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11. Houston advance to Semi-Finals - Texan high school football gets better TV ratings
10. Rohan Ricketts is on trial to be a ball boy at the MLS Cup Final
9. Chivas USA claim they were thrown off by Beckham's homoerotic lumberjack beard
8. Dwayne De Rosario failed in attempt to dye his jersey from red back to orange
7. RSL called in religious "favours" from the Mormon Church - squad now has to convert
6. Steve Nicol blames loss on his uncontrollable laughter over rumours of him taking the Toronto FC job
5. Red Bulls still somehow lost despite not playing
4. Chad Barrett got a hat-trick... playing FIFA on X-BOX
3. Guillermo Schelotto is still laying on the ground
2. After Seattle's loss, Drew Carey found sad and drunk by the Plinko board
1. MLSE still claims that TFC has a "good shot" at the 2009 Playoffs
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