearPlan...
　
- Spoke to @DwayneDeRosario in Houston. Gentleman's agreement for DP deal in TO!
- Saw some dude wandering aimlessly outside BMO Field - Rick Titus to @TorontoFC?
- Olivier Tebily close to signing - should be at #TFC for years! #defencefixed
- A French dude complaining about croissants at my @TimHortons - Laurent Robert?
- Buddle to LA Galaxy. Good deal for Reds - he'll never be a consistent MLS goalscorer
- Gabe Gala joins #TFC - says he's good enough to "score against Madrid" #inhisdreams
- Conor Casey to join #TFC from Germany? #LongTermDeal
- Just saw Dan Gargan changing in a Columbus cab! #defencefixed
- Saw a Spanish Sean Penn lookalike at Royal York Hotel counting money & laughing. Mista new DP?
- Dude kicked off of Toronto-bound Aeroflot for punching in-flight meal... Usanov to #TFC?
- Spotted Collin Samuel outside Mandarin Buffet waiting for it to open #dumplingfestival
- Rapids' midfielder Jacob Peterson seen crying at USA/Canada border. Traded to Canada?
- Ex-Caps D @AdrianCann leaves fashion show abruptly. #TFC over Blue Steel? #ReallyReallyGoodLooking
- Know a guy at First Wave Agency. Says they just faxed #TFC their next 17 signings
- TFC shirt maker just ran out of consonants... Reds to sign Raivis Hscanovics? #dfnsfxd
- Strange noises coming from Food Building at The Ex. Ali Gerba?
- OFFICIAL: Saw Carlos Ruiz at Guatemala City airport.  Should arrive here in 4-6 weeks!
- @AndreaLombardo trialing the Ossington bus. Dufferin 29 going nowhere fast #TTCTFC

THE STARTING 11: Mo Johnston regrets

Regrets, we've had a few... hundred



There was a special, almost spiritual, occasion in the world of Toronto FC last week. No, it wasn’t the club’s first ever win over Columbus, nor the hoisting of the illustrious Trillium Cup - it was an anniversary of a momentous date in TFC’s history. It was a year ago last week that Mo Johnston was finally fired from his post as “Director” of “Soccer” thus marking the actual start of Toronto FC as a club. Despite the “Founded 2007” stamp on the club - under Johnston it was simply a bumbling comedy of suspicious errors for four-and-a-half years and it wasn’t until his very overdue departure that the building of the club could begin. Yes, it has left fans with regrets over a lost half-decade at BMO Field but what about the man himself? What regrets could the much-maligned Johnston have considering he never got to see out his magical “5 Year Plan”?
　
11. Never got to complete Jim Brennan’s training in the art of making a good mocha latte
　
10. Sure he forgot to let those Ivorian trialists out of his basement
　
9. Couldn’t persuade Brad Pitt to play him in his self-penned autobiographical film “MoneyDraft”
　
8. Wasn’t allowed to tell people he helped the CSA draft their new blueprint for success
　
7. Never got around to answering the bags of threatening letters from Glasgow
　
6. Didn’t get a chance to wear his new “Master of the Draft” embroidered silk kimono
　
5. Never mustered up the bravery to reveal his true romantic feelings towards Barry MacLean
　
4. Couldn’t convert his DeLorean into a 5 Year Plan Time Machine
　
3. Failed to convince “Just For Men” to add the colour “Ginger Bastard” to its range
　
2. Didn’t get a chance to force Rick Titus into retirement - hastily add his name to the Wall of Honour
　
1. Misses Preki’s smile

Toronto FC's "Unlabour Day" Parade

Unlabour Day cheezies.... let us pray...


We've always found those strange "almost holiday" days that come right after a very recognized special day to be quite odd. For example, the day after Halloween is known as All Saints' Day, a Christian holy day where every saint, known and unknown, is celebrated. I guess that includes St. Lucia - Patron Saint of Stretchers. Then there is Boxing Day, the post-Christmas Day celebration where we commemorate when the Baby Jesus kept his receipts for gold, frankincense and myrrh. Seriously... myrrh?
　
As we blearily return to work/ school on this post-Labour Day Tuesday, we thought it would be appropriate to designate today as one of those unofficial post-holidays. How about "Unlabour Day"? A day to celebrate not really working all that hard and doing the bare minimum to achieve a paycheque. Of course we have to put a Toronto FC slant to it, so we give you a specially wrapped Unlabour Day gift of TFC's starting eleven players who had all the tools to have an impact - but never quite did. Sometimes through laziness and sometimes just bad circumstance, these ex-Reds never fulfilled their promise in Toronto. Put up your feet, open your traditional bag of Unlabour Day cheezies and lounge along with these heroes of not working too hard. We would have alphabetized them... but why try harder?
　
JEFF CUNNINGHAM - One of the league's all-time leading scorers - never looked arsed to be here. Was desperate to score his 100th league goal, didn't care if it was in a win or loss.
　
GABE GALA - An "original" TFC member who was touted as a local home grown star of the future. Mostly touted by himself. Scored against Real Madrid in friendly. Likely still talking about it.
　
LAURENT ROBERT - He came. He sulked. He left. The Frenchman with the Premier League pedigree and wicked foot turned up his nose at all things MLS during his petit tenure as a Red.
　
O'BRIAN WHITE - The Malvern residing NCAA stand-out was seen as the answer to TFC's non-existent scoring. Quickly earned the nickname "Malvern/ Montego Molasses". Slowly moved to Seattle.
　
OLIVIER TEBILY - One of the highest touted defensive imports in the Mo Johnston era never got off the ground in Toronto through a mysterious cocktail of injury and homesickness.
　
ROHAN RICKETTS - Professional Tweeter/ Bridge Burner, Ricketts has dined off his Arsenal/ Tottenham tenure for years. "Dazzling" personality never covers lacklustre work ethic.
　
AMADO GUEVARA - Controversial we know. Great numbers at TFC but always a feeling he could have done so much more. For every goal scored, he disappeared for a few halves.
　
ALI GERBA - Many fans still feel that the straight-talking Gerba could have made good here if it wasn't for Preki. One thing he made good was his promise to clean his plate after every meal.
　
COLLIN SAMUEL - Speaking of cleaning plates, this portly Trinidadian arrived with a decent scoring record in Scotland... where he no doubt found his love for all things deep fried.
　
CARLOS RUIZ - Perhaps the first hint was when he didn't show up for five weeks after being picked up by Mo Johnston. Never wanted to be here - fact that Mo released Robert for him is sweet irony.
　
MISTA - Possibly the perfect encapsulation of the Mo Johnston record of buying the wrong player. The broken down Spaniard didn't score an MLS goal and destroyed the little goodwill that real star Dwayne De Rosario had over his wage issues. Did look like Sean Penn though... that was fun.

THE STARTING 11: Mo Johnston election campaign promises and slogans

Yes We Can't

It's spreading like wildfire - election fever is gripping the nation! Ok, it's actually spreading like a vaguely humid breeze - and it's more of a sinus congestion than a fever. Either way, Canadians are headed to the polls with a choice of three bland leaders (four if you're Quebecois, five if you like trees, more if you're one of our Marxist readers). The lack of vibrant personalities made us wonder if Toronto FC had any potential politicians to step into the vacuum. But who, in TFC's history, can politically massage the truth, spout vague sound bites at periodic press conferences, disappear on mysterious international trips and do nothing of significance for four years? Oh yeah - that guy... “5 Mo Years! 5 Mo Years!”

　
11. Go on annual winter trade missions to Brazil
　
10. "Because all of Glasgow can't be right!"
　
9. Jim Brennan to make coffee for every Canadian once a year
　
8. Will ban Field Turf from every Canadian farm
　
7. Tax breaks for parents afflicted with ginger children
　
6. "A 5-Year-Plan You Can Believe In"
　
5. Replace pesky Senate with Gambian trialists
　
4. "A Butty In Every Pot"
　
3. "We've got our eye on 3 or 4 countries to invade"
　
2. Minister of Defence: Preki
　
1. "Read my lips... no new strikers!"

THE STARTING 11: Things Mo Johnston is doing with his free time

"Why won't Barry return my calls?"

To very poorly paraphrase the great Winston Churchill - "Never has one man taken so long, to do so little, for so many". It has been just under a week since Toronto FC's ex-ginger mastermind/employment preservation aficionado Mo Johnston was unceremoniously fired but it already seems like a new era has begun. We had some good times though Mo. Remember the excitement when you became the club's first coach? Good times. Then there was the following five years. Yeah... not so much. For the first time in a good part of a decade Mo isn't fooling an MLS club into paying for his haggis addiction so we have to wonder... what has the wee misDirector been up to?

11. Selling autographed used Field Turf on Craigslist

10. Sent an e-mail to Maurice Edu - asked if he could crash on his couch

9. Waiting patiently by his phone for his invite to join BMO Field's "Wall of Honour"

8. Sitting around the house in nothing but loose boxers that say "MASTER OF THE DRAFT" on them

7. Invited Preki over - badmouthed Canadians for a few hours

6. Writing a long letter of apology to First Wave Agency for "letting them down"

5. Late-night drunk calls to Julius James sobbing "how could ya do that to Papa Mo?"

4. Catching up on five years worth of hate-mail

3. Trying to eliminate Scottish accent from the phrase "Would you like to supersize your combo?"

2. Called Celtic for a job. Called Rangers for a job.

1. Bought a new "5 Year Planner"

Mastermind & little pal fired as "5 Year Plan" ends in disgrace

" You off then? Don't let the 5 Year Plan hit you in the..."

Do you remember where you were when the Berlin Wall came crashing down? Well you’re spending time reading a football blog so you were likely watching Eintracht Frankfurt v. VfB Stuttgart in the 1989 Bundesliga, but either way, today was Toronto FC's Berlin Wall. Ok, a little strong on the hyperbole but much like the East Germans, Reds' supporters have been stuck under an oppressive regime run by an egomaniac and his pitbull-esque enforcer for too long. After years of iron-fisted yet peanut-brained rule, BMO Field has been left like an East Berlin shell but alas, on September 14, 2010 - sunshine broke through the wall.
　
At a hastily arranged press conference today, MLSE VP Tom Anselmi broke the very surprising but very welcomed news that misDirector of Football and FIFA-ranked clown Mo Johnston had been relieved of his duties after more than four years of shockingly inept "management". Following Johnston out the door was his fellow "First Wave Agency" pal and "successful MLS coach" Preki. The surly Serb, who had lost the plot and his locker room, had obviously reached the end of the line and his body language had become as negative as his “football” tactics.
　
In the interim, the gruesome twosome will be replaced by Preki-arch enemy Nick Dasovic (oh sweet irony!) on the bench and TFC Academy head honcho Earl Cochrane upstairs. According to Tom Anselmi, the search for new management starts today. (Paging Mr. Nicol... Mr. Steve Nicol). There will be plenty of time to hash over the steaming remnants that will be known as the “Mo Johnston Era aka When Morons Ruled The Earth” and also what MLSE will do in the coming months. Tonight however is the night to dance on the BMO Berlin Wall and celebrate a taste of freedom from arguably the worst "director" in the history of MLS.
　
As we spend the night dropping shots of Serbian vodka into Scottish beer, a few happy lingering thoughts remain.... does Mo see the irony that his "masterdrafted" Julius James put the nail in his career coffin?... does this count as a season ticket renewal "giveaway"?... how many horror stories from ex-TFC players will we get to hear now?... which side of Glasgow is laughing loudest? (Answer: Both).... is Nick Garcia already packing his suitcase?... and, did Preki feel “unlucky” because the press conference wasn't at 4PM? Good night comrades... FREEDOM!
　
Let's party - Ewok style!...

　
NOTE (7PM): RSL v TFC CCL Match Preview delayed due to Post-Mo hangover. "Yub Nub. Chibo Ba Yub Nub"

UPDATE (11:30PM): Still drinkin' and dancin'... "The Matchup" will return on Friday. For a preview of tomorrow night's match (GOL-TV) here's the official (boring) one. "AFTER 90" will appear post-match. If I wake up and this Mo/Preki thing was a dream, I'm suing vodka.

Ha! Ha! Ewoks.

THE WORD: Nick Dasovic - canary in the coalmine?

Nick Dasovic (left) gets chummy with the next TFC GM Jim Brennan.

Single tear.

First of all my apologies to our readers who are still waking up from the migraine caused by one of Toronto FC's all-time gutless performances, losing 1-0 at home to DC United yesterday. I'd love to tell you there's a silver lining - but this is TFC we're talking about. Actually I'd L-O-V-E to tell you Mo Johnston is packing a large ginger suitcase - but this is MLSE we're talking about (see you in 2011 Mo!).

For those of you just starting to realize that TFC is going nowhere under the current regime (Welcome disciples!) the news today gets even muddier. According to The Toronto Sun this morning (read article here) there is trouble brewing with TFC personnel. Are Mista and Preki at it again? Oh yeah, many of you thought that wasn't true (cough. cough.). No, this one is a bit stranger - TFC first team assistant, and Reds' coach since 2008, Nick Dasovic wasn't on the bench against DCU and hasn't been since before the Dallas match.

Apparently the TFC sources' line is that Dasovic is on a scouting mission... right in the middle of The Reds' playoff run. Okaaaayy. Those words are also likely from the same mouths that brought you such TFC Greatest Hits as "Dichio can't fly on planes", "John Carver doesn't want to sit on the bench", "Carl Robinson/ Adrian Serioux are too injured to re-sign" and "Mo Johnston has a 5 Year Plan".

Before we put Nick Dasovic's face on the side of a BMO Field milk carton, let's think what this rumour could mean...

- Is Dasovic (a pre-Preki employee) just the latest casualty of not being a "Preki Man"?
- Is the fact that Dasovic hasn't been officially demoted or released a sign that TFC/ MLSE hasn't decided on Preki's immediate future?
- Is there yet another massive rift forming down the middle of TFC's locker room much like 12 months ago?
- Or, is Toronto FC such an undermanned, mismanaged disaster that sending your main assistant away during the most important time of year is considered prudent?

If there is indeed an ounce of truth to these rumours, it could very well be the first crack in what could be a major post-season locker room collapse. The truth may or may not come out on this latest pearl of TFC joy but it is distressing how clean Mo Johnston's name is in this new mess so far. What is Scottish for "Teflon"?

WORD FACTOR: 6 / 10

THE STARTING 11: Educational courses at TFC Academy

" It just doesn't add up Einstein"

It's the first week back to school and students everywhere are getting their first look at the new curriculum. From the Ivy League to your Kegger-specialist institutes, jocks and nerds unite briefly to analyze their courses for the year. Toronto FC isn't immune from this either. The TFC Academy has an educational component as part of its training and we had to wonder - what would the courses look like if Mo Johnston and Preki designed the curriculum?
　
11. MEDIA STUDIES 101: Avoiding The Media
　
10. SOCIOLOGY: Making Contacts via The First Wave Agency
　
9. INTRO TO PSYCHOLOGY: Annually Manipulating Consumers
　
8. PHYSICAL EDUCATION: How to Shove a Cameraman
　
7. INTERMEDIATE CLASSICAL MUSIC: "The Dichio Song"
　
6. ADVANCED MATHMATICS: How to Destroy a Salary Cap
　
5. CAPITALISM 101: Introduction to Cheap Labour
　
4. WORLD GEOGRAPHY: Exploring Latvia and The Gambia
　
3. FALL OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE: "Not Enough Defence"
　
2. WORLD WAR II: "History's 5 Year Plan"
　
1. CREATIVE WRITING: 1000 Synonyms for "Unlucky"

TFC Coles Notes for back-to-school supporters

I wonder if Lesly Fellinga is on the test?

It's back-to-school time again! For many of Toronto FC's youthful supporters that means heading back to campus where Kraft Dinner and Pabst Blue Ribbon become major food groups, pyjamas are acceptable outerwear and regular bathing becomes a memory as distant as the summer breeze.
　
It's not all fun and powdered cheese however - these young scholars have to hit the books in order to secure their degrees and eventually join the working world in a totally unrelated career to their education. There's little time for these future Customer Service Reps. to spend watching their beloved Toronto FC - but not to worry! The fine educators here The Yorkies Institute of Footy Probabilities have put together an easy to read, pocket sized look into the future of the remaining 2010 season.
　
So here you go scholars, we believe that children are the future and all that junk, here in simple Headlines and By-lines is all you need to know about the rest of The Reds' year in handy chronological order. Remember, Pabst is not a toy!
　
SPOILER ALERT!
　
"TFC LOSE AGAIN ON THE ROAD"
"Team Canada to blame" says Preki
　
"LOSS ON ROAD HURTS TFC"
Playoff hopes in danger - "Did I mention Team Canada": Preki
　
"REDS DRUBBED IN MEXICO CITY"
"Schedule, travel, injuries to blame"
　
"DRAW AT HOME KEEPS PLAYOFF HOPES ALIVE"
"We played hard but were unlucky at the end"
　
"ROAD WOES CONTINUE FOR TFC"
"We've got a good team here" insists coach
　
TFC ELIMINATED FROM CHAMPIONS LEAGUE
Preki opts for reserve team - "We gave it our best"
　
"BMO FIELD WIN LIFTS REDS' SPIRITS"
Fans sing ‘Dichio Song’ as playoff gap down to 5 points
　
"MLSE SCORE 99% SEASON TICKET RENEWALS"
"Shows we're on the right track" says Mo Johnston
　
"MASSIVE ROAD LOSS ENDS TFC SEASON"
"Overall it was a good season - we played as a team" Preki
　
"TFC FANS UPSET AT LACK OF PLAYOFFS"
New TFC jersey to be unveiled soon!
　
"MO JOHNSTON'S TRACK RECORD QUESTIONED"
"But I said "5" year plan all along!" - New kit leaked online!
　
"MLS CUP AT SNOWY, HALF-EMPTY BMO FIELD"
"We're aiming to be here in 2011": Johnston
　
"NANA ATTAKORA SIGNS FOR SWEDISH CLUB"
"We've got our eye on a few new players" says Mo
　
"WHITECAPS BUILD CONTENDER FOR FIRST YEAR"
TFC's new uniform nearly ready for sale!
　
"TRANSFER WINDOW CLOSES - NO NEW REDS"
"We'll look at the Draft and some promising trialists": Johnston
　
"NEW TFC KIT ON SALE TODAY!"
Fans flock to buy new shirt - Mo Johnston signs new 5 year contract

THE MATCHUP: TFC go up the Wizards' sleeve

"Who dares question the 5 Year Plan?"

KANSAS CITY (12th) VS. TORONTO FC (8th)
　
CommunityAmerica Ballpark - Saturday 8:30PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONTARIO & PACIFIC ----RADIO: THE FAN 590
　
In the midst of Champions League/ All Star Game madness it's down the "Yellow Prek Road" as TFC land in the Midwest to tackle KFC. Kansas City is one of the few road destinations where TFC has had limited success but in the midst of a very crowded schedule, and with a makeshift line-up likely, some classic Prekiball can be expected.
　
Kansas City of course was long-time home for our very own "wizard" Mo Johnston. You know - the guy who promised to "conjure" up a new winger by now. Poof! Gone! Magic! While the rest of MLS re-tools with DP signings like Thierry Henry, Nery Castillo and Alvaro Fernandez, Mo (and First Wave Agency behind the curtain) continues its wizard-esque search for more unattached munchkins likely lacking courage, heart and brains.
　
Wizard Mo can best be summed up by the poetic verses of Black Sabbath's "The Wizard"...
"Never talking / Just keeps walking / Spreading his magic"
I'm sure by "magic" Ozzy and the gang meant "five-year-plan".
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Return to Moz"
　
WIZARD'S STAFF: Jimmy Conrad, Teal Bunbury, Kei Kamara
FLYING MO-KEYS: Nick LaBrocca, Chad Barrett, Nana Attakora
　
THE ODDS:
- Teams forced to shoo-off local T-Ball teams from field before kick-off: 2-1
- Collin Samuel spotted a la Bigfoot near the stadium's BBQ pit: 3-1
- Localized tornado causing O'Brien White to run fast: 100-1
- Nothing but CSL trialists and First Wave Agency clients behind Mo's curtain: EVENS
　
WHO ARE YA?
- KC Wizards' Adidas jerseys are made from a unique material that will not absorb chicken and/ or rib BBQ sauce
- Word has the Wizards looking at a club re-branding which will see them distance themselves from the "childish" Wizard of Oz references, opting for something more "serious and mature"... like Lord of the Rings
- During his career at Wizards, Mo Johnston's side-business dream, an eatery named "Hamish McBlues House of BBQ Haggis", was dashed when it went bankrupt after 3 hours
- When Wizards move to their new stadium in 2011, local officials want to turn the current park into a recycling facility to handle KC's "unused gym equipment, broken chairs and rib-house bib garbage crisis"
　
RUBY SLIPPERS SAY: 2-1 Kansas City
RUBY SNOWSHOES SAY: 1-1 Draw
HEADLINE: "THESE WIZ ADD... PERSONALITY! ADD PERSONALITY!"

Mo signs Brazilian with top scoring name

Maicon - not the good one.

After years and years of hard, gruelling, Indiana Jones-esque travels to the deepest darkest nightclubs, er... I mean, futbol stadiums of Brazil - Mo Johnston has finally signed his Samba striker. Just a week after Brazilian Maicon was strutting his stuff at the World Cup - TFC will have Brazilian Maicon in the famous red kit. Ole! Ole!

Okay, so the guy that Mo signed isn't that Maicon, and he didn't actually sign him from Brazil - he was released by Preki's old team Chivas USA. Oh, and he doesn't really score any goals... but hey that's just details! If Philadelphia Union can have fake Fred we can have fake Maicon! TFC will attempt to fool the locals with "our very first Brazilian" (we don't count Paulo Nagamura), Maicon Santos - a "forward" who has bounced through the paparazzi world of the Tunisian league, the lower Israeli league and the high-pressure world of the Brazilian lower divisions. Maicon Santos eventually found his way on loan to Chivas USA where he scored twice. What's Brazilian for Barrett again? Chadinho?

At worst, perhaps Preki, who says he knows the player well, can turn him into a big target man and get some useful minutes out of the well-named striker. We didn't realize things had got so bad up front that Mo would start name association signing. So, if your name is Steve Zidane, Randy Pele or Dave Van Basten - go buy yourself some shorts - you could be next!

First Wave client defends another

--------------------"Running Toronto FC since Day One"

After the damning interviews of Ali Gerba and Chris Cummins, it looks as if "Team Mo" aka Barry MacLean's First Wave agency along side Toronto FC FO are circling the wagons. In an interview on Soccer By Ives (which is reknownedly friendly to the Mo Regime) fellow First Wave client and former TFC Head Coach John Carver has come out in his defence.

In no way is this some kind of hard hitting interview, more like a surprise character witness at a trial. You can join the "Mo's All Right 2009" party (here) where Carver offers gems such as this quote about his ex-boss: "He's a decent guy who loves football and loves Toronto FC. He wants to do what's best for that club." Well, if this is love, we better hope that Mo never hates us - what damage would he do then?

The Plymouth assistant also soothes our souls with this sage piece of advice... "this is a time for everyone to get behind the football team and talk about football. Not talking about what's gone on in the past." Um, John... it's actually our future we're worried about, thanks.

Many supporters are already finding this very hasty "interview" of a First Wave co-client on a Mo-friendly website extremely fishy. However, since word of Carver's interview came out last night, it was always heading to be a no-win for Johnston. If Carver came out and criticized the misDirector - Mo would look bad. If he came out in support, and he has indeed given his "complete backing" of Mo, then those who actually suffer from Johnston's ineptitude in Toronto (not from Plymouth, England) would see it as a lame PR move by a little dictator and his far too powerful agent clinging on to the throne at Castle BMOstein.

This site often defended Carver when he was in charge in Toronto but how important are the words of a man who wasn't been behind the scenes when things got really bad? Carver abruptly left the woefully inexperienced Chris Cummins to deal with an egomaniac who likely only gave up the head coach's title at TFC because it would make firing him easier.

We are waiting on you Mr. Robinson and Mr. Serioux. Those are opinions that matter. Mr. Carver, enjoy Coca-Cola League One next year - hope "the pressure" doesn't force you to sit in the stands.

Chris Cummins breaks silence - Guess what? MO MUST GO.

The man who has now become Toronto's hardest hitting football journalist, The Score's Kristian Jack, has done it again. Not long after getting an exclusive interview with former striker Ali Gerba, Jack has got the first no-holds-barred interview with former TFC interim manager Chris Cummins.

What the likeable and very genuine, Cummins has to say about Mo Johnston's meddling, backhanded ways is truly shocking... or is it? Most supporters knew that the arrogant Scot only wanted a puppet and the moves Cummins says he pulled doomed the club into a toxic mess.

A day after a great win against Seattle, the appetite for bad news may not be high but every supporter who loves this club HAS to listen to this interview. Don't be placated by one win, give props to Preki and realize now more than ever - Mo must go.

Link to the interview below:

Kristian Jack interviews Chris Cummins

UPDATE: Later in the evening after this story broke, Mo Johnston replied in an astoundingly odd manner. Follow this National Post link to see how the front office continues to stupidly destroy this club with one soap opera after another. Seriously, is Johnston the un-fireable? Some kind of employment vampire?

Ali stings like a bee

---------------------------Gerba: open up front

In the world of football it is rare for an active player to come out and speak openly about the reasons he is no longer with a club. It is equally rare in Toronto for a reporter to have an actual in-depth journalistic interview with a member (or ex-member) of TFC. Today both of those things occurred.

Kristian Jack, the very underrated reporter for The Score, held a one-on-one interview with the ex-TFC striker and the Canadian international was blunt, open and very direct. What Gerba has to say about Mo Johnston and Preki in particular is not quite shocking but nonetheless damning. Defenders (why would you be?) of TFC management will claim Gerba is a bitter player with a grudge but watch the whole interview and that sentiment doesn't come out once. In fact Gerba praises TFC's fans and claims he would play for The Reds again - presumably under different management.

If you have any interest in what is going on in this rapidly decaying club, watch the interview (with some great questions from Jack) and gauge your own feeling. Our impression is that Gerba came of as a gentlemen who sees that TFC will go nowhere as it stands now. Hard to disagree.

Follow the link below...

The Score's Kristian Jack interviews Ali Gerba

Big, boring, burgundy beating

------------------------"Stay crappy, Mo Johnston"

The only other noise that could be heard through the continuous din of fog horns and high-pitched children's screams emanating from Dick's this afternoon, was the exasperated sighs of Toronto supporters. There can be little doubt left in any Reds' fans minds that this club isn't moving forward and "gelling" as has been shoved down our throats through MLSE promotions (i.e. GOLTV). In fact it is a very fair assessment to say that this version of TFC is the worst, and definitely least entertaining, since Year One.

Toronto FC under Preki not only have yet to score a goal from regular open-play but most shockingly have yet to find anything that remotely looks like an offensive strategy. The lone TFC goal in today's 3-1 loss to the "Burgundy Army" of Colorado was once again a Dwayne De Rosario converted penalty. Good for De Ro's account - awful for Toronto's prospects. Has anyone in the front office cared to ponder what happens if TFC's "One Man Gang" gets injured? It does happen in football occasionally you know.

Colorado opened the scoring today in a first half which was incredibly shoddy on both sides but hardly saw TFC anywhere near Rapids' goal. The goal was result of a Conor Casey penalty after the usual "high-quality" MLS referee called a handball on Adrian Cann - which was clearly a faceball and nowhere near the Thornhill giant's hands. Despite gaining some momentum after tying the game through De Ro's penalty not long after, TFC came out flat in the second half and their lack of quality showed.

A clumsy tackle by the highly overrated and vastly under-talented Martin Saric led to a free kick which Rapids' Jeff Larentowicz powered through the Toronto wall and passed a bewildered Stefan Frei. The keeper's bewilderment likely came from the fact that TFC's DP, and voted "Least Wanting To Be Here", Julian de Guzman, jumped out of the way of the shot's path creating a gaping whole for the ball to curl into the net. A player of JDG's quality should know better, although that genuine quality has yet to show in Toronto. A further messy tackle by Russian rightback Maksim Usanov gave Rapids their second penalty late in the second half and Conor Casey iced the cake with their 3rd.

The result is one that wasn't entirely unexpected but that in itself is quite sad. The fact that in this club's fourth year fans can't expect TFC to compete on the road against a mediocre club in front of the most tepid support in the league is so unfair to 21,000 BMO Field customers and many more on TV and radio. As a cherry on top - wasn't it just great to see Marvell Wynne looking comfortable and explosive in a centreback role? That Wynne was never even experimented in that position in three years, when TFC had a gaping whole there, is a glaring example of the total lack of football knowledge in charge of this club. But like road losses, I guess that is just another reality we've all had to just accept.

THE STARTING 11: Censorship-proof "MO MUST GO" banners

--------------------------Get lost Mo... you stooge

MLSE has been promoting "the best fans in MLS" for four years now. They love to bang on about how the team's "supporters groups" make the best atmosphere in the league. They love photo ops with perfect demographic specimens waving non-descript flags and screaming with glee. They don't know the difference between a football supporters group and a fan club.
　
A big talking point from the home opener has been MLSE's apparent new "unofficial, mistaken" (giant air quotes) censorship policy over any supporter having a sign that criticizes the woeful, disgracefully inept misDirector of Football. Accounts of confiscated signs (with no profanity included) are rampant. Although MLSE is saying it was all a big misunderstanding, it could re-appear in the future (i.e. the next ESPN telecast). So how to safely voice your anti-Mo displeasure at BMO Field? Well you could buy a fashionable, easy to conceal t-shirt (operators are standing by!) or if you insist on a banner - how about some alternatives...
　
11. LARRY, CURLY & GO
　
10. "i take GO transit to bMO field"
　
9. "ON YER BIKE WEE MAN!"
　
8. BAN GINGERS!
　
7. GLASWEGIAN LIBERATION FRONT: RELEASE THE SCOT!
　
6. SUPPORT WHOLE MILK: "MOO MUST GOO"
　
5. M.L.S.S.R. - THE MOVIET UNION
　
4. TORONTO PIG LATIN CLUB: "OMAY USTMAY OGAY"
　
3. DOWN WITH CENSORSHIP: "#&$ MUST #@%!”
　
2. "THE GRASS IS TOO LONG - MOW OUT!"
　
1. "DYSLEXICS UNITE! OM MUST OG!"

Sing when you're not winning

------"Sorry mate, you were singing off-key, you have to leave."

The grass is almost finished being painted green. The chip butty batter is being mixed. The PA announcer is learning how to speak Latvian. Yes, it's almost opening day at BMO Field. The expansion Philadelphia Union (I wonder how long their 5-year plan is?) will be winging their way to Toronto for Thursday night's big match under the floodlights and will be greeted by yet another sold-out Toronto FC crowd.
　
Since year one, the Toronto support has been lauded around MLS circles for being one of the league's loudest and best. How they have been re-paid by the team is another story. Either way, the supporters love a good chant or sing-along during a match and have memorized quite the little repertoire. However, if you're a little tired of singing for bald retirees, here are a few of the better chants that have come into us over the off-season. Sing, you burly baritones - sing!
　
DE-ROSARIO (Captain's Armband Remix) - to the tune of "B-I-N-G-O"
The Captain is from Scar-bo-rough
And De Ro is his name-o!
De-Rosario! De-Rosario! De-Rosario!
And De Ro is his name-o!
　
HEY JULES (The JDG Song) - to the tune of The Beatles' "Hey Jude"
Hey Jules,
It's not so bad.
It's not La Liga,
But it's getting better
　
Remember,
When puffing out that afro,
You are now rich
And close to Scar-bro!
　
OUT (The Mo(ve) Out) - to the tune of Tears For Fears' "Shout"
Out! Out!
Get the hell out!
Mo is the one we are singing about,
Get lost... you ginger buffoon.
Get lost!
　
DO THE SANYANG - to the tune of The Police's "Doo-Doo-Doo"
Amadou-doo-doo,
Ama-dah-dah-dah!
He's the Red from Gambi-ah!
(Repeat)
　
MO'S HOLES - to the tune of "Hole in the bucket - Dear Liza"
There's a hole in our defence,
Mo Johnston, Mo Johnston.
There's a hole in our defence,
Mo Johnston, a hole.
　
There's a hole in our midfield,
Mo Johnston, Mo Johnston.
There's a hole in our midfield,
Mo Johnston, a hole.
　
There's a hole in our offence,
Mo Johnston, Mo Johnston.
There's a hole in our offence,
Mo Johnston, a hole.
　
There's a hole in your backside,
Mo Johnston, Mo Johnston.
There's a hole in your backside,
And that's what you are.
　
CHIP BUTTY CHANT - to the Gap Band's "Oops Upside Your Head"
We-put-chips on bread,
Say, we put chips on bread!
(Repeat ad nauseum!)
　
THE FACTS OF MO - to the theme of TV's "Facts Of Life"
He trades the good,
He keeps the bad,
He blows the cap, and there ya' go,
The facts of Mo - It's the facts of Mo!
(Repeat)
　
LIFE ON BAY STREET - to the tune of "Que Sera Sera"
Que sera sera,
Our owners are M-L-SE,
5 year plans are what we'll see
For... eternity!
(Repeat with gusto!)

Mobama brings more change: "Yes We Cann"

------------Running for President of both Celtic and Rangers

Well, for once in recent memory Mo Johnston stayed true to his word. During the press conference last week where Jo Bronston was unveiled as Assistant to the misDirector, Mo remarked that his famous two or three signings were on their way. As of this afternoon, three have indeed arrived. Yes they are all defenders but hey, beggars can't be choosers. Will they be playing in the MLS All Star Game? Again with the beggars.

Yes, Mo has added two players who have been trialing with TFC. The first is Russian Second Division substitute Maxim Usanov. As reported earlier here, the 25 year old has bounced around the Russian and Latvian leagues but has never quite stuck with one club. Reportedly a rightback, Usanov may indeed prove useful as that is a position of weakness. As of course are most on TFC's backline.

The other signing of the day is sometime Canadian International defender/ James Franco lookalike, Adrian Cann. The 29 year old Thornhill native had his best years with Vancouver Whitecaps making 58 appearances in two seasons and garnering interest from Danish club Esbjerg fB who signed him to a 4 year deal in 2008. However, things didn't quite work out for Cann in Denmark and he was released in early 2010. He finds himself back in MLS for the first time since his rookie season with Colorado and with his 6 foot 3 frame will hopefully relegate Nick Garcia deep down the bench.

In the end, today's signings and Ray-Ray Hscanovics last week are hardly the earth shattering changes that TFC needs to really compete - but they will add depth. Mo Johnston's 5 year plan has indeed made Reds supporters beggars in every way but the signings are indeed better than nothing. The fact that they are the kind of signings we would expect from the expansion Union and not fourth year TFC is far beyond our choosing and the shame of the misDirector. There is no action, just reaction. Not change we can believe in.

-------------------------"I loved you in Spiderman!"

THE WORD: Maxim-um panic signing?

---------------A far more entertaining Russian "Maxim"

Despite last night's 4-1 split personality loss to New England, Nick Garcia has not been left behind at the team's breakfast buffet. But not to fear Reds' supporters, the top-level management team at Toronto FC will fix things with a well researched and scouted transfer move right? Surely the rushed signing of Latvian defender Raivis Hščanovičs after Jo Bronston's "retirement" was an emergency move and the next signing will have a higher pedigree! Uh-huh.

According to reports in this morning's Toronto Sun a new signing, Russian second-division substitute Maxim Usanov is about to be signed. Oh... great. Before you get too excited on who could be the next Nikolai Garciov, his history is worth a look. Usanov has never managed to make more than 19 appearances in one season, mostly in the Russion Second Division. Even Skonto FC (where Ray-Ray played) loaned him out twice over two seasons. So, to review Reds' fans: Hardly good enough to start in the Russian Second Divison = the answer to MLS's worst defence.

The only other disturbing piece of information about this potential deal (yes it can be worse) is that Maxim Usanov and Raivis Hščanovičs apparently share the same agency. Oh my God, has Mo's agent Barry MacLean run out of players for Mo to sign? Did poor Mo have to actually go find a new agency to supply him with rejects from lesser leagues? Perish the thought! That poor, sweet, humble Scotsman. No word yet if the Russian agent's name is Boris MacLeanov.

WORD FACTOR: 6 / 10