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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto FC v Tauro FC... or Taking the inflatable bull by the horns!

You ever get the feeling that tonight's game is going to let you down. I get that a lot lately, and I get a sense that better football is played when I'm not watching. I'd rather have been asleep, to be fair, but this is love... devotion... masochism.Predictions : 4-0, 2-0, 3-0, 3-1 all for the red version of TFC tonight

-72' - I receive my season's tickets renewal notice. This MUST be a ploy so that when the excited 5000+ people return home from their thrashing of Panama's finest, the renewals will be instant.
[between when I received the email and a half an hour in, believe me when I say NOTHING of note happened, short of a homeless man in a TFC Robert away kit asked for change outside of an upscale Italian restaurant in Liberty Village]

31' - Thoughts of Suarez distract Soolsma long enough to botch an excellent cross from Marosevic. (for those that don't know, Suarez would be Soolsma's cat)

35' - Johnson crosses uncontested to find the head of Andy Iro and skies the ball dropping several feet behind the goal line.

37' -
YELLOW - Dunfield goes into the books for pulling someone off of the ball.

40' -
GOAL - After some goal mouth pinball, it finds the head of Koevermans and puts it past the keeper. Shortly thereafter, possibly in the goal celebration, Koevermans takes a ringer in "the lowlands" (if you know what I mean) and takes a minute to wait for the bells to stop sounding in his head.

HALF-TIzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... huh? wha? someone scored?

Quote of the match:

Just because I've got a jar of sand from the Bahamas,
doesn't mean I've never been there.
~ guy two rows back yelling at guy down in frontwith an Olympique Lyonnais scarf on

Good lord, you just can't make shit like that up!

60' -
SUB - Soolsma out, deGoo in. The "cool cat" just didn't have the legs in him.

65' - Maro to Koevermans to Johnson and everyone is afraid to take a shot because they believe the next person down the line has a better opportunity. They don't. They almost never do. Shoot the f'ing ball, already...

71' - Toronto appears to have reverted to a 3-7-0 formation.

73' -
SUB - Dunfield out, Stinson in. Dunfield took a hard crash and his shoulder shortened his evening.

78' - Marosevic crosses to Koevermans and the ball gets tangled in his feet. Damn I hate when that happens.

79' - A discussion breaks out with the gentlemen in front of me, and we come to the conclusion
that, simply put, "drunk bitches love 'staches"
Fig. 1

80' -
SUB - Koevermans out, Yourassowsky in.

86' - Frings takes a low free kick from 15 yards out, a generous deflection just puts it wide right of the post but certainly out of the keeper's reach.

89' - "Even money on an Iro penalty!" ~ from the President of the Luton Town Supporters Club of North America, after predicting the launching of the ball over the net by deGoo not 2 minutes before.

3 minutes of extra time

90+2 -
YELLOW - "Cowboy" Matt Stinson (wrestling/arm cast reference) booked for a bizarre non-tackle 15 yards out.

: Toronto FC 1, Tauro FC 0

Man of the Match
: Eckersley was all over the park.

Goat of the Game
: nobody was outright terrible, so we'll take a pass on this one.

Ref Rating
: 4 out of 5. They could've easily been card-happy, but the chaos that would've ensued prevented them from losing control. Also, blowing the off-side on Koeverman's goal gave them a point for pro-bias. For once.

Player Ratings
: Kocic 6, Eckersley 7.5, Harden 6, Iro 6, Morgan 6, Soolsma 6 [deGoo N/A], Frings 6.5, Dunfield 6 [Stinson N/A], Marosevic 6.5, Koevermans 6.5 [Yourassowsky N/A], Johnson 6

Looks like that incentive to provide people who bought tickets to the wash-out v Dallas really worked. Nearly as many people showed up for this match... honestly, when Yourassowsky was subbed in, the first thought was "wow, that guy's still here!"... Who's going to town hall? We hope to be... Tauro FC had about as many sponsors on their kit as a Finnish hockey team... I wish Toronto resisted the idea of 'just screwing with them' in the opening minutes. I'm sure I would've nailed my prediction.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Sometime between Danny Koeverman's goal, our South Stand pal's villainous moustache and the inflatable Tauro bull, you, our faithful readers pushed our all-time attendance (hits) on this humble site over 100,000. We want to thank you for coming back time and time again to revel in our silly little TFC corner of the world. We love creating this site for TFC suporters but without our loyal readers it would mean little. We have some new fun and features planned as we look ahead to 2012 - or as we are trying to get MLSE to brand the next season... "SIXUAL HEALING". Thanks for being the 3-3 in our 4-3-3.

Yours in football - The Yorkies


  1. Great post, you reminded me of a few things I forgot. The DeGuzman attempt to float a MLS ball in Lake Ontario continues to be an amazing quest.
    Yourasskowsky had been squirting water at Tauro players from the warm-up space in the second half, so I thought Winter was actually trying to stir things up by putting him on late. A bad hockey move. Youra picked up a yellow in record time (was it less than a minute) but then settled down.
    I was so down on the team, the feeling at games that we watching more losing steam than building team, that I did not blog regularly in recent weeks. This is my notice that I am back and intend to return to my status of "Yorkies" admirer in the TFC blogging community. Cheers.

  2. Cheers! Love the blog. It's easily the best TFC blog out there.

  3. ^ Many thanks to you both for the kind words. We love making the blog - even though there have been times when the club has sucked most of our goodwill and energy out of us.

    Upwards and onwards for 2012 hopefully - SIXUAL HEALING!

  4. sixual healing - legendary