THE MATCHUP: Eye of the Tiger etc.

Easy there Maxim Usanov...



PHILADELPHIA VS. TORONTO
　
PPL PARK - SUNDAY 4PM ET
TV: TSN
　
THE KICKABOUT:
What better fixture for Toronto FC to test their new "warrior mentality" than against the fighting town of Philadelphia and the closest club to The Reds in the table, the Union? Going toe-to-toe against the birthplace of famous pugilist Roccolino "Rocky" Benito Balboa, for us, means this match can go one of five ways:
　
I: The Reds will spend the day jogging through Chester before having a massive battle with Union which sees them fight bravely but lose bloodied yet respected.
II: In their 2012 re-match against Union, the better trained Reds with their hard-punching new tactics shock the Union with a late match knockout. Manager growls a lot.
III: The triumphant Reds are about to unveil a statue of Danny Dichio at their new training complex when a gold-chain wearing Danny Califf shows up and tells TFC's wife that he'll "show her a real man". A melee ensues before Union beat on a bloated TFC. Reds later even the score. Draw.
IV: Ex-Toronto defender Maxim Usanov shows up for the match. TFC takes five minutes to enter the field to a musical montage before an angered Usanov punches Jim Brennan into oblivion. TFC later go to Nunavut to train in a cabin.
V, VI, VII: Nobody bothers to watch. Italian Stallion chooses Montreal over Toronto.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "Showtime at the Apollo Creed"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
PHILADELPHIA: Freddy Adu, Jorge Perlaza, Carlos Valdes
TORONTO: Terry Dunfield, Torsten Frings, Danny Koevermans
　
THE ODDS:
- Frings saying "I must break you" to Union captain: 2-1
- Joao Plata's rights ending up with Uncle Paulie: 5-1
- Philadelphia Union entering the pitch on rising platform from beneath the stadium as Jacob Peterson sings "Living in America" while dressed as Uncle Sam: 10-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
PPL Park is located in the suburban Philadelphia city of Chester. Founded in 1976 by a group of down-on-their-luck Italian-Americans, the area was once famous for its hand-beaten sides of beef, many steps and independently-owned pet shops. Despite losing its lustre in the 1990's, the modern city has rebounded as a leader in Robot Butler technology. Despite a well-documented prejudice against Soviets, the area has re-branded itself (six times) and is led by brutal Mayor James Clubber Lang.
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "ADRIAAAAAAN! CAAAAAAAAN!"