LETTERS FROM CAMP: Don't get Goofy

 

Yes it all had a familiar look. Yes it all ended in a familiar way. However, let's only start panicking if we get to May and the likes of Andrew Wiedeman, Reggie Lambe and a handful of youngsters are in the starting eleven. Until then, this match is about as important as the following fixture...



ORLANDO CITY 1 - TORONTO FC 1

If TFC looks this way in two months time then you have full permission to act as Goofy as needed.

THE STARTING 11: Rejected Orlando expansion club names

 

In Major League Soccer's quest to add 87 new clubs by 2019, the loop last week welcomed Orlando, Florida to Don Garber's holiday table. There is little argument against Orlando as a new market - as a third-tier club their attendance has been very strong; funding and plans have been approved to build a new soccer-specific stadium; and, they have a kick-ass purple kit and a good "footy" name. In all likelihood, the moniker "Orlando City" will follow the club from USL to MLS but there were a few other options lined-up as Central Florida gets ready to host the big boys of MLS. And Toronto FC as well.

11. Vasco de Goofy

10. Vitamin (F)C

9. FC Pluto

8. Fiorlandotina

7. Borussia Monchenglepcotcenter

6. Universidad Studios

5. Peter Panathinaikos

4. Tony Orlando Dons

3. Orlando Pirates of the Caribbean

2. Theme Park Rangers

1. Spartak Mouse Co.



LETTERS FROM CAMP: Wet World of Sports

"Raaaaar"

You coulda' had it all Adrian Heath. You coulda' been a contendah'! Yo' Adrian! Etc. Yes, a subplot of TFC's epic encounter with hometown Orlando City is how different things could be right now if "The Lions" head coach would have accepted the assistant manager's job he was reportedly offered under Paul Mariner back in the fall. This was all before Kevin Payne showed up and Operation: Blow It Up Again began but there is an alternate universe where Adrian Heath became TFC's assistant manager, then manager when Mariner was fired in June 2013, only to then become TFC's next fired manager. Likely replaced with some kind of robot. Forget it Adrian, it's O-Town.

 

Alternate universe aside, Toronto FC instead continues its quest March-bound as they trot out for their second match in the Mickey Mouse Cup. Down three trialists since last match and still awaiting the 8-14 necessary new players, The Reds will likely take a look at a lot of players still without contracts. They will also continue to wish upon a star at Disney that someone knows how to score.

 

KICK-OFF: The single tripod is ready, the Florida rain is raining and "The Fiorentina of Disney" are ready to attempt a (Sort of) giant-killing on TFC...

1' - Unless you made the trek to Florida, watching the match has been reduced to a single camcorder held by some dude named Barry (we imagine) and has no sound. Ah, the Internet. The future is now!

5' - When the ball is in Orlando's area we may as well be watching live Subbuteo

10' - Best shot at actual match analysis: Joe Bendik is closest to the camera.

15' - Orlando City actually controlling majority of possession. We are going to pretend they really are Fiorentina to avoid the shame.

25' - Yes it's preseason and the weather is awful... but yikes going forward TFC

28' - And the audio is back! It's at least Blue Square South quality now!

34' - Jeremy Hall given caution. Possibly for being Jeremy Hall

39' - Long Tam goal for Orlando denied by offside. Orlando possibly leading Toronto 40-1 in shots on goal

42' - Danny Califf almost gets his head on a TFC free kick then gets back down the field to throw his body in front of an Orlando chance. Box-to-box stuff.

45' - Referee whistles to end the half. Single camera did not catch Adrian Heath breathing a sigh of relief over NOT taking Toronto FC offer

 

ORLANDO 0 - TORONTO 0

45' - Changes going into the 2nd Half for TFC: Gale Agbossoumonde for Califf, Matt Stinson for "Slappa De"Bassi, Terry Dunfield for Reggie Lambe, Emery Welshman for Nicolas Cabrera, and Taylor Morgan for Justin Braun. So not much then.

47' - Rain has died and two-camera set-up back. At least Blue Square Premier level now

53' - GOAL: Toronto - Sign him up! Taylor Morgan calmly rounds the keeper after getting on the end of a Luis Silva pass.

ORLANDO 0 - TORONTO 1

60' - The 2nd Half Reds a bit more fun to watch going forward over their 1st half colleagues. That's not saying much though.

65' - They really have to start having preseason in places with good weather. Florida is America's big wet wang.

72' - PENALTY: Handball called against Orlando in the box. Terry Dunfield (!) steps up and slots it past the keeper easily. GOAL

ORLANDO 0 - TORONTO 2

73'- Tempers flair after the PK and Orlando's Adama Mbengue receives a RED CARD after punching Kyle Bekker in his fancy hair

74' - Trialist Ashton Bennett on for Luis Silva who had a solid 3/4 match

80' - Andrew Wiedeman and Jonathan Osorio come on for Kyle Bekker and Jeremy Hall

85' - Say what you like about Orlando City but they do have LegoLand as their lower back kit sponsor. That is a hot blocky tramp stamp.

86' - GOAL: Toronto - Academy project Jonathan Osorio with some very fancy footwork in traffic and a nice finish

ORLANDO 0 - TORONTO 3

FINAL WHISTLE: Sometimes the "match of two halves" thing is a bit of a cliche - but not tonight. First half TFC looked toothless, timid and bereft of any ideas going forward. The hungrier team introduced in the second half seemed to have far more intensity and poise when attacking. It is early but youngsters Taylor Morgan and Jonathan Osorio made it a little harder to send them home. Overall positive would be the fairly solid defensive display but the attacking options (or lack thereof) will continue to be an ongoing concern.

ORLANDO 0 - TORONTO 3



LETTERS FROM CAMP: "It's just a friendly after all..."

Forza Violas!

Toronto FC started their official preseason friendly schedule tonight in the group stage of the Walt Disney World Pro Soccer Classic. The opponents were none other than the local club and USL Pro Division Champions Orlando City. Since, like TFC, we are shaking off preseason rust, here are some shoddy highlights instead of a post-match report from tonight's action...

　

- Orlando City's nifty purple kits solidify their claim to fame as "The Fiorentina of Central Florida"

- TFC's new Ecuadorian defender Geovanny Caicedo looks like a complete beast... and that was just in the pre-match waiting line

- Sadly the national anthem of Disney World was ignored. Racists.

- The aforementioned Ecuadorian beast looks a little shaky on the defensive communication and gets caught crashing and banging giving Orlando a PK. John "You May Have Heard of My Brother" Rooney converts giving The Lions a lead

- No word if John Rooney can afford hairplugs on his USL salary

- After having his left foot prowess questioned by the "top-notch" MLS commentators, TFC's Miguel Aceval curls a free kick home via a deflection making it level

- Danny Koevermans taken off in precaution after a seemingly minor injury. Soolsma comes on to please fans of non-racist cats while highlighting The Reds' apparent lack of depth at striker

- Former Wolves manager Mick McCarthy in attendance at Orlando... or it's possibly The Muppets' Sam The Eagle

- Richard Eckersley is like every Englishman visiting Florida - he's sweaty, red and wearing a football shirt

- After some TFC defensive laziness, some dude on Orlando (sue me) slots it home to give The Lions the surprise lead

- Quick in reply, Das Kapitan Torsten Frings does what he has yet to do in regular season with TFC... score a goal. Level at two.

- Aron Winter celebrates the Frings goal with 7 subs at once, bringing most of TFC Academy into the match

- Stefan Frei making big save after big save. Stop wearing # 24 Stefan - you're a # 1

- "C" grades down the TFC roster apart from The Goalblerone tonight

- They may yet have been given an MLS expansion place but I'd take Orlando City over New York Cosmos II any day

　

TORONTO FC 2 - ORLANDO CITY 2

A Mickey Mouse tournament after all!

Sweet pair of Hackens!

It is one of North America's most fiercely contested, rodent-related soccer tournaments in history. FIFA ranks it in the Top 250 theme park-based football competitions of the 21st Century. Yes, it's time to get off the teacups and take the monorail over to the Walt Disney World Pro Soccer Classic. Rolls right of the tongue.

　
In its third year of existence, the "Classic" once again invites a host of clubs for a preseason tournament in the Orlando sun with the winner leaving with untold riches. Well, at least a trophy with Sport Goofy and coupons for some funnel cakes. The tournament is also Toronto FC's only competitive preseason action so we thought we'd have a quick look at the teams our Reds will face. This should help while squinting your eyes at MLS's internet feed.
　
ORLANDO CITY - February 25th, 6PM
NICKNAME: The Lions
ALTERNATE NICKNAME: The Mouseketeers
STAR PLAYER: John "Wayne's Brother" Rooney
POSSIBLE FLORIDA TRIALIST: Anyone from Epcot's Brazil pavilion
CELEBRITY SUPPORTERS: Chip 'n Dale; Scrooge McDuck; Tony Orlando (Dawn pending)
BIO: The current USL Pro Division Champions (North America's 3rd Tier) had a tremendously successful and well attended first year in Orlando after moving from Austin, Texas. Already out-drawing Tampa Bay Mutiny and Miami Fusion combined, Orlando City are making a case for future MLS consideration... or a home for D.C. United to move to when their next four stadium proposals fail.
　
BK HACKEN - February 28th, 6PM
NICKNAME: The Hedge
ALTERNATE NICKNAME: The Meatballers
STAR PLAYER: Matias Ostberg
POSSIBLE FLORIDA TRIALIST: "Steve" from IKEA Orlando
CELEBRITY SUPPORTERS: 1/4 of ABBA; extras from the Thor movie; Volvo dealers
BIO: Finally a chance to use all those saved up Swedish puns! TFC's first ever Swedish opponents are Gothenburg’s BK Hacken of the Allsvenskan Division. Mostly known for having a logo that looks like it could be half-eaten meatballs or ample, resting breasts - Hacken will no doubt offer The Reds a European-style challenge. Also, a chance to throw that leftover IKEA allen key at your computer screen.
　
FC DALLAS - March 1st, 6PM
NICKNAME: The Hoops
ALTERNATE NICKNAME: Dallatasaray
STAR PLAYER: Brek Shea
POSSIBLE FLORIDA TRIALIST: Vidal Sassoon (on Shea's insistence)
CELEBRITY SUPPORTERS: Pizza The Hut; the three dudes in their supporters' section
BIO: Ah, our old friends from Texas. Really this should be a 90 minute "Thank You" to The Hoops for bending over so ably against us in the final Champions League Group Stage Match. If it wasn't for their apathetic showing this past fall we wouldn't all be going to SkyDome in a couple of weeks!

Letters from Camp: Lions King at Disney

From Austin to Orlando... The Circle of Life

Well, if there is a such thing as "The Circle of Life" in preseason then Toronto FC's tactical training and integration of new players is still emerging from its infancy. While it's fair to expect that a massive overhaul in football theory, which Winter and Co. are attempting, will take a while to happen, the progress has been incremental.
　
The birthing pangs of "Total" Toronto FC were well on display during much of tonight's friendly against USL Second Division newcomers Orlando City (formerly Austin Aztex). In a match, admittedly a meaningless one, where most fans would expect an MLS side to dominate, The Reds struggled to create any quality offensive chances out of their quick passing 4-3-3 system. For you sick little monkeys (like us) who want the briefest of MLS v USL 2 preseason recaps, here goes... For the rest of you, go watch The Lion King, it will make you feel better.
　
TORONTO FC 1st Half Line-up: Milos Kocic, Dan Gargan, Chris Hunter, Adrian Cann, Mikael Yourassowsky, Matt Stinson, Ivo de Heus, Dwayne De Rosario, Nick Soolsma, Jamal Gay, Javier Martina
　
6' - Toronto defence undone early with Yourassowsky the goat. A man with that name needs to be more careful. Kocic with a good save
10' - ESPN3 announcers are just precious. At least no "free kick pieces" or "half court sets"
22' - Orlando has had at least 3 free kicks from dangerous areas. TFC still trying to find an offensive outlet
32' - Walt Disney's frozen head not in attendance tonight
38' - TFC getting a little closer to the Orlando goal with Javier Martina looking like the only one with a goal in his boots tonight
42' - Does anyone else remember "Sport Goofy"?
45' - Stinson goes close but finish is a let down as is the half which mercifully ends
　
HALF TIME: ORLANDO CITY 0 - TORONTO FC 0
　
TORONTO FC 2nd Half Subs In: Ashtone Morgan for Yourassowsky, Nick LaBrocca for Cann, Jacob Peterson for Gay (It doesn't get old)
　
48' - Second half starts the way the first ended for TFC. A bit like watching a plumber try to paint the Mona Lisa
54' - Toronto owning possession but still unable to crack Orlando's final third
59' - Just realized Disney World's tiny football stadium has a better roof than BMO Field
67' - Keith "Booyah" Makubuya and Maicon Santos in for De Rosario and Martina
70' - Mouse Butty anyone?
76' - GOAL: Not only does Orlando City sub in their Assistant Coach Ian Fuller but he decides to cut through the TFC "defence" like the proverbial knife through butter. Some very poor defending. ORLANDO CITY 1 - TORONTO FC 0
80' - Why does it seem more embarrassing when a USL 2 side's fans sing the "Na na na Goodbye" song?
85' - Makubuya tries to make something happen in the Orlando box but results in nothing more than a goalmouth scramble
90' - Match descends to time wasting. Disney’s head is giggling in its brine.
　
FULL TIME: ORLANDO CITY 1 - TORONTO FC 0
　
Unlike any number of animated Disney films, the heroes didn't come out on top today. In fact the whole trip to the "Magic Kingdom" was far from magical for The Reds who come in last in the Mickey Mouse Cup.
　
Despite being a preseason friendly, losing to a club two divisions lesser than you never feels good. While Toronto continues to build its new system from the ground up, Reds supporters may now be getting the feeling that early season patience will be needed. The passing game has improved, the style is better but the defensive shape and offensive output is definitely not there yet. Good outing for youngsters Demetrious Omphroy and Javier Martina but the defensive lead feet from the likes of Dan Gargan and Mikael Yourassowsky will stand out tonight. As Toronto move on to non-Disney pastures, "work in progress" is most apt.