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Monday, June 25, 2012

THE STARTING 11: Paul Mariner side-effects

"The Tractor Boy"... as seen on Ossington Ave.

For better or worse, things are most definitely different at Toronto FC under the stewardship of Paul Mariner. Where Aron Winter was reserved, rigid and formal - Mariner is emotional, animated and... wearing gym shorts. The ambitious 4-3-3 Dutch-style has floated away like a Friesen water lily and has been replaced with some old school push-and-run (well for 70 minutes at least). However, not all of the changes in "The MarinEra" are quite so obvious and there are a few (11 is always a good guess) developments you may have not been aware of...
11. Mariner's fledgling "Give a Goal Back" charity off to a great start
10. Finally, the full, dynamic offensive prowess of Terry Dunfield has been unleashed
9. Local media have been forced to switch their translators from the "Dutch" setting to "Lancashire Mumble"
8. Nick Soolsma is soon to be given a lot more free time to spend with his pet cat "Suarez"
7. Glasses with shorts so hot right now
6. Halftime oranges replaced by delicious Scotch Eggs
5. Jim Brennan now only goes by the name "Sub-Mariner"
4. Toronto-area "Subway" locations offering "The Paul Mariner Special" - when they make two bad subs you get the third for free!
3. Mariner's Ipswich Town-era hair-style all the rage with the Ossington hipster scene
2. Player arrests are down 300% this week!
1. TFC can finally accept the proud title as the "Plymouth Argyle of Major League Soccer"

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