TFZ: Wanna La Broc 'n Roll all night?

That guy in the back sure looks like a midfielder

Here it is... TFZ: The Totally Fake-Rumour Zone! The # 1 source for Toronto FC rumours with zero sources! "I pulled up to these rumours around seven or eight. And I yelled to the truth 'Yo homes, smell ya later!"
　
This week on TFZ...
　
- Adrian Cann, who admitted on GOL TV he wants to model for Armani, is jealous of teammate Jacob Peterson who has become the face of a new "Low-fat calorie-free non-dairy skim milk product" Moo-ve over Fabio!
　
- Was that TFC's infamous playboy Nick La Brocca stumbling out of a Manhattan hotspot at 3AM? Witnesses say a "soccer player, who looks like an attorney, wearing gold hotpants and with a supermodel on each arm" was making quite the splash on the disco dance floor! Nick at night!
　
- TFC's Latvian defender/ anti-consonant crusader Raivis Hscanovics has started a new literacy charity for young supporters called "Hscanovics Bks 4 Chldrnz Fndtn" S-m-r-t!
　
- Former Reds midfielder Laurent Robert claimed in French society magazine "Le Malaise" that his time in Toronto was unsuccessful due to "lies that Canada was a French country" and that Toronto was "a proletariat provincial town that had terrible escargots and an obsession with wearing deodorant" Sacre bleu!
　
- TFC are preparing for their Latin American CCL matches by spending hours in a hyperbaric chamber that re-creates the effect of high altitude, tropical environs while blasting the music of Los Lobos through speakers. They have also embarked on a strict diet of refried refried recycled beans, "meat" and tabasco water" Ay dios mio!
　
- Carl Robinson is having a hard time adjusting to life with New York Red Bulls as he is unaccustomed to oddities like "quality signings, ambitious owners and winning" Save the Wales!
　
- TFC "defender" Nick Garcia may fulfill a life-long dream and appear in an episode of De Grassi: The Next Generation. Garcia will play "Rick Charcia" - a "special" mature student who causes an accident on a short school bus while getting Spike pregnant! Everybody wants something!
　
TFZ: Truth is scoreless on the road!

"How could Rick Charcia do this to me?"