Estadio Nacional: They seem a bit jumpySlap dab in the middle of the annual "TFC Summer Swoon"TM, the club travels to the toughest stadium and civic environment in the history of the young club. For a team whose "tough" road matches include hardcore destinations such as Colorado, Kansas City and San Jose - Tegucilgalpa, Honduras will seem like a trip into the mouth of football hell for the inexperienced Reds.
Central America is a tough trip for any football team but TFC got the golden ticket with a draw to C.D. Motagua and their Estadio Nacional. The bullring stadium in the heart of one of the Honduran capital's roughest barrios (and that says something) is a fiery place with tremendous supporters groups who are also some of the pioneers of Latin America's favourite corner kick pastime - "The Urine Bomb". What is that you ask? 1 part ziplock bag, 3 parts expelled cerveza, 1 good throw at the opposition and...
Adding to that wet n' wild fun, TFC wasn't allowed to land their charter plane at Tegucigalpa's notoriously unsafe airport due to only "40% probability of a safe landing" (not kidding) meaning they have to add a five hour bus journey to their harrowing trip. In this delicious Latin cocktail mix is the problem that TFC has forgotten how to score and is only carrying a 1-0 aggregate scoreline. Despite Motagua's best player, striker Georgie Welcome, being on trial this week at Glasgow Rangers, and Motagua and their fans still being in off-season mode, 90 minutes of Prekiball will likely spell disaster and another early exit from CCL. Preki and TFC will need to be brave on many fronts for a result.
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "El Urinal Canadienese"
2nd LEG LATINOS: Amado Guevara, Shannon Welcome, Sergio Mendoza
WET LEG GRINGOS: Dwayne De Rosario, Stefan Frei, Chad Barrett
THE ODDS:
- TFC corner takers spending the full halftime in the showers: 2-1
- Toronto supporters groups wondering aloud "why streamers were so bad?": 5-1
- Mo Johnston releasing press quote in the 70th minute stating that "Toronto FC will now be concentrating on the MLS playoffs": EVENS
- Team blaming inability to score on the mesmerizing giant "FedEx" logo on the Motagua keeper's ass: 10-1
WHO ARE YA?
- Tegucigalpa is the Honduran capital and its 1.3 Miliion citizens are called Tegucigalpalonians. The region's main exports include sandwich meats, giant sinkholes and angry words
- The capital's Toncontin Airport is rated as the #2 most dangerous airport in the world. Tegucilgalpa also claims the world's fifth scariest bus stop, the eighth most violent train station and Pedro, the world's #3 most surly cab driver
- Tegucigalpa has won the "most enjoyable capital city name" for nine years in a row narrowly beating Addis Ababa, Ethiopia for the crown in 2009
- Honduras and neighbour El Salvador went to war in 1969 after tensions arose surrounding a World Cup Qualifying match. The "Football War" was voted best "sports-themed" conflict by ESPN beating out Saskatchewan's 1973 armed "Curling Revolution"
PISS BUTTY SAYS: 2-0 CD Motagua
EL PREKI SAYS: 0-0 Draw... then penalties....
HEADLINE: "HASTA LA VISTA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE"
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Imma ethiopian and im pissed off. how dare the hondurans beat us. the only damn thing we could win is the poorest country in the world :(
ReplyDeleteGO TFC!
GO ETHIOPIA!
GO ADDIS ABABA!
u know u like dat name