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Thursday, June 30, 2011

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v. Vancouver - Frings and Koevermans Disappoint In Debut

Tonight is a lovely night for football. The drawback is that we get TFC and Vancouver instead. This quest for the Wooden Spoon runs right through the confines of BMO Field. Last place is firmly on the line!

Winter and Co. debuted two new signings in Torsten Frings (of Harvey's meal accessory fame) and Danny Koevermans (of the Van Koevermans fame) as well as a shifting of priorities putting Winter in the role of Manager, de Klerk as coach, and Mariner as MLS-to-Rest of World football translator (there ish no dutcsh woerd for "shalaree kapsh"). Let's see how things unfold.

Predictions have 1-0 for Vancouver, and a few 1-1s and a 0-0.

15 - Yourassowsky picks up a massive loose ball 20 yards from goal with no one but Jay Nolly in his way and he launches it 15 feet WIDE to the left. First diving now lack of finishing. At some point, some club was fooled by this man's gift of masking true talent.

17 - Koevermans is nowhere to be seen on the pitch. Disappointing.

Quote of the Match
If I get a cold sore Mitch...
~ Ian in the case of the switched beers

21 - Dan Gargan demands a new ball every time he's called on for a throw-in. He's had 3 in succession. Too good for the game ball, huh?

26 - I was bored and doodled a pair of women's naked breasts. I had it scanned but didn't want to corrupt the journalistic integrity of our mighty blog. But, in defence, I was bored.

31 - Yourassowsky replicated his failure left with a similar shank veering well wide right. By the law of averages, he's arguably scored two goals.

43 - For the money TFC is paying him, you'd think Frings would be having a greater impact on the match. Disappointing.

Half-time : meh.

52 - PENALTY - Soolsma was hauled down, what appears to be, outside the box, but it's nice when the ref screws up in our favour. He lines up and slots one past Nolly. Confetti cannons are go and...

the ref calls for a retake. Not sure why, so Soolsma steps up.

52 - GOAL - Same spot. Soolsma is a hero for once.

57 - Gargan new ball throw-in count for the game is at 4.

59 - Martina reminds us that he's still playing with a little run starting with a back heel that looped his marker. Sadly the next touch put it into the keepers mitts.

71 - Martina gets closed down by two defenders and somehow gets a shot off that had to be parried away by Nolly. Excellent effort.

72 - Gargan new ball throw-in count is now at 6. He should donate a kilogram of food to a shelter for each time he does this.

73 - SUB - Zavarise out, Stinson in

84 - Yourassowsky to Martina who gets the ball in Plata's path who JUST gets his foot onto it passed Nolly but past the wrong side of the post.

87 - SUB - Martina out, Morgan in

89 - YELLOW - Plata for kicking the ball away after a tackle from behind.

3 minutes of extra time

90+1 - Plata gets absolutely levelled for the ball and no booking.

90+2 - SUB - Plata out, Omphroy in

FULL TIME : Toronto FC 1, Vancouver 0

Man of the Match : Plata played well and hard. What more do you want?

Goat of the Game : Yourassowsky. I can't help but think if he were a little bit more talented in any way, we'd never have to complain about him. Alas, we do.

Ref Rating : 2 out of 5. Screwed up enough calls to make us angry.

Player Ratings : Frei 6, Borman 6, Harden 6, Eckersley 6, Gargan 6, Sturgis 6, Yourassowsky 5.5, Zavarese 5 [Stinson 5.5], Soolsma 6.5, Martina 6.5 [Morgan N/A], Plata 6.5 [Omphroy N/A]

Updated Cascadia Cup standings
Toronto 6
Seattle 5
Vancouver 4
Portland 1

I just discovered that Koevermans and Frings didn't actually play and they're not eligible to play for a few weeks. This explains much... We didn't understand the lack of capos in the first half, but I'm sure if the front office is ever asked about it, their answer would be level headed and logical (unlike the clusterf**k in New England last week)... Would love to know how much money TFC is paid to play Kardinal's T.O. Anthem as annoying the crap out of the fans has to be worth it... to the moron who paraded the new signings in front of the nearly 7000 who show up that early, half-time had more people... if Frings, Koevermans or anyone that supports them reads this blog, yes, MLS is this bush league and supporters are treated like fools who can be overcharged to be underserved simply because 'it's soccer and they should be lucky to have this'.

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