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Wednesday, January 9, 2013

It's not quite Business Time - The cons and pros of hiring a tardy Kiwi

"No worries mate, when I'm not here - this ball is in charge."

Maybe the Australians were right all along. "Never trust a motherfilippn' New Zealander" they will tell you. They will also tell you a lot of things about scampi, Paul Hogan and Foster's Lager though - so who can you trust? Well, we know what side of the barbie Kevin Payne stands on as he has entrusted the future of TFC to "The Man from the Land Down Under (and slightly to the right)" - Ryan Nelsen.
It's a day after the "TFC Major Announcement (TM)" and the shockwaves are still reverberating. What should have been a day for looking forward at TFC was of course hijacked by the news that Nelsen is still under contract with relegation-strugglers QPR and may have to see out the end of his terms - seemingly through mid-May. While the QPR angle is still a moving story (moving around Harry Redknapp's wheeler-dealer orbit) locals seem split on the good, the bad and the Kiwi of an absentee manager. With the '13 season upon us we look at 13 cons and pros (some serious, many not. It's us guys. And backwards - Southern Hemisphere stylee) of having a late, hopefully great, TFC manager.
THE CONS aka "The future is All Black"
- The timing of the hiring and Nelsen's status will leave many sceptics always believing that Paul Mariner should have been given his "full off-season" to prove himself
- The delay will let other MLS clubs get their greasy paws all over the league's finest Oceania-based stars. Like... um... Andrew Boyens
- We're starting to make Roman Abramovich look downright patient
- The inexperienced Nelsen CV and lack of panic at his new manager's prospective absence could give weight to the D.C.-formed criticism of Kevin Payne that he likes puppeteer-like control over his managers
- After going back to his defending duties at QPR, Nelsen could be in mid-season relegation form just in time to take over a club that should have been relegated 5 times.
- A potential four-month absence gives MLSE time to hire and fire managers 9, 10, 11 and 12
- By missing training camp, Nelsen will lose the chance to build a personal bond with his new players making his arrival akin to a mid-season hiring carrying all of the "getting to know the new manager" excuses and baggage with it
- Forced to wait until summer for more of Nelsen's hilarious "Nelly the Rapper" jokes. Comedy gold.
- May not be in town for TFC to take promotional advantage of "ANZAC Day at BMO Field"
- Could possibly arrive just as the summer transfer window gets set to open adding to the tumult of change and new faces
- Having to wait before unveiling our "IT'S BUSINESS TIME" banner
- Late or not, there is a dearth of professional coaching experience on TFC's bench
- The All Black 3rd kit is on hold
THE PROS aka "Everything will be All White"
- If Kevin Payne truly had no faith in Paul Mariner going forward then starting the season with him as a lame duck manager would have been equally, if not more, damaging to the club
- Moving too quickly from misery to hope would have had a dangerous "cold turkey" effect on TFC supporters
- Gives fans plenty of time to study up on New Zealish (we know) facts and culture as well as working on terrible accents for chanting
- Even in the event that Mariner was retained longer - it should be obvious now that final player acquisition and draft pick decisions going forward rest solely with Kevin Payne
- You can now legally use the hashtag #YouGotNelsened in Toronto if you decide to show up 4 months late for something
- "A Kiwi and an Irishman walk into a bar. Toronto FC." is a top joke.
- Make no bones about it - TFC VII is not about the first 3 months of results. Playoffs would be lovely but this season is about preparing for 2014. After six years - three more months ain't gonna kill us.
- Instead of annoying "Nelsen Out" vibe - we will be treated to warming "Nelsen In" chants
- Earl Cochrane gets the opportunity of a lifetime - the chance to "wheel-and-deal" with Harry Redknapp over Nelsen's release
- After years of shady backroom throat-cutting and subterfuge, isn't it nice to have a manager that is so wanted and backed by his president (even if you buy into the puppet conspiracy) that he would wait four months to have him?
- We totally made Montreal Impact's new manager unveiling look dull as l'eau de vaisselle
- A solid benevolent dictator is running this club now. After years of an octopus with no head in charge, Kevin Payne has let it be known that the buck stops with him. Arrogant? Maybe? Responsible? Absolutely.
- Maybe after four long months, locals and especially Toronto media will learn that it isn't spelled "NELSON" but "NELSEN"

Coming Soon to a South Stand near you...

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