THE MATCHUP: Will Reds go limp at Dick's?

Another big Dick's crowd



COLORADO (5th) VS. TORONTO FC (14th)
　
DICK'S SPORTING GOODS PARK - SUNDAY 7PM ET
TV: GOLTV
　
Disclaimer: If religious kooks are somehow correct and there's a Rapture this weekend, the match may be delayed - if not, business as usual. Either way, Dick's Sporting Goods Park will be nearly empty. Considering only the "righteous and pure" are meant to be taken... The Yorkies post-match will be unaffected.
　
Two questions stand out in the lead-up to this match: Will Aron Winter rest his 1st Team to prepare for the far more important NutCan Final 2nd Leg on Wednesday? And... How many "Dick's" puns are too much? Answers: Possibly and no such thing. Wang... Computers. Whatever happened to Wang Computers?
　
Reigning MLS Cup Holders Colorado are always stiff (1) competition at home, no matter their form, due to the impressive vertical (2) altitude of the solid (3) Rocky Mountain region. The Burgundys will also be playing on a full 7 days rest on Sunday which will see them full of vigour (4) and stamina (5). Expect them to play long balls. I know... but guess what? (That's 6)
　
It will be interesting to see how Aron Winter handles (7) his line-up. The NutCan (8) Final should be the priority to the club as it represents their only real chance at success in 2011. A full slate of fixtures, mounting (9?) injuries and lengthy (10) travel have pounded (11) TFC recently. While we never promote tanking in any match, resting the 1st team and giving some of the bench squad a run out seems to be the pertinent thing to do. If The Reds try to muddle starters through this match only to inevitably lose 1-0... and then lose to Vancouver - they will just look like dicks. Oh yeah... (12).
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Dick's Dilemma"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
COLORADO RAPIDS: Drew Moor, Matt Pickens, Jamie Smith
TORONTO FC: Richard Eckersley, Stefan Frei, Maicon Santos
　
THE ODDS
- Rapids staff laying loose clothes over the many empty seats and claiming The Rapture affected match attendance: 10-1
- TFC's performance described as flaccid, limp or impotent: 50-1
- Dick's Sporting Goods Park" puns getting old: 500-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- Former Red and current Rapids favourite Marvell Wynne apparently took a financial bath on a line of ill-timed, Charlie Sheen inspired "WYNNE-ING" merchandise
- Dick's Sporting Goods Park is located in the Denver suburb of Commerce City. Residents are called "Commercials" and the main exports are wraparound sunglasses, John Denver and football apathy.
- Despite sharing an owner and the exact same stadium atmosphere, Rapids have distanced themselves from sister-club Arsenal by managing to win a trophy
　
DUTCH-ENGLISH PRONUNCIATION OF THE MATCH
"Breeding ish hard in de Mile High Shity"
　
TURGID (13) SAYS: 2-0 Colorado
STURGIS (14?) SAYS: 0-0 Draw
HEADLINE: "REDS LEFT WISHING RAPTURE WAS REAL"