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Monday, September 12, 2011

THE STARTING 11: Dumb and lazy ways to research the Pumas vs. TFC match

Now that's a midfield!

The life of a non-league football blogger isn't all the glamour, celebrity red carpets and beds covered with money you may think it is. Although I did find two dimes and a nickel in my laundry - so there's that. Sometimes, the need to pen a match preview can come up too quickly, such as The Reds' fixture this Wednesday in Mexico City versus Pumas UNAM. Perhaps, it's the funk of September work or maybe the hackneyed stereotypes proffered by Columbus supporters wore off on us, but sometimes we writing-types lean on stupidity to fluff an article. Playing in Mexico City offers just such an opportunity to put our brains in our back pocket. When even Wikipedia seems like too much hard work, you can just try these ignorantly blissful techniques and hope for the best. Ole!
11. Wear an old Tito Santana T-shirt to work - randomly yell "Ariba!" during important board meetings
10. Convert a Hyundai hatchback into a low-rider
9. Sneak over the 416-905 border under the cover of night
8. Try every new flavour of Doritos for breakfast
7. Put tiny sombreros on mice to see if they run faster
6. Replace dress shoes with pair of old school Puma's
5. Study Mexico's rich history... by watching "Three Amigos" on DVD
4. Commute on subway in full Lucha Libre costume
3. Go to Taco Bell - ask cashier what she thinks of Pumas' depth in the holding midfield position
2. Google pictures of Salma Hayek... twice
1. Drink two bottles of tequila. Go to the Toronto Zoo. Talk to a puma for a few hours.

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