The Yorkies' Regular Features

Starting 11       The Word       The Matchup       After 90       The South Stand Report

Monday, August 2, 2010

THE MATCHUP: "We're not in Kansas anymore MoMo"

Estadio Nacional: They seem a bit jumpy

C.D. MOTAGUA VS. TORONTO FC
CONCACAF CHAMPIONS LEAGUE PRELIMINARY (2nd LEG)

Estadio Nacional (Tegucigalpa, Honduras) - Tuesday 8:00PM ET
TV: GOL TV

Slap dab in the middle of the annual "TFC Summer Swoon"TM, the club travels to the toughest stadium and civic environment in the history of the young club. For a team whose "tough" road matches include hardcore destinations such as Colorado, Kansas City and San Jose - Tegucilgalpa, Honduras will seem like a trip into the mouth of football hell for the inexperienced Reds.

Central America is a tough trip for any football team but TFC got the golden ticket with a draw to C.D. Motagua and their Estadio Nacional. The bullring stadium in the heart of one of the Honduran capital's roughest barrios (and that says something) is a fiery place with tremendous supporters groups who are also some of the pioneers of Latin America's favourite corner kick pastime - "The Urine Bomb". What is that you ask? 1 part ziplock bag, 3 parts expelled cerveza, 1 good throw at the opposition and...

Adding to that wet n' wild fun, TFC wasn't allowed to land their charter plane at Tegucigalpa's notoriously unsafe airport due to only "40% probability of a safe landing" (not kidding) meaning they have to add a five hour bus journey to their harrowing trip. In this delicious Latin cocktail mix is the problem that TFC has forgotten how to score and is only carrying a 1-0 aggregate scoreline. Despite Motagua's best player, striker Georgie Welcome, being on trial this week at Glasgow Rangers, and Motagua and their fans still being in off-season mode, 90 minutes of Prekiball will likely spell disaster and another early exit from CCL. Preki and TFC will need to be brave on many fronts for a result.

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "El Urinal Canadienese"

2nd LEG LATINOS: Amado Guevara, Shannon Welcome, Sergio Mendoza
WET LEG GRINGOS: Dwayne De Rosario, Stefan Frei, Chad Barrett

THE ODDS:
- TFC corner takers spending the full halftime in the showers: 2-1
- Toronto supporters groups wondering aloud "why streamers were so bad?": 5-1
- Mo Johnston releasing press quote in the 70th minute stating that "Toronto FC will now be concentrating on the MLS playoffs": EVENS
- Team blaming inability to score on the mesmerizing giant "FedEx" logo on the Motagua keeper's ass: 10-1

WHO ARE YA?
- Tegucigalpa is the Honduran capital and its 1.3 Miliion citizens are called Tegucigalpalonians. The region's main exports include sandwich meats, giant sinkholes and angry words
- The capital's Toncontin Airport is rated as the #2 most dangerous airport in the world. Tegucilgalpa also claims the world's fifth scariest bus stop, the eighth most violent train station and Pedro, the world's #3 most surly cab driver
- Tegucigalpa has won the "most enjoyable capital city name" for nine years in a row narrowly beating Addis Ababa, Ethiopia for the crown in 2009
- Honduras and neighbour El Salvador went to war in 1969 after tensions arose surrounding a World Cup Qualifying match. The "Football War" was voted best "sports-themed" conflict by ESPN beating out Saskatchewan's 1973 armed "Curling Revolution"

PISS BUTTY SAYS: 2-0 CD Motagua
EL PREKI SAYS: 0-0 Draw... then penalties....
HEADLINE: "HASTA LA VISTA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE"

1 comment:

  1. Imma ethiopian and im pissed off. how dare the hondurans beat us. the only damn thing we could win is the poorest country in the world :(

    GO TFC!
    GO ETHIOPIA!
    GO ADDIS ABABA!

    u know u like dat name

    ReplyDelete