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Monday, May 14, 2012

THE STARTING 11: Other ways to defend against Vancouver

Puff, puff, percolate!

Why it seems like only yesterday that nature's fury was walloping Teitur Thordarson's weathered Icelandic face and forcing a replay to the Canadian Cup final. As we all know, Toronto FC eventually beat Crystal Meth Palace FC (Whitecaps to their friends) and The Voyaguers Cup remained in its rightful home for another year. However, things have changed in 12 months - Vancouver is flying high in MLS while TFC is... well... making progress? As the two foes meet again for this year's final, it looks like Aron Winter will return to his dreaded defensive 9-1-1 formation for Wednesday's 1st Leg. We propse to Winter that parking the bus as he did at The Olympic Stadium isn't the only way to slow down the Vancouverites...
11. Hold their 1979 SoccerBowl trophy for ransom
10. Get Mo Johnston to screw Whitcaps' assistant Carl Robinson out of another job
9. Upset locals by telling the media that Stan Smyl's moustache was nothing but a tool of the ultra right-wing military industrial complex
8. Take out any Sasquatches early in the match
7. Infuriate Vancouver's South Korean defender by refusing to call him Lee Young-Pyo or Young-Pyo Lee but rather Young Lee-Pyo
6. Wash and dry their Lululemon yoga pants on the hot cycle
5. Relentlessly tease Martin Nash by calling him "Poor Man's Steve"
4. Keep stepping on the heel of their Birkenstocks
3. Interrupt scoreboard instant replays with clips of Whitecaps' GK/adult film star Joe Cannon's latest XXX feature "Dribbling in the Box II: Give & Go"
2. Secretly switch their regular weed with new Folger's Crystals!
1. Two words: granola laxatives

1 comment:

  1. #2 & #3 make me laugh, but #10 makes me sad/angry to this day...*sigh*...thanks for the laughs before the extra fun news from this afternoon.