THE STARTING 11: Other changes to next year's CONCACAF Champions League

It's gone to Extra Time!

Rather quietly last week, the pristinely un-corrupt body that oversees Caribbean, North and Central American football announced changes to its Champions League format. CONCACAF's changes are a good news-bad news scenario for Canadian clubs as the NutCan winner will get to skip the preliminary round and go straight to the group stages, but, be placed in a three-team group with at least one other MLS club or a Mexican giant. Overall the changes seem positive but when reading the fine print there are some other new features that will definitely add to the continent's "premier club tournament"...

　
11. Donkeys no longer considered legal substitutes
　
10. Away matches to Bermuda called off after Guatemalan league loses three clubs to "Triangle-related" incidents
　
9. Official pre-match anthem changed from classical music piece to Van Halen's "Panama"
　
8. All matches in Jamaica to be held at Hedonism Resorts
　
7. Extra time penalty kicks at cup final to be replaced by kicking the ball at a piñata with the tournament trophy inside
　
6. Haitian clubs no longer allowed a witchdoctor on coaching staff
　
5. Fans wanting to throw bags of urine at opposition must only use new official "CONCACAF Champions League Bolsa de Orina" Ziplocs
　
4. Trinidad & Tobago club Joe Public FC finally forced to reveal their true identity
　
3. Loser of the British Virgin Islands vs. US Virgin Islands club match can no longer be called a "virgin"
　
2. Giant holes in Central American pitches can no longer be filled with political dissidents
　
1. Winners get trophy... and Nicaragua