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Monday, October 1, 2012

THE STARTING 11: Odd Paul Mariner quotes

John, Paul, George, Ringo... four other guys... Paul Mariner

It's hard not to enjoy the effusive and emotional outbursts of Toronto FC manager Paul Mariner. What the animated and likeable Englishman lacks in results, he makes up for in bombastic statements. Now we're not trying to be "hypercritical" here but Mariner has ended up sticking his foot in his mouth recently with chart toppers like: "Andrew Wiedeman is one of the best finishers in the modern era"; "we're close. I promise"; "Dunfield is the ultimate box-to-box player..." and of course the post-loss "hats off to the lads". Entertaining in its head-smacking bewilderment, what other gems may we hear in that gravelly Lancashire tone?
11. "Bermuda is the next Brazil"
10. "Downsview Park makes the French Riviera look like a ghetto"
9. "Ty Harden invented the piano key neck-tie"
8. "Future Draft Picks are useless to the club while this whole Mayan Calendar thing is hanging over our heads"
7. "I was the ninth Beatle"
6. "Adrian Cann literally has 378 abdominal muscles"
5. "Hall & Oates have done more for medical research than Neil Armstrong, Franz Beckenbauer and the Electric Light Orchestra combined. Fact."
4. "The Royal Family / Columbus Crew are Lizard People"
3. "The new iPhone is nothing but a BetaMax VCR and a Polaroid camera attached to a 'Speak & Spell' "
2. "Tom Anselmi and Mother Theresa are practically the same person!"
1. "Wearing long trousers is a mug's game"

And... fresh from curing polio, here's some blue-eyed soul... The song title and TFC management? Make your own joke...

1 comment:

  1. "This website isn't fit to shine Andrew Wiedeman's world-class shoes"