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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

"The Gents" with Stan Bentley - "A woman at the football?"

Welcome to "The Gents" with Stan Bentley - The Yorkies' regular advice column for our valued readers. Bring your modern day problems and have them answered by the most valued voice - a 1950's journeyman footballer. "Back of the net!"

Hi Stan
I've been dating my girlfriend for two years and am ready to pop the question. I'm thinking of doing it on the Jumbotron at the big TFC match in March - what do you think? Phil - Niagara Falls, ON
First of all Phillip, you're from Niagara Falls? Fantastic stuff! Are you a daredevil? Although if you're thinking about marriage... I guess you are! Second of all - what in the name of King George is a Jumbotron? Is this one of those robot elephants those mad Japanese boffins are working on? Magic stuff that. The future is really upon us Phillip - robot elephants, dogs in space... indoor plumbing. A wondrous age. Back to your original question though lad, you surely haven't thought this through... you're wife-to-be won't be at the match will she? A woman at the football? Excellent gag! Jetpacks and electric kettles maybe - ladies at football - not in our lifetime! Happy weddinging!
Being a man of the world & all I figured you might have some advice on loyalty and where to place it. My problem is that if my favourite footie team changes over the players & coaching staff any more often, they'll have to put a revolving door on the locker room. However, In spite of it all, some players really do show themselves as outstanding in the little time they're given. Do I follow favourite players on their new teams or do I stick by my team even if it's nearly unrecognisable from one season to the next? Marion Lisa - Toronto, ON
My dear maiden (Marion, see what Old Stan did there? Great stuff.) without loyalty to one's cherished club - what use is there being a supporter at all? Always had great pride in oneself in regard to loyalty to my teammates and club. Never dreamt of changing club stripes. However, the greatest shame of my career was one night when I was with Huddersfield Town - I had been to a mate’s stag in Paris and got on a night train back to London where we were playing West Ham. After getting off the train I found the stadium and went to the dressing room in a wine fog. The match was starting so I put on our odd new mustard colour away strip and ran to the pitch. It was peculiar though - Bill McGarry had grown a twirly 'tache, Jimmy Glazzard looked like a giant slavic butcher and Ken Taylor was speaking in tongues. It was only at halftime I realized I had got on the wrong train. Still, I had to stay loyal to my club. That was a great few months at Dukla Prague. Europe - what a curious place! Too bad about the foreigners.
Hello Stan,
How do you think the Draft is going to go tomorrow? Marco - Thornhill, ON
What's this you say my Milanese matey? The draft is coming back tomorrow? Well it's about bloody time says Old Stan. These coddled youth of today should be giving back to their King and country. I see those nogoodniks walking about the shopping precincts with their shaggy hair, denim overalls and portable telephone machines sending blackberries to their unwed mothers. Country is going down the pan so it's about time they brought the draft back. A good old battle will sort them out. Those Soviets won't sit still forever you know! Thanks for letting me know Marco - maybe I can go into town and get a sticky bun in peace. Ooh - maybe a blackberry one. Delicious stuff that. Tally-ho!
Have a problem, question or comment for Stan? Send Stan an email at or leave a message in the comments section below and it may be featured in a future issue 

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