THE STARTING 11: Derogatory nicknames Americans call Michael Bradley

He's got no hair but we don't care...



In four matches he has vaulted easily to become one of MLS' premier players. There is an argument that he is CONCACAF's finest talent at the moment. He carries the USA's World Cup hopes to Brazil on his shoulders this summer. He plays in Canada. What a conundrum for our mega-patriotic friends to the south! They love Michael Bradley when he suits up for the U, S and the A but feel the need to vent at him over the audacity to choose to play in Soviet Canuckistan over a more freedom-filled franchise below the 49th. This love-hate relationship has made for some colourful language being thrown in Bradley's direction...

11. "Syrup-slurping Tackle-monkey"

10. "Benedict Headbutts Arnaud"

9. "The Bald Eagle Beaver"

8. "Backstabbing Backbacony Bonehead"

7. "Michael Bradl-Eh"

6. "Left-wing Pinko Gretzky Sympathizer"

5. "Molson-guzzling Igloo-renter"

4. "Healthcare-happy Hoser-hugger"

3. "America's Sticky Head Bandage"

2. "Lex Loser"

1. "Drake Dodger"

THE MATCHUP: Midwest value

Jacob Peterson arrives for training



Today's edition of THE MATCHUP has been written by a special guest columnist - The Dean of Studying from The Jacob Peterson Institution of America-Canadia Relationships & Things
　
THE FC's VS. SPORTING KANSAS CITY
　
CANADA SOCCER STADIUM - SATURDAY 4:30PM (Canada Time)
TV: GOL TV (Likely in French)
RADIO: THE FAN 590 (Probably when hockey ends)
　
THE KICKAROUND:
The patriotic and totally kick-ass Sporting Kansas City, current Kings of the MLS Eastern Conference, are being forced by the liberal media elite and left-wing policy makers to travel to North America - home of the Toronto FC's soccer team.
　
Despite the completely un-American and downright racialist hassle of being forced to produce a passport (and declare all weapons! WTF?) to enter their "country", the hard-working Midwestern Christian values of Sporting KC will easily overcome a socialist soccer team that has yet to find a replacement for Canuckistan-escapee and patriot, Jacob Peterson. The basement-dwelling communists from "America's Hat" are currently managed by an English dude in shorts and have players who are Germanian, a bunch of Caribbeaners and a man amongst men, Ty Harden - who is awaiting his release from that northern prison.
　
MADE-UP RIVALRY NAME: "The Mission Accomplisher"
　
PLAYERS WHO LOVE FREEDOM:
FC's: Logan Emory, Ty Harden, Andrew Wiedeman
SPORTING KC: Jacob Peterson and brave evacuee Teal Bunbury
　
THE ODDS:
- Jacob Peterson fighting for our way of life: EVENS
- Socialist nogoodniks not appreciating the hardships endured by All American freedom-seeker Teal Bunbury: 2-1
- Whole thing being in French: 3-1
　
WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?
The rural town of Toronto on the St. Lawrence Seaway is the capitol city of the welfare/nanny-state Canadian North America. Toronto was a mere Eskimo trading post and beaver dam until the mighty U.S. Air Force invaded it during the War of 1812 in a world record 23 minutes. During occupation of the town, our troops burned down the CNN Tower and the SkyDome but left a few days later after getting bored of the summer snow and hockey. The U.S. Forces left Toronto to a dim, cold, gun-free, Obama-care loving existence where they misspell "color", "honor" and "misunderestimation".
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "QUINCY AMERIKWA'S SURNAME RESCUED FROM EVIL-DOERS BY MARINES"
　
And, since I don't know if they have Friday in Canada... here's a sneak preview of Jacob Peterson's new TV program. He changed his stage name to William Katt to avoid those Canuckistan spies.

THE STARTING 11: Future rewards for Canada vs. USA friendly matches

Sharp kit there Landon.



For a friendly, Sunday night's "Centennial Match" between Canada and our charming neighbour to the south had a bit of everything. Well, it had no goals... but it was a competitive, fast-paced and chippy affair with a semi-decent crowd on hand. For those who were wise enough to attend, many left with the feeling that these two teams should really meet more often. Of course, in the lucrative world of FIFA friendly matches, you sometimes need to dangle some potential reward in front of teams but these baubles should be enough to tempt the USA and the Canucks to meet more often...

11. Rights to Minnesota / Manitoba constantly on the line

10. If Canada loses , players must wear USA's leftover "Where's Waldo" kit to all formal events for a year

9. If Canada wins two friendlies in a row, USA must "let them have a go" at this World Cup thing we keep hearing about

8. A USA win sees David Hoilett suddenly "finding" American heritage

7. Winner gets rights to all future Bunburys

6. A Canadian victory will see President Obama forced to sneak the word "Lenarduzzi" into next State of the Union address

5. A US win allows Jurgen Klinsmann allowed to "fix" Vancouver Whitecaps and Montreal Impact for hefty fee

4. If Stephen Hart can manage a win then Landon Donovan has to be his sexy French maid for a week

3. Loser keeps Justin Bieber

2. A Canada win would see CSA Governors take over the USA Soccer Federation for three days... putting the American program backwards by 20 years

1. Lake Erie is all up for grabs

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Canada v USA... or Playing it like you mean it!

The TIFO at the away end that we couldn't read

Thank you weather gods for not pissing down on us!

Centenary match, blue kits, warm-up to qualifying, blah blah blah... you know the setup.

Pre-game at Maro.  Now that's a footy buzz.  Lots of people in Canada gear having a pint or two or four.  Met up with the lovely blogging cartel of @kzknowlesand @wakingthered and met @sulfur_chesh for the first time.  We laughed at the "Wheels on the bus" song, remarked on the length of the beer line.  Good times and an appropriate warm up.

Onto the match...

9' - DeRo cuts inside a defender and has a go, but the ball just goes wide of the far post.
14' - YELLOW - deGoo with a bad tackle.
23' - Ricketts pokes a ball low left forcing Howard to make a diving stop.
38ish' - So apparently I didn't write anything down, but a scramble to the left of Howard saw a cross go in and someone beat the keeper... meanwhile on the sidelines, the linesman's flag was up and the ref, I guess, wanted to see how the whole thing would play out.  It went in then it was offside.  Something like that.

Half-Time : Retro Chic 0, Waldos 0

52' - US cross to Jones gets headed downward but cleared off the line by Edgar.
54' - YELLOW - Hainault booked on a late tackle.
61' - DeRo on the doorstep, after two lunging touches, he can't get enough power on the ball to trouble Howard.
65' - SUB - Occean comes off for Simeon Jackson.
67' - deGoo has a solid go from 20 yards out, no trouble for Howard.
68' - Jackson has a go from the edge of the box and just goes over the bar.  Welcome to the match Simeon.
73' - SUB - Pacheco comes on for Ledgerwood
82' - YELLOW - Johnson gets booked for a very weak tackle and a weaker call.
85' - SUB - Hume comes on for Ricketts and de Guzman makes way for Piette.
88' - SUB - Klukowski comes in for Jazic.

3 mins of extra time

90+2' - Set piece free kick from 25 yards out, crosses into a cluster of US and Canada shirts, finds a header forcing Hirschfeld to make a great tip over the bar.

Full Time : Canada 0, USA 0

Full disclosure, I'm not sure who is who on the Canadian Men's National Team.  On one hand, I'm a little embarrassed and on the other, I don't actively chase who is who all season long.  Half of my guesses as to who was who were wrong.

Canada played very well.  The fact remains is that the US play very very well and are definitely a side to be reckoned with and respected, even if Canada had more legitimate opportunities than them.  Their ball control is superb.  Canada, on the other hand, played without reservation.  De Ro was determined to turn small opportunities into big opportunities. Occean was making crazy runs and was unlucky not to have a good chance at goal for his efforts.  Johnson was all over the midfield.  McKenna and Ledgerwood were solid anchors and didn't panic when the pressure was on.  And Lars Hirshfeld played superb.

As I ranted at the game, I envy the hell out of the United States for having nicer kits than we do.  Their hooped kit is nice, as is their navy and white sash home kit.  That being said, the Canada throwbacks are the class.  Seriously gorgeous on the pitch.  This should be an away kit if only because it serves to have greater meaning than the ordinary boring white kit we've always been stuck with (that black one was gorgeous, but I digress) and that it looks stunning.  The white collars look amazing, and the goal keeper's kit looks like something from a game of subbuteo - very sharp stuff.  Props to Umbro and appealing to my kit nerd sensibilities. (OK, why am I riveted watching grown men flick little plastic pieces...)

If you've read this far, please consider coming down to BMO Field on Tuesday June 12th and watch this fun and gutsy side take their talents into battle against Honduras for a World Cup Qualifier.

"1812" facts leading up to Canada vs. USA

Oh yeah, right in the Ohio

Not only does Sunday night's "Centennial Match" friendly versus our friends the United States of America (aka Canada's jaunty scarf) celebrate 100 Years of "greatness" under the CSA but it also takes place nearly 200 years after The War of 1812's "Battle of York". Okay so we'd like the result at BMO Field to go slightly better but seriously - not enough is being done to tie in the whole 1812 thing!

While we at The Yorkies always included "1812" as part of our moniker to lend some spirit to our usual muses Toronto FC, we thought it was time to help the malfunctioning national association with some "Battle of York" comparisons. So, since the nanny-state security at BMO Field won't let us bring in some muskets, here are some CSA 1812's to help celebrate that other anniversary.

After all, 1812 is:

- the number of swear-word combinations Canadian supporters have created to proceed the phrase "Teal Bunbury"

- the amount of times Bobby Lenarduzzi yelled "GET BACK!" during his tenure as head coach

- Canada's future FIFA ranking if the CSA is left to their own devices

- the total amount of syllables in Kenny Stamatopolous' full name

- the annual wage the CSA will offer its next coaching candidate

- the number of pies former striker Ali Gerba ate during the 2009 Gold Cup

- the amount of long-stem roses sent to David Hoilett by Stephen Hart. So far.

- the number of times you will smack your forehead with your hand while Canada attempts to qualify for the 2014 World Cup

- how many CSA officials it takes to screw in a lightbulb

- the decibel range at which you need to sing the following chant at BMO Field on Sunday night...

"Canada! Fuck yeah!

We're gonna beat the fuckin' USA, yeah!"

(Actual footage from "The Battle of York")

LETTERS FROM CAMP: "The first cut is the cheapest..."

"Goodbye pal... And yeah, He's cool."



PLAYERS CUT, PUNS TO GO UNUSED
A sad day for four young men as Toronto FC made their first four cuts of pre-season today. Sadder still is the effect it will have on blogs as some quality nicknames will forever go stale in Toronto. Cut from the 42 man training camp conundrum are:
　
NICKARDO BLAKE
Position: D
Lost Nickname: Nicky Nickardo
　
MYKELL BATES
Position: D
Lost Nickname: The Master
　
ARTUR IVO
Position: MF
Lost Nickname: Dr. Ivo
　
MIKE MAZZULLO
Position: MF
Lost Nickname: MixMaster MikeMazzullo
　
This leaves only one remaining Supplemental Draft pick left in camp, Michael "Mint" Green, with the remaining unsigned trainees being Academy products. With four spots expected to be filled before the season begins, the likelihood of some new homegrown professionals has increased.
　
THE 1812'er? (WE WERE AHEAD OF OUR TIME!)
That top-notch, success-driven organization The Canadian Soccer Association made a few major announcements last night in Toronto. First on the menu was the official announcement that all of the next round of Canada's WC 2014 qualifying would take place at BMO Field much to the chagrin of Canadian football supporters in other parts of the country (rhymes with blank hoover). In reply, Toronto-based supporters were quoted "Meh. Astroturf.... 12 hour flights.... What is this other part of Canada you speak of?"
　
Part of the BMO Field extravaganza will also include a summer friendly with the USA which will officially celebrate the CSA's 100th Anniversary (so many World Cup to show for it!) and inadvertently, the War of 1812 which celebrates its 200th Birthday this year. Well done War - you don't look a day over 150 - thanks for Laura Secord. During these matches, Canada will be wearing its new Umbro kit also revealed last evening to roars of "it's ok I guess".

Workers of the TFC unite!

With it being Labour Day (yes, our American friends, we spell it with a "u"), The Yorkies want to celebrate the true workers who have so far worn the Red for Toronto FC. Channelling the proletariat spirit of Karl Marx we offer you a starting line-up of the most blue collar, hard working and enthusiastic lads to run out on our Eastern Bloc era artificial turf. They may not be the most talented group in TFC's short history but this starting 11 would have definitely put in a harder effort this past Saturday night in Colorado. This is a line-up that could have started for SC Karl-Marx-Stadt (yes, they existed).

Manager: John Carver

G: Greg Sutton
D: Marvell Wynne
D: Tyrone Marshall
D: Andrew Boyens
D: Adrian Serioux
M: Jim Brennan
M: Chris Pozniak
M: Carl Robinson
M: Dwayne De Rosario
F: Andrea Lombardo
F: Danny Dichio

Talented, maybe not. Bust their humps for TFC? Yes. They would definitely beat the crap out of the Mo Johnston managed TFC Bourgeoisie squad featuring the likes of Laurent Robert, Rohan Ricketts and Jeff Cunningham.

Happy Labour Day Canada! Happy Labor Day USA! Happy Monday everyone else around the world! Happy Mondays Shaun Ryder and Bez.

Sam Cronin gets USA Gold Cup Call-Up. Toronto FC Roster gets Thinner

As much as the state of TFC's paper-thin roster is worrying, supporters have to be proud of Sam Cronin for getting the call from the USA squad for the Gold Cup. In a short time with TFC, Cronin has become a reliable and consistent performer in the midfield. Under the obvious mentoring of Carl Robinson, the young midfielder makes few mistakes and has a burgeoning offensive instinct.

Unfortunately, USA's gain is TFC's loss as the roster is bleeding players by the day. With the Gold Cup taking a chunk of Toronto's Canadian contingent, including newly signed Ali Gerba, and now adding Cronin, the bench strength (?) will be tested. A positive for TFC will be the return of Marvell Wynne, who was not included on the USA Gold Cup roster, and Dwayne DeRosario's decision not to play for Canada in the tournament.

Despite the comings and goings of the existing roster, it is painfully obvious that reinforcements are needed quickly. Mo Johnston must sign a handful of players to give TFC some much needed depth and the rumour mill has indeed been grinding over the past few days. If Toronto can get past Puerto Rico in the CCL Qualifier, they are faced with the prospect of 8 additional matches and the prospect of MLS Playoffs. The momentum of late has been welcome but a few injuries or extended absences could derail the high hopes for 2009.