THE STARTING 11: Shocking new allegations against FIFA

"Qatar #1, Russia #1... ethics...hach pewy!"

There isn't too much else we can, or want, to say about Toronto FC this week after sitting through their 6-2 drubbing on Saturday. So, we thought we'd take a look at another well-oiled football machine with no apparent problems - FIFA. Unless you've been living under a football rock (I think it's in Oklahoma) then you've heard about the many accusations and allegations of corruption coming out of The Death Star FIFA's Swiss headquarters. The leadership race between Sepp Blatter and.. er... well Sepp Blatter has brought things to a head, but what other bombshells are about to hit the footy fan?
　
11. Original Association Football Rulebook called for touchdowns, bayonets, handlebar moustaches and executions during all matches
　
10. Sepp Blatter's actual name? Chip Bladder
　
9. Remains of Loch Ness Monster buried under Hampden Park
　
8. Top secret 1981 plans to sneak into IOC building - cover toilet seats with cling film
　
7. Canada being kept out of World Cup by dark, right-wing anti-syrup industrialist conspiracy
　
6. FIFA Headquarters was built in Switzerland on the promise of unlimited Toblerone bars and Ricola
　
5. Confidential medical tests show Diego Maradona was only high on life... or possibly rhinoceros uppers
　
4. Five-year plan to clean up FIFA to be led by Mo Johnston　

3. Jack Warner has threatened to reveal "The Caramilk Secret" if corruption charges are not dropped immediately
　
2. Mohamed Bin Hammam is actually former 1980's wrestler “The Iron Sheik”
　
1. Brazilian National team? Robots.