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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Mid-Term reports at The Aron Winter Academy of Total Learning

Even the architecture is 4-3-3!

When Preki Junior High permanently closed its doors last year, and crusty Dean Mo Johnston was sent packing, no one knew what place of learning would take in the young Reds. Then, just before the school year began, word emerged that the prestigious Aron Winter Academy of Total Learning would open its doors with promises of cultured education and advanced philosophy nurturing the minds of Toronto's footballing pupils.
Led by tough Headmaster Aron Winter, wacky firebrand Vice-Principal Bob de Klerk and experienced Superintendent Paul Mariner, a new era of higher education was to dawn over the Lakeshore campus. The halfway point of the school year has arrived and time has come to mail home Mid-Term report cards to the young lads in their sharp red uniforms.
STEFAN FREI: "Star pupil. May leave for fancy European school" A
MILOS KOCIC: "Quiet. Helps pal Stefan with homework" N/A
NANA ATTAKORA: "Issues with tuition Dept. Can do better" C+
DONEIL HENRY: "Promising freshman with a bright future" B -
DAN GARGAN: "Curriculum too advanced. Rides the short bus" D
ADRIAN CANN: "Playground injury. Concentrate on modelling" B -
TY HARDEN: "Big, but slower than Elmer's Glue" C
DANLEIGH BORMAN: "Didn't do homework on 'Sith Ifrici' trip" C +
RICHARD ECKERSLEY: "Stand-out exchange student. Crayon hair" A
DICOY WILLIAMS: "Big strong kid. Very laid back. Irie" B
JULIAN DE GUZMAN: "Local rich kid. Doesn't want to be here" C
NATHAN STURGIS: "Very cooperative. Name like a Naval officer" C +
OSCAR CORDON: "Freshman full of beans. May need Ritalin" C
MIKAEL YOURASSOWSKY: "Your Ass usually rolling on the ground" C
TONY TCHANI: "Bright future. Runs like an angry giraffe" B -
JACOB PETERSON: "Plain but useful. Hall Monitor" B -
MATT GOLD: "That much ginger on one boy is unhealthy" C -
GIANLUCA ZAVARISE: "Most Italian part of talent is his name" C
JOAO PLATA: "Smallest boy in class. Biggest heart" B +
NICK SOOLSMA: "Name means 'painfully slow' in Flemish" C
ALAN GORDON: "Popular. Motivates the class. Absent too often" B +
MAICON SANTOS: "Checking files. Name might be Mike Sanders" B -
JAVIER MARTINA: "First day of school was great. Downhill since" C


  1. "Mike Sanders" is classic lol!

  2. If the architecture actually began to reflect a 4-3-3 style then we would have the depth of conceptual thought that historically has built religions and cultures. What a concept, eh?

    Somehow, after receiving an email survey from ML$E, I remember that Anselmi and Beirne are just followers and not Leaders.


  3. ^ Deep.

    Short bus. Heehee