The South Stand Report : Toronto v. DC... or The Mediocre Struggle Into The Playoffs!

Updated logo. The ball and star make it much better.

After a long and drawn out absence, I am thrilled to announced that summertime has officially begun with the annual event we've all been waiting for : EPL SEASON BEGINS!!

Though we've had the mildest summer thus far that I can remember in the mighty Canadas, the last few days have been ridiculously hot. Heatstroke on Thursday, dehydration on Friday, who knows what Saturday can leave me in my fair-skinned condition. So the notion of baking in the sun for a footie match that offers no shade (two words schedule wizards : night games) wasn't high on my things to do on a Saturday afternoon. Nonetheless, Chelsea poached a last minute goal to win (again) and Arsenal smashing 6 past Everton... sorry, I got carried away...

To those of you who think that Canada is a land of Mounties and igloos, you can f*ck right off you are grossly misinformed. It's about 34C out there (or those you who live in the past, that's mid 90s F) with no clouds in sight. You could cook eggs on my back, but you wouldn't eat them... unless you have a thing for back hair in your sunny-side ups.

DC United is faring about as well as we are. The only true advantage is that we're at home for this scheduled mid-season collapse. With 10 games remaining and 1 point out of a play-off spot, there's plenty to play for, a 6-pointer, a [enter typical football cliche here]!

On to the match.

No Chad starting, but two Gambians and a first round draft pick get the nod.

3 - F'ing hot.

10 - Attakora misjudges a looping ball, but recovers to force a shot into the side netting.

15 - Vitti passes across goal, Brennan heads the ball towards the opposite post for Wicks to only watch it ricochet off the post.

17 - YELLOW - Cronin gets a booking for going after a ball with a slide and having a late defender collide with him on the ground. I thought colour-blind people could still see red...

"You know, we all take our shirts off in the 33rd minute"

~ Jonathan says to a woman in front of us

23 - Attakora chases down Emilio to prevent a shot and lose the ball past the goal line. Outstanding hustle and composure.

27 - Still f'ing hot.

31 - GOAL - Brennan crosses right to Cronin, who puts the ball back into the box for DeRo to head into the bottom right. So very pretty.

36 - Frei bails the linesman out after he comes charging out of the area to tackle the ball away from a clearly blown offside call.

44 - "Discount" Fred (as compared to this Fred) gets hauled down, resulting in the second crap DC free kick of the game. Seriously guys, they're wearing red. How is it this team cannot see red. They are the anti-bulls or something. Bullfighting references? No? OK, moving on...

1 minute of extra time

HALF-TIME : Melt-tacular. Seriously, it's still f'ing hot.

SUB - Robinson out, Guevara in.

49 - Too hot. Don't wanna write this anymore...

57 - DeRo loses his marker in an embarrassing-"Real Madrid"-type fashion and slots the ball just wide right.

58 - YELLOW - Brennan for a kinda late brutal tackle.

66 - GOAL - Scramble in the box finds Sanyang poking the ball to White, who settles it (and by doing this usually results in a save but...) and buries it. Well done sir.

67 - Toronto is possessed as White flips a loose ball that Vitti just can't get to. Aggressive stuff.

73 - SUB - Gerba in. White out. If The Chad had been subbed in, he'd have cramped up within this sentence.

74 - Guevara free kick ends up at Vitti's best foot, his head, and just puts it wide.

80 - SUB almost... Sanyang went down hurt and Gala almost came in.

85 - Fancy passing from Toronto ends with Guevara firing a low and weak shot, only for Josh Wicks to bobble it.

They'd been better off with Ben Wicks

~ Tony

87 - SUB - Gala in, Brennan off.

90+2 - Guevara gets his head in front of a sure goal and clears it off the line to preserve the clean sheet that only here seemed to be threatened.

90+3 - DeRo rifled a shot past the top left corner

90+5 - ummmmmmmm... whistle?

FULL TIME - Toronto 2 : DC 0

Even the expected 'last 15 minutes collapse' that the Reds are famous for didn't amount to much, playing their 8-0-2 formation and all (though, admittedly, it looked more like a 7-1-2). DC didn't do anything threatening, even when given the opportunities, then again...

Man of the Match : ... Attakora was outstanding. Guevara looked great, but only for the second half.

Goat : none. Again. Man, we need to start hating on someone soon or this part is going to be useless.

Ref : a few screwed up calls that didn't end up costing us anything, so he gets a 3 out of 5 for not influencing the game too much.

We need a roof. And air conditioning. Or less games in August (even though this is the only one).

On a side note, I very much looked forward to the "game during the EX" this year, however, we've been baited and switched for an overpriced Celtic-B vs. Benfica-B (it's an international weekend, go look it up, we'll wait). $50 to see reserves, I don't think so. Thanks anyways. I was looking forward to post-game Tiny Tom's donuts...