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Monday, August 27, 2012

THE MATCHUP (with bonus STARTING 11!): All our huevos in uno basket

Poor Santos and his savage heart... so much passion!

Those of you who frequent this site... hello you three... know that Monday is reserved for our STARTING 11 feature but as there is an unusual Tuesday fixture this week it's "Buy None - Get Two Free" today. All of the STARTING 11 you love with a dose of THE MATCHUP you kind of enjoy with none of that pesky AFTER 90 you have to tolerate! Enjoy your BNGO!
 
TORONTO VS. SANTOS LAGUNA
CONCACAF CHAMPIONS LEAGUE - GROUP 1
 
BMO FIELD - TUESDAY 8PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE
 
THE KICKABOUT:
Through no choosing (but definitely by performance) of their own, Toronto FC must now put all of their efforts into CONCACAF Champions League. With The Reds' annual boycott of MLS Playoffs still underway, the continental tournament is the only way the club can raise season ticket prices retain an ounce of respectability.
 
Of course this year's CCL makes it much harder to escape the group stage and to add insult to injury, our old foe Santos Laguna stands in our way. The Mexican powerhouse is about the closest thing Toronto has to a continental rival as it was the boys from Sanders' Lagoon who ousted TFC from the 2012 CCL semi-final. Much is being made that Paul Mariner rested a lot of his starters on the weekend in preparation for this match but TFC must be far better tactically to beat Santos. If The Reds think they can play like they did against Houston - despite Paul Mariner farcically calling it "the best the team had looked in a long time" (!) - they won't be stealing any last second equalizers.
 
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "Return to Sanders' Lagoon"
 
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Torsten Frings, Eric Hassli, Luis Silva
SANTOS LAGUNA: Herculez Gomez, Daniel Ludena, Juan Pablo Rodriguez
 
BONUS! THE STARTING 11: Disparaging names the Mexican press uses to refer to Toronto FC
 
It's no secret that this tournament is treated with the respect it deserves anywhere south of the Rio Grande. While it is gaining some traction in MLS cities, it has yet to garner the media's attention. In Mexico however, it makes headlines - and the newspapers aren't afraid to resort to a little name-calling...
 
11. "NAFTA-happy Butty munchers"
 
10. "Ungrateful Plata-droppers"
 
9. "Non-alcoholic Frozen Margaritas"
 
8. "El Gigante Frenchmen de los neck tattoos"
 
7. "Club America('s Hat)"
 
6. "Apertura-hating puck monkeys"
 
5. "CONCACAF's tall, awkward nerd"
 
4. "Lazy non-migrant workers"
 
3. "El Managerios Shorty Pants"
 
2. "Los Cinco Anos Planners"
 
1. "Major League Gringos"
 
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "TFC DEFENCE IS SANTOS' LITTLE HELPER"
 
And... since we're confused by Tuesday fixtures, here - straight from Tijuana (Brass) - is the Santos Laguna anthem. Kind of like "You'll Never Walk Alone" just disco-ier... and brassy-er... and Alperty.

4 comments:

  1. I know not your mistake but it's Herb Alpert, not Herp Albert. I'm sure he wasn't named after a venereal disease.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I meant to say "I know it's not..."

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    2. Are we sure that's not his Mexican non-union trumpeteer foe Herp Albert and The Doyawanna Brass?

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  2. LOL! With the video directed by Senor Spielbergo?

    ReplyDelete