THE MATCHUP: Reds aim to continue national leadership with goal majority

"Can you hear Alberta sing? Noo, noo, noooo!"

TORONTO FC VS. FC EDMONTON

NUTRILITE CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP
SEMI-FINAL - 2ND LEG (3-0 AGGREGATE)
　
BMO FIELD - WEDNESDAY 8PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET (ALL REGIONS)
　
We would love to make this a politics-free, non-partisan match preview and lick our wounds quietly in the corner - but we're playing "Alberta's Team". Yes, FC Edmonton, the lads from North Texas, that Tory bastion, are winging their way to the left-wing pinko cultural cesspool of Toronto for The NutCan Semi-Final 2nd Leg. "The Monties" will be stinging from the 3-0 beating laid on them by TFC in last week's 1st leg as well as the 5-0 thrashing delivered to them by Montreal in this past weekend's NASL fixture. While Edmonton's roster may not be deep enough for major rotation, manager Harry Sinkgraven will be eager to stop the bleeding and put a halt to 8 goals allowed in 180 minutes.
　
For TFC, the only plan is to stop Edmonton from scoring 3 away goals. On paper that sounds like an easy task but Toronto are shell-shocked coming off their worst performance in years - a 3-0 beat-down by Seattle Sounders... and Dan Gargan is still on the team. The aggregate scoreline will allow Aron Winter to rotate his squad greatly and a little passive aggressive punishment towards under-performing players may be called for. The regression seen on Saturday against Sounders must have been alarming for management and we can expect to see some new faces get a chance to make an impact in a fairly low-stress match in front of a likely smallish crowd. Any result that sees TFC advance to the final will be accepted but TFC also needs to adjust its mindset back to a winning one.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Midweek Majority Rule Rumble"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
FC EDMONTON: Alex Surprenant, Chris Kooy, Chris Lemire
TORONTO FC: Oscar Cordon, Tony Tchani, Mikael Yourassowsky
　
THE ODDS
- Edmonton players becoming frightened by an attendance bigger than 10,000 people: 5-1
- Game cancelled before kick-off as "soccer" outlawed by new majority government as "un-Canadian": 10-1
- FC Edmonton somehow winning 11 seats in Parliament: 20-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- Being "Alberta's Team", FC Edmonton will soon be allowed to fly the Conservatives' new $9 Billion F-35 jets to all away fixtures
- Conversely, TFC's proposed new Downsview academy (built on Federal lands) will now be shared with the first new Tory "Super-Jail". Danny Dichio will see double duty as coach and prison guard
- Former TFC GM Mo Johnston was reportedly pleased with last night’s election results... "Nothing can go wrong when a man with ultimate power is allowed to run things alone for four years right?"
　
ACTUALLY THE REFORM PARTY SAYS: 1-0 FC Edmonton
LEFT-WING CULTURAL ELITIST MEDIA TYPES SAY: 2-1 Toronto FC
HEADLINE: "TORONTO ADVANCE TO CHAMPIONSHIP FINAL - PARLIAMENT TO RECONVENE; OVERTURN RESULT"