THE MATCHUP: Shaky Toronto FC looks to avoid Earthquake disaster

Oh come on! What are you doing here? Leave us alone!

SJ EARTHQUAKES (9th) VS. TORONTO FC (11th)

　
BUCK SHAW STADIUM - SATURDAY 10:30PM ET
TV: GOLTV
　
As opposed to their nickname, which brings images of misery and destruction to mind, San Jose Earthquakes have become an exciting club for their small Northern California fan base. Toronto fans can be justifiably envious of the solid club that has been built in less time than The Reds under the very capable stewardship of Canadian legend Frank Yallop. A blend of exciting young players (including ex-Red Sam Cronin), MLS veterans and a willingness to bring in an impact player has made San Jose a playoff contender with a bright future in a fairly short time. Now, if they could only stop playing in a youth team stadium.
　
Opposing The Quakes of course are the always road-weary Reds. It doesn't seem to matter who has been manager, Toronto has been a poor team on the road since day one and Winter will need to change this as part of his "cultural" shift. While the many new faces on TFC still try to settle in to "Torontotal Football" it will be up to the established players to steady the ship. Newly minted captain Maicon Santos will have to be more Brazilian and less "Mike Sanders", while the Attakora-Cann duo must be far better in the back than they were versus Chivas last week. Without any kind of real rivalry to spur either team, it will be a battle of Dwayne De Rosario's exes. Losers get corn-rows.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "El Classico Ex-Rosario"
　
QUAKIN': Chris Wondolowski, Bobby Convey, Ike Opara
SHAKIN': Javier Martina, Stefan Frei, Tony "Touch" Tchani
　
THE ODDS
- Mixture of late kick-off and season debut on digital cable minnow GolTV attracts a solid 137 viewers to broadcast: 10-1
- Toronto FC and its fans inappropriately referred to as "Earthquake victims" by overzealous broadcasters: 500-1
- Both clubs joining at halftime for a "We Remember Dwayne" candlelight ceremony: 2500-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- San Jose Earthquakes have won the FIFA "Most Insensitive Named Club" 2011 beating stiff competition from Famine FC, Typhoid Wednesday and Inter Malaria
- Celebrity fans on hand at Buck Shaw Stadium often include the descendants of seismology pioneer Charles Richter, a guy who owns the tights of former WWF wrestler "Earthquake" and the sexy ghost of former NASL Quake George Best
- Rumours still circulate that SJ allowed former GK Joe Cannon to leave after succumbing to pressure from local Christian groups. Complaints centred on the Joe Cannon & Jon Busch GK tandem whose combined names were considered "not wholesome" for family viewing
　
DUTCH-ENGLISH PRONUNCIATION OF THE MATCH:
"Shan Hoshay Ert-Kwayksh"
　
RICHTER SCALE SAYS: 2.0 - 0 San Jose
GEORGE BEST'S ANGRY GHOST LIVER SAYS: 1-1 Draw
FUTURE HEADLINE: "RED'S CROSS NEEDS HELP TO FIGHT EARTHQUAKE DISASTER"

Booooo... sexy ghost!