THE MATCHUP: Once...Twice... Three times a NutCan?

Joao Plata poses behind The Voyageurs Cup



TORONTO FC VS. VANCOUVER WHITECAPS
NUTRILITE CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP
FINAL - 2ND LEG (AGGREGATE 1-1)
　
BMO FIELD - WEDNESDAY 8PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE
　
THE KICKABOUT:
- With a 0-0 scoreline all that is needed for the trophy, will Winter resist the temptation to play defensively and will his players have the nerve not to?
- Will Whitecaps come out aggressively and try to expose TFC's infamous slow starts even if it opens them up in the back?
- If Dan Gargan gets (yet another) start, how many seconds will it take for Caps' Shea Salinas to turn him inside out like last week?
- After making a late substitute appearance, will Nana Attakora play a part in the Final?
- If Vancouver loses the cup in a controversial fashion, will Teitur Thordarson be the second Icelandic thing to explode this week?
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "NutCan 2: The Nuttening"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO FC: Julian de Guzman, Stefan Frei, Joao Plata
VANCOUVER WHITECAPS: Eric Hassli, Jay Nolly, Shea Salinas
　
THE ODDS:
- Eric Hassli smashing the Voyageurs Cup into pieces after tackling it from behind: 50-1
- During post-match celebrations, Joao Plata lifting the cup above head - sinking comically into mud: 100-1
- Toronto Mayor Rob Ford organizing an impromptu ticker-tape parade for those Socialist, Pinko "soccer" players and their little trophy: 5000-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- While The NutCan may struggle for local media attention in Toronto, it's not the case in BC. You can't open a paper on the West Coast without reading about "Cup Fever"!
- The Nutrilite Canadian Championship is currently ranked 3rd in FIFA's "Best Health-Care Product Sponsored Tournaments" behind Scotland's "Vicks Vapour-Rub Vase" and the German Regional League's "BundesErekt Viagra Pokal"
- If TFC does win the cup we don't recommend searching "3 time NutCan" on Google at work. Chances are it won't involve football.
　
THE WAGER: 0-0 Draw
FUTURE HEADLINE: "REDS WIN NUTCAN - ATTAKORA TO FULFILL DREAM OF NOT PLAYING IN NICARAGUA"