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Monday, February 13, 2012

THE STARTING 11: TFC Florida to-do list

Yar! There be treasure beneath that hideous logo!

Florida - the land of orange juice from concentrate, mothballed space vehicles, Hanging Chads (not Barrett) and Quebecois evacuees. On a map, it looks like America's wang but for the next few weeks The Sunshine State will be home to our beloved Toronto FC. This is no Daytona Beach '84 Spring Break though! There will be no time for keggers and panty raids - just serious footy business. However, like any business trip there will be a few things to do off the clock....
11. Elbekay Bouchiba will visit the state's numerous seniors' homes to discuss long-term injuries
10. Team to stop by Dunedin, Florida - mock the Blue Jays about Reds' ability to fill SkyDome with ease
9. Reggie Lambe will stare mourningly at the sea, warning sailors about the perils of the Bermuda Triangle
8. Team-building trip to Cape Canaveral just to hear Bob de Klerk say "One shmalll shtep for de man..."
7. Torsten Frings to tour Everglades - stare down gators menacingly
6. Three-day visit to the Dutch Pavilion at Epcot Center
5. Temporary re-branding TFC Academy team as "CSL: Miami"
4. Bitchy the Hawk to get into mid-season form by beating up on weak-assed flamingos
3. Paul Mariner and Aron Winter to drive around in Julian de Guzman's Lamborghini dressed as Miami Vice's Crockett & Tubbs
2. Search for "The Lost Treasure of the Tampa Bay Mutiny"
1. Lather Richard Eckersley in SPF 730 sunblock hourly

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