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Monday, August 8, 2011

THE STARTING 11: Other Ex-TFC Hat Tricks

Like my new hat? Got it in Malvern!

It's Murphy's Law in football, as in many other pro sports, that an ex-member of your club inevitably comes back to haunt you. Saturday night was Dwayne De Rosario's turn. Arguably the best player ever to don the TFC kit, De Ro of course left Toronto under a cloud of "he said, Mo saids". It came as no surprise that the Scarborough native lit up his former club for a hat trick - it almost seemed destined to be. It did make us wonder though - what other ex-Reds could prodigiously tease TFC with a vengeful hat trick suited to their own specific careers?
11. CHAD BARRETT: Kicks ball straight at goalkeeper on breakaway - Shanks ball into crowd - Gets a cramp
10. DANNY DICHIO: Watches TFC Academy lose - Headbutts Academy prospect - Attempts to bite said prospect
9. MAXIM USANOV: Signs with Siberian 3rd Division club - Encounters a polar bear - Punches polar bear in the head
8. CARLOS RUIZ: Threatens a triumphant return to BMO Field - Doesn't show up for 5 weeks - Loses interest and leaves
7. PREKI: Invites Gargan, Harden, Peterson and Garcia over for a party - Hosts the most boring BBQ in history - Blames Canada
6. JIM BRENNAN: Falls into a plum new job - Grows dodgy facial hair - Gets coffee
5. GABE GALA: Scores another fluky goal against a big European club - Believes that he is an amazing player - No one else agrees
4. ROHAN RICKETTS: Gets a trial with Montreal Impact - Plays great for two games and Tweets about it - Gets lazy and is released
3. ANDREA LOMBARDO: Waits for Dufferin 29 bus - Heads to BMO Field - Sells the most popcorn in his section
2. MO JOHNSTON: Hired by Raith Rovers - Worried as "5 Year Plan" stymied by no draft in Scottish football - Calls Barry MacLean
1. COLLIN SAMUEL: Jogs slowly - Attempts to kick ball - Eats your chip butty

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