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Monday, May 7, 2012

THE STARTING 11: Reasons why Torsten Frings tossed the captain's armband away

Voller: men's hairstyling legend

If there was a bad movie-of-the-week about Saturday's loss to D.C. United, the moment when Torsten Frings came off the pitch injured would have been very melodramatic. Frings (as played by Casper Van Dien in the film) marched off the field injured and frustrated and tossed aside the black captain's armband in what looked like a disgusted motion. (Imagine the armband hitting the grass in slow-motion with thudding sound effects and the crowd gasping... now!) After the match, the renowned professional Frings dismissed talk that the tossing was an act of impudence but rather that he needed to leave the pitch in a hurry for treatment. Yup. But what else could be behind Das Kapitan's doffing of cloth?
11. Somewhere, a baseball cap was in dire need of reversing
10. With De Ro in attendance, Frings thought it was tradition for TFC captains to make a bold silent gesture of disgust
9. Hasn't yet learned how to say "I've had enough of this f*cking sh*t, I’m a God damned World f*cking Cup legend" in English
8. Upset after his pre-match attempts to style his long hair into a 1980's Rudi Voller style perm failed once again
7. After himself, he felt that the next best team leader would be a blade of grass
6. Armband still slippery with hair product from Jim Brennan's days as Toronto FC captain
5. Thought that Joao Plata was going to take his place and was simply tossing it down to where his arm should be
4. Furious with Miguel Aceval's inability to pronounce Borussia Moenchengladbach properly
3. Far too anxious about the future of the European Union's financial austerity measures after the election of socialist Francois Hollande as French President
2. Had to get into the locker room quickly before Danny Koevermans ate all of the Black Forest Cake that his family sent from Bavaria
1. It was actually an experiment to see if anything could plummet to the ground faster than TFC's playoff hopes

In honour of our Kapitan here he is on lead guitar performing with German pop sensation Peter Schilling. Also, Miroslav Klose on drums...


  1. FYI - that's not Torsten Frings playing guitar. Fail.

    1. OMG thanks for that FYI! And here's us ROFL'ing in shame that we "really" thought Torsten Frings was in a yellow outfit playing guitar on German TV in the mid 80's... when he would have been a child.

      Your FYI really fixed that fail of ours! Thank God you didn't tell us that it wasn't Miroslav Klose on drums! OMFG that would have been a fail of epic proportions. BTW.. oh never mind. FFS.

  2. Rob Ford can translate #9 for him. FYI - that is totally ET moonlighting in that video.