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If there's such a thing as a "Calgarian Shiekh Oil Baron" then it's only a matter of time...Wooooooo! Eat it Guelph! F*ck you Estevan! Cry more Iqaluit! Canadian Champions!
It's currently 6pm EDT, or "sometime between tokes" for you out-westerners, and it's a bonnie sunny Glasgow evening here in Toronto (meaning "drizzlin' piss"). Not that I'm a weather watcher, but I'd like to point out that this is the 5th game where it was scheduled to rain, and likely the 4th where it will actually do so. I hate the rain.
TFC had the audacity to inform the supporters that we have the possibility of "Toronto FC Academy players appearing in a Toronto FC match for the first time!" which translates to me ashooker and vodka party at Usanov's place DeRo's staying home and Vanilla Peterson is in charge of half-time orange slices. The perks keep coming and coming...
Predictions : Vancouver [(minutes played by TFCA players * 0.2)/45 minutes], Toronto [(number of TFC regulars who play any amount of time * 0.65)]
Yeah, it's math. What... don't read this blog with that look on your face?!
Anyways...
3' - Nane Joseph is at the wrong end of a challenge which leaves him kicking his legs on the ground like a 4 yr old being told he can't have a box of smarties while going through the grocery store checkout. Yeah, it was a long-winded metaphor, but it was accurate. It would've been completely comical had he been on the other team or...
4' - SUB - Joseph out, Usanov in. I guess he was hurt badly enough.
Still looked funny. Sorry.
9' - Usanov chases a ball out of bounds, sliding right into the boarding. Somehow, not hurt and ankles still work. Remarkable. Good hustle.
It's currently 6pm EDT, or "sometime between tokes" for you out-westerners, and it's a bonnie sunny Glasgow evening here in Toronto (meaning "drizzlin' piss"). Not that I'm a weather watcher, but I'd like to point out that this is the 5th game where it was scheduled to rain, and likely the 4th where it will actually do so. I hate the rain.
TFC had the audacity to inform the supporters that we have the possibility of "Toronto FC Academy players appearing in a Toronto FC match for the first time!" which translates to me as
Predictions : Vancouver [(minutes played by TFCA players * 0.2)/45 minutes], Toronto [(number of TFC regulars who play any amount of time * 0.65)]
Yeah, it's math. What... don't read this blog with that look on your face?!
Anyways...
3' - Nane Joseph is at the wrong end of a challenge which leaves him kicking his legs on the ground like a 4 yr old being told he can't have a box of smarties while going through the grocery store checkout. Yeah, it was a long-winded metaphor, but it was accurate. It would've been completely comical had he been on the other team or...
4' - SUB - Joseph out, Usanov in. I guess he was hurt badly enough.
Still looked funny. Sorry.
9' - Usanov chases a ball out of bounds, sliding right into the boarding. Somehow, not hurt and ankles still work. Remarkable. Good hustle.
Tonight, your Yorkies present the newest game sensation that's sweeping the red nation
"Who the F*ck is That?"
Our first contestant is wearing #30 and is in goal, please give a warm round of applause to TFC signee, and Serbian White Eagles loanee, Milos Kocic!
Wearing #26, TFC Academy player Doniel Henry is playing centre back-ish.
At #35, your "The Chad" understudy, centre forward Allando Matheson.
We'll be back with more as the game progresses.
"Who the F*ck is That?"
Our first contestant is wearing #30 and is in goal, please give a warm round of applause to TFC signee, and Serbian White Eagles loanee, Milos Kocic!
Wearing #26, TFC Academy player Doniel Henry is playing centre back-ish.
At #35, your "The Chad" understudy, centre forward Allando Matheson.
We'll be back with more as the game progresses.
19' - Haber gets loose from TFC defenders and has a go just over the bar. This guy is quality.
22' - Vancouver free kick swings beautifully wide with Tsiskaridze just getting his foot to is and shanking it over the bar. I know it was a miss, but Vancouver tends to play a style of football where you catch yourself holding your breath ever so slightly on the chance that their crazy-ass attempt works. And you know it does.
27' - Ibrahim traps a ball on his chest, turns, and then skies the ball. Oh Ibby...
32' - RED - Marcus Haber does TFC a favour by going late studs up tackle. He doesn't look like he's protesting too much either.
22' - Vancouver free kick swings beautifully wide with Tsiskaridze just getting his foot to is and shanking it over the bar. I know it was a miss, but Vancouver tends to play a style of football where you catch yourself holding your breath ever so slightly on the chance that their crazy-ass attempt works. And you know it does.
27' - Ibrahim traps a ball on his chest, turns, and then skies the ball. Oh Ibby...
32' - RED - Marcus Haber does TFC a favour by going late studs up tackle. He doesn't look like he's protesting too much either.
Quote of the Match
Vancouver looks to be reverting to Italian formation...
~ Alex on Vancouver's apparent 7-1-1 styling
35' - Ibrahim gets absolutely hammered in a tackle resulting in a Vancouver booking. Probably a physical warning for Ibby's rehashing of a 10 yr old on a slip-n-slide for the last 10 minutes. Sorry Ibby, but I'd have tackled you too for what you were pulling.
38' - YELLOW - Henry for, um, something... probably deserved it.
39' - Gala fights off two defenders... and gives up a free kick? Couldn't see anything on the replay that would've made him innocent. Meh.
42' - Henry hip-checks Tsiskaridze sending him spinning right round (like a record, baby, right round...)
44' - Tsiskaridze jukes and cuts a cute pass to Davies who pops a shot 16 yds out prompting Kocic to make a very good leaping palm save.
38' - YELLOW - Henry for, um, something... probably deserved it.
39' - Gala fights off two defenders... and gives up a free kick? Couldn't see anything on the replay that would've made him innocent. Meh.
42' - Henry hip-checks Tsiskaridze sending him spinning right round (like a record, baby, right round...)
44' - Tsiskaridze jukes and cuts a cute pass to Davies who pops a shot 16 yds out prompting Kocic to make a very good leaping palm save.
3 minutes of added time
45' - Ensuing free kick was f'ing embarrassing. If I got the name, I'd out him for being total crap.
45+2' - Ibrahim breaks in and has a weak shot 20 yds out. Easy save for Nolly, but WTF was Matheson playing 5 yds offside while the shot was taken? I didn't get it.
HALF-TIME MOOD : soaked, unimpressed and in dire need of a roof on the south stand.
45' - SUB - de Guzman out,...
Welcome back to
Who the F*ck is That?
Making his way into the game, a TFC Academy forward, #29 Nicholas Lindsay
52' - Hščanovičs doesn't push up while Gala is getting pressure in the left corner, but somehow profited when the coughed up ball ended up at his feet. Ensuing cross went errant.
53' - Lindsay gets free and at 5 yrds out curls the ball around the post. I'd like to say something poignant like "welcome to the big leagues, kid" but that's stupid and clichéd... so how about "What in the fu... oh, Academy player? Nevermind. Good try!"
66' - SUB - Matheson out, DeRo in. I guess Preki doesn't want this to be a glorified scrimmage after all. For excitement's sake, he should've come on at half-time too.
78' - Gala first cross fails. Gets a second opportunity and the ball is hauled in by Nolly. I'm glad he's trying to pass it.
83' - Hščanovičs gets his first touch in what's felt like half an hour and crosses it into the box. Seriously, what did he do? If being Latvian is wrong then I don't want to be right!
85' - Hščanovičs nails Davies in a solid tackle which sends him to the ground. Knight gets on his high horse (get it!... cuz he's... yeah, sh*t pun, I know) to stick up for him.
53' - Lindsay gets free and at 5 yrds out curls the ball around the post. I'd like to say something poignant like "welcome to the big leagues, kid" but that's stupid and clichéd... so how about "What in the fu... oh, Academy player? Nevermind. Good try!"
66' - SUB - Matheson out, DeRo in. I guess Preki doesn't want this to be a glorified scrimmage after all. For excitement's sake, he should've come on at half-time too.
78' - Gala first cross fails. Gets a second opportunity and the ball is hauled in by Nolly. I'm glad he's trying to pass it.
83' - Hščanovičs gets his first touch in what's felt like half an hour and crosses it into the box. Seriously, what did he do? If being Latvian is wrong then I don't want to be right!
85' - Hščanovičs nails Davies in a solid tackle which sends him to the ground. Knight gets on his high horse (get it!... cuz he's... yeah, sh*t pun, I know) to stick up for him.
2 minutes of extra time.
FULL TIME : Toronto 0, Vancouver 0
I could do the equation prediction and figure out what the score should've been, but what would that prove? Honestly?
Man of the Match : While there wasn't much to sing about (no really), Usanov was all over the pitch, running up the right wing and doing his best to create chances and chase down balls.
Goat of the Game : Staying away from the academy players, who really weren't bad, the only one I can call out was Gala. My favourite apple has a fear of both passing forward and getting rid of the ball any time earlier than "too f'ing late". Sure he was getting closed down, but holding onto a ball 5 seconds longer than necessary would cause that. Ibby almost got this award but Gala frustrated me AS SOON AS he touched the ball.
Ref Rating : 5 out of 5. Let them play, given the state of the grass and subsequent sliding. If they're not a ref crew in MLS, then someone should take a look at'em.
OK, two prominent themes came to play tonight.
1) Hščanovičs : How is it he was the lone player in his third of the field for long periods of the game? Which third, you ask? The LEFT third. If I was a player, which I am not, the only reasonable explanation why he was getting no service that I can conjure is that Hščanovičs has a fear of running up into an offensively aggressive position for death fear of getting caught out of place. They could've used such chance-taking when Vancouver were grouping up in the middle.
2) The lop-sided imbalance that was TFC possession v. lack of quality attacking opportunities. Nevermind the red card, Toronto who controlled the ball at least 60% of the game could not get the ball anywhere near the 18 yd box. Nolly was tested sparingly. I'm willing to score this one 'too many kids' but it was alarming how anemic TFC was in the final third of the pitch. If you're wondering why there wasn't much writing in the second half (then thanks for wondering at all!) was because this was exactly how the play went for about 30 minutes of the half. Pass, pass, pass, lose ball. Pass, pass, cross, shot fired wide. I don't want to chronicle that crap.
Now that the NutCan nonsense is out of the way, bring on Amado Guevara and C.D. Motagua. I'm sure the "T.O. Reject *clap* *clap* *clap*clap*clap*" will put the boots to us, but who knows... this whole Preki thing is starting to work out and much of us here are not quite eating crow, but we're looking at it wondering how much HP sauce we will need to choke it down later.
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