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Sunday, September 26, 2010

THE STARTING 11: New contract perks for Dwayne De Rosario

Nothing can go wrong now.

As if the exhausting soap opera that is Toronto FC (aka "As The Ball Turns") isn't enough to grate on a supporter's last nerve, the talking point from yesterday's loss to San Jose isn't the fact that the rest of the MLS season is redundant but that a deep unhappiness is brewing in the club's star player. After team captain/ only dependable goal threat/ unfortunate hairstyle aficionado Dwayne De Rosario scored a goal which gave TFC a thread of hope in the match he decided to forgo his usual "Scarborough Stutterstep" celebration to instead stand in front of ML$E and the team bench making a cheque-signing motion.

In post game interviews, the blunt Scarberian expanded on his feeling of being undervalued adding a further shadow onto an already dark season. We're not going to get into whether De Ro is the club's most valuable player and if he deserves a pay increase (yes... and yes btw), but we do wonder what ML$E could offer him to make him feel the love he deserves...

11. Piggybacks on Jon Conway

10. Gets Mo Johnston's old parking spot

9. The keys to Scarborough Town Centre

8. A handwritten promise from next TFC GM Jim Brennan that he "will do his best" to sign a striker

7. Rosario Dawson

6. Invited to visit ML$E's secret underground bouncy castle full of money

5. Allowed to fly the team's charter jet whenever he wants to

4. Invited to perform his post-goal strut on "So You Think You Can Dance Canada"

3. Will only be referred to as the "Archduke of Malvern"

2. Chip Butty-making monkey butler

1. Corn-rowing machine


  1. Yorkies, I wasn't at the game ... How did the "No beer, no gear" protest go?

  2. Well, successful in our small patch of BMO Field but let's just call it a work in progress. Some supporters will need ML$E to take their first-born before really getting as upset as they should be while the new breed of BMO Tourists just don't understand why we are so angry/ saddened by the ownership's greed.

    We're in this for the long haul though - even if one person joins NO BEER. NO GEAR every game it's one less crystal and gold toilet in Chez Anselmi.