"The Gents" with Stan Bentley - "Good for the chops"

Welcome to "The Gents" with Stan Bentley - The Yorkies' regular advice column for our valued readers. Bring your modern day problems and have them answered by the most valued voice - a 1950's journeyman footballer. "Back of the net!"
　
Welcome back Stan!
As a long suffering Toronto FC fan I was upset to hear the players say that lack of fitness in the pre-season hurt them this year. Can you tell us how you trained for a new season in your playing days?
All the best, Rick – Oakville, ON
　
Howdo Rikki Tikki Tavi - good to be back… good to be anywhere! Foreigners, really! Anylengths duck, to the business at hand – how Old Stan became a specimen of footballing finesse. You see, something today’s pampered princes can’t get their bread loaf around is that football is a yearlong profession for manly men. The day the last fixture ends is when the next season begins! In the two month break, yours truly would put the nose to the millstone in preparation. First – six gruelling weeks at the seaside. Bracing North Sea air – good for the chops. Cut down to two packs of ‘baccy a day to clear out the whooping. Replace battered sausage with a healthier alternative – battered cod. And finally… the most important advice for your local side – no physical relations with the wife! A younger lass is far better for the cardio. Fitness!
　
Hey Stan,
I just moved into my first home alone. It’s a very small condo and I want to get an animal for company – what do you think – a budgie or a goldfish?
Andrew, Toronto, ON
　
Steady on Andrew, do I look like a cocker spaniel? "Hey" is for horses - and Belgians. Back to your query my informal lonely heart. Now… are you talking about a pet or a meal? A fish belongs in one of two places – The 7 Seas or battered (see above) next to a helping of chips and a pile of mushy peas. And a bird? Are you a pirate Andrew? Your typistry skills lead me to think you are hook-less – so no. Budgies though. I played with South African striker John "Budgie" Byrne at Crystal Palace. Useless he was, left foot like a pirate’s hook. Plumage was naff as well. Still, Selhurst Park was very close to Gatwick Aeroport and "Budgie" knew a few trolley dollys from South African Airways. Talk about your birds with plumage. Side note – don’t mention the "very small condo" to the ladies or you’ll be lonely for a stretch. Glad that’s sorted!
　
Hi Stan,
A pretty simple question for you… What tops your bucket list?
Karen – Stoney Creek. ON
　
First of all lass, sorry to hear about the state of your local waterway. Sounds treacherous. To your right good question – top of my bucket list. Old Stan is a man who likes stability; being able to grab hold of things with ease; getting the most out of things. So with that… a nice corrugated iron bucket with my initials engraved on the side. Since a boy I have always coveted the "Admiral" model bucket from Micklewaite & Son Bucketry and Ironmongery in Northampton. That my dear is a top shelf pail. Oh, how I’d love to own one of those before I die. You should look into one what with your stoney creek issue lass! All my love – why not send me a picture?
　
Have a problem, question or comment for Stan? Send him an email at theyorkies1812@gmail.com or leave a message in the comments section below and it may be featured in a future issue