Well, it's that time of year again. The National Hockey League, and in particular the Toronto Maple Leafs, are back tonight meaning that every sports station, every news channel and every newspaper in the city will devote 90% of its coverage to every minutiae of the sport that is Frozen Stick Soccer. It's also the night where those of us who are both Canadian citizens and not hockey fanatics (yes America, there are a few of us) tend to go into a publicly shamed sporting hibernation only to peek out on weekend mornings and Champions League afternoons like hooligan groundhogs. Our true local love, Toronto FC, sees the season nearing its untimely end, but before they go they will need to make a last ditch effort to challenge the Leafs for the city's sporting attention...11. If Toronto FC are down by a goal late in the game they will "pull the goalie"
10. Danny Dichio to challenge Doug Gilmour to a match of "BMO vs. ACC Zamboni Chicken"
9. Ali Gerba must "drop the gloves" against San Jose Earthquakes
8. Club to hire South End supporters to go to Leafs' games - throw streamers at Vesa Toskala
7. Sam Cronin will sport a Wendel Clark-esque handlebar moustache for remainder of season
6. TFC to hide all of the Leafs’ pucks in Julian De Guzman's hair
5. Late-night crank calls to Leafs' Swedish players - ask them if their "Sven Goran Eriksson is running"
4. Reds' keeper Stefan Frei must wear new brightly coloured helmet in goal
3. "Bitchy" the BMO Field hawk to attack Leafs mascot Carlton The Bear - try to poke out his eyes with beak
2. TFC striker forced to legally change his name to Chad Barretzky
1. In order to make both sets of fans feel equal, TFC will refuse to make the playoffs then raise season tickets by absurd amounts
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