LETTERS FROM CAMP: Media Day feat. Nelly feat. Supplemental (Pat Onstad Remix)

"I'll be there in February so bloody relax!"

Maybe it's getting to sound like a broken record or too much like a Kevin Payne Appreciation Society, but the low-key (in comparison with last year) TFC Media Day was refreshing. If there is one thing this club has excelled at since 2007 it is promoting circuses over bread. Perhaps putting efforts behind, oh, you know, preparing the club to play... over a flashy dog-and-pony show is a good sign.

 

Just for larfs, the club decided to schedule their Northern Belles' debutante ball at the same time as the MLS Supplemental Draft. They must be renting microphones and want to cut down on pressers. Fiscal cliff and all that. Or they like to watch the local media top out their pay-as-you-go phone cards. Either way, shiggles.
 
With the winteriest of winter days hearkening back to Winter a year ago (the man not the season) the club tried to put its best new foot forward amidst difficult questions. The Reds' staff and players prepared their finest clichés and Ryan Nelsen continued to max out his British Airways air miles points by being here live and in person. Here are a few highlights from Kiwi's Playhouse - some real, maybe some less real. And by less real, we mean probably not real. And by probably we mean maybe absolutely likely. But hey.. maybe!

 

RYAN NELSEN: Started the day by killing 50% of the criticism over his hire by announcing that he will be joining TFC full-time on February 1st; Sadly did not refer to it as "Business Time"; Asked why he joined TFC: "... the set-up, the owners, the fans - everything"; still deciding if he will rap battle the other Nelly under the moniker "The Hiphopopotomous" or "The Ryhmenocerous"

 

DANNY CALIFF: Pronounced that he was happy to leave the "circus-like" atmosphere of Chivas USA thus making TFC less circus-like than another team for the first time ever; plans to intimidate opponents with in-your-face sideburns

 

ERIC HASSLI: Asked if he was happy in Toronto and answered ".......................... yeah." Resounding! Uh huh. Later proclaimed with Gallic flourish that he is "happy and did not ask to be traded"; did most of his interviews wearing Daft Punk robot mask

 

RICHARD ECKERSLEY: Looked like a fit version of Coronation Street's "Chesney"; Stressed the need to "get the team spirit right"; may have damaged the online feed due to red balance

 

LOGAN EMORY: Disappointingly did not spend off-season growing back "The Screech"; Admitted that TFC "needed upgrades all over the field but happy that "Payne has taken the reigns"; intimidated by Danny Califf's in-your-face sideburns

 

ANDREW WIEDEMAN: Claimed he re-signed because "the club is doing good things"; Made solo drive to Toronto from California - no word if it was due to lack of volunteers; refused to proclaim the American Interstate as the best motorway in the modern era

 

JEREMY HALL: Admitted that "Ryan (Nelsen) is showing us how to defend"; Glad to see the back of Freddy Hall as there "can be only one"

 

REGGIE LAMBE: In mid-season form as he starts interview with "Didn't want to get out of bed. Had to." #passion

 

QUILLAN ROBERTS: Dude has a crazy deep voice! Deep tenor rumbles about being the 3rd keeper; Ended interview with "remember that time I scored on England?" mic drop

 

STEFAN FREI: Told everyone the good news "I feel 100%" and "the ankle is holding up real nice"; more importantly added "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance!" So Swiss.

 

EMERY WELSHMAN: Seriously, we love this kid. A TFC supporter living the dream: "I love Toronto. I'm home". Pulling for him.

 

LUIS SILVA: Spent winter in Germany and was overwhelmed by the passion for the game; Still looks like a young Freddie Mercury; No further plans to brawl in bars

 

So there you have it, or sort of sometimes don't have it. Lay off us truth junkies... it's like a witch's tit today. If you'd like to follow the factual (booooo-ring) interviews, be sure to watch the frosted coating of Toronto FC TV (here) I warn you though... not much in the way of italics.

 

THE SUPPLEMENTALIST

As the media day interviews were taking place, TFC execs were busy picking over the leftover bits from SuperDraft Dinner in the MLS Supplemental Draft. The Reds used all of their selections to pick four guys who you will likely never see at BMO Field. The new additions are Jamaican-Canadian forward Ashton Bennett; American midfielder Jose Gomez; New Zealandish (go figure) midfielder Nik Robson; and, English forward Taylor Morgan. Good luck United Nations of Other Dudes... you will need it.

 

UPWARDS AND ONSTAD

A bit of other news that TFC thought they needed to add to the smorgasbord of info today was the official announcement confirming former Canadian international Pat Onstad as Chief Scout and Manager of Football Partnerships. The latter is possibly some kind of online dating thing. The Chief Scout title is a solid move as it is an area where TFC needs major re-structuring and one that as been lacking professionalism for a very long time. All apologies of course to the fine people at the Rio Hilton who used to take such good care of Mo Johnston annually.



Sup Le Mental?

Like the SuperDraft... just less Super... and more Mental



No we aren't being all streets with French crazy people - we are being all streets with the 2012 MLS Supplemental Draft! And honestly, what's a draft if it's not a wee bit mental? And hey, Montreal's in it now so là vous allez.
　
The Torontos had five picks today in the annual hunt for gold (not Matt Gold) that slipped through the two rounds of last week's SuperDraft. Did they get lucky and unearth this year's Joao Plata? Or, did they just cost themselves five round-trip tickets on Air Canada while these lads toil at training camp? Only time and blunt Dutch criticism will tell but here's the most important* information on today's five picks.
　
*not important in the least
　
MICHAEL GREEN
SCHOOL: New Mexico
POSITION: MF
POTENTIAL NICKNAMES: "Winter", "Mint", "Not Easy"
BIO: Played with Columbus Crew Academy (gulp)... from Strongsville, Ohio which means he's strong... apparently has "dangerous speed"... (School bio here)
　
NICKARDO BLAKE
SCHOOL: Connecticut
POSITION: D
POTENTIAL NICKNAMES: "Nontalban", "Nicky Nickardo", "And Pliers"
BIO: At 6 foot 1 and 167 lbs. he resembles a birch tree in profile... from Clarendon, Jamaica so has a chance to create the Dicoy-Nickardo Dancehall Sound System on defence... (School bio here)
　
MYKELL BATES
SCHOOL: Santa Clara
POSITION: D
POTENTIAL NICKNAMES: "The Master", "Low-Brow Nickname", "Psycho"
BIO: Winner "Easiest New Nickname" at 2012 MLS Combine... Captain of his Broncos squad... hates that novelty souvenirs only available for "MICHAEL"... (School bio here)
　
ARTUR IVO
SCHOOL: Southern Methodist
POSITION: MF
POTENTIAL NICKNAMES: "Ivo Genius", "Dr. Ivo", "Ivo Kneivo"
BIO: Is an actual Brazilian!... Has his own website! (Here)... looking forward to confounding broadcasters by playing one-two passes to Andy Iro... (School bio here)
　
MIKE MAZZULLO
SCHOOL: Columbia
POSITION: MF
POTENTIAL NICKNAMES: "MixMaster MikeMazzullo", "The Pele of Yonkers", "Meatball"
BIO: Went to an Ivy League school so he probably reads books... Is from New York so may know how to breakdance and/or tag subway cars.... (School bio here)
　
And some Jacques Lu Cont to help you get Le Mental...

"Sup' Plemental Draft?" "Just Draftin', whassup' wit you?"

The Fighter: "Irish" Steven Beattie

Enough of that wacky rap music street jive, Toronto FC is doing serious business... yo! Major League Soccer held the 2011 Supplemental Draft today and Team Winter was busy doing what Mo Johnston rarely did - team building. For those of you who don't know what this draft is all about, think of last week's SuperDraft as the exciting Boxing Day sale where all kinds of goodies are up for grabs. The Supplemental Draft on the other hand is the post-Boxing Day sale where the things that didn't get picked up are thrown into a bin and bargain hunters sift through junk looking for a diamond in the rough.
　
Despite its Honest Ed's feel, the Supplemental Draft isn't anything to be sneezed at. It's true that there are no contract guarantees given to the drafted players with many, if not most, disappearing quietly during training camps. However, now and again, those diamonds are discovered. In past years, MLS stars such as Jeff Larentowicz, Brian Ching and Chris Wondolowski have emerged from the bin in question. With that possibility and a whole whack (more rap jive) of roster spots available, Toronto FC 2.0 has taken four youngsters with potential shiny bits.
　
• JIMMY "JC" BANKS: Mobile midfielder from University of Wisconsin - Green Bay (Go! Fightin' Cheese Wheels! Go!) who just dropped out of the SuperDraft selections last week after a mediocre combine. Father was a US International who played at the 1990 World Cup and starred with the indoor Milwaukee Wave. "Wave Soccer - Catch the Taste!"
• "IRISH" STEVEN BEATTIE: The high-scoring forward made his way from the youth leagues of Dublin, Ireland over to the wilds of Northern Kentucky (great fried chicken, awful Irish breakfasts) in NCAA Division II. His eye for goal led him to be named the division's Player of the Year in 2008 and 2010 but his stock dropped due to his MLS International Roster status.
• SPENCER "FOR HIRE" THOMPSON: One of two guys named Spencer Thompson to go in today's draft. Wha' Supp (see what I did there?) with that? The big forward from Michigan State actually trained with TFC last summer when the "Preki & Mo FunTime Hour" still ruled. Does he still want to come? Hey, free trip to Turkey! Gobble, gobble!
• SCOTT "SPANISH FOR RED SCOTT" ROJO: Diminutive midfielder from High Point University ("Let's! Get! High!") who spent some time with the USL PDL's Carolina Dynamo. The 5 Foot 7 Texan can still tower over new TFC forward Joao Plata - so there's that.
　
On a roster that is full of chances, a spot on the big club - or at least its Reserve League baby brother - is there for the taking for these young men. As one of eight youngsters joining the new “Oranje Reds” in the last week, these players may have joined the most opportune club outside of the two expansion teams. They won't be able to just walk onto TFC though. If Team Winter’s constant selection of two-way players has shown anything, it's that they have a plan in mind and will only take players who fit. Word to your mutha.

Whassup' with that?