The Yorkies' Regular Features

Starting 11       The Word       The Matchup       After 90       The South Stand Report

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

"The Gents" with Stan Bentley - "Lose this postage address please..."

Welcome to "The Gents" with Stan Bentley - The Yorkies' regular advice column for our valued readers. Bring your modern day problems and have them answered by the most valued voice - a 1950's journeyman footballer. "Back of the net!"
Dear Stan,
I didn't have much contact with my father growing up but now, as an adult, I have the opportunity to rekindle my relationship with him. Do you think this is a good idea? Stephen - Grimsby, ON
That's a bit of a gherkin isn't it Stevie? Old Stan's dad, Old Stan Sr., never had much time for us sprogs what with the war, the animal husbandry and Kettering Town FC. Made me the man I am today though - the tough fathering, not the animal husbandry - and he always had a boiled sweet when I needed one. Give it a go lad, why not? From an acorn grows an oak! So, you're in Grimsby are you Steve? Stan played for Grimsby Town back in the day. Had a lovely girl there for a bit. Trapeze artist - flexible stuff. Sheila was her name. Lost contact with her after I went to Plymouth Argyle... came back a year later and she had a nipper of her own - little lad... Stuart... Stefan... Ste... Um something like that. Anyways - must run. Good luck - no need to write back!
Hi Stan,
I'm really upset with my husband right now. He bought tickets for the big TFC vs. LA game but only for his friends - not for me and our kids. I don't think its right to leave his family behind, do you? Am I right to be angry? Thanks. Michelle - Stoufville, ON
What in the name of good King Wenceslas?! You don't know a Sheila, do you? What are you trying to get across here, woman? A man needs space! Maybe your husband just wants to go to the match with some mates - ever think of that? Maybe he's not ready to be tied down from sun-up to sundown! Maybe his Triumph Two-Seater isn't made for kiddies! Maybe he owed money to a dodgy bloke in Grimsby! Time and tide wait for no man! Um, what were we talking about? Oh, yes... sure... be cross with him... whatever. Old Stan needs to find a train timetable for St. Pancras sharp-like. Glad to help... lose this postage address please.
Hey Stan,
As a football man - what do you think of Toronto FC's investment into the academy? Do you think if the young kids get that kind of mentoring they will be successful? Jonathan - Toronto, ON
Sorry? But why would I know anything about mentoring boys? Anyways this isn't Stan - he had to go... do somewhere else... I'm Old... Stu Bartley. If it gets you on to different news I'm sure Stan would have said "walnuts and pears you plant for your heirs" - or something similar. But he's not here. It's just me... Stu. Stan went to... Rhodesia... to do some scouting for Barnsley FC... yes, that's what I'm sure he said. Quite sure he also told his postman Reg to ignore letters from any Stephens, Sheilas and possibly someone named Johnny "The Nose" in Grimsby. Oh there's the 10:40 to Dover, that's my... I mean that's Stan's train. Off he goes! Cheerio Stan! Locomotives - great stuff.
Have a problem, question or comment for Stan? Well, you're probably out of luck for a while as Stan's mail seems to be going unanswered. We're sure he'll return one day but in the meantime you could try a telegram to Rhodesia.

No comments:

Post a Comment