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Monday, September 3, 2012

THE STARTING 11: Hardest jobs at TFC

"C'mon you Reds. No really."

Happy Labour Day everyone! We hope you got all the presents you asked for when that jolly Steelworker came down your chimney overnight! What?... They don't?... That bastard finished of all those cookies and milk though - and 400 grams of Black Forest Ham!... you dial 9 and 1 and I'll get a net and a Time in Lieu form... Anyhoo! Today is the day we celebrate The Socialist Worker (take that Jacob Peterson) and while you may think that the hardest workers at BMO Field are the players and coaches - think again. Let's honour the industrious folks behind the scenes that make TFC tick like a finely-oiled 18th Century plough...
11. Terry Dunfield's sock tassler

10. The security guard at Gate 1 responsible for turning away anyone trying to enter under the names: Mo Jackson, Mike Johnston, Maurice Jensen, MJ McGeeEm or Senor Maurizio Jolopeno

9. The Australian shepherd who has to rope and shear Logan Emory every morning

8. The audio technician who has to adjust the volume whenever Thomas Rongen is chosen to do play-by-play

7. The Bitchy-fluffer

6. Jim Brennan's personal soul patchscaper

5. The person who has to calculate when the current Five Year Plan ends and the next one begins

4. The engraver responsible for making name plates for the TFC manager's office door

3. The on-staff tailor who measures Paul Mariner's inside shorts leg

2. The MLSE staff journalist who has to decide after every game if TFC lost due to injury, fatigue, travel or "the players still getting to know each other"

1. Your season ticket renewal rep in a couple of weeks


  1. My commie heart was warmed by this post. One of my favourite S11 ever. 1,2,5 & 7 - :D And the Marx picture! If there ever was an appropriate faux figurehead for TFC supporters it is Marx. :)

  2. None of those jobs are as hard as TFC Prez. You can go through 6 years of shit only to come out smelling like roses.