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Monday, September 16, 2013

THE STARTING 11: Bitchy the Hawk replacements

"But you've been chasing me for nine months!"
In the grand scheme of things, Toronto FC's tedious attempts to turn Bitchy the Hawk into faux-tradition ranks as mediocre. Whether it has been through the creation of premature Walls of Honour or via numerous failed attempts at a club "anthem", the club has always tried to create history the same way they attempt to create a roster - by putting the cart before the horse. While some fans seem to enjoy Bitchy's "grand entrance" (why?) we find the whole thing rather clawing (forgive us, we know not what we do) and gives TFC the feel of Bargain Harold's Benfica. Alas, the club will probably continue with the mini-circus and while no one has heard that Bitchy's job is on the line - this is TFC - and potential replacements are always ready to step in...

11. Ned the Apathetic Incontinent Hound Dog

10. Reggie the Lamb

9. Bright Pike

8. Earl Cochrane in a Chicken Costume

7. The On-Loan Silverback

6. (Collin Samuel turned # 6 into a sandwich)

5. Joao Platypus

4. Btchy t Ltvn Dth Brd

3. The Allocationgator

2. Argo the Albatross

1. The 5-Year Plant


  1. Who are these people that like this side show? I've done extensive research on this and I've yet to find anyone entertained by this.

    (NOTE: Extensive research is defined as the 3 people that usually attend games with me, my kids, and Yorkies regulars)

    1. You mean our chorus of sarcastic claps and cheers from behind you aren't showing our clear support? ;)

  2. Bitchy's grand entrance is an awesome idea that falls flat in execution every single time.

  3. the pre flight video had me intrigued the first time i watched it, then the entrance happened, and I was confused. have been underwhelmed every time since, especially now she just gets walked out.

    really really want to see someone get shat on by a seagull that is not being scared off during that time. I'd be fine with it happening to me just so i could go off on a rant about how it perfectly represents TFC, focusing on the hype rather than just doing their basic job.