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Saturday, February 9, 2013

LETTERS FROM CAMP: The Turducken Derby - Now with 30% more next day cutting!

You gotta dig to get some yummy Trillium!

Lights! Cameras! Buffering! The boys are back in town! Okay not this town - but a town. Actually O-Town. Hey, does anyone out there remember the boy band "O-Town"? No? Okay... footballs it is then.

The pre-season kicks of for realsies in the Florida sun today as TFC face the old foe Columbus in the opening match of the concisely titled Walt Disney World Pro Soccer Classic. Of course, this would also be an unofficial Trillium Cup fixture as well right? So it's a Trillium Cup inside of a Mickey Mouse Cup inside of a pre-season. So a turducken of a match. Or a flower inside of a rodent... so the Florodent Derby perhaps. I bet FloRida is pissed.
KICK-OFF: Sun is shining like some kind of shining light, red threads are binding many people together but "O-Town" did not perform the national anthems. 2 out of 3 - let's footballs...
2' - Jeremy Hall with a dangerous giveaway. Mid-season form.
4' - TFC go for the "we lost our luggage" look with last year's shirts and black shorts. #fashionfauxpas
8' - TFC with zero offensive flow. Justin Braun needs to be a quicker picker upper on long passes
12' - If today is an indication of things to come then all offense will go through Luis Silva. Looks lively but only one creating any trouble for Crew
18' - REPORT: Columbus Crew's president angry after 2 of the 3 construction workers on their logo showed up to camp unfit
20' - Opposition defenders will hate Crew's Federico Higuain even more this year. Dangerous.
25' - It may be choppy but first match-TFC employing some very high pressure when Crew is on the ball causing many a turnover
25' - A hungry Danny Koevermans wants a turnover
30' - GOAL: COLUMBUS - Glauber's Brazilian head meets the business end of a corner
35' - Of the newcomers, trialist/academy/Uruguayan league prospect Jonathan Osorio looking fairly useful in the midfield
40' - MLS online stream announcers wondering aloud if Gale Agbossoumonde will replace Danny Califf as starting CB. This kind of high-end research is how you get a plum online stream job. That and TALK YELLING
42' - Only minutes left in the half and still no word from "O-Town". Disappointing.
44' - Stefan Frei takes a cleat to the face from Ryan Finlay and stays down. Likely won't continue. Or be as handsome. Joe Bendik subs in for Frei
45' - End of a scrappy half. TFC tactics-wise and Crew tackle-wise


45' - Second half gets started with Julio Cesar (non-QPR version) on for Osorio and Argentine trialist Nicolas Cabrera on for Emery Welshman. Florodent Cup still up for grabs. "O-Town" still MIA. MIA still trying to live up to "Paper Planes"
47' - News that Stefan Frei is headed to hospital. A springtime tradition
53' - Julio Cesar's facial expressions rotate between huge happy grin and "I will eat your face". Maniacal. Enjoyable.
56' - Luis Silva denied by big save. Just about the only scoring threat for The Reds at the moment. You may want to get used to that.
60' - Good first impression by Gale Agbossoumonde today. You know... Like a boss.
63' - Silva, Lambe, Braun and Hall come off for Kyle Bekker, Ashton Bennet, Taylor Morgan and Torsten Frings. Frings to babysit.
68' - Tony Tchani doing his thing for Columbus... you know... just to remind us about De Ro
70' - More subs on for TFC but most importantly new nickname heroes "Slappa De" Bassi and "Fabreezi" make their debut
81' - Terry Dunfield must have his Ultimate Warrior sock tassels on as he hits the post with a headed equalizing attempt. Close but no tassel.
84' - We're not saying this result is strange but Europol has noticed unusual betting patterns from Sport Goofy
88' - Match needs more "shining lights"
FINAL WHISTLE: A scrappy affair in TFC's springtime debut. Decent pressure off the ball, no clue creating anything that looked like an offensive tactic. Agbossoumonde, Welshman and Osorio looked promising while Lambe was invisible, Silva was snatching at chances and Frei got his annual injury. Can't help but get the feeling that the lack of a real striker will be the narrative going forward.


UPDATE: On Sunday afternoon the club took to the airwaves (well webwaves) to let the world know that they had cut ties with a trio of camp trialists. (Wow, Nelsen - you cut the Kiwi? That's New Zealand cold bro!) Here's hoping this heralds the entrance of three First Team worthy newcomers. Preferably of the ball-in-goal variety.

1 comment:

  1. Who does Sport Goofy like in the hockey game tonight?