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Monday, October 8, 2012

THE STARTING 11: Ways that Thanksgiving dinner is similar to supporting Toronto FC

The Right Honouable John A. McGobble

Today is the day Canadians gather together in our National Igloo to celebrate the birth of our first Prime Minister - a wild turkey from the Yukon. Now that our American readers are thoroughly confused we can get down to the business of brusselling our sprouts and sweetening our potatoes. As downtrodden TFC supporters get ready to sit around the table with their families today, it may dawn on them that the often trying "traditional holiday meal" has some similarities to their other abusive relationship - supporting The Reds...

11. You start drinking a good three hours before the whole thing starts just to get through it

10. The host spends all their energy telling you how fantastic the gravy is despite the rest of the offerings being dry, dull and stale

9. Halfway through the proceedings it dawns on you that you could be sitting at home watching movies in your underwear

8. Much like Canadian Thanksgiving, TFC marks the end of their MLS season in early October - a full month before their American counterparts

7. You have to sit and watch a turkey not move for 90 minutes

6. Jim Brennan just won't leave

5. Inevitably, someone is challenged to meet outside for a fight

4. You always end up leaving with an upset stomach

3. No matter how hard you try, you just can't think of things to be thankful for this year

2. Somebody always thinks it appropriate to show up wearing shorts

1. You are fed the same crap you had for the last six years